๐๐ผ๐บ๐ฏ๐ฎ๐ ๐๐ผ๐ผ๐
@combat_boot
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Following
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84,513
InfoSec nerd, network moocher, coder, soldier, wannabe WIS, chartered engineer. I take stuff to bits to see how it works. Hat turning grey with age.
::1 sweet ::1
Joined January 2016
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Pinned Tweet
As things kick off in Ukraine be suspicious & check everything before sharing. There will be lots of rubbish on social media soon - both malicious, and worse, ill informed junk by people desperate for clout. Donโt make things worse by trying to be first & chasing followers/likes.
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โDuring the brief appearance at Bagram Airfield, Mr Trump served turkey to soldiersโ
Makes a change from serving (Kurdish) soldiers up to Turkey I suppose ๐
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As the
#coronavirus
is intentionally brought into UK, the buses with their totally hazmat suited medics & patients move along the road, the bus driver wants to call his union rep whilst he considers how his life came to this.
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Good to see the MOD is still able to remain balanced & educate the public when it comes to countering silly stories touted by celebrities.
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As this image of British Army directly engaging Russian troops in Ukraine is verified & proved accurate, a reminder to check date, source of information along with agenda of the poster before sharing. Still loads of fakes, incorrect locations & stuff from years ago online.
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No messing with Hampshire Police and the 'rule of six'. Group of 7 ppl reportedly get together on boat, so they get Special Forces involved and arrest them.
#naveandromeda
#IsleofWight
#sbs
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When lack of commas completely redefine the mission? British soldiers are training Ukrainian army how to retreat?
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The Brigadier on telly with BoJo has used the ties in the bottom of his trouser legs and NOT TWISTERS. How can we have confidence in him now?
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Today sees the
#PlatinumJubilee
but please take a moment to think about the real winners? Up & down the country there are tailors & medal mounters enthusiastically thumbing through Bentley brochures & choosing holiday villas.
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All the complaints of noise & vibration in Ajax? 1989 has called, someone who was a passenger in the back of a Bedford 4 tonner wants a word.
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RAF: all this Army mocking us about LED marching is embarrassing, hopefully something else will happen to distract them
Air Marshal: hold my underpantsโฆ
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New PM & DefSec getting briefed on Nuclear Deterrent right now & realising that the stories about Windows 95 & floppy disks arenโt a wind-up.
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Someone thinks they are funny. These have just been delivered ๐คจ๐
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โโฆa woeful story of bureaucratic procrastination, military indecision, financial mismanagement and general ineptitudeโฆโ ๐ฌ
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Numbers plummet. Crap accommodation, lagging pay, stagnating promotion, antiquated HR structures & equipment that is either out of date or not available due to broken procurement? Any of that due to the retired generals who are complaining in the report?
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People of UK, Iโm in Germany 400 miles east of you. The front moving in from the east & destructive weather here right now, will be with you soon. Grab your loved ones, fuel & food, get warm clothes. Take cover & be safe!
โ ๏ธโ๏ธ ๐จ๐ก
#snowuk
#blizzard
#Snowmageddon
#uksnow
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UK would be 'outgunned' in Russia conflict. Duh. In other news Cuba admits it may not be able to invade & conquer USA. Luxembourg says it โdoesnโt fancy its chances invading Franceโ
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Do you run a military twitter account?
Are you slightly detached from normality & bit awkward online? Are you surrounded by simping subordinates who say your ideas are brilliant?
Do you have a wacky idea to do a series of โelf on shelfโ or similar this Chrimbo?
Donโt.
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Home Secretary resigns for sending official document from personal email?
Every Army officer ever:
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As part of my ongoing engagement with non-military followers, I have taken a photo of the secret plans tent schematics to show what I do on a day to day basis.
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Weโve 200 odd tanks. Some are abroad or getting fixed etc. Those lamenting imminent โtanks on the streetsโ will need to manage expectations. Smaller cities & towns may get a 432 or AS90. Indeed the very remotest parts of Scotland & Wales can only expect a reservist on a bicycle.
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Just been sent this. This is really bad news & continues the worrying trend we saw last time. This canโt continue.
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Journalists, please stop referring to
#Novichok
as a โmilitary gradeโ nerve agent & weapon. Unless thereโs a lower grade one for civilian or commercial use?
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The
@RoyalNavy
is too honest, if it had been me, Iโd have swapped the badges, logos, names & plates on
@HMSQNLZ
with
@HMSPWLS
& then sailed out this morning with a โtotes fixed itโ message. Then snuck a truck load of grease & duct tape in back gate to get the shaft repaired.
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I predict:
Do less with more
People are our greatest asset
Evolve at pace
Ajax is imminent plus a new boat or two
Space lasers, cyberz, drones, AI (and anything that sounds innovative, cheap & delivered in >10 years)
Hereโs moar munny, promise youโll be careful this time
A new era for defence.
A root and branch review of UK defence has been launched by the Prime Minister today to make Britain secure at home and strong abroad for decades to come.
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This week, I applied for a civvy job in a mil organisation many grades above my current role. So what? I may not get it, however the fact that my KSE allowed me to apply as a civvy but not as a soldier, shows we need to rethink how we nurture, manage & use our ppl.
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Conspiracy loon of the year award.
Won by absolute wallopers who have spotted soldiers fixing up ExCel for medical contingency & say itโs fake news as the pictures are clearly Chinese soldiers. ๐คฆ๐ปโโ๏ธ
They. Are. Gurkhas.
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British PM to serve Turkey up on a plate to NATO troops?
Opposite to POTUS, who gave allied Kurdish troops up to Turkey?
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Schools, please stop teaching my kids about stuff I can remember & calling it history. Thank you.
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This is properly posh arguing with your spouse, RN style. Politely & via the Financial Times letters page. In the Army, we prefer drunken screeching at each other in taxi queue.
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ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit ๐ฌ
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Nurse: The army have sent round one of there QARANCs to help out.
Doctor: excellent, send them in.
Nurse: OK but you ainโt going to like this.
#InThisTogether
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โthousands of squaddies, who complain bitterly & often crudely on social media about poor housing, appalling food & low payโ.
Complaining is one thing, I do it, lots, but personal attacks on individuals is not on. Play the ball not the player & remember rule 1, โdonโt be a dickโ.
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Wow. ยฃ20. Twenty whole pounds? Boundless riches & wealth. ๐
Wonder what the overtime (or time & half or double time) that youโd have to pay contractors would be?
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Reminder as we approach Xmas, can all COs, Bde Comd & VSOs make sure to put 10-15 mins in diary to go visit guardroom on Xmas day. Get uniform on before you get too drunk, make sure you take lickspittle along to photo it & splurge all over Facebook/Twitter. Then bail out. Thanks.
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When pish wet, in a midgie infested wood & knackered, even eaten cold it was fit for royalty & tasted fantastic but keep some & take it home then it is bogging. Pure chemicals & minging bits of animals. Pics robbed off โForces 80โ.
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At last. Houses based on need, not rank. And if anyone gets precious or snooty about it as per the article, tough, itโs 2023 not 18th century, so donโt let door hit your arse on way out.
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This
#heatwave
next week - want to know what it is like to be that hot? Ask any squaddie that has had to use one of these things when deployed or training in some choice places around the globe.
#SurfaceOfTheSun
#Heatwave2022
#heatwaveuk
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For those of you without access to MODnet or Defence Connect, I have uploaded this week's buzzword/staff bingo sheets here. They are the latest copies and any previous versions should be destroyed.
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Currently going around all branches in Andover getting his chit signed off? Likely delay due to negotiating with stroppy Norman in the stores dept about why he canโt find a red PT vest & extra 58 pattern water bottle pouch he was issued 39 years ago?
Today is The Chief of the General Staffโs last day. General Sir Mark Carleton-Smith KCB CBE ADC Gen has been in post since 2018, the pinnacle of a 40-year career. Thank you, for everything you have done for your country and the
#BritishArmy
. Best wishes for the future.
@ArmyCGS
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Sense. Of. Humour. Failure. HMS Big Liz. ๐
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โGeneral Sir Patrick Sanders called for more computer scientists and data engineersโ.
* Waves at General ๐
** gets rugby tackled by APC, sent to generalist post, and watches generalist get cyber job
*** looks at MSc & CEng certificates & gets confused ๐
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OMG, what happens if there is a NBC attack on that parade?
It looks so scruffyโฆbring back shaving, puttees, DMS boots & 58 pattern belts.
๐ The Beards Have Arrived! ๐
Like it or lump it, the beards are here! Members of Number 2 Company proudly took up their posts on Kings Guard this morning, marching from Wellington Barracks to Buckingham Palace and St Jamesโs Palace.
#WelshGuards
#TheBeardsHaveArrived
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In a discussion today: โyou lie like a cheap Naafi watchโ
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China has hacked JPA? Got to be fake news.
All those bespoke locally produced Word forms, filled in by biro & kept in boxes, are unhackable.
#GDPR
BREAKING: The Chinese state has hacked the Ministry of Defence, Sky News understands.
Sky's deputy political editor
@SamCoatesSky
has the latest.
Read more:
๐บ Sky 501, Virgin 602, Freeview 233 and YouTube
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No names, no pack drill for obvious reasons & no personal involvement from me, but JCCC doesnโt mess around when someone has to get home do they? Good on them ๐
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Theyโre after Army now? If any governments want to hand over ยฃ250k for training on their Win 8 networks or explaining a Clansman fit in a 432, let me know. I can do BATCO too.
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An ancient FV432 slowly shuffles out of a wood on Salisbury Plain, looks over at the Warrior being told its retirement is postponed, and sneers โnow you know how it feels you sprogโ then limps back into cover.
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#PiersMorgan
has gone. If you want to leave a message of commiseration then record it on your own mobile phoneโs voicemail - heโll listen to it later.
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When you see virile, lantern-jawed, charismatic soldiers, running around being heroic, festooned with pouches & kit, do you ever wonder what hidden, vicious, tools of war they have secreted in those things? Wonder no more. Mine:
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Remember those caught up in current issues. For them another day with endless thump of artillery impacting nearby, constant chatter of small arms. Roads choked with dilapidated military vehicles driven by sullen soldiers. Hostile locals.
Glad I donโt visit Larkhill that often.
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Start asking short pithy relevant questions & not endlessly droning on trying to show how great & clever you think you are then. Youโre like a bottom middle third wannabe on ACSC at the end of a dull lecture.
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For those not in Army, you wonโt understand how monumental this is. I went to stores, asked for socks, then, in a moment of normally futile but ambitious hope, I asked for summer ones....
I actually got some!
I. Got. Summer. Socks. From. Clothing. Store. ๐งฆ๐คช
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Big boring
#COVID19
briefing. Compulsory & crammed into room. At end: โany Qs?โ
*silence
โCโmon, thereโs no such thing as stupid question!โ
*RSM triggered, jumps to feet & desperately tries to get out front to death stare audience. Too late...
โ...is it OK to eat bats again?โ
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*PJHQ/MOD*
Loggie: weโve shit-tonne of anti-tank weapons about to go out of date. The disposal bill from LockBAetheon Dynamics is eye watering
Dude at back of room: lend me the RAF for a few days & I can sort this for free
*phones oppo in
#Ukraine
: have I got good news for you
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Military life in information age? Ignores curfew & gets done. Fair enough, get caught, get punished. Iโm sure plenty of service personnel have done similar previously, but nowadays it ends up in The Times ๐ณ
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So far this year I have been on Exercise in ๐ฌ๐ง ๐ฉ๐ช ๐ต๐ฑ ๐ง๐ช
Visited ๐ฌ๐ง ๐ฉ๐ช ๐ง๐ช ๐ณ๐ฑ ๐ซ๐ท ๐น๐ท ๐จ๐พ
Done stuff in ๐ฆ๐ซ ๐ฑ๐น
Before the year is out Iโm likely going to ๐ต๐ฑ ๐ฌ๐ง ๐ญ๐ท ๐ฉ๐ฐ ๐ฎ๐ถ ๐ฑ๐น
Next year, who knows ๐
Join the army, itโs โkin brilliant.
(pics robbed off internet, opsec innit)
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I know Tidders is dull but setting your block on fire after getting high sniffing polish is a new low.
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*squaddie humour*
1. Soldier coughs
2. Everyone moves from 2m to 2.1m
3. โYou sound rough mateโ
4. โYeah, probs that Cornetto diseaseโ
5. Move to 2.5 m
6. Awkward silence
7. โIf you die, can I have your stuffโ
8. โYeah, bastard you can. Tell your Mum, I wonโt be round tonightโ
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Housing should be based on need
Not going to be exodus, but some will be very unhappy
There are cases of couples in big houses & families crammed in small ones
It needs fixed but it shouldnโt be an officer vs OR matter. We need an all ranks solution
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They placed it in a really big bag of rice & are hoping it works OK in a few days? ๐ฌ
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As itโs in public domain already, thereโs no issue with me republishing that <SECRET UK EYES ONLY> PowerPoint slide dumped behind bus stop. Note pink paper, indicating higher classification & making it harder to accidentally remove from secure building.
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Iโm going to shill this blog until it is accepted as recommended pre-course reading on
@icsc_l
@icsc_m
@UKACSC
@HCSCShrivenham
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So the military is doing firearms roles for the Met. But who is covering Mon mornings & Wed afternoons as we donโt work then? Can an armed response gig be done working from home on a Friday?
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Saw direction saying soldiers can untuck shirts if required due to heat? Are they mad - discipline will collapse in an instant. I suggest immediately bulling boots, getting capbadges over left eye & if someone is slovenly enough to untuck a shirt they must wear a belt over it.
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Hey
@BritishArmy
&
@RoyalNavy
Comms and Media teams, if you have any bad news or dodgy issues to release, now's the time to sneak it out, the RAF are playing an absolute blinder this week.
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Youโve got to be shitting me. Next unit has sent me SEVENTEEN FORMS to be filled in & signed (electronically and/or ink) & returned. All the information is already on JPA. We are disappearing up our own arses in nugatory duplicated admin. Why does the stupids hurt so much.
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Spotted someone in same busy big office apparently in Teams call via headset. But seemed to not be speaking for v long time. I gave secret sign by waving this at them. I showed I too was pretending to be in online mtg. In that moment we both knew we had an ally & were not alone.
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Drove past Mรถnchengladbach this morning. Got Spotify to play Ninaโs 99 Luftballons. I sensed the great & ancient hangover gods looking down on me, and they were pleased.
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Next DCGS is Royal Signals Officer. In your face Infantry, Cavalry, Sappers & Gunners etc ๐
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General Sir Nick Carterโs final appearance as Chief of Defence Staff in front of Defence Committee warns โwe need to ensure talent like
@combat_boot
is rewarded, we require modern skills & talent, so I have directed APC to promote him without delayโ.
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Q: How many ranks are there in the Army?
*Googles it
Twelve, but ORs too, so nineteenโฆhang on honorary ranks, so eighteen, but โappointmentsโ make it more, but they donโt count, do theyโฆ?
A: eleventytwenty
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Orโฆwe could put a bit more effort into retaining staff?
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Orโฆ
Megs: โif you think Iโm living in badly maintained mouldy old house based on rank not family size, whilst you get deployed at zero notice due to poorly administered trawls, then youโre having a laughโ
Then it was 7 clicks, Oprah interview & HGV resettlement course.
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I have access to a huge amount of computing power. I just fed in all sorts of stats about everyone in the UK this weekend getting paid, pubs & clubs opening, self-entitlement, warm weather and everyone going to see their nan. It threw this
#COVID19
prediction out.
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Me: this posting? It's generalist post & crap
APC: and?
Me: the cyberz job I wanted - you have given it to someone who does not match job-spec
APC: and?
Me: why?
APC: they're top third!
Me: at other stuff
APC: and?
Me: but...
APC: you know where door is...
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Parachute only partially opens. 'SAS' dude lands on a bungalow, crashes through roof and ends up in kitchen, then spots camera and quickly rolls his sleeves up two turns for the ally look.
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โIraq: British Army medic...killed...โ.
This now been confirmed & that NOK have been told.
Anyone retweeting or commenting before โฆ
@DefenceHQ
โฉ announcement is selfish idiot & needs to rethink about desperation โto be firstโ or gaining followers ๐ค
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Greek dude is using โin a nutsackโ instead of โin a nutshellโ as description of summarising a process. If he does it again, I may wee ๐๐๐๐
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@thinkdefence
1๏ธโฃ ban wearing belts over jumpers & coats
2๏ธโฃ professionalise Cyber, IT, HR, Procurement - by stopping generalists having to play S/OJAR two yearly games to broaden employability/CV
3๏ธโฃ sanction those that make mess of big projects even if it comes to light after they have moved on
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Is there anyone not threatening to quit nowadays? Although if he does bin it, I know of an ideal replacement
#CB4CGS
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Now that defence minsters have re-orgโd & there is a healthy army/navy bias can we get the RAF shut down? Itโll save a fortune & any money saved can be spent on more ceremonial marching up & down stuff. Bearskins & horse food arenโt cheap.
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Fair enough, Army gets more money, great.
But before a single penny is handed over, need an assurance itโll be spent properly. Generalists flipping jobs every 24 months, poor governance & management bloat, & no holding ppl to account, will just waste it.
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CGS: โWe donโt have enough lethalityโฆenough long-range precision & massed fire. We are not strong on electronic warfare & Russians are. We donโt have enough unmanned aerial systems, our aerial defence has fallen behind & our stockpiles are low.โ
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I had to go to different camp today.
Me: *pulls up at barrier:
Dude 1: ID & pass please?
Me: *shows ID card
Me: not got car pass
Dude 1: go park way over there & go to guard room to get pass
Me: *drives over to car park
Me: *walks back to guard room
1/n
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Posting time
Got emailed forms so I have to wander around several camps getting stamped in ink & signed in biro. Why do we do this to ourselves in 2023 - why canโt someone just say โstop, no more locally generated word documents filed in in pen with information already on JPAโ ๐ข
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@UKDefJournal
@AyewMabeliever
Might not be fake? Just been sent this footage from a mate outside Dagenham. Military is on the move.
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Fake news sheeple. Has anyone actually seen the PoW & HMS Big Liz together? No? Exactly, theyโre just changing the badge.
Naval sources confirm first British F-35 Jets have landed on HMS Queen Elizabeth off East Coast of USA today at 1440 (UK time)
#Westlant19
Official images and video likely to be released soon. (library pic)
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Got a new dog. Went for rescue this time. Not exactly standard Brit mil issue spaniel/lab but on the positive side, nobody is going to rob my house.
#dogsoftwitter
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According to recent news, Ukrainians arenโt panic buying. If that was Brits, weโd have been windmilling each other in the aisle at Tesco over bogroll & pasta for at least a week. Plus weโd be blocking roads with massive queues outside petrol stations 24/7 to brim our tanks.
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Iโve worked out how the
#BritishArmy
can fix
#irantanker
issue today, not in 5-10years. Park a โtankโ on every civvy tanker. Job jobbed. ๐
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Government: military going to put up lots of tents in hospital car parks.
*loud horns & trumpets sounded in Blandford & Stafford as Royal Signals realise itโs time to step up & support nation. Finally our skills are needed & all that endless tent erecting practice was useful.
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Just been to buy a cheese bake at my local petrol station in Chingford. Massive queues & pumps are running dry. My neighbourโs uncleโs wife works in the local college geological department & says all the worldโs petrol mines are dry & weโve run out.
#petrolshortage
#panicbuying
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erm? ๐คฆโโ๏ธ๐คฆ๐คฆโโ๏ธ
Finland will bring "moral support" to NATO but will need "encouraging" to invest in it's own armed forces says retired senior British Army officer, Lord Richard Dannatt.
#KayBurley
๐บ Sky 501, Virgin 602, Freeview 233 and YouTube
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@geoallison
Took this actual pic this morning whilst out walking my dog. You can use it, so long as you credit me ๐
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Visited Tidders over weekend & saw a random supermarket trolley just abandoned in middle of married patch. I imagined the perp in Ron Hills & spouseโs green fleece pushing it all the way back from supermarket. Itโs full 1990s stereotype down there.
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