Dr. Colman Noctor
@colnoc77
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Dad/ Psychotherapist/ Mental Health Lecturer SETU/ Nurse/ Author The 4 to 7 Zone/ Irish Examiner Weekly Columnist/ “Asking for a Parent” Podcast @PS_Speakers
Carlow, Ireland
Joined October 2011
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This illustrates the problem with standardised tests… 😂😂
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My son is 7 today, but he’s never had a birthday party with his school pals due to Covid. He’s off school currently, doing his 17 day quarantine & his teacher just sent him a Seasaw recording of his class singin Happy Birthday to him! He’s delighted. Some people are pure sound!🙃
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This lad is too cool to walk with his aul lad tonight for Day 83 of
#100daysofwalking
But he can’t walk too far ahead of me because he needs the Bluetooth signal from my phone for his headphones 😂😂 it’s like an invisible lead 😂😂
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Not pretending to know anything about
#DesmondTutu
But he did say something that stuck with me.
“There comes a point where we need to stop just pulling people out of the river. We need to go upstream and find out why they are falling in.”
A wise approach to
#mentalhealth
?
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Is it poor Zoom etiquette to say, “can ya hang on a minute, it’s just starting to lash rain and I have a full wash on the line?” 😂😂😂😂
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Out walking & thinking about what it must be like to have to carry keys in my hand, vary my route or worry about the steps behind me. I desperately hope my daughter will grow up in a different world, because this is all kinds of wrong
#shewasgoingforarun
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Random Thought:
Remember when you’d go to Croke Park you used to pay these random lads to ‘mind the car’ when it was parked on the street while we were at the match…. 😂😂😂
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Anyone wanna swap 2 x Garth Brooks tickets for a PCR slot? 😂😂😂
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My son seems to be approaching his 1st yr Christmas tests the same way I approach my NCT.
Do nothing beforehand and you’ll find out afterwards what needs to be done 😂😂😂
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I’ve just turned into my Dad.
While using the tiniest screwdriver in the world to change the batteries on one of the kid’s toys,… I heard myself say….
“Stand back, you’re in me light” 😂😂
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My parenting patience survived lockdowns, home schooling and parenting from work…
But, the arrival of this into the house this week, may well break me
😂😂😂😂😂
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Cashier: Whats your email for your receipt?
Me: ColmanNoctor
@xxx
.com
Cashier: How do I know that name?
Me: I do a bit of media work…
Cashier: Ah ok… Does your daughter do gymnastics?
Me: Yes
Cashier: Ah that’s it, my daughter is in the same class
Me: ***dying inside**
😂😂😂
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Maybe the joy this lad feels here is not so much about making the shot, but being included 👇👇👇
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Overheard in the sitting room
9 yr old (daughter): what ya need to do is say something nice to dad first, then ask him for something…
11 yr old (son): it doesn’t work for me
9 yr old (daughter): you’re just not doing it right..
6 yr old (son): teach us then…
😂😂😂😂😂
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Despite having never set foot in the USA, my children regularly use of words like “trash” and “garbage”. Most of the time I let this slide, but today I drew the line when one of them described our local garage as “The Gas Station” 😂😂😂
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11 yr old: “Dad I can’t find my shin pads”
Me: “Have you checked your room”
11 yr old: “Yes”
Me: “Properly?”
11 yr old: “Yes”
Me: “Im telling you now….If I go in there and find them… “
(Yes, I’ve officially turned into my mam 😂)
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I dont know the 1st thing about boxing, but I’m struck by how both
@KatieTaylor
&
@Kelly64kg
continually thank others, are so uniquely gracious in victory, & are such well grounded heroes. There may be something about the Irish female boxing culture that we could all learn from?
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13 yr old players dropped from Offaly GAA panel after missing training for a soccer match The goal of a ‘child-centred’ approach to Children’s Sport still seems a long way off. And before responding with “it happens in all sports”… that doesn’t defend it!
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After spending 20 mins trying to solve a 6th class Maths problem, I looked up and realised I was alone…
The 12 yr old had left and was in watching TV in the other room..
Me: “Come here, I think I have it”
12 yr old: “Let it go Dad”
😂😂😂
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Someone has to call this!
We all bought in, gave them every chance, but now we must accept they didn’t work!
I know I’ll get a lot of grief for this, but someone has to say it…
**Paper Straws in Milkshakes Do Not Work **😂😂😂
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10 yr old: “Morning Dad”
Me: “Good morning love”
10 yr old: “Have you had your coffee yet?”
Me: “No, I am just making it now love, why?”
10 yr old: “Never mind, I’ll ask you later”
😂😂😂
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Me: what do you want for breakfast
9 yr old: Do you have a work meeting this mornin?
Me: yes
9 yr old: Toast and Nutella please
Me: why did you ask about the meeting
9 yr old: Because when you have meetings you don’t try to convince us to eat something healthy
#ParentingFromWork
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I think my 6 year old, has just captured the mood of the nation with his alphabet waffles 😂😂😂😂
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7 yr old: I remember when we were in Ukraine
9 yr old: We were never in Ukraine
7 yr old: We were, remember the boring place dad took us with the caves…
11 yr old: That was Newgrange, ya dope!!
😂😂😂😂😂
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While standing in a long queue in a sports shop today, my 10 yr old daughter turned to me and said
“I’ll have outgrown these runners by the time we get to pay for them!”
😂😂😂
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While buying new runners with my 7yr old…
He puts on one runner and sprints the length of the shop and back…
Says to the salesperson… “yeah they’re good, very fast”…. 😂
I’m soooooo tempted to do that the next time I’m buying myself new runners 😂😂😂😂👍
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Found a bottle of wine & delicious choc biscuit cake left at my door by a neighbor (Maggie) (I’m new to the area & I don’t know her) She said ‘I noticed from the sticker on your car that you’re a hospital frontline worker & I just wanted to say thanks’
#Covid_19ireland
#SoSound
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The parallels between a 9yr old coming home after a sleepover and a grown up with a hangover are uncanny…..Just waiting for her to ask for some salty crisps and a McFlurry 😂😂😂
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Why am I incapable of remembering that I wear glasses when I open an oven door.. Every. Single. Time. 🙄😂
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I don’t have the answers for surviving 2022. But I’ve 1 suggestion…DON’T FORGET TO LAUGH. A big MH challenge at the moment is joylessness, so savour every opportunity to giggle. We underestimate the value of humour so let’s try flip that in 2022. HNY 🥳
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For the last 4 months he’s been asking “when is my rugby back” and I’ve had to say “soon”! Well the day has finally arrived and he’s been in his kit since 7am despite having to drag him outta the bed all week for school 😂😂😂
@carlowrugby
#DadYouHaveToDoTheSocks
😂
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Asymptomatic child had +PCR on Mon. Whole family had -PCRs since. Retested on Sat & now he’s Neg. But apparently, unless you’re a govt minister,
@HSELive
won’t look into any false positives. Pity, his sibs now needlessly miss 17 school days & his vaccine eligibility is affected😞
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For the last 2 yrs I’ve been getting to the door of shops and remembering “feck I’ve to go back to my car to get my mask”…
I had no sooner mastered it, and now I get into bed and remember “feck, I have to get back up to move the Jaysis Elf” 😂😂😂
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The very best of luck to everyone receiving their CAO offers today.
Remember, just like the Sat Nav… when you miss a turn, your destination doesn’t have to change, only the route.
And sometimes the scenic route is way more craic!! …
Good luck!
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10 yr old: “the same water that softens the spud, hardens the egg”
Me: “that’s deep, where did you hear that?”
10 yr old: “in school….my teacher doesn’t just teach us stuff, he teaches us about life”
Me: “cool, what does it mean?”
10 yr old: “no idea”
😂😂😂
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Just gave the eldest lad a toasted cheese sandwich
11 yr old: “Thanks Alfred”
Me: “Alfred?”
11 yr old: “Yeah Batman’s butler”
Me (to myself): **Things are gonna have to change around here** 😂
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“Not only is homework a drain on the time restraints to get all the other stuff done, but it often leads to a negative and disgruntled atmosphere”
This week’s column is available in print and online today 👇👇👇
Colman Noctor: Should we stop homework, especially for primary school children?
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I’ve spent a lot this week thinking “that’s not what I imagined the bottom half of your face looked like” 😂😂😂
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I just said out loud “Lads will ye stay in or stay out, your draggin snow through the house and letting the heat out”
It’s official, I’ve turned into my mother 😳😳😂😂
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Some primary schools get their 6th class students to use a locker system to organise their books for their upcoming classes as preparation for the move to secondary.
Sometimes the seemingly basic challenges cause the most stress and the simplest ideas are the best!
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“Young girls’ growing interest in moisturisers and serums is further evidence that the period of childhood is shrinking. Children need to be allowed to be children without the burden of adult-like worries like the ageing process”
Colman Noctor: The ugly side of skincare routines for young girls
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There are always those game changer moments in that period between Christmas and New Year when you have to chose between going for a walk or having a Wispa… 😂😂😂
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So the eldest one burst a massive hole in the bean bag, which was annoying, but then the middle one excitedly carrying it through the house to show me all the beads spilling out of it was a lovely touch I thought 🙄🙄😂
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Nothing like a bit of inflation to turn you into your mother…
I’ve just gone through the grocery shopping receipt like a forensic accountant 😂😂😂
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My TV pitch for “Irelands Fittest Parent” The tasks include 1) Drying and dressing yourself and 3 kids in a tiny changing room after swimming. 2) Putting fitted sheets on treble bunk beds. And 3) Getting 2 uncooperative toddlers in their car seats! 😂😂😂
@rte
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“Instead of asking ‘how do we get this child to be able to sit for longer?’, why not ask, ‘how can we design our school environments so the child does not have to sit for as long?’.
Colman Noctor: Children with ADHD struggle in traditional schools
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It’s that time of year where the school uniforms are way too small for them, but you tell yourself they’re fine because there’s no way you’re buying new ones til September 😂😂😂
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I can’t keep it to myself anymore…
and I realise that saying this might upset a lot of Irish people..
but…
I don’t get the Bruce Springsteen thing 😔
😂😂😂
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There’s something very therapeutic about filling a Skip!
It would have been more therapeutic if every broken toy I tried to dump hadn’t regenerated such great interest all of a sudden 🙄 “oh don’t throw out that piece of plastic I got in a Happy Meal in 2019, I love that” 😂
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For all those getting
#LeavingCert2021
results tomorrow. Remember if they don’t go the way you wanted, just because you miss a turn on your journey, the sat nav destination doesn’t change, only the route. And sometimes scenic way is better craic 😉. Best of Luck & Well Done 👏
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When I imagined what adulthood would be like, I definitely didn’t think washing and drying clothes would play such a major part in it
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Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but one day….
I’ll remember to bring one of the 50 ‘bags for life’ that I have at home to the shop with me 😂
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A certain someone was particularly lonely and struggling with
#homeschooling
today. So we did all we could do just now. We went for a walk and had a chat.... and it worked, I feel a lot better now 🙃 Day 33 of
#100daysofwalking
#whateverworks
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To all the
#LeavingCert
students, the very best of luck for tomorrow. Remember, your memory works like your PC Desktop, sometimes you put something in the search box and no files are found. Don’t panic, calmly go into the folders in your brain and you’ll find it there 👍 Smash it
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My column in this week’s
@irishexaminer
deals with a topic that I believe is really important. As always all RTs Shares and Feedback much appreciated 👍
Why do we always want our children to be more confident?
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An important member of my extended family passed away last night. Ralph was the assistance dog for my 2 nephews. A wonderful friend to the boys & my sister, we were so grateful to have him & he also helped many of my clients work on their dog phobias. Go rest now Ralph, Good Boy
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#100daysofwalking
After 100metres “how far are we going?” After 200m “my legs are tired” After 300m “I am bringing my bike next time” after 400m “oh look a bench” After 500m “can you lift me?” And at that point she lost her cool and said “Dad will ya stop complaining!!” 😂😂😂😂
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Disappointing that the
@rtenews
feature on the benefits/limitations of live vs pre-recorded
#homeschooling
sessions had a sole academic focus. With no reference to the
#mentalhealth
benefits of live interactions for
#connection
#community
Also the
#voiceofthechild
notably absent
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Youngest lad (singing): “I do my hair toss, check my nails, baby how ya feelin? Feelin good as hell”
Older lad: “Do you know what you’re singin?”
Youngest lad: “no idea, but i like the tune of it…. “
😂😂😂
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Is it even possible to eat a croissant in a car and not end up looking as messy as a toddler in a high chair? 😂
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I’ve no clue about boxing, but the spirit of all the pre & post fight interviews seemed to have far less of the shithousery that other fighters spout. If two respectful opponents can produce such a great fight, surely all that nonsense isn’t necessary?
#Katie
#AmandaSerrano
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I just ended a disagreement with 9 yr old by saying something I haven’t uttered since 1992..,,
“it’s a free country”…
admittedly not my finest work..😂😂
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Me: Right, it’s 11am, everyone upstairs and get dressed please....
8 yr old: ......why?
Me: coz it’s 11am
8 yr old: yeah but why, we don’t go anywhere...what’s the point?
Me:........ leave it with me, I’ll come back to you on that...😳
😂😂
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Don’t ya hate when someone uses your lines against you…
I was just trying to fix a toy for my 6 year old when he said to me..
“If you break that now, you’re paying for it” 😳😳
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I can’t believe that they’ve started with the bangers and fireworks already. It’s far too early. It gets earlier every year. The poor dog is terrified over there, under the Christmas tree 😂😂😂
#nodogswereharmedinthisjoke
😜
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So I did this thing ….. 👇👇👇
Due out on the 27th of April 2023
Pre-orders available on
#4to7Zone
#GillBooksSS23
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When carrying stuff to a locked car, how come your keys are never in the same side pocket as your free hand? Or is this just me? 😂😂😂
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As I squeeze in
#100daysofwalking
before tonights clinic, I’m thinking about how being a
#MentalHealth
worker is so tough right now. Never have people been more despairing, & never have we had so little to offer in terms of mental fitness Shout out to the
#MentalHealthFrontLine
👍
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I just discovered the best Life Hack ever!!
When putting away bedsheets, put the fitted sheet, duvet cover and pillow case inside the other pillow case!!!
When you need to use them again, they’re all together!!!
It’s life changing!!!
You’re welcome ☺️
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Bank Holiday Tip:
If you ever get this thought…
“I think I might paint the banister and rails on the stairs”…
Ignore it…
😂😂😂
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Is it just me or do others fear the question…”will you open this please?” 😂😂😂
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Overheard at lunch:
5 yr old son: are you going to get married?
9 yr old son: no
7 yr old daughter: (sighs) I’m goin to have to get married
5 yr old son: why?
7 yr old daughter: Well who else is going to mind my kids when I’m at work?
#workingfromhome
#mondaythoughts
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Can all the “Week Long Mid-Term People” spare a thought for the “2 Day Mid Term People” tonight 😂😂😂 We will join in with the “no
#homeschooling
“ celebrations on Wednesday night. But for now...light a candle for us or something 😂😂
#InThisTogether
😜
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These artificial trees are so realistic these days.. this one has actually grown, because this fit perfectly in the box when I bought it.. 😂😂😂
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Looking at the dinner table scene here today. Picture this, my kids with long unkempt haired, eating yesterday’s leftover potato’s fried up & beans, discussing a game of Kerbs they just had on the road. Add a Findus Crispy Pancake into the mix and it could’ve been 1983 😂😂
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Do ya remember when people used to talk about how the hour change used to upset children’s routines?? That was good craic wasn’t it? 😂😂😂
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9 yr old “Paddington 2 was filmed in Kilmainham Gaol.
12 yr old brother: “sure it was 🙄”
9 yr old: “Google it, smart arse”
(Turns out she was right) 😂
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Reasons for my tweet themes…
1. I haven’t been ‘out out’ since 2018
2. I don’t have a clue about craft beers/fine wines or fancy steaks
4. My Wordle/Heardle scores are crap
5. Twitter can be a dark place at times, but kids are funny and I think it’s good to laugh 🙃
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My Mam: “your sister showed me a picture of you fromwhen you were on KCLR this week…. Did you break your iron?” 😂😂😂
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When does sport stop being about activity and just about competition?
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I got some new headshots done by
@JMPhotoDub
last week. I showed them to my mam….
Mam: “When did you get those taken, it’s been a while since you were that thin”
Me: “They were taken yesterday”…
Mam: “Amazing what they can do with photos nowadays”
😂😂😂
#KeepYaGrounded
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Imagine that some people attended a design meeting and decided that finicky buttons were the best mechanism for closing duvet covers!!! 🙄🙄😂😂😂
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The same fella who can’t find his shin pads in his room, could find a sliver of a mushroom in a Bolognese…go figure 😂😂😂
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This weeks column is available in print today in
@irishexaminer
Many thanks to everyone, there’s been a phenomenal response to this piece which is also available online
#parenting
#anxiety
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Just caught myself singing the line “we don’t talk about Bruno” in my head.
If you know what I’m talking about, then you, like me, need to get out more…. 😕😂
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If I had a euro for every time I’ve heard the phrase “He’s copying me” this summer, I could retire…
Who knew picking the same flavour of crisps as a sibling was such a crime? 😂😂😂
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Judging by my commute today, I think a lot of drivers seem to have given up using their indicators for Lent!! 🙄😂
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My 2 youngest were delighted to be back in school today. But the eldest isn’t back yet so I took him out for Day 59
#100daysofwalking
Him: “I wish I was back at school”
Me: “Ya missing your friends?”
Him: “yeah & in school I can daydream in peace” 😂😂
#homeschool
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No….. immediately no… back to the drawing board please..
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And so it begins, 🎅🏻 this is the start of not having any idea what day it is, having Wispas for breakfast and pretending to be interested in Darts 😂😂😂
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