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talking to a protestant girl: it is so lit how you can enter the kingdom of Heaven through faith alone
talking to a catholic girl: but that is literally his body and his blood tho 😂
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(Priest after a couple friday night beers) Fuck it let's do mass. Right now bro I'm serious grab my vestments.
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they call me communion cuz im that cracker with the juice
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Guy 1: what do you guys think about Jesus
Guy 2 (thinks it is multiple Jesu): they are great!
Guy 3 (believes in nonbinary Jesus): amen 🙏
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nice confession. whaddaya say we make things interesting?
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Just fyi "gaming" violates at least 3 of the 10 commandments and all 7 of the deadly sins.
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Ezekiel 1: “The creatures sped back and forth like flashes of lightning … They sparkled like topaz … Each appeared to be made like a wheel intersecting a wheel … full of eyes all around …”
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Our supplier ran out of regular communion wine so they sent us this instead
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This next hymn is about a girl where everyone's first impression of her is that she's really innocent, but when you get to actually talking to her you find out... she's kinda got a dirty mind
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Apparently Jimmy Carter just converted to Islam. Can’t believe we fumbled this one on the finish line.
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Bruh, his ass is not finding 10 righteous men in the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah.
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Jesus was an ultra-lowbie (12 followers), and yet his teachings go viral every day
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(Christ showing his palms) Wanna know how I got these scars?
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Most contemporary Christian scholars agree that it was highly likely that Jesus Christ could hoop and was a tremendous presence both in the paint and beyond the arc.
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(walking out of confession booth) hoo wee do NOT go in there lol
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i seem like a chill stoner on the outside but lowkey i pray a lot
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Jesus and John the Baptist must have went on some crazy cousin walks
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Beloved church mouse Clement VIII was vaporized by a G7 chord after falling into the pipe organ earlier today. Memorial service to be held this weekend. Organist Lynn Smith, 92, has been taken in for questioning
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In the next update, God will be able to "fire react" to certain prayers
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if you guys want anything in heaven you need to be buried with it. Egyptian pharaohs had it totally right. Try to sneak a ps5 in your coffin they’re worth a ton up here.
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The only "financial advisor" I trust is the lord Jesus Christ. And brother, he's terrible at it. I've lost thousands
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blessed are the torrent seeders, for they will inherit the Oldboy.english.subtitles.FreeOnMovieHub.1080p.mp4
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"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
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I hope you guys remember that the Easter Bunny is a false idol
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we’ve been hearing disturbing reports that parishioners are saying “peace be with you” with their fingers crossed behind their backs. If you see this happening, please report it to the council.
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