Charlie Pickering
@charliepick
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Comedian. Host of @theweeklytv on ABC
Australia
Joined January 2009
If @ScottMorrisonMP does not begin lobbying nations in favour of more drastic climate solutions, he is derelict in his duty to protect the safety of the Australian people. He was told of the significant threat to people, animals and country. He chose minerals. The nation burns.
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BREAKING NEWS: Anti-Vax protesters remain trapped in Northcote Plaza unable to successfully navigate an exit as they are baffled by the presence of a second Coles.
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Since being a citizen already gave her that licence, @kylie_lang. It’s the same licence you’re using writing this. thing. If you’d prefer a system where Prime Ministers are beyond criticism for what they do, then feel free to hand your licence in first.
Since when does being Australian of the Year give you licence to personally attack our prime minister, asks @kylie_lang
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I woke up this morning not feeling sledged by Macron at all.
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One rule has always been true of COVID- it is a health crisis first, economic crisis second. You cannot solve the economic problem without solving the health problem. Leaders who still think their beliefs can trump this simple will continue to cost us dearly.
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Hey @7NewsAustralia - what the fuck is with this headline? Have you lost your actual mind? And how has the person who wrote it been counselled?
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The writing for the final season of America is REALLY good.
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I would like to announce that I, too, will not be contesting the seat of Warringah. #Auspol.
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Or, and I'm just putting this out there, YOU could quit YOUR job and drive a forklift.
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Headline could also read: Sky News host Paul Murray comes very close to understanding reason behind lockdown.
Sky News host Paul Murray says Melbourne will have to endure a 112 day lockdown for 661 deaths, while Italy had 35,524 deaths and a 58 day lockdown and London saw 41,549 people die and their lockdown only went for 104 days.
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BREAKING: Prime Minister downgrades Omicron strain from ‘highly contagious’ to ‘imminent re-election’.
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Has @TonyAbbottMHR ever addressed the fact that after he scraped the carbon tax to keep everyone’s power bills down, everyone’s power bills continued to go through the roof. It’s almost like it was bullshit or something.
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Given that the greatest driver of inflation is corporate profits, it feel SUUUUUUUUUPER shitty that the RBA’s move is to punish…someone else.
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If only the ABC was a sports club in a marginal electorate.
The ABC must show how it can manage its existing budget before asking for a bigger one.
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I considered giving SMH editor Bevan Shields 48 hours to respond to the piece we have about him on @theweekly, but figured we’d just run it anyway. See you at 8:30 on @ABCTV.
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If ANYONE who supports the discrimination bill has the temerity to say they care about mental health during the campaign, they should be howled down by the press. This bill will directly harm a group who also have a tragically high rate of suicide. They must answer for it.
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Hey. Are you writing a recipe to be posted online? Great. I really appreciate it. But could you maybe not post a fucking essay at the top of it about your recollections of potatoes from childhood or how comfort food is comfy? Get to the ingredients and tell me what to do to them.
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Imagine booking an interview with @tracygrimshaw, and not realising what an interview with @tracygrimshaw is.
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Hey @donlemon, we have some pretty strict defamation laws in Australia. I reckon this tweet could buy you a small yacht.
Biased CNN anchor @donlemon has delivered an unhinged and baseless rant alleging every person who voted for Donald Trump is actually a Nazi and a member of the Ku Klux Klan.
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So…@PRGuy17 is actually…the Scarlet Pimpernel. I don’t care who knows it. And I don’t care millennials don’t get it. Most importantly, I don’t care.
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Did the Oz just find a way to make its readers worried about climate change?.
Plummeting visibility on Sydney Harbour has forced a major yacht race to be cancelled.
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Surely Novak’s biggest mistake was trying to enter the country hours after the PM had a bad press conference about Jenny buying the RAT tests except the ones he already gets for free. Big mistake, Djoker. #AO2022.
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Hey Melbourne- if you can, go get vaccinated. It’s important. To put it in terms we understand- we don’t want the Grand Final at the Gabba ever again.
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Is this who we are?.
An Irish family living in country Victoria is facing deportation, because their son has cystic fibrosis. 4-year-old Darragh was born in Australia, but is considered a burden on our health system, now his parents are pleading with @PeterDutton_MP to let them stay. #7NEWS
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Imagine saying these things out loud.
During a debate on a Greens Public Housing bill, Liberal MP @WendyLovellMP told @vicparliament : “There is no point putting a very low income, probably welfare-dependent family in the best street in Brighton. ”. @10newsfirstmelb #springst
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Doctors say that tests to find out what her job is remain inconclusive.
Ivanka Trump works from home after interacting with official who tested for coronavirus
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Siri, give me a metaphor for white privilege.
Is it possible that Sydney 2000 was Cathy Freeman's second biggest triumph behind the '96 Stawell Gift when she started 54m behind the field and got elbowed in the final straight? If you haven't seen this, you need to.
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@juliamacfarlane Hey Julia. I’m a big fan. But this opinion, claps and all, ignores that we shut our international borders, did hard lockdown and followed the science. Given that Brexit itself was predicated on stopping free movement, surely controlling the borders was possible.
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There’s a state election in Victoria in November. The opposition have taken the novel approach of setting itself on fire 3 months before polling day. It’ll be interesting to see how it goes….
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@juliamacfarlane In August Melbourne and the UK had the same daily case rate. Melbourne did everything required and now has a case rate of zero. Competent government that has the strength to give people bad news and make tough decisions is the only way to get on top of this.
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Did you fire all the women?.
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Dude. You’re PM now. Maybe your source reading for children’s mental health should extend beyond the Tele. Maybe check with the AMA or your own health ministry or your own education department or your own parliamentary enquiry into safe schools. Go Sharkies!.
We do not need ‘gender whisperers’ in our schools. Let kids be kids.
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If I were a high-profile independent living in Warringah and considering a career in politics, I’d be booking some headshots right about now. #WentworthVotes.
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If you had a policy that capped negatively geared properties at 5 per person, who except the very wealthy would be angry?.
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Shame on you.
I guess we really shouldn’t be surprised at what’s happening in the Capitol after the way leftist violence was condoned most of last year. You let the genie out of the bottle, there’s no telling where it goes.
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Seriously, if you told the Australian people “We can overcome climate change, but billionaire miners will bear the brunt” I reckon you’d have about 90% support.
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Nah dude. It’s a hatred of convicted child rapists and their protectors. But do continue. .
BOLT: I need to respond to a lot of people I angered yesterday - I knew defending Cardinal Pell could get me lynched. This hatred for Pell. It is so intense. #theboltreport @SkyNewsAust. MORE:
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You don’t make that speech if you won. You make it if you lose but don’t accept it.
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Imagine, just for a moment, our leaders were thoughtful enough to not ACCIDENTALLY vote for a white supremacist bill in parliament.
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What’s his tipping point? When the number of lives lost equals the number of jobs promised by Adani?.
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If @TonyAbbottMHR, @PeterDutton_MP and @LyleShelton cared about kids, they'd fight against gambling ads at the #NRLGF not a love song.
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New rule: before a public figure expresses a view on climate change, they have to explain their understanding of it. If some motherfucker’s going to gamble my kid’s tomorrow, they have to do the reading first.
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My mate Harry died last night. Thanks to Twitter and his son John, the world gathered around his bed in his final days. His life was visited by more than a fair share of hardship, and he gave every ounce of himself to the world in return. I will miss him. @Harryslaststand.
"World's oldest rebel", wartime hero, author, activist and fierce defender of the NHS - RIP Harry Leslie Smith . [Tap to expand]
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It took too long. It hurt too many. But we are finally there, Australia. The patience, dignity and resilience of the LGBTQI community has been extraordinary. and I'm available for weddings. #MarriageEquality.
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@AmyRemeikis Also (minor point) - to say that their gov has done more on this issue than anyone before when it was the previous government that called a Royal Commission on it really shouldn’t be allowed to stand. Journos should challenge that BS.
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I really think ScoMo needs to say 'fair dinkum' more. Not sure it's cutting through. Maybe work it into phrases, like 'If I hear him say it again I will fair dinkum throw up'.
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But, and I want to make this perfectly clear, it’s not a race.
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The Weekly, Tomorrow Tonight and Hard Quiz all work very closely with ABC librarians and archivists. We would often be lost without them. And the ABC archives are such a significant resource and record of Australian culture. The work these folks do is vitally important.
Breaking: ABC to abolish 58 librarian and archivist jobs with journalists to do archival work
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So tell me more about your version of democracy where those with fewer votes should get their way. Sounds interesting. 🙃.
Shattered that we could not defeat Labor’s extreme State of Emergency laws last night. Labor got the numbers (just, 20-19) after doing secret deals with the Greens and two other cross benchers. We should never forget this outrageous affront to our democracy. #springst.
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I suspect all this may fuck with someone’s planned move to the after dinner speaking circuit on the topic of pandemic management.
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This is the deputy PM misleading the Australian people, repeatedly, despite being corrected by journalists multiple times to his face. What a bum.
.@ljayes on the medivac bill: It's simply not true that rapists and murders will come here due to this legislation. @M_McCormackMP: There are ways and means to get here. MORE: #FirstEdition
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If you're afraid of this, you must be afraid of so much in this world. What a shame. To be so fearful.
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Anyone else at least a *little* suspicious that the King had exactly the same birthday as the Queen. Coincidence? I think not.
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This is the biggest news of the weekend. Worldwide.
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Dear employer, please do better than this.
#BREAKING: US President Donald Trump has claimed the election is a "major fraud" on American public and has flagged a Supreme Court challenge.
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I’m so impressed that the Wallabies beat the All Blacks AND a vengeful, homophobic god.
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“And if you like what we do here in the Australian Government don’t forget to join our Patreon…”.
The water hasn’t gone down yet, and we haven’t seen the full extent of the damage to our community due to catastrophic flooding. We have started a fundraiser to help local residents and businesses who have been affected.
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This WH photo is of @realDonaldTrump working during the #TrumpShutdown. with not a single thing on his desk. Just a phone that, in all likelihood, is not even plugged in. #maga
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Am I the only person who thinks it’s weird that when there is #libspill speculation people say ‘Dutton’ not ‘Julie Bishop, obviously. I mean are you kidding? Julie Bishop 💯only sensible choice. Julie Bishop’. Wonder why.
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Fuck anyone who thinks kids should have to know this stuff.
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Mate, I’ll start taking your advice on living in Melbourne the day you take my advice on being an overlord who instigated a program of checking people’s papers on trains because he ‘didn’t read a press release’ and backed down in minutes because this is Australia not Europe 1940.
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Churches should be able to decide who they do and don't marry. Everyone else - do your job. Cakes aren't a fucking sacrament. #auspol.
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'Mr Trump, we think it would look great if you were in an old wooden chair turning on a slight angle' .'Like this?'.'Perfect'.#TimeMagazine
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Those crazy Aussies.
Australia has almost eliminated the coronavirus — by putting faith in science
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“They eat their young, they’ve never learned to swim, they keep quokkas as pets and I’ve heard some of them use telepathy to send messages to the devil”.
Bronwyn Bishop: ‘The Greens are a disgusting Party'. ‘They do not believe in the nation state, they don’t love Australia, they are anti-Australian people & yet Labor happily take their votes & nothing is said'. MORE: #pmlive
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Sorry. Who are you again?.
Today is the fifth anniversary of the election of the Abbott government. It’s a good government, getting better!.
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My medical advice- eat a big bag of shit and see me in the morning.
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This MUST be televised.
Trump has signaled to allies that the Secret Service will have to drag him from the White House kicking and screaming
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Does the LNP have some secret internal polling that says shouting is winning over the electorate? @InsidersABC #auspol #Insiders.
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You know it’s possible that @realDonaldTrump is like Klinger trying to convince everyone he’s mad so that he can get sent home
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CovidSafe cost more than $14 million, and only found 17 cases. $14 million / 17 cases = $800,000 dollars a case #TheWeekly.
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Hey #QuadenBayles -you are awesome and you are loved. I was bullied a lot at school. There were days that I wanted to never go back and I wished I wasn’t who I was. But it got better. You’re a million times stronger than I was. The world is a million times better with you in it.
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Tough to convince the country to stick with the government when the ministers won’t.
#BREAKING: Sky News can confirm Minister for Defence Industry @StevenCiobo and Defence Minister @cpyne will not be recontesting the next election.
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Making @theweeklytv with Kitty has been one of the great joys of my career. She has been a great friend for a long time. She is as funny as anyone on the planet. I have been lucky to have her on my show. Thanks Kitty.
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.@kurtfearnley is the best. Our country is so lucky to have him.
“We tried the pure corporate route. There was a saving of $1.6b but there was a kid who required a wheelchair in Toowoomba who was being pushed around in a wheelbarrow. If that's not a fair indicator that something’s wrong I don't know what it is.” @kurtfearnley on #NDIS #TheDrum
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Ok, bitch.
Don’t call me ‘hun’. I identify as male, but ‘hun’ normally applies to a female (‘honey’) which means you are mockingly mis-gendering me & that’s now apparently a criminal offence in Britain. Unless you meant ‘hun’ as a derogatory term for Germans in which case you’re a racist.
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.@VictoriaPolice were incredible today. Bravery, restraint, competence. Remarkable. The world could learn from you. Thank you.
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“Mr President, can you please dance to a gay anthem like you’re jackin’ some dudes?”.
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Australia’s richest woman Gina Rinehart has said sport should not be used to push social or political views.
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I would like to thank the birds of my neighbourhood who have kept me sane throughout stage 4. Seems appropriate to do it with a tweet.
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I believe the collective noun is a 'regatta' of douchecanoes
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I’ve informed both of my children that I’m renaming them McKenzie Arnold.
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I make a big effort not get get into religious debates, but in my experience Sikhs nail it. Repeatedly.
Sikh Volunteers is heading to Maribyrnong apartment to help residents with Freshly cooked vegetarian meals. Thanks to all Harding volunteers and generous donors. SVA will be serving meals to all 200 residents tonight.
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Who on earth thinks this is a way to behave. Let alone in public discourse. Let alone a senator. What an absolute disgrace.
New lows for LNP - Senator Amanda Stoker accuses Qld Premier of being “the knee on the throat of the businesses of Qld, stopping them from breathing.” Who uses the words of a dying man to score a political point?
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Dear America, you know you want to see this….
If Harris wins, Elon goes through a massive public mental breakdown right?.
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This is such an awful decision. Women and children trapped in situations of domestic violence should be able to trust the police, not worry if they’ll share their whereabouts with their abusers. He definitely shouldn’t keep his job.
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Does everyone realise that Alan Rickman played the worst person in the two best Christmas Movies of the modern era? Am I really late to this?.
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