Secrets from a Prison Cell
@cellsecrets
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Prisons don’t like for volunteers to come to prisons to teach classes because they demonstrate a level of concern and care that the paid staff do not. So administrations make it almost impossible for willing volunteers to enter prisons, because the truth they see hurts
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I stood in the prison phone line this Xmas morning with all my buddies who were anxious to call their families. It got my turn, I dialed my childhood number. After a few minutes I got up knowing all my family have passed these 25 yrs. I just wanted a moment to remember.
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Prisons are full of elderly folks, but we do not have a "Meals on Wheels" program. My unit organized fellow inmates who insure those unable to get to the chow hall get to eat. Just practicing that principle of doing what you can for who you can, wherever you are
#elderlyprisoners
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I've been ordering up on Hershey bars from the commissary this last month. I've got 64 put aside. Tomorrow I'm delivering them around to all the dad's in my unit. The note says, "Dad's are sweet & present, wherever they are." HOW FUN IT WILL BE!
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Before I got involved with TWITTER, I did not know how many people were actively involved in prison reform. All of you who respond to me & others incarcerated are absolutely amazing & are a lifeblood to keeping us going - one day I pray, we can give you a thankful hug in person
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Long prison sentences don’t reform or rehabilitate, they break the spirit beyond repair, then cast you out into a world you don’t recognize and can’t survive in. If prisons must exist, we must reimagine their purpose
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12 guys in the unit called me down to the area below the stairs - usually not good. They read a card they had made, in part said, "You taught me how to read, you made me soup when I was sick..." Their words overwhelmed me with emotion. They were thanking me for just showing love.
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IMAGINE:
That one day all humans incarcerated will find ways to reconciliation
That tortures of prison will be replaced with avenues for redemption
Just as insiders need forgiveness, the world’s citizens need
forgiveness for the treatment of souls behind bars
@NoExceptionsPr1
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Long prison sentences don’t reform or rehabilitate, they break the spirit beyond repair, then cast you out into a world you don’t recognize and can’t survive in. If prisons must exist, we must reimagine their purpose
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Ralph died, I guess of old age. The prison officer put his stuff in a garbage bag and sit it by the trashcan. I saw the little popsicle stick box he was making for his granddaughter and pulled it out. Somehow, I'll get it to her.
#UnfinishedBusiness
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I was recently blessed with a book a friend sent me, it was used - my favorite kind. I know that another person touched it & enjoyed it before me. I found a pressed leaf in the book that made it past mailroom security. It's the 1st leaf I've touched in 25 yrs. BLESSINGS!
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A guy in our unit went home after being incarcerated 38 yrs. He only had his Bible, the one his mama sent him, in his hand. Nothing else. He looked back at us, with tears flowing, said "I don't know what to do next." Who would after 38 yrs. Headed to a halfway house
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Today is my son Jonathon's 36th birthday. He was 10 when I came to prison. His life, like so many, was tragically affected by my crimes. I haven't seen or talked to him in yrs, his choice. How I wish I could hug him & somehow express my love & remorse. I pray he is greatly loved
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ITS A GOOD DAY!
Jacob is going home, after 10 yrs in prison. Last night we celebrated with trashcan Nacho's and swiss rolls. We're gathering his stuff cause his hands are shaking with excitement and nerves. It's so exciting to see a friend experience release from hell
Hallelujah!
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I hear that they may give us a piece of fruit during the holidays on our prison food tray. Since learning that, I've had trouble sleeping – imaging how that will taste & praying the rumor is true. It's been so long since I've sank my teeth into a piece of fresh fruit. HOPE!
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Can you read? I guess so if you're looking at this. I'm not a teacher but I've been blessed to be able to help 5 guys learn how to read & write during my 25 yrs of incarceration. To see a grown men weep when he can read a letter from his kid is one of the greatest joys of my life
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I went to check on 76 yr old Bert, to find his cellee JJ changing Bert's wet bed - didn't make it to the toilet. JJ said, "I wasn't there when my dad died in a nursing home & Bert is someone's dad too." Bert looked up at me from his wheelchair, "He's my angel." We all cried...
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When I first started posting about prison & the things I was seeing & experiencing, I didn't know anyone would really care. Turns out there are lots of folks who love someone incarcerated & want to understand their experience so they can help or change things.
Y'ALL ARE AMAZING!
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Gerald started giving his prison belongings away yesterday. This happens when someone is about to kill himself or he's going home. Gerald's GOING HOME. He gave me his shower shoes. Tonight we are celebrating with bean burritos. FREEDOM IS CALLING not death!
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Can you read? I guess so if you're looking at this. I'm not a teacher but I've been blessed to be able to help 5 guys learn how to read & write during my 25 yrs of incarceration. To see a grown men weep when he can read a letter from his kid is one of the greatest joys of my life
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Greg's getting out of prison next week and he's a little nervous after being in for 12 yrs. So this weekend we are working on his resume & doing mock interviews. Learning to look someone in the eye & explain your past, takes practice.
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Someone wrote me, “You did the crime now do the time and stop bitching,” to which I responded: I understand doing time for my wrongs – I do not understand the acceptance of the abuse, stabbings, raping, and stealing occurring in this cage you decided was appropriate.
Explain?
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I looked at my prison food tray today & just pushed it away. Rat droppings in the styrofoam tray & the food mixed together. I don't expect restaurant quality food, just something decent and without shit added, literally. Let us grow our food with all this land around the prison.
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I’ve been out of prison since 2020 and suffer from “Post-Incarceration-Syndrome” Recently I was triggered, and my friends just held me and reminded me to let those demons go and said I’m not in prison anymore and that I’m loved. I'm grateful for friends!
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I went to check on 76 yr old Bert, to find his cellee JJ changing Bert's wet bed - didn't make it to the toilet. JJ said, "I wasn't there when my dad died in a nursing home & Bert is someone's dad too." Bert looked up at me from his wheelchair, "He's my angel." We all cried...
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I acquired a tomato today. Don't ask me how! I haven't seen one in years at this prison. I don't know whether to eat it like an apple, cut it to use on several meals, or share with a friend. I can't believe this stupid tomato has me in tears of anticipation & anxiety.
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While I stood here, lost in myself,
I must have looked a long time.
Someone said, “are you okay?”
No, I’ll never be okay again.
Then, how could I?
I'm 60 today & beginning my 26th year in prison.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
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When someone visits a prison they are usually transformed by the surroundings, & soon convert to new ways of thinking & speaking about prison. That's why the SYSTEM tries hard to keep visitors & media out. You can never forget what you see, hear, smell and feel.
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I was taken to the outside hospital the other day with chest pains & 200/100 BP. While laying in the ER, I saw a baby crying in the room across. My heart broke for the sick baby & the realization that I've not seen or heard a baby in 25 yrs. Back at my prison cell now reflecting
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I woke up with a smile on my face. After 25 yrs in prison, it's rare that I dream of life before captivity. But last night in my dreams I was romping with my dog ZEUS, watching mom cook collard greens, & jumping in the creek from a tire swing. It's what I needed to remember HOPE.
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I visited “Pops” in the prison infirmary, who is suffering from dementia after 36 yrs of incarceration. He just lay there, his blue eyes staring at the ceiling. I wondered if he knew he was still in prison, or if his mind allowed him to be free?
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I took Gary who is 68, over some noodles & broth. That's all he could keep down after radiation & chemo. He's been in for 38 yrs. I hugged him as I left, uncommon in prison. He felt like a skeleton. He held on tight, and told me, "I really needed that." Turns out, I did too
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I had the tragically beautiful experience of sitting with my dying friend in the prison infirmary - normally not allowed. He asked me to read all the letters from his deceased wife he had saved. As I read, he whispered, "I'm coming darling." RIP LUTHER. Your wife Betty awaits.
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It makes no sense for minors to be charged as adults - EVER. The juvenile system was created because evidence demonstrated minors do not make decisions like adults. Just because a crime is horrendous does not justify a minor being tried as an adult.
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Someone wrote me, “You did the crime now do the time and stop bitching,” to which I responded: I understand doing time for my wrongs – I do not understand the acceptance of the abuse, stabbings, raping, and stealing occurring in this cage you decided was appropriate.
Explain?
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I totally understand why some of you find my prison stories hard to believe, because they are crazy. That's why I write, because the treatment & conditions are often so deplorable that I'm in shock. Most never consider such things are happening, but they are. CAN I GET A WITNESS?
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I went for my 60th birthday medical visit. The female doctor said, "I hope you don't have prostate cancer, cause I'm not sticking my finger in your ass to check." I replied, "So the hypocratic oath doesn't apply to the slaves."
She had no response.
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Can you read? I guess so if you're looking at this. I'm not a teacher but I've been blessed to be able to help 5 guys learn how to read & write during my 25 yrs of incarceration. To see a grown men weep when he can read a letter from his kid is one of the greatest joys of my life
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When I first started posting about prison & the things I was seeing & experiencing, I didn't know anyone would really care. Turns out there are lots of folks who love someone incarcerated & want to understand their experience so they can help or change things.
Y'ALL ARE AMAZING!
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Well, they took away our yoga books a volunteer brought in for us. We had everything approved to bring the books in from the warden which took months, but one person at checkpoint deemed us unworthy of books. We are still humans in these cages.
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77 yr old, Mr Barrett got his hearing aide today, YEAH. He's been walking around the prison block with a smile and engaging people in conversation. He's been waiting over 2 years. The prison wouldn't buy them, but we raised enough money and handled the business. AMEN!
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We had a chess tournament in my prison unit. There were gang leaders, nerds, LGBTQ & elderly folks playing & talking to each other. It was a great community building day. When ppl look into each other's eyes & really see them, they're less likely to do each other harm. A good day
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Ben in the cell next to mine lost his mom to cancer. He was telling me about her today & he started tearing up. He asked me, "Would you give me a hug?" It broke my heart - not that he needed a hug, but that I didn't give him one before he had to ask. Prison robs our humanity.
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Our prison book club has read some amazing books. I began writing to the authors of books I'm considering, asking them to come & speak to us. We've had 3 accept. The excitement over an author coming to speak to us convicts is powerful. Thanks - Authors Janet Wolf & Lindsey Krinks
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Apartheid was legal,
The Holocaust was legal,
Slavery was legal,
The death penalty IS legal.
Legality is a matter of power NOT JUSTICE.
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All the prisons I've been to sit on huge plots of land. So I don't understand why the convicts aren't allowed to grow & raise the food they eat. It would provide jobs & useful skills & save $. Instead, contracts are given to private food venders to provide crap. Sounds fishy.
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We often sit & watch while prison staff eat apples they bring in for lunch - we have not had fruit for 10 yrs. An officer gave an inmate an apple he wasn't going to eat & was walked out & fired. If only they would show such concern with staff selling us heroin & fentanyl.
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It makes no sense for minors to be charged as adults - EVER. The juvenile system was created because evidence demonstrated minors do not make decisions like adults. Just because a crime is horrendous does not justify a minor being tried as an adult.
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If inmates had a penny for every meaningful rehabilitative program available to them, they still couldn't afford a free cup of coffee. If you have someone held captive for a decade, why not give him some skills to at least have a shot at reintegration back into the community?
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77 yr old, Mr Barrett got his hearing aide today, YEAH. He's been walking around the prison block with a smile and engaging people in conversation. He's been waiting over 2 years. The prison wouldn't buy them, but we raised enough money and handled the business. AMEN!
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Conner brought me back the spelling book I gave him 4 yrs ago when I was helping him learn to read. He's going home tomorrow, after 14 yrs of captivity. I held back the tears until he pulled me up & tightly hugged me. He said, You changed my life, I'll never forget you." BE FREE!
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A brand new prison guard confided to me,
"I wasn't expecting to see old men, some in wheelchairs, who've been in for decades. Why are they still here?" she asked.
I replied, "A good question to ask the Governor."
@NoExceptionsPr1
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I went dumpster diving again. I saw a guard throw away a pear, that she said was too "ripe." As soon as the coast was clear I retrieved the pear, gave it a quick rinse, & made love to it with my mouth. It was freaking fantastic. The 1st pear I've tasted in 25 yrs. I MISS FRUIT 🍓
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I pushed 69 yr old Bud, in his wheelchair to prison visitation room today. He hadn't seen his wife in 8 yrs due to medical issues they each experienced. I wasn't allowed to stay long but I saw them look into each other's teary eyes as he pulled his wife's hands to his lips
OMG❤️
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Sometimes I worry that the pictures I paint for you of prison are so dark & grim that it's emotionally too much to see. I understand, because experiencing it is almost too much to bear. Please know, that good people are here with me, and we are simply trying to survive
PEACE ☮️
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I've been in prison for 26 years, WOW! The young bucks coming in now were not even born when I came to prison. Perhaps the harm I caused the world is so great that I will die in this god forsaken place. But lord knows, I pray for mercy everyday.
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Fred, who is legally blind, ask me to help him write a letter to his daughter. He said, "I want to tell her how proud I am of her and how sorry I won't be able to walk her down the aisle next Sunday." She was 6 when Fred was incarcerated 17 yrs ago. I was crying, he was crying.
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Ben in the cell next to mine lost his mom to cancer. He was telling me about her & he started tearing up. He asked me, "Would you give me a hug?" It broke my heart - not that he needed a hug, but that I didn't give him one before he had to ask. Prison robs our humanity.
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Tennessee has made it a felony with up to 6 yrs in prison, for homeless ppl to camp on public grounds. Prisons became the new mental health outlets, now it's the new homeless solution. Out of sight out of mind. Shameful & cowardly political acts by TN. Prison is not the answer.
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I sit with Lou today - we just sit. He told me earlier that he was ready to end it all. He's been in 36 yrs, his health failing, depressed. I don't have words, cause I understand his pain. But I could sit with him, and so I did. Silent companionship comforted us both.
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Monday my friend Jay goes up for parole for the 3rd time. He's been in for 34 yrs. He's 70. Will you pray with me that this will be his time to have a few yrs of freedom? He came in illiterate, got his GED, took by mail college courses, now a tutor. Let's pray him out of here.
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David made parole 6 wks ago, after 38 yrs. He's waiting on the re-entry clerk to help him get a SSN & birth cert. Last time he tried to check she threatened to write him up, "BE PATIENT" she demanded. I think after 38 yrs in a cage, impatience is in order.
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Bob is a real asshole, he torments everyone in our prison unit with his 6'4" frame & willingness to fight. He is now dying of cancer & can barely get out of bed. With great resistance, a help group for Bobby formed, because community helps everyone even when they are undesirable.
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The last letter I had from my mom before she passed was destroyed in a prison shakedown. Now I can't even remember what her handwriting looked like, and I can't remember the sound of her voice. The years have been cruel to my precious memories
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Ben's 82 yr old mom came 700 miles to visit. She's in a wheelchair & told by security that her wheelchair hadn't been approved so she couldn't visit. Another man visiting a relative asked her if he could carry her & place her in a chair.His generosity allowed the visit to occur
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A guard came & got me & took me to medical. The nurse said "Pops has asked for you & I don't think he'll make it through the night." I held his hand, singing his favorite hymn: I come to the garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses, & the voice I hear calling on my....
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Long prison sentences don’t reform or rehabilitate, they break the spirit beyond repair, then cast you out into a world you don’t recognize and can’t survive in. If prisons must exist, we must reimagine their purpose.
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"Post-Incarceration Syndrome," a syndrome similar to PTSD, meaning that even after serving their official sentences, many people continue to suffer the mental effects.
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I complain a lot about the system not providing inmates with legitimate rehabilitation, but that doesn't keep me from organizing from within. We've started book clubs, PTSD workshops, writing groups, tutors, & elder care attendants. You must work where you are to begin the CHANGE
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TWITTER FRIENDS:
just knowing that ppl outside of this razor wire sometimes think about me, prays for me, & cares about my life, helps me feel human & part of the world. You have allowed me to open my heart & be heard - for that, and everything, THANK YOU!
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Prisons are full of elderly folks, but we do not have a "Meals on Wheels" program. My unit organized fellow inmates who insure those unable to get to the chow hall get to eat. Just practicing that principle of doing what you can for who you can, wherever you are.
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David made parole 6 wks ago, after 38 yrs. He's waiting on the re-entry clerk to help him get a SSN & birth cert. Last time he tried to check she threatened to write him up, "BE PATIENT" she demanded. I think after 38 yrs in a cage, impatience is in order.
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CHRISTMAS MIRACLE
Alfonzo wrote his 1st letter to his 19 yr old daughter, after we worked together for a year on reading & writing. He's never seen her before. She was moved by his letter & he just heard she's visiting him on Christmas day.
He's beside himself with anxious nerves
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My coauthor and fellow Twitter poster just got married. After 3 years of being released from prison, Jeff Noland found his bride Jamie. He's worked hard, writing, advocating for prison reform. CONGRATS!
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Billy, just 18, was moved to our unit after he had been sexually brutalized in another unit. He was scared. Several of us old guys took him under our wing - sit with him, talk, play checkers. He's beginning to feel safe. I feel like an old bulldog protecting a newborn runt.
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I was walking in circles in the unit to stretch my legs, pain buckled me & I went to my knees. My friends ran to help. Embarrassed, I said, "stopped to pray." Immediately, 8 guys knelt beside me & began to pray. It was one of the most precious moments of my life
#unexpectedprayer
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This month we have 6 guys in our unit going up for parole, so tonight we are going to have an old fashioned prayer meeting for them, where a bunch of us gather to plead to God for freedom for our brothers. We certainly can't depend on the board doing the right thing on their own.
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I got a DM from a mom whose son committed suicide. He was incarcerated with a life sentence. She asked me what she could have done. 1st, I told her, it's not her fault. Prison can eat you alive, so forgive your son, he was doing the best he could with the resources available. RIP
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I watched guards run towards a unit & soon medical staff behind them. Another overdose. It seemed ironic that some of the same guards who brought the heroin into the inmate, were now trying to save his life. I guess you can't sell anything to a dead man.
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My Christmas Prayer:
Lord, protect these new guys coming to prison. May their journey's here end quicker than my 25 yrs, without the assaults, rape, dehumanization, & blood seen. May the system change allowing reintegration back into the world that will embrace them, forgive them
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I place books I've received and read down by the unit phones so others can enjoy them. Old Fred is always the first to brouse. Turns out he can't read. That changed this week, after working hard with myself and others, he wrote his 1st ltr to his daughter. GO FRED!
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Larson is our prison unit's wheelchair fix it man. We've given up on the facility fixing problems with elder's wheelchairs, last count we had 13 in my unit. But Larson uses odd pieces, tape & his imagination to keep those wheels rolling. Helping those unable to help themselves
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Prisons don’t like for volunteers to come to prisons to teach classes because they demonstrate a level of concern and care that the paid staff do not. So administrations make it almost impossible for willing volunteers to enter prisons, because the truth they see hurts
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Society thinks inmates are only hustling drugs. But truth is we mostly hustle for soap, shampoo, deodorant & aspirin. You can't always afford those items on .17¢ an HR. Life's necessities aren't free even in prison. Guys wash clothes, clean rooms, whatever's available.
WE HUSTLE!
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Gerald was scheduled to get out of prison in October. He was so excited, after 28 yrs of incarceration. He finally found a halfway house to take him. Gerald passed away. Our community mourns for him, and the hope we all have for freedom. Be free Gerald, we love you.
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My friend Jerry is soon to be released after 25 yrs in. He's scared that he will not know how to navigate life, everyone he knows out there is gone. A 62 yr old man facing life on the free side of the fence. Should be a glorious time, but it seems overwhelming to him right now
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Billy, just 18, was moved to our unit after he had been sexually brutalized in another unit. He was scared. Several of us old guys took him under our wing - sit with him, talk, play checkers. He's beginning to feel safe. I feel like an old bulldog protecting a newborn runt.
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Barry made parole! He had no job or home plan, so it was looking bleak. His celly, Carl, who has a life sentence, hooked him up with his family, a place to live and also a job. Good friends made in prison, looking out for each other.
Warms my heart.
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I woke up with a smile on my face. After 25 yrs in prison, it's rare that I dream of life before captivity. But last night in my dreams I was romping with my dog ZEUS, watching mom cook collard greens, & jumping in the creek from a tire swing. It's what I needed to remember HOPE.
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The nurse at the prison medication window said they forgot to order my blood pressure pills I've been taking for 10 yrs. When I questioned further she yelled, "You're talking and walking so your not dead, get over it."
I realize I'm not at Walgreens, but I'm still a human being
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Suggesting that convicts should not complain about their conditions is like telling a homeless person to deal with the weather, or a poor person to suck it up and live in poverty. Just because our actions led to our existence, doesn’t mean they are justifiable conditions
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When someone visits a prison they are usually transformed by the surroundings, & soon convert to new ways of thinking & speaking about prison. That's why the SYSTEM tries hard to keep visitors & media out. You can never forget what you see, hear, smell and feel.
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I have to walk outside the distance of about 2 blocks to get to my prison job site. It's the most glorious part of my day. It's still dark outside, the air is fresh, the moon gleaming down, a reminder that I'm only a small element in a larger plan. It brings me comfort & peace.
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I walked with my friend Norm to intake today, going home after 22 yrs. One small bag with a few pics & his bible, that was it. We hugged, and he held on, saying, "I really don't want to leave, I don't know anyone out there.." but he did leave. At 68, it will be a hard road.
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Prisons are full of elderly folks, but we do not have a "Meals on Wheels" program. My unit organized fellow inmates who insure those unable to get to the chow hall get to eat. Just practicing that principle of doing what you can for who you can, wherever you are.
#elderlycare
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If I sent a child to school for 12 yrs and he never opened a book, I wouldn't expect him to read. We're sent to prison for yrs and yrs , no rehabilitation or real training or help, and when released expected to stay out and be successful. NOT LOGICAL
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I want to do more than just exist, waiting for my body to escape through death. I feel like crawling up in a ball & disappearing. For whatever reason I'm still living - that means something. So I'll find my pen & write what I see. I can do that.
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My friend Jerry is soon to be released after 25 yrs in. He's scared that he will not know how to navigate life, everyone he knows out there is gone. A 62 yr old man facing life on the free side of the fence. Should be a glorious time, but it seems overwhelming to him right now
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Prison doesn't prevent people from causing crime. Just ask the staff & other inmates who have been abused, robbed, raped or killed. Our current system is simply an institute to prefect your crime, not a place for rehabilitation & learning a better way.
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