Caitlin Peluffo
@caitlinpeluffo
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5,028
Following
947
Media
373
Statuses
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Mouthy dirty bird - Comedian seen on Colbert, Corden, JFL - Host of the Good Time Gal Podcast
Queens, NY
Joined March 2012
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Pinned Tweet
Here it is! Still can't believe it's real! Thanks for all the love!
@colbertlateshow
#caitlinpeluffocomedy
#beast
#softballskinny
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you know you’re in a bad place when you put health insurance on your vision board
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I’m no dummy. I know when a man says “nice shirt” he actually means “I’d love to suck on those nice titties”
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My boyfriend is a women’s small, and I am a men’s medium. Why do I even bother wearing mascara?
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Tonight’s the night! FOR REAL!
TONIGHT:
@RealRobinWright
for
@HouseofCards
and
@caitlinpeluffo
does stand up! PLUS special appearances by
@HillaryClinton
and
@melissamccarthy
!
#LSSC
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Masks are great. People can’t see me yawn while they finish their “I think I had Covid back in March” story.
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98% of all action movies wouldn’t happen if men in their 40s knew how to process grief.
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No, I haven’t received any unemployment yet, but I did come across my diploma from a Masters Degree I totally regret getting.
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I’m on Comedy Central! We did it!
“I’m a tomboy, and he is a small, effeminate man.”
@caitlinpeluffo
Stream the full set on YouTube:
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My boyfriend told me I’m the reason he bought a second video game controller. Which made my heart melt and my panties dry.
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Men. If your girlfriend is just now starting to work out, as soon as we’re allowed outside, you’re getting dumped.
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I didn’t think I had a drinking problem until I stopped for a month and lost 15 pounds. My body was like, girl... I’ll give you abs, just PUT DOWN THE SANGRIA.
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If you’re a comedian and need a little boost, go into a fabric store, make one pun, and then ride that high for 2 hours.
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Oh man! This is so exciting! I love these two ladies (seriously, have been a fan for YEARS) ❤️ what an honor🥰
Caitlin Peluffo is
@JackieandLaurie
’s Comic of the Week! She’s awesome! She’s funny! support and follow
@caitlinpeluffo
! ❤️☕️🦆💙
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I visited Salem today which felt like touring the worlds oldest Hot Topic.
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I’m unbelievably excited and grateful! Can’t wait to perform with
@mariabamfoo
! Truly a dream come true❤️❤️❤️ PORTSMOUTH & PROVIDENCE! I’m coming for ya!
Happy to announce opener for PORTSMOUTH, NH and PROVIDENCE, RI:
@caitlinpeluffo
, as seen on
@colbertlateshow
! 6/28-29
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I spent $127k on art school and never learned to draw. I should get 5k back every time I lose at Pictionary
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Hey fellas! I know you wanna seem like an ally, but please, don’t stop a woman walking alone at night in a park to tell her it’s not safe to be walking alone, at night, in a park... she knows.
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I’m on the Late Late Show tonight! Watch if ya want🤷🏻♀️
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My boyfriends farts smell so bad I wanna peg him with a can of fabreeze.
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Just in time for cuddling season. Stay softball skinny, my friends.
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You know you have a bad haircut when your stylist takes a before picture, but not an after.
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I’ll be on Colbert next week, so get a warm up with THIS BAD BOY.
#nsync4lyfe
Check out
@caitlinpeluffo
on Colbert and also and more importantly on this week's
@StandByYourBand
defending *NSYNC!
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I’ve lost 20 pounds so now I’m just 4 pounds away from the weight I’ve been claiming to be for years.
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How is NYC gonna send a curfew notice for 8 at 7:26? When has the MTA gotten you anywhere in 34 minutes?
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Don’t worry guys, I just shook this magic 8 ball and it said comedy’s coming back!
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NEW YORK CITY! I’m headlining
@nycomedyclub
midtown on AUGUST 29th at 7pm! Come out and watch me,
@NotSteveRogers
and
@ShaqKatzner
tell a few jokes about the wind tunnel I was in when I took this picture. Use “PELUFFO” at checkout for discount tix!
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Quick life update: our cat caught a mouse, didn’t kill it, and then LOST IT IN OUR BEDROOM.
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I got drunk for the first time in over a month and immediately lost my phone and keys. She’s back, baby!
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I just ate a salad without dressing and feel like I lost 10 pounds and my entire personality.
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TSA Agent: “please lower your mask for an ID check.”
Me:
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love, Love, LOVED doing this pod! These guys are wonderful and always have been:-) never been so proud to be garbage
Hell of an episode w/
@KevinRyanComedy
@HFoleyOnIce
and our pal
@caitlinpeluffo
Wherever you get pods!
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Sure I lost 20 pounds, but I’ll never notice because I put my jeans in the dryer.
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Hey! It’s
@JoeListComedy
❤️ everyone should watch his special on YouTube! Joe may hate himself, but we don’t! (I’m sorry.)
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This is TOMORROW! Holy Cow! Use promo code CAITLIN for online tickets! Only $10 smackers!
I can't even tell you how much I wanna see ya there.
also...this is a new pic by the lovely Jenni Walkowiak
double also...LOOK AT ALL THESE FONTS.
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This week on the Good Time Gal Podcast we’ve got the one and only
@joelistcomedy
! He was a wild fella back in his drinking days who’s done everything from stealing potted plants to pooping in shoes. He’s a gem. Listen! And Rate, Review and Subscribe!
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Living with your younger boyfriend is half great sex and half teaching a Home Ec class.
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Haven’t been on here in awhile, but I’d like to announce that my shorts from last summer still fit.
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I dedicate this joke to all the
#tuesgays
out there. Watch my full
@donttellcomedy
set Youtube!
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I watched porn on my phone while a home organization show was playing on the tv and I honestly don’t know which one did the trick.
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I lost all self control and spent 100 dollars in a container store so I could have an organized fridge for one week.
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Loved being on the
@latelateshow
last night! I’m one lucky dirty bird
Do yourself a favor and smash play on this clip and then watch
@caitlinpeluffo
's full set asap:
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If you haven’t listened to
@joelistcomedy
on this week’s Good Time Gal Podcast, you’re missing out! You can’t say he wasn’t committed to a bit. And please! rate, review and subscribe on iTunes!
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This set was so fun! I feel super grateful to have been able to perform on the
@latelateshow
❤️ Watch! Share! Send it to your parents! It’s technically clean😇
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Someone told me that every time you get drunk it takes 2 days off your life, so I better get started on my bucket list, I have 38 days to live.
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More Americans would trust a vaccine administered by Dolly Parton than they would the President.
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The only time men are vulnerable is when you touch their arms before they have time to flex.
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Less than 1 month away! Come out August 7th to Carolines on Broadway and watch me tell jokes for longer than 8 minutes. Oh BABY. It’s gonna be a thing.
Use promo code CAITLIN for $10 tix!
I love you!
Thanks
@EmilyMcWinter
for this incredible flyer!
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Every couple should go through a pandemic before they decide to get married. If you can’t do 8 weeks, you sure as shit can’t do 6 years.
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The only time I feel great about my weight is when I’m trying to close a suitcase
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That time you almost tell a dick joke on morning tv.
#queensofcomedy
#bananajoke
.
.
.
#dickslayer
#caitlinpeluffo
#caitlinpower
#nyccomedy
#brooklyncomedy
#caitlinpeluffocomedy
#gobananas
#womenincomedy
#beasts
#beastspod
@katiehannigan
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Watching any 80s movie now has me like “oh wow, he only tried to grope her twice? He must be the hero of this story”
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The teeth whitening business is about to boom. It’s time to get rid of the “3 cups of coffee straight to 2 bottles of red wine” stains we developed over the past year.
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Just got to Alabama where the healthiest thing on any menu is a wedge salad, covered in blu cheese and bacon. I. AM. HOME.
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I’m never gonna snoop in my boyfriend’s phone because I don’t wanna find out how into super heros he really is.
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Just found out that a box of Mac & Cheese is supposed to feed 2-3 people and not just one PMS-ing woman.
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I don’t trust pigeons. They have the whole sky but choose to live under a bridge.
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How many times do I have to be added to someone’s Twitter “Comedy” list before I get an HBO special?
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My birthday has taught me that corporations know me better than half of my family.
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I wonder if HGTV knows that half the people watching House Hunters are taking bets on whether or not that couple gets divorced within 6 months.
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My cat licked my arm during sex and Instead of being scarred for life, I’m telling my boyfriend that counts as his first threesome.
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TONIGHT! I’m headlining
@nycomedyclub
at 7pm at their midtown location! It’s gonna be a hell of a time! I’ll be joined by
@NotSteveRogers
@shaqkatzner
and
@jill_lives
❤️🥰✌🏼 use promo code “PELUFFO” for discount tickets!
See ya there! (Link below)
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As a grown woman, you can learn a lot about the guy you’re dating by wearing your hair in pigtails.
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Don’t blame your alcoholism on the pandemic. Myself and anyone worth talking to have been blacking out on Mondays for years.
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Nothing like getting your eyebrows waxed and being asked if you want your mustache done as well to keep ya humble.
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There should be a service where you pay someone to come in your home while you’re gone and throw away all the old birthday cards from family members you don’t know what to do with.
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People who are surprised when beautiful celebrities are mean have never been within 5 feet of a swan.
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Conservatives saying you’re gonna flee to Mexico? Good thing y’all built such a shitty wall. ✌🏼
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Sure, it’s embarrassing that my Insta got hacked, but there are still people on Facebook updating their relationship status.
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Did you know my boyfriend chews with his mouth open? I never noticed... I’ll have to let his next girlfriend know.
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Found out my thigh is big enough to be the surface to deposit a check via phone... something I didn’t know I could to be insecure about.
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I had a hard time completing a workout that my pregnant instructor did without breaking a sweat. Is this the female version of being emasculated?
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Listen up kids! If you work hard, dedicate yourself completely, and sacrifice your mental health and child bearing years, you too can one day own a suitcase with a built-in usb charger.
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I’m in Indiana and people are thrilled. Now that’s saying something🖤
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Tiktok wedding hacks has me thinking I can make my own cake, do my own flowers, hem my dress, make my place cards, lose 45 pounds, and DJ the reception while only costing $3,000 and my future marriage.
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Getting unemployment is like trying to find out about the afterlife. I’m like, do you hear the voice of a person? What do you have to do to be chosen? Does it exist at all?
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Every surface in Atlantic City looks like someone puked on it and tried to clean it up with baby wipes.
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I’m working on self care so I took the batteries out of my weight scale and put them in my vibrator.
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I think true happiness is not knowing what an algorithm is.
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Young teachers: “Kids, follow your dreams! You can be anything you wanna be!”
My mom after 30 years of teaching: “Marry rich.”
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The awkward part of dating a younger guy is hanging with his friends... and then realizing that you’re the only one at the table without health insurance.
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Some of you men are out here pretending to like womens soccer to get pussy and it shows
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This sweet boy is gonna be on
@colbertlateshow
tonight and I’m BEYOND excited. He worked so hard on this set and it shows. It’s wonderful. Give this babe some love!
PS- This is the only time I’ll ever be sincere...so don’t worry. I’ve only gone soft in the belly
@notsteverogers
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I thought long and hard about sending my boyfriend a nude for Valentine’s Day, but decided to eat nachos instead.
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Just took a spin class in Grand Rapids and they gave us a White Claw afterwards. I AM HOME.
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It happened! Thanks to everyone who came out, posted, or sent good vibes!!! I felt them all. Thanks to
@carolinesonbway
for having me, and to
@emilymcwinter
@peter_revello
@jill_lives
and Ethan SP for being incredible friends and funny people. And yes! I’m still hungover!
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Oh I love “I get blackout drunk and blame it on sports” Sunday!
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It’s true! I’m older today! Thanks Jessica!
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Happy
#womenshistorymonth
I’m gonna be gross.
#period
#pms
#strongwomen
#funnywomen
#joke
#tough
#bodypositivity
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My goal is to have the confidence to tell a joke when someone finds out I’m a comedian.
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BLOOMINGTON! I’m coming back! I’ll be headlining the wonderful Comedy Attic November 6th & 7th! Shows at 7 & 9:15pm both nights! I’m bringing my sweet boy,
@NotSteveRogers
with me. It’s gonna be a hot time, just like this picture would suggest🚨
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Two people know my deepest insecurities: my boyfriend and whoever drove our cab last night.
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When it comes to self esteem, all I want is to have “me after 4 shots of tequila” confidence.
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