adam
@burgerkrang
Followers
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Following
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in 2005 i was at guitar center buying strings and the guy at the register asked if i liked the all american rejects. i scoffed “no” and he then told me the guitar player was standing behind me. i said sorry and he kind of shrugged like “i get it”.
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men only want one thing: a large italian wife that chases them around with a big wooden spoon when they sneak a meatball before dinner.
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shamrock shake for my real friends, real rock shake for my sham friends.
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damn dude this night is good as af, might fuck around and go gently into it.
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) ) ). ) ( ) ) ._(___(____)____(___(__ .\ /. \ shrimps / |. \ is /____|. \ bugs /. \__________/.
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pizza is like sex. the ninja turtles love having it in a sewer with each other.
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guy who’s tried 100 coffees: ethiopian yirgacheffe is a delightful cup, has a rare blueberry flavor note which isn’t found in any other bean and a slight spiciness . guy who’s tried 1000 cofffees: dude you gotta hop on mcdonald’s coffee.
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just came out of the grocery store with only a bag of onions and an older woman who was walking in with her husband said “onions, wow” ???.
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it’s extremely fucked up that the united states literally invented mcdonald’s yet has the worst mcdonald’s out of any country.
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here’s the biggest reason why fahrenheit is better than celsius for weather:.69 degrees fahrenheit - nice.69 degrees celsius - everyone is dead.
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the misinformation here is crazy. first off that’s a walking taco. no one calls it a taco in a bag. secondly a frito pie is made with chili. and finally neither one of these things are “white people tacos”. people just really say anything
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funny how people are like “no i wouldn’t eat bugs” but still eat shrimp. shrimp is water bugs you absolute fool. you nutting plonker.
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eating honey bunches of oats with oat milk because you know a bitch has to stay oated up.
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starting a new bit where i say “roll tide” every time someone mentions albania.
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reading a list of notable dirty blues songs and i’ve got to hand it to harry roy for just going for it
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|￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣|. dinosaur shit got me honkin. Like a G O O S E.|＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿| . (\__/) ||. (•ㅅ•) ||. / づ
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should have captioned this “step dad, come home/ subs suck, i know”.
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(to my realtor) well i really want to find a place in Pervert Hills,
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lol if you can come up with 250k that doesn’t count as rags to riches sorry
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this is the most insane opening paragraph i’ve ever seen on wikipedia
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some of you have never pushed a boulder up a hill every day for eternity only to have it roll back down and honestly it shows.
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gonna start making astrology memes where i just label random shit and hope someone relates to it fuck it i have nothing to lose
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what about a religion called Hislam and it’s just for the fellas.
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@generalslug it’s bad in a way that it feels like most music isn’t anymore. like it gives me “shitty radio songs in 2008” vibes which is an era i don’t miss at all and i’m glad is dead.
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the dumbest people on this site: the charcuterie plate is a shibboleth of bourgeois neoliberalism. the smartest people on this site: i want macdongalds.
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discovered a cool guy on yelp that loves flexing at restaurants and also posting his gf’s feet
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a guy in the grocery store deli is yelling “raw eggs! raw eggs!” and i’m joining him trying to get a chant going.
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learning that ray parker jr was required to have the word “ghostbusters” in his theme song but refused to sing it himself is the best thing i’ve heard in a long time.
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in the future when we have robot arms there will be two main functions: online and gun
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good morning here’s the worst facial hair in the history of mankind.
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creatine? bro youre 31 you should be out there creatine a family.
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a horse walks into a bar. an elephant walks into a library. a lion walks into a hospital. it’s been five years since the last human vanished.
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i’m the landlord of the aux cord.yeah i namesearch check my tweet board(?) .see ya wouldn’t wanna be ya i’ll kick you out your home and then i’ll air bnb ya.
Watch Hannibal Buress fool the crowd as an MF Doom imposter at Adult Swim Festival
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i’m glad they included this so i know how bad ass i’ll look carrying this $500 dutch oven down the street
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hi welcome to taco bell, just so you know we only carry tortillas and mountain dew now, may i take your order.
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you wanna know how i got my wife.
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good friday was invented when jesus was being crucified and he ironically said “this is insanely good to me. it whips ass actually”.
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every hot girl i know likes taco bell, yet i never see hot girls at taco bell. this is known as the bell paradox.
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my sincere apologies to the guy in the bathroom stall whose video i just ruined by laughing when i heard “what’s up youtube”.
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whoever came up with the idea of using baseball metaphors for sex just boobed it right out of the penis butt balls.
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what if daft punk took off their helmets and were actually the candlestick and clock from beauty & the beast. would u still like them.
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After 2 weeks of multiple health screens and asking everyone to quarantine, I surprised my closest inner circle with a trip to a private island where we could pretend things were normal just for a brief moment in time
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every belle and sebastian song is about being in school and riding on the bus and getting some kind of injury.
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when someone sends me an email saying business goth “isn’t a real thing” and is not “appropriate for the workplace”
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pornhub is short for its’ founder’s name, L. Pornography Hubbard.
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rejected titles for aerosmith’s “honkin on bobo”. •slappin the beefus .•blastin that bonch.•flempin a churbus.•tony hawk’s pro skater 2.
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@ThoughtMarker @slime_golem yeah, like 98% of people in the us would give this answer if you asked them what they were. how is this guy a reporter.
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