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@bulawayoman
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Former SDA Youth Director. Highly decorated InDrive passenger. Pineapple-on-pizza lobbyist. WhatsApp group administrator. ENFJ.
Enjeni 🐕
Joined August 2017
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Lokhu esilakho sikesangabi lakho. It is therefore obvious ukuthi esikufunayo sisazokuthola, duuuuh.
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Being SDA and creating a liquor brand is as ironic as it is disappointing for some that saw me grow up. But will I stop believing? Will it stop me from turning UHURU Gin into a multi-million dollar brand?
The answer to both is a resounding no, bazalwane 🙏
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Also Zimbos are crying hardest for AKA because we know that CID would've had the shooter in custody within hours
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The comments on this are evidence that Harare Twitter is as dirty as their water 🙂
I was in Zimbabwe for 2 seconds, look at how my skin reacted
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Ordering a burger at Haefelis:
Sit. In 10 minutes you'll get a menu, and after another 15 your order is taken.
At this point, restaurant calls farm, cows mate, calf is born, cow grows, it gets slaughtered, meat is ground into mince and the burger is prepared.
Now, onto the chips.
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Someone needs to sit Zimbabwean entrepreneurs and businesses down and tell them that turning customers away because change isn't available is NOT the valid excuse that they think it is
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Bulawayo Food Lovers gather here.
There is a spot in town selling huge ass fresh 'Oriental' pies for $2 and huge ass fresh sausage rolls for $1.
It's along RG Mugabe way, near the 8th Avenue corner, opposite Booties Pharmacy.
Emphasis on huge ass. Very nice too.
You're welcome
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Ingamla yindoda ehloniphekayo, elesithunzi emphakathini.
Imbinga lisela.
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Am I the only person wokuthi nxa kukhulunywa kubi ngeBulawayo ngizwa ngani kuqalwe umama ongizalayo?
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Bulawayo Food Lovers gather here.
If you work in or around Suburbs, or are based in town and mobile, there is a joint selling Pap and Tbone for $1.50 , along with several other economically priced items on their menu that would be twice as expensive in the CBD.
Details to follow
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So you order AirForces on the Nike store for $140 and then sell them to us for $30? Ay you guys are kind shame, iNkosi ilibusise 🙏🏽
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They make fun of AmaSabatha till it's time for Munch n Sip and they need our camping chairs....
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Never hesitate to adjust your life to suit the economic conditions around you. Pack lunch boxes. Walk where you can. Stay in. Excuse yourself. Move back home. Consume less expensive brands.
It’s okay. It’s totally fine and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
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Hello hi, I'm Vuyi , the face behind the "Bulawayoman" social media accounts and the brains behind the Group Therapy and Uhuru Gin brands.
I tell dark and dirty jokes, and I hug strangers too.
Pleased to make your acquaintance 🤝🏽
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Carne Casa is the ONLY place in Bulawayo where you can spend the entire day there without realising it.
Let me show you how :
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6th Avenue in Bulawayo
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Jeki mina angisoBuhle, ngiyakutshaya lobabakho lenja yangini. Konke lomakhelwane.
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To the 3 people that will see this, I am looking for a woman to laugh at inappropriate inside jokes with me for the rest of my life. Must love dad bods, tattoos, receding hairlines and pineapple on pizza.
Please RT, iphakade lam' might be on your timeline 😂🙏🏻
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Byo’s weather forecast this week:
Cloudy with a chance of new wig installations and nail appointments, with showers of , “sorry, I fell asleep” , and “my friends and I are at a BnB”
Expect strong winds of , “I’m not from around, can you teach me some Ndebele?”
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To any Zimbabwean doing podcasts, take it seriously. It is the immediate future of media. Right now podcasts are complementing TV and radio, but soon they will replace both. You’re not playing around. You’re not pushing vibes nje.
It is a craft. Please honour it.
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This guy gave our parents a gospel song that was so powerful that they forgot he was gay and on drugs 😂
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Sorry to be an archaeologist, but last week ibhudas
@OliverKeith_zw
managed to alienate himself from the ONLY demographic that supported his erratic comedy career. For clout. Single handedly and unprovoked.
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WHY GROOVE ORGANISERS IN BULAWAYO NEED TO UNITE .
A thread :
( I was going to wait till after the Yanos Fest on Sunday to tweet this, but hayi ke, fuck it, tomorrow is promised to no man )
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uGatsheni uthi Merry Christmas 🎅🏾
📷 : The Signature Media
📍: Cosmopolitan Nightclub, Bulawayo
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The emerging culture of Sunday gigs just goes to show y'all ukuthi igroove koBulawayo siphethwe ngamaSabatha !! Even the quality of service, we running this shit like Sabbath School, bazalwane👌🏽😂
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So lithi sithathe lento le siyahambise eSalisbury? Selifuna ukuthi omkoma besihlolele ngamaTimberland lamadragon-print shirts behlabe ituck-in? 😂
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But lani as inkabi you must say no to some jobs, honestly
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4-Eyed Twitter gather la
I'm due for new specs and decided to try out Spectsworld, next to Plus 2 on RG Way . They're the most affordable optometrist in Byo (consultation, lens and frame < $80)
They also accept ALL medical aid (incl PSMAS) with NO shortfall.
Tell your relatives.
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In this city we really be competing with thieves, scammers, money changers, trust fund babies, sugar daddies and lesbians for the same 5 baddies on rotation
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After much anticipation , the KoNtuthu menu is out. Tomorrow please try out our Ben Chest Sausage with the Town Clerk Sauce 😂
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Tribe: Ndebele
Kids: None that I know of 😂
Age: 25
Let's have fun...Comment with yours
Tribe : Pedi
Kids : step father of 6
Age : 30
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Sbongo sakho.
ZiG WORKS
It took me less than 15 minutes to withdraw my ZiG Cash at a Pick Up Point just outside the Eastgate Mall in Hre. Impressed by d able-leadership of our President
@edmnangagwa
& gvt's strides in ensuring easy access to our own local currency backed by our OWN resources.
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You'll be minding your business, thinking about rent, Smokehouse, fake sneakers and Natasha.... ubone thutshu iGerman Shepherd New Shape.
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Byo huns would’ve shut that challenge down, man. Yikuthi y’all respect yourselves…
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I can’t be the only one seeing the resemblance between Tracy Ellis Ross and Miss B Nasty
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Also, while we're here let's address the elephant in the room.
Comrades and friends, gifting on Valentine's is mutual. It's not a birthday. Furthermore, if you can, may the gifts make sense e.g if he got you an IPhone 14, get him a PS5, etc..
Socks you'll give to your friends.
Your broke boyfriends are about to start acting up because Valentines is coming 😂🤣
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3 Sisters. One grew up in the UK with their parents, the other lives in Harare with an uncle, and the last uhlala logogo ePumula
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Everyone posting negative things on this should be ashamed of themselves.
Kungasenani, half the huns are trying to be Buhle , and half the oans are trying to be with her. It's fun to watch, actually 😂
I was in Zimbabwe for 2 seconds, look at how my skin reacted
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On my way to work this morning, someone on a walk got hit but a loose car trailer and died on the spot.
I can think of 10 different ways I could’ve died this past weekend alone and none of them involve taking a stroll.
Be grateful for life🙏🏽
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Bulawayo needed this. 2 big shows on the same day, with an almost-similar target market. Event organisers had become complacent, now they will be forced to market their shows big time AND deliver top notch gigs.
Well done.
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Guys please attend my event, shuwa, ngafelwa ngugogo ngo2009 🙏🥺
Futhi futhi our venue has a lawn, gaya, if you enter with white shoes you will leave with white shoes , ngiyalithembisa, ngomama oh 🤞🏽
#WeHaveALawn
#NoDustNoRust
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Idk about you, but memes literally kept me sane this year 🤞🏽😂
To the 3 people that will see this, please drop one of your favourite memes from the year in the comments
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I knew Busta929 was NEVER supposed to headline Munch n Sip when people didn’t notice he wasn’t even there. Local acts really shut it down🤞🏽
Special shout out goes to
@Dj_Ash_t_
What a performance, my brother. Fok.
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Did you know that esabatheni kulomfundusi okuthwa nguNgulube? 😂😂😂
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Yet another week is coming to an end with NO illicit tapes and NO sex scandals from Bulawayo.
Truly this is the City of Kings and Queens 🤞🏽
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We made Sunday's headlines and I honestly cannot get over it 🙏🏾🇿🇼
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" While you're busy buying cocktails every Wednesday at Havana thina we're buying cars and assets "
Guys ikhona imota ye $2.50 ?
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We can't even be nice to you guys because you will go around telling people that we want you. Ay. Bulawayo ngokuyiKindergarten class nje 🤞🏾💔
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I hope this cat realizes that he is changing the game. Creatives are watching him. And realizing that it’s possible. And putting in the work, because they are seeing it pay off for uBheki.
Love him or hate him, I genuinely believe this dude here is being used by God 🤞🏽
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Somewhere in Bulawayo right now an SDA boy is going to church in their
#ThuTshani
outfit 😂 expect to see some brown shoes, happy socks, navy pants and knitted tie combos this evening 😂
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I don't think we are upset enough that all Mr Mhlanga gets from his country in recognition of decades of groundbreaking work in Zimbabwean arts is a state assisted funeral.
Was what he did not enough for him to be buried as a national hero? What more was he meant to do?
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Siya Xolisa 🙏🏾😂
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The worst part about that cartoon is that Ndebele people, like any other marginalized group in history, will be dismissed as dramatic and irrational. We will be told we can’t take a joke by individuals that are insensitive and are ill informed about our country’s history.
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I guess what I'm trying to say is that if I went missing you guys might have better luck finding me if you looked for Vuyisile Ndlovu and not Bulawayoman.
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Don’t be shocked if some of us do this God/Church thing a bit too much, hey. He really is all we got. Asiloyi. Asithwalanga. Asiqili. Asintshontshi. Asigcinwanga . We’re literally just surviving on prayers and grace 🙏🏽
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Engani uNkulunkulu engasigcina ngezandla zakhe zothando asivikele engozini this festive season, sonke singene emnyakeni omutsha sijabulile njalo siphelele
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Interesting day today at the warmest SDA church in Bulawayo. The lovely lady preached about pastors and elders and sexual assault. Rape, abuse, the whole 9 yards.
iTeam leyana egcotshiweyo that never has anything positive to say about the youth was found shaking.
Beautiful.
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Once Kelly Khumalo is safely behind bars for the murder of Senzo Meyiwa, this is our next case. We have questions about this man's whereabouts and we need them answered with immediate effect.
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Maaaaaan these time zones be crazy.
Rn it's the 31st of May in Africa, the 30th in Europe and 1920 in America
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LIVE from The
#ThuTshani
:
A familiar vehicle just pulled into the event's location.
Some say it's him, others say it's an imposter, lina lithini ? 😂
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A few years ago a legend gave Bulawayo a list of known cheaters.
A voice within me is encouraging me to do a thread of known STI Spreaders in this big bedroom of ours..
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Amaqhawe eGroove. Comrades who are ever ready to die for enjoyment. Izinja madoda. Siphelekezela lina lapha emhlabeni 😂
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“how’s Harare?”
“it’s good, how’d you know I’m from there?”
“Lucky guess…”
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We grew up under the impression that Christmas time is for family. But we also grew up to realise that a lot of us either now have no family to be with, or simply do not want to be around family at all, for whatever reason.
I'm here to remind us that friends are family too ❤️
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Bulawayo foodies gather here, Bulawayo's coolest tshisanyama is open this weekend.
Lani boHappy Sabbath abahle libuye after sunset liyehlise ilizwi ngenyama 🙏🏽 ( I highly recommend the Kleen Sabatha Smoked Pork Ribs )
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A gentle reminder that without AKA we probably wouldn't even know Burna Boy rn... I'm talking about a world without Last Last, Bank On it and Alone.
That man was bigger than that beef with Cassper ( which probably wasn't even real ). Much bigger.
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Happy Bulawayo Day, Mahlabezbunu 🐘
How about a head count. When you see this, hit us with your thenjwad picture , captioned with your name and where you are from . A census, if you will.
I'll start:
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High-end-escort culture is slowly creeping into Bulawayo’s night life and I genuinely am keen to see how this plays out 🫱🏽🫲🏾
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Imagine having a big bum and your name being Nyasha 😂😂😂 I mean 😂😂😂
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To my fellow Seventh Day Adventists, let’s read the room and pray for proper things at church today. Life partners and nurse aid can wait.
Happy Sabbath🙏🏾
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Good morning Bulawayo.
This week I just want to shout out the guys at Inkstinct for DESTROYING the stereotype that you can't get a decent tattoo locally. For permanent body art and piercings that you definitely WON'T regret, swing by their shop.
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" This weather is for cuddles... "
Cut cut cut!! Stop thinking about nonsense and just pop by Sweet Gaterie Confectionery at the iMbali Mall food court. From coffee to milkshakes and cake, we got you.
Not feeling like working from the office? Bring your laptop and plug in
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For the past 2 years, I've received tremendous support from strangers here that became some of my closest friends. From the podcast, to the Yanos Fest, the list is endless, y'all showed up.
Now your boy is opening up his very first spot. Asithi one more time, shall we?
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After a couple of years of service to the city’s podcasting space, today I make my radio debut. Tune in , will you?
📸:
@wedesignalot
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DEAR SDA TWITTER
The streets tell me that there is a young pastor that has been using me as content for his sermons lately. I do not mind, I just feel that if he cared that much about me he'd talk to me directly, not come through the corners.
I am nothing if not approachable.
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Until we recognise depression to be the illness that it really is and that suicide is its final symptom , we will continue burying our loved ones until one day it's us being laid to rest.
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You guys understand that you can hate the ruling govt AND be extremely disappointed in the opposition and its leadership, right? The two events are not mutually exclusive.
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I CANNOT believe they tried to drag us over THIS person. Calls us all sorts of isms and phobias over THIS ? Nah, it can't be 😂🤞🏾
But Sunflower sooo. Sis got drunk from that gofundme money and passed out in the ghetto where she stays there in Entumbane.. Now the community is doing what they do best! What an embarrassment. Ko iyo wig kwairi uko.. 🤣🤣🤣
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From one day…. to day one
After a couple of years of service to the city’s podcasting space, today I make my radio debut. Tune in , will you?
📸:
@wedesignalot
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To the city that I love,
I present to you the latest project between myself and
@ComradesBev
- The Bulawayoman Gin.
It is hard to put the City of Kings in a bottle, but we tried our fucking best.
Only 999 units will be made, excluding Number 1, each bottle numbered.
Abunathwe.
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This race is really just between uSaMatwins loMfana. Ezinye lezi ziyaphelekezela nje 🤞🏽😂
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Yazi umuntu will have the audacity to say " asambe ngeyakho imota eyami idla iFuel " ...... othe eyami idla imbambayila ngubani ????
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Umfana loSisi spotted at the airport, but the gent with the beard, shades and chest is nowhere to be found. Could this be the end of an era for our legendary Airport Correspondent, or is the Passo saving fuel for the Daliwonga trip? Stay tuned to find out...
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I'll attend LITERALLY ANY event besides one that has a South African DJ as the head liner...
Music Fest✅
Cocktail Fest✅
All Star Party✅
Munch and Sip✅
Meat and Grill✅
Wedding✅
Funeral✅
Baby shower✅
But the day you see me at those other gigs, please slap me.
Here's why:
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