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@btari_durga
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Keep on asking myself on how to say goodbye to Hello Kitty
jakarta-surabaya
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Pinned Tweet
Namanya juga hidup, sometimes is unbearably amazing and sometimes is amazingly unbearable.
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My late grandma was perias manten jawa. Once I asked her about manglingi, she said "yo manglingi iku kan subjektip. Kowe dandan dadi Batman pas manten yo manglingi"
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"Salah satu cara paling ampuh memutus rantai kemiskinan adalah pendidikan"
Netizen: setoejoeeeeeee!
A diterima di FK di sebuah PTN tapi ga mampu bayar UKT
Netizen: makanya kalo ga mampu sadar diri, ga usah daftar FK!
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Lagi makan soto di jalan Sabang trus meja seberang lagi telponan pake suara super keras "Ko Johan, menurut saya nih ya istri ko Johan punya bakat mati muda, jadi seperti saran Ko Asun, ritual harus diadakan'
Semua yg makan lsg brenti and diem2 dengerin....
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5 years ago:
A mom: miss, Nelson besok nggak masuk ya? Mau ke dokter. Mau imunisasi
Me: lah, sore aja kali mom ke dokternya.
Her: miss ini gimana, kan dokternya Nelson di Jepang.
#CrazyRichSurabayan
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Me to a friend in Surabaya: Surabaya masih black zone nggak?
Him: oh disini kita udah masuk "Sak Karepmu-Zone"
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Turun ke bawah, liat oma lagi nonton bultang, tiba2 dia nanya "adek, ini yg jahat yg mana?"
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Semahal-mahalnya sekolah, akan ga guna juga kalo ortu lepas tangan. Ga bisa gais, it takes a village to raise a kid. Perlu synergi guru-murid-ortu-lingkungan. Ga bisa kalo pake mentality "Kan gue udah bayar mahal"
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Tidak, tidak bisa gitu ko Johan. Ini juga bagian dari karma Ko Johan sendiri. Dosa-dosa masa lalu. Berat ini, ndak bisa sembarangan....(pause)....yah tergantung....seberapa besar cinta ko Johan sama istri...ruwet lah Ko Johan....Ko Asun juga bilang ini kasus berat...
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I was dating this guy for 3,5 years and suddenly boom! he brought another woman to church (yeah I attended church back then). I cried a lot and my dad laughed hard at me as he said "Aishhhh, life will fuck you harder than this shit" And oh, he's totally right!
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Ada ya ternyata keluarga yang sangat patriarki. Anak laki-lakinya semua dilayani, trus anak perempuan yang jungkir balik ngurusin rumah. Kalo gue ato adek cowok gue goler2 doang di rumah, kayaknya nyokap bakal mikir kita udah ga guna trus nyewa sniper.
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But she was right though. Imagine that you're dating this guy for some years and then boom! You dressed up as Batman on your own wedding without any warning before. Manglingi as fak indeed.
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Ngajarin 20 anak TK di kelas langsung aja udah susah, gimana ngajarin mereka online dengan semua short attention/ koneksi lagging/bocah ga mood dll. Itu gurunya ga mental breakdown aja udah bagus.
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My brother's wedding. And his wife's parents come to church to give them blessing though they have different belief. And you all bigots, can sink that fact for a moment
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Inget dulu pernah ditanyain murid
Murid: miss, miss pernah ndak ke Amerika?
Me: ya nggak pernah
Doi heran sampe bengong trus nanya
"Lho opo'o miss? Miss miskin ta?"
YHAAA!!
#CrazyRichSurabayan
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Oh then she observed me closely and asked "kowe ki gundul ngene sesuk nek manten sanggul'e opo dipaku ning sirah?"
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Temen sekolah gue mudik ke Surabaya dari Jakarta. And she called me and said "lo ga pengen ketemuan nih? Mumpung gue di Surabaya?"
"Lah kita sama2 di Jakarta aja gue ga pengen ketemu lo..."
And that's how I cut off unimportant people as I get older.
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Teman kantor: eh katanya ada film bagus tuh di bioskop. Apa tuh judulnya....Tata Krama kalo ga salah... ((TATA KRAMA))
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Me to kids: besok jangan lupa bawa tanaman di pot ya, mau kita sumbangin ke Dinas pertamanan.
Besoknya ada truk gede banget nurunin pohon segede gaban.
Wali murid: nyoh miss, tak gawakno wit ae cek no adem!
Me: menggumam "asssyuuuuu"
#CrazyRichSurabayan
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Nungguin soal math spt "Nining punya 112 mantan. Uswatul punya 388 mantan, sedangkan Wakiah punya 80 mantan. 12,5% mantan Nining adalah mantan Uswatul. 4,3% mantan Uswatul adalah mantan Wakiah. 2,7% mantan Wakiah adalah mantan Nining. Berapa orang yg memacari ketiganya?"
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Btw setelah sekian lama nanya "kenapa sih kuah ramen ga dijual botolan aja?", Papaya comes up with this! I'm happy!
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Her: miss, kan taman safari jauh yo, di pasuruan. Aku males nganterno Andrew kesana. Kalo taman safarinya tak undang ke rumah gitu bisa ndak? Yah bawa2 bayi gajah sama singa apa beruang gitu lho miss
Me (dalam hati lagi): raimu buk...
#CrazyRichSurabayan
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Guys, kalo suka sama furniture yg space conscious ala2 jejepangan guru, bisa banget pesen ke ig jarikayu punyanya
@pengrajinkata
. Ini salah satu produknya si DULIP, tempat tidur lipat!! Monggo guys
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Depan SMA 1 Surabaya ada rumah pengusaha berinisial MY. Prnh nemenin Om (yg kebetulan guru SMA 9, sekomplek sm SMA 1) ke rumah beliau.
MY: Pak Albert, ini SMA komplek depan bikin macet,kalo mau tak beli piro hargae?
Om: itu punya pemerintah pak
MY: lha iyo, tanyakno ke pemerintah
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Me: Lebaran pulang mudik kemana mom?
Her: kampung saya jauh miss, di bukittinggi. Jadi akhirnya kita memutuskan ke Jerman aja
#CrazyRichSurabayan
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Udah ya guys. Kapan2 disambung lagi. Terus kerja biar kaya gaisssss!!
Btw, orang2 kaya raya di Surabaya ini yah tetep aja medok, nggak posh hip houte couture gitu. Tetep main ke Pasar Atom dan setia dgn Jeans plus bordiran blink2. Tapi rai2mu kabeh isok dituku...
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The mom: miss, kapan2 tak traktir starbuck yo?
Me: ndak usah repot bu
Her: repot wuopo, wong memang besok rencanae mau minum2 starbuck sama mamah2 lain kok di sekolah.
Besoknya beneran ada booth Starbucks di hall sekolah...
#CarzyRichSurabayan
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Overheard a convo between mamah2 wali murid dulu
Mom A: Lah lu tau tho, mall yang cedek'e PTC iku lak hadiah gawe anak'e wedok; Lenny karo Marcia
Mom B: Yo timbangane ngemoll bendino, trus digawakno mall dewe yo?
#CrazyRichSurabayan
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Hey guys, nanti buat sholat ied, drpd pakai koran, pakai ini aja guys. Anti air pula. Kalo tertarik lsg main ke Insta-nya yaaa. Thanks!
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Her: goodie bag buat ultah apa ya miss?
Me: anak2 dikasih permen sama sticker aja udah happy banget.
Her: ya udah iPod aja ya? Nanti saya isiin lagu anak2.
(Dan beneran iPod dong buat tiap bocah)
#CrazyRichSurabayan
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The Mom: besok dateng yo miss, pestae Michelle. Onok bintang tamu'e kok
Besoknya disana...
MC: mari kita sambut bintang tamu kita yang menyanyikan lagu happy birthday buat Michelle, inilah Rossa!!
Wuanjingggg
#CrazyRichSurabayan
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Back in my teaching days, my students said lots of creepy things. So tonight, I compiled some of them.
A thread
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Gue sih percaya yah dengan "keluar dari zona nyaman" asal keluarnya menuju ke zona yang lebih nyaman.
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Dulu pernah punya gebetan yg into klenik so much and berkali2 doi bilang "kamu sadar kan, kamu ini bukan sepenuhnya manusia?"
When I told my mom about it she asked me back "jadi menurut dia kamu ini apa? Sejenis kelapa hibrida?"
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Mom watching Prabowo's speech as she eats the nasi kotak dari TPS. And then she said "Prabowo ini berkebutuhan khusus ya?"
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Her: itu lho miss, Kevin sama Keven rebutan gimbot. Ya wis aku beli 2 ae *sambil nunjuk the twins yg asik main iPad masing2*
Gimbot katanyaaaaa.....
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Her: kemaren waktu jalan ke mall, Valerie nangis2. Saya pikir minta apa, ealah tibakno cuma minta piano. Ya wis, tak belikno ae.
Me (dalam hati): cukk!!
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Angeline: miss, katae mama, aku cuma dapet dikit sincia'an kemaren.
Me: dapet berapa?
Her: 12 juta katae...
Kembali mengucap cukk dalam hati
#CrazyRichSurabayan
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Does our government know that the one who's meresahkan masyarakat is actually them?
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Mom: jadi itu kamu nulis dimana? Twitter? Trus mama caranya piye biar bisa punya twitter juga?
Me: ja-jangan ma, ada batas umurnya...
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Me: aku pengen jadi atlit trus ikutan Asian Games deh.
Mom: lah, kamu kan nggak bisa masak?
That's how mom teaches me "if you talk about nonsense, I'll give you nonsense replies as well.
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My neighbor who happens to be Pemkot's driver, drove but Risma around to bombed churches. He said he Risma was crying along the way as she said "aku ki kurang perhatian po piye?? Duh warga, aku njaluk sepuro"
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Barbie's Mom: kemaren ndak mau sekolah miss. Soale maunya dianter sama sus nomer 3, sus nomer 3 ndak masuk.
Me: lha, susternya Barbie ada berapa emangnya?
Her: 7.
#CrazyRichSurabayan
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Pak Thole, penjual nasgor depan kost, teman sebats: ah saya sih seneng ga kerja kaya mba, pusing pasti. Bersyukur saya mah tinggal goreng nasi, pelanggan banyak, ditemenin istri lagi!
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Me asking mom: di kompleks kita ada yang anti vaksin nggak ma?
Mom: mungkin ada, tapi mungkin sudah pada mati...
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A rich boyfriend level: when you tell him you need some company, he buys you some shares.
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As my mom always say "Iri tuh jangan sama hartanya, stroke nanti kamu, iri sama etos kerjanya, sama disiplinnya"
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You know, if you change your W with T in what, where, when, you already answered them.
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I bet this Greschinov guy is virgin-er than any virgin olive oil.
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Because....admiring the beauty of others without questioning your own, is a skill that we all need to learn.
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"Gue tuh ya gini orangnya!" Then what? Do you expect that the whole world magically understand you? No honey, life doesn't work that way
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Bulik (whose son is unemployment): anakmu wadon ra iso masak ki piye?
Mom: Jarne wae, wong iso tuku. Iso nggolek duit. Anakmu iso ora?
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Temen nyokap: bu, anak saya seumuran putrinya, rajin ibadah, baik.
Mom: udah kerja?
Temen: masih nyari-nyari. Putri ibu sudah mapan?
Mom: sudah. And kayaknya ga cari jodoh.
How my mom does the Fit and Proper test.
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Mom after knowing the hashtag was a hit from my cousins;
Mom: kamu dibilang miskin sama muridmu dulu?
Me: iya
Mom: yo pancen! Makanya kerjo, nabung!!
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If death is easy, painless, legal and sinless, will you still be here today?
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Ketemu mba2 deket kost
Mba2: oh mba nya dari Surabaya juga? Sama dong!!
Me: wah Surabaya nya dimana mba?
Mba2: lamongan.
Can I draw East Java map on her face?
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Disclaimer yah guys;
Do I feel "small" among those crazy rich surabayans? Of course no.
I laughed hard because their reality is way too far from mine. And that's why we all should work hard like them (or their parents) to be that filthy rich.
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Hampir semua orang tua ngomel-ngomel soal beratnya sekolah online ini. Kemaren kebetulan ngobrol sama teman-teman mantan guru soal ini. Iya memang ini tough times buat semua, tapi kalo ngomel-ngomel mulu yah gimana? Mendingan liat benefitnya aja deh biar jadi agak “ringan”
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If you ask God for unlimited es kopi susu supply and then you'll get diabetes, then it comes in a package. What I'm trying to say, we should always know exactly what we ask. The request itself and all the consequences follow.
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Relax guys, kita semua digosipin di group WA circle teman-teman sendiri yg nggak ada kitanya.
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May we don't grow old as someone who says "anak muda kok ga punya tata krama ke orang tua" when we don't have anything to say to back up our lame argument on a debate with the youngster.
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Okay, here we go. Bilingual Education involves teaching academic contents in 2 languages; the native (L1) & secondary language (L2)
#BE
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Serius, ini bukan tentang "oh jadi kekayaan memang nggak merata ya?" Or "jadi aset kita dikuasai mereka ya"? Please jangan di spin kesitu. Kita nggak pernah tau sekeras/segila apa kerja keras mereka dulu. Santai, jadiin motivasi. Jack Ma aja bisa...
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Lagian ya, bener kata om di bawah ini guys....udah stress duluan kita tanpa harus kerja/ngajar segala..
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Udah deh, we're all fucked and forgotten sometime gais. No one to blame, just that's how life rolls
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Him: bisa masak kamu?
Me: bisa lah!
Him: masak apa aja?
Me: hmmmmmm.. Soto ayam, rendang, Kari, mie aceh....*trying to recall all indomie flavors*...empal gentong, cakalang goreng....
Him: *impressed*
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Have you congratulate yourself on a progress that nobody knows about?
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Mending KPAI melarang bocah2 SD yg udah saling nyebut Mama-Papa kalo chat trus diposting di FB.
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"Ya ampun, lama banget nggak ketemu lo!!"
"Iya, I'm trying hard to keep it that way sih benernya"
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Kita ga bisa bikin semacam Pembangkit Listrik Tenaga Ngegas-nya netizen gitu apa?
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My dad was asking for a new wallet and belt for his birthday so I wired him some money to buy them. Today mom called to tell that my dad bought lots of copies of my books with the money 😭😭😭
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Overheard a snippet of convo between 2 women;
Yah gimana mau merit? Yg ada cuma 2 pilihan; guys that I don't like and guys who are forbidden for me.
:))
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Me: aku kena infeksi usus. Nggak boleh ngopi dulu.
Mom: ohhh
Me: trus skrg pengen ngopi.
Mom: radang usus bikin bodoh ya ternyata...
My mom ladies and gentlemen, someone who slaps you with few words.
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Baru mau ke indomaret ujung gang ada mobil polisi yang teriak-teriak pake TOA "Hayo mau kemana?? di rumah ajaaa"
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Memilih itu skill, harus diajarin sejak kecil. Mantan kepsek sekolah tempat saya ngajar dulu suka bilang "jangan disamain maunya anak2 sama mau kamu, tanyain makanya, dengerin opininya, jangan main mutusin aja buat mereka, mereka juga butuh belajar milih and reasoning"
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"Kalo tidur jangan pake make up, ntar arwahnya ga bisa balik, ga ngenali diri sendiri"
Seriously? Are we that dumb that we don't recognize our own self in make up???
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Overheard at the office: Orang Surabaya gila ya, punya duit banyak banget tapi jarang punya taste. Eh tapi mending sih, daripada punya taste tapi kagak punya duit.
E he...he...he...
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My mom told me once: if your man requires you to put off his shoes whenever he gets home from work, do it wholeheartedly and then slap him with those shoes..or in javanese she said "tapukno raine"
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Meal time and one of student sighed as she opened her lunch box. I asked her why and she replied "bosen makan roti terus. Pengen makan yang baru" "makan apa?" She thought for a while and answered "jerapah". How I miss having random convo with kids..
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And yes, I humbly apologize
kita tertawa membaca cerita cerita
#CrazyRichSurabayan
tapi sebenernya apa sich yang kita tertawakan???
#Terbaru
#Esai
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I don't give a fuck level: my dad shares a porn video on family WA group
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Whenever you want to test your bf/gf, remember, you're not Kemendikbud.
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Gaisss, boleh minta reko body lotion buat kulit super kering? Makasih sebelumnyaaaa
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@newsplatter
Cobain Uncle Pho deh di Mangga Besar. Abis makan pho disitu baru paham kalo Pho mereka itu kelasnya Masterchef dan Pho 24 kelasnya masakan anak-anak ekskul tata boga SMP.
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Nggak usah berat2 ngomongin surga neraka deh, kalo masih aja nyelak antrian and buang sampah sembarangan di dunia.
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"Banyak orang bego yang nggak kerja, dibayar jauh lebih banyak dari kita"
True, but then those people might assume we are actually the dumb one, since we work much harder yet we earn less than them.
Life...
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No honey, I'm the one who decides to call you "Mas". But if you call yourself Mas from the beginning, oh my the 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
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