Brett Martin
@brettmartin
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GQ Correspondent, NYT Mag, et. al. Three Beard Awards. Author of Difficult Men & co-founder of .
New Orleans, LA
Joined April 2008
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Can we please remember that where TV news abjectly failed, newspapers may have saved the Republic. As intended.
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Give me the confidence of a hotel that thinks I've turned on the TV to learn more about it.
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I just biked down Bourbon Street and nobody's going to school this Fall.
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When you paint your shutters to coordinate one week a year.
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The first dinner I had with J Gold, I was so nervous that I tried to use a knife to cut my soup. The second, a long tasting menu, I asked if he ever took notes during meals. He looked at me and said, "That would be like taking notes during sex." A giant. RIP.
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This a letter of recommendation from somebody who doesn't really want you to get into college.
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How you can watch guests at a Best Western waffle machine and still think the public can be trusted with guns is beyond me.
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I'm sorry I don't remember who led me to this obit, but it is amazing.
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Here's a thing I do once a year. It's my Best New Restaurants for 2018.
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Thomas' English Muffins don't get enough mention in the pantheon of perfect supermarket foods.
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Here is my attempt to plumb the Mysteries of Houston, how it got cool, and what exactly that means, anyway.
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This place has now outlasted me in New York by twelve years.
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Ignatius wept.
"French Quarter monopoly for Lucky Dogs ends as New Orleans makes way for new food vendors."
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Turtle sauce piquante at Suire's Grocery, Kaplan, LA, is absolutely pantheonic.
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If you think you are on your phone a lot, just wait until you have evacuated from a hurricane.
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Guys, if everybody saw what we know we saw we wouldn't be here in the first place.
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Ella Brennan, Fats Domino, Paul Prudhomme, Leah Chase, Dr. John—a generation that presented New Orleans to the world, and invented it in the process—all gone in the space of a few years.
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Here is
@zinoman
with an extraordinary story about Patton Oswalt and working through unimaginable grief.
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The main improv sketch at New Orleans coffee shops on weekend mornings is Guys At Bachelor Parties Who Don't Know Each Other That Well, Morning After.
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I know I didn't eat at Dooky Chase enough, and I wonder if such a thing even existed. There is no bigger New Orleans loss than this.
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Bringing my dry cleaning to the storefront where Tutti Frutti was recorded was one of the small, secret thrills of moving to New Orleans.
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Belatedly, this oil painting of Chinese takeout is one of the best birthday presents I've ever gotten.
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For the past eight months, when people asked what I was working on, I'd mutter something like, "This story about a podcaster."
So, here it is.
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Very happy, among other emotions, to present this year's GQ Best New Restaurants. We knew this was going to be weird.
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My profile of writer, thinker, prankster, revolutionary (and sometimes even chef) Tunde Wey.
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For about ten minutes tonight, I was completely alone inside Vaughan's. Felt ordained in some way.
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What makes this more than a snit (I think) is this: It’s what happens when, A) The relationship between diner and restaurant is presumed from the outset to be antagonistic. And, B) A wall of tech is erected between them that eliminates the possibility of human contact.
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Girl, 6: Daddy, Kamala Harris is going to be Vice President!
Me: I know! Do you know who's going to be President?
She: [shrugs] A boy.
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A tremendous amount left on the cutting-room floor for this one, but this extraordinary David Allan Coe story, from the inimitable
@pennjillette
, simply could not be left behind—or told in any words but his.
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KRAFT COCK TALE
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To commemorate tomorrow's most important event—the unofficial opening of crawfish season—reposting my two cents on the Crawfish Culture Wars. Get you some!
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Here is my story about
@hseanbrock
and the prices of vision. I'm grateful to him for letting me tell it.
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New Orleans culture is often portrayed as intractable, precious and frozen-in-time. It's actually among the most adaptable and living.
🎵🎶Hooray the morning when the corona gone🎶🎵
Thank you to Big Chief Juan Pardo for sharing this with us
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When I type F into my browser it fills in FRANCIS LAM GINGER SCALLION SAUCE.
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I wouldn't wish the kind of secular sainthood Leah Chase bore in this city on anybody. From a distance, I sometimes worried it was unfair. But it's hard to imagine anybody wearing it with more strength or grace.
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With respect, giving the biggest journalism awards to a publication that pays ~.25/wd. seems like a good way to ensure that eventually there will be no journalism left to reward.
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Grateful for this, and to be in such company. Will celebrate with Drago's oysters, a Mawi Tortillas pupusa, a Radosta's po-boy, sisig from Cebu, and catfish from Chicken's Kitchen (if I can get in). MFK Fisher would have loved Metaire.
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The air on my flight today was at least 75% hand sanitizer.
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My friend Bradley moved to Salt Lake City, but he missed Mardi Gras so much that he made a costume and wore it around town, including to work at a PT clinic.
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Please enjoy my forthcoming collection of criticism, "Films I Have Watched Without Sound On the Back of an Airplane Seat Two Rows Away".
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The real horror of this site isn't the bad takes. It's the perfect impotence of the good ones.
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Wear this for a day and you learn a lot about people and ketchup.
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It is true that nobody in the history of "authentic" New Orleans ever before scammed a tourist.
Today I saw a guy selling Mardi Gras beads to tourists, to throw into a tree. We just need to unplug New Orleans and reboot it.
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Because to really know a man, you need to get inside his pants. Or something like that. My time in Larry World.
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Spent a little time on the mountain with the ever-becoming (in both senses of the word)
@BobWeir
.
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Tonight I am packing the family onto the City of New Orleans for the overnight trip to Chicago—hopefully with fireworks in the Delta. It will either be an all-time dad debacle or a mild dad victory.
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Supporting 8 mos. of
@bretteats
's reporting, taking on a feelgood city icon.
@NOLAnews
earned a re-subscription today.
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If I had a podium I'd thank Tunde, the JBF,
@willwelch
&
@danielvriley
, bow to
@tejalrao
&
@zoehtennant
, & also toast Jim Nelson whose last assignment to me this was & who (I believe) sent more writers to collect JBF medals than anyone. Most were named Alan Richman, but still....
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I'm counting on Jon Batiste bringing his father and uncle onstage at Snug Harbor last night to carry me at least halfway through the summer Malaise.
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If this is what does him in, it will still be terrifying that it wasn't all the other stuff.
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Let me hazard a guess.
JUST IN: MCCAIN won't say where he is on skinny repeal after convo with Ryan. Says he wants to speak more with Arizona Gov. Doug Ducey
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New Orleans, where, despite Napoleonic Code, you can not pay your property taxes in saliva.
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On Monday, I tried (under a different name) to make a (work) reservation at a NYC restaurant. (Llama San.) In my haste, I accidentally clicked on a four-top for that day instead of *next* Mon. I canceled 15 seconds later. Because it was within 24 hours, it triggered a $100 fee.
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My daughter pronounces a certain frozen cocktail "Zaiquiri," inadvertently inventing the ultimate NOLA boy name.
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I could list 100 things to eat in Houston (
@alisoncook
does every year) and barely scratch the surface. Here are eight to start with.
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I'm offended by how young the Traveling Wilburys now seem to me. Petty was 38.
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A thread.
Restaurant kitchens are full of unsung heroes, obscurity toilers, invisible workers like Douglas Oliver, who died last month. For over three decades, Douglas worked as a pitmaster at Sweatman's Bar-B-Que in Holly Hill, SC. He called himself a "worker ant."
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Today I was introduced to the weenie po-boy, which is an excellent way to trick yourself into eating six hot dogs.
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"Yes, I make risotto in an Instant Pot. I don’t even need to plug it in, because it’s powered by your fury."
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If you neglect to put coat hooks under your bar, I worry you'll also forget to put salt in my food.
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I spend a fair amount of time wondering what the fuck I was so anxious about before.
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I'm tired of being told that massively popular foods/chains/restaurants don't get enough respect—being the dominant food culture IS the respect.
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Take "eatery" and "toothsome" if you must, but you can have "eponymous" when you pry it from my cold dead keyboard.
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Here's the thing: The difference between the prospect of quarantining with small children and without is so great that, to those of us with, the rest of you might as well already be water-skiing. So the idea that you'd still feel the need to risk going to a bar is just boggling.
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Rounding out Best New Restaurants 2018 with a flurry of openings that make me glad to be back home.
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I went to Lyon, in search of nouvelle cuisine, past and present. And also to eat from a pig's bladder.
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Not to be hyperbolic, but this, from Sub Rosa Bakery in Richmond, may be the best pastry I have ever eaten in the USA.
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Blockbuster report, eight months in the making, on New Orleans's most prominent chef and restaurant group.
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Judging by its dedication, I don't remember The Moviegoer as well as I thought I did.
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I thought this message which went out to chefs across New Orleans last week would be a scandal, but apparently the website is just as bald. I wonder who bought
#1
?
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Easy to see why the Advocate hired so few of these people. Wishing the new regime the best, but if this week you're not mourning all the talent leaving the city and/or the business—and all the stories that will go untold—you're doing it wrong.
| The Times-Picayune wins 11 awards in national features journalism contest
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Napping to them.
What VERY SPECIFIC thing do you miss about sports the most? Be as specific as possible.
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Nothing is more in-your-heart-you-know-it's-bullshit than New Orleans recycling.
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