christain🍕
@boyruminating
Followers
1,219
Following
635
Media
146
Statuses
2,142
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
Iran
• 919356 Tweets
Beyoncé
• 438896 Tweets
Rogan
• 432052 Tweets
Dodgers
• 297928 Tweets
Yankees
• 198447 Tweets
#モンスト
• 172838 Tweets
#WorldSeries
• 164370 Tweets
Freddie Freeman
• 137450 Tweets
期日前投票
• 135240 Tweets
開催中のガチャ
• 130012 Tweets
中野家の五つ子のうち1体
• 119751 Tweets
ドジャース
• 106184 Tweets
フリーマン
• 95047 Tweets
Lakers
• 91800 Tweets
ワールドシリーズ
• 66374 Tweets
満塁ホームラン
• 55625 Tweets
Nestor
• 34979 Tweets
中野三玖
• 33505 Tweets
Boone
• 32113 Tweets
アルテミスS
• 20027 Tweets
スワンS
• 15185 Tweets
アロンズロッド
• 13955 Tweets
#ShowtimeKINSEyyy
• 13938 Tweets
キョダイマックス
• 10847 Tweets
Pinned Tweet
my greatest fear in life is not being relatable. does anyone else feel this way? deleting if no
3
4
132
my neck... my back... my pussy... my crack..... long ago, the four nations lived together in peace and harmony
260
40K
252K
am i crazy or was this the best summer ever?? i watched so many funny instagram reels and on top of that tiktoks
134
7K
114K
just learned that all of the "You're the best!" texts my dad sends me are one of three quick reply options in his Toyota Rav4
68
3K
90K
(noticing someone is getting more attention than me): owww i think i just got shot in the ear too.......
10
2K
42K
marry me and receive my dowry: instagram follows from 8-10 of my closest friends
8
4K
39K
moving to bushwick this week! one step closer to my dream of smoking a cigarette
8
114
6K
the airpod case is the mother and the airpods are her babies
4
203
5K
my so-called "socialist roommate" is mad that i ate his plums...
7
123
4K
*waking up hungover after a bushwick warehouse party*: oh my god i think i bought a zine last night....
4
141
4K
i wish there was a tab on instagram that had nothing in it. no stories, no posts, no ads. no other users, no reels. i just need a place to think
6
186
4K
the company that makes my electric toothbrush is "updating their privacy policy"
4
51
3K
i met this girl on a day trip to the circus once and ran into her again years later on a trip to ember island. i never got her name. twitter, do your thing 💕💖
16
98
3K
i got to spend so much time with my friends! they were in the room with me, watching funny tiktoks too
2
35
2K
that would be lindsay lohan's academy award if they hadn't switched back
2
85
2K
you want to schedule a meeting with my coworker tomorrow afternoon? well guess what. that's when her doctor's appointment is. so back the fuck off buddy
0
56
2K
cashier: do you want a receipt?
me (chewing a piece of gum that has kind of lost its flavor): y'know what, yeah
2
70
2K
this is how i feel about watching the tv show Sex and the City
nothing compares to reading a writer who died decades ago describe your exact feelings and realizing that human emotions are timeless
122
21K
149K
2
177
1K
(pointing to a random spot on a QR code) ill get a miller high life aaaanddd.... (pointing to a different spot on the QR code) the shrimp tacos
3
40
1K
looks like everyone had a great time at the comedy show i produced!
8
18
1K
every date in new york is like come over to my house ill cook you an egg and we can watch tv on my laptop
4
11
1K
Dear White People? What if it was the other way around?
Would
@netflix
ever dare make a show called 'Elpoep Etihw Raed'?
didnt think so 😤
9
276
792
i love my dad heres another tweet about his/our relationship to cars
checking the uhaul glove box for napkins so i can blow my nose. idk. that's where my dad keeps them
2
9
316
6
5
783
your 20s are for picking out which balms, salves, supplements and ointments you like
2
47
687
when you close a tab, the browser feels extreme physical pain
8
68
560
the gym has seemed a little more crowded ever since new years. my guess? the gym is shrinking
1
23
562
to anybody going to italy, i definitely recommend trying the food there
2
9
507
the beautiful man got off the train so now i need to reassess who i'm even reading this book for
0
17
470
return to office is ridiculous do not make me rearrange a powerpoint deck in a room where i canNot vape
1
17
345
why does sex have to happen at night? totally throws off my journaling schedule
2
9
329
checking the uhaul glove box for napkins so i can blow my nose. idk. that's where my dad keeps them
2
9
316
everyone in this row of desks is eating the same sweetgreen bowl, for god's sake just give us a trough
2
4
324
this is the preferred bag of the modern, concealed carrying, woman
0
5
300
if i was ever caught canoodling? well i'd have no choice but to skedaddle
0
16
281
my ex finally reached out and wants to get coffee! we are meeting up on top of the leaf pile where that deep spike pit used to be
1
11
265
my goal weight is my current weight plus the weight of a large, beautiful necklace
0
19
259
i often tweet about Instagram
i wish there was a tab on instagram that had nothing in it. no stories, no posts, no ads. no other users, no reels. i just need a place to think
6
186
4K
0
0
220
i dont care what color The Dress is, i have synesthesia and it tastes disgusting
1
4
195
"ehh, he's a good kid" is the highest compliment an italian can give
0
28
184
@d1vlover
yes!! consuming/making content (babies count as content) is what summer is all about!!
1
4
193
hey man! im in new york for the weekend! want to meet up on sunday at 6am on 1000th street??
0
9
158
i learned this from watching the sopranos:
"ehh, he's a good kid" is the highest compliment an italian can give
0
28
184
1
4
143
not really sure how this changes our relationship, but i appreciate the email
2
0
144
to celebrate the holiday ill be having sex with four fathers
1
4
143
the main problem with dating apps is that, unfortunately, the hottest thing a person can be is in the same room as me
0
6
139
i have cool friends btw, so it's like the dowry equivalent of virile goats or whatever
1
3
138
its starting to feel like theres not enough time in the day to get all my work done AND look at my phone for six hours
0
3
130
hey if youre gay your mom wants me to tell you that anderson cooper is hosting jeopardy tonight
7
12
125
at the start of the debate, each candidate will get a marshmallow. if it's still there at the end of the debate, they'll get a second one
0
13
122
im so sick of dates with normal, boring guys. when am i gonna meet someone who can control their bedroom lights with an app
2
2
123
"christian, that would just be an empty page" no. I would be there.
1
0
112
corona is making a play for the title of "greatest plague upon humanity" but thanks to zoom, college improv won't go down without a fight
1
6
111
waking up is so awesome because you get to see all your new phone notifications
4
4
111
whats the difference between men going out with their drinking buddies and six kittens sharing milk out of a chilled saucer???
1
4
105
god bless the roommate whose bath towel is most easily accessible in the house party bathroom with no obvious hand towel xx
0
3
101
next time y'all are hangin invite ol' C-dog! miss you guyssss xo
0
0
99
ok celebrities, now it's y'alls turn: what's your favorite interaction you've had with one of us slimy, slobbering normies?
0
1
96
your roommates wont tell you this, but you can use their shampoo
1
2
94
@gabishiner
thank you gabi 😭😭 considering making vulgar jokes about children's tv shows my new niche
0
1
88
just saw portia from white lotus at urban outfitters, she was suspended in a glass cylinder full of a viscous protein aggregate there
0
0
93
do you see the stickers on all the little fruits at the grocery store? that means they voted
2
3
88
call your mom!! you can ask her "hows work" and she can describe one of your instagram stories from a month ago in vivid detail and ask "why did you post that"
1
2
87
good luck finding an image of just a plain, normal, mild case of the skin condition you are trying to research on google
2
0
87
standing at the back of pinebox, waiting to go up and do my "gay construction worker" bit
0
5
84
say what you want about socialists, but nobody is writing passive-aggressive fridge notes like them
0
0
84
lose your phone in nyc and you're suddenly fighting for your life inside a seinfeld b-plot
3
0
80
stop misusing the word queerbait!! queerbait should ONLY be used when there's a pair of charli xcx tickets underneath a cardboard box propped up by a stick
1
2
77
i love hopping on here and banging pop culture references together like they're rocks and i'm a caveman desperate for fire. just acting like an absolute neanderthal on this virtual computer website
0
4
77
just watched im thinking of ending things and let me say that is the last time i take a movie recommendation from someone with a septum piercing
0
3
73
maggie just called the statue of liberty "the empire state girl"
0
3
73
the amount of people who claim to have a sodastream and then can't immediately tell me what carbonated milk tastes like is sickeningly high
1
10
69
i told the kids i babysit i went viral on twitter and they said "oh cool, i bet its so easy to get girls now". buddies its gonna be a big news day for you....
0
0
72
why are we posting AI portraits on instagram?? lock that ugly shit in the attic, Dorian Gray
1
10
68
making an infographic for my roommates: "There's dirty dishes in the sink: What YOU can do to help"
0
2
68
name another comedian-mixed martial arts commentator-podcaster you could do this for
5
4
63
ig story: "this lineup is 🔥🔥🔥!!"
the lineup:
Brian Smith
Tyler Johnson
Kyle Jones
Kyle Wilson
Kyle Miller
Jake Anderson
3
4
58