☕️ semi recovery- maintenance
@bonestode3th
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she/her ed twt ⚰️20. sbmi: 22.8 (57kg) cbmi: 15.9 (39.6kg) lbmi: 14.9 (37kg) ugw: ???? short bitch NOT fatphobic
Joined March 2021
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i posted this on my story because i was so happy i was able to do it and my “friend” commented “🤮” and now I’m sad i thought it looked good
Japanese curry omad ( also this is my first time doing it lowkey proud because I’m NOT a cook😭)
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does this look disordered as a dinner ? Bc my friends were judging me harddd😭😭
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my yogurt bowls are about to get crazy
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i love salads bc all of this is 208 calories
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should i make a thread on how i got from bmi 22 to 15 without ever binging while also having BED before ?
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lunch ( the cheese is 19 calories for 4 g of protein 😨 new safe food )
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how many calories do you guys think this is ? this is what I left
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I’ll just never understand savory oatmeal I’m sorry like wdym you’re putting eggs in your oatmeal ??
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Japanese curry omad ( also this is my first time doing it lowkey proud because I’m NOT a cook😭)
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@dietcolakiss
aaa ty I’m honored yeah im just not going to talk to her anymore until she apologizes lol
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y’all this is the best thing i ever tasted
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lunch tried the salted caramel grenade and it was amazing!!
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a lot of calories to power through today -308 calories
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breakfast I don’t want to put any effort into making one edition
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yogurt bowl of the day ( details in alt)
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gm i tried making caramelized apples with brown sugar stevia 😭 it wasn’t that bad 😃
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lunch
( i swear there are tomatoes underneath lol)
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lunch ( also the pudding looks beautiful omg )
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breakfast this better give me some energy
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i fell into the binging very early on in my life, ever since i was a child food was always a big comfort and a way for me to feel joy. Although growing up and developing depression I found myself using food as a coping mechanism because it was the easiest way I could access-
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disclaimer : this is what worked for me binging is a mental disorder and everyone has different backgrounds , relations towards food so don’t see this as a guide but more just my experience
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today eats : 788 c
steps : 10 k 198 c burned
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lunch also new mug i saw cute goats had to get it
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nothing to say except this tuna avocado wrap was really good
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i love eating like a 11 year old kid ( this is low-fat mayo btw )
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-happiness that I needed so badly. For years and years I continued the binging, I would have some periods where I was happier and I would eat less but everytime i felt no meaning in my life food was always there to guide me through my sadness.
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these protein pancakes were so delish they need their own post (recipe :20g oats/20 g vanilla protein powder/ one egg 225 calories 23 g protein)
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my lunch evolution lol aka my extreme hunger forcing me to eat more carbs
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When it comes to binging i was a sweet girl through and through high processed and ultra transformed snacks was my main source of early and fast dopamine response. I started noticing that I was highly addicted to sugar when I was sixteen when i noticed that I couldn’t go a day-
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todays eats increased intake edition because im trying to lose slower but also bc of the munchies 849 calories uhh i think 39 g of protein ( this was yesterday forgot to post)
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another salad this time 198 calories and with sweet corn ( my beloved )
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At one point i inevitably fell in love with restriction, I took a big sense of pride and joy into not giving in , not doing what I’ve done for so many years. Another part of why I never binged is because I learned everything about food, I never have any high processed food ever.
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all i have to say is good thing i stole it lol
omg i finally found it ( stole it bc that shit was 2.80€)
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-living alone and having fully free will to buy all of the most sugary unhealthy food ever made was my daily habit of consumerism. I would buy junk every single day disguising it as a “sweet treat” because I “deserved it” but the truth is I was addicted and I was lying to myself-
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wait I’m classified as severe thinness i don’t even feel that way
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-to continue this addiction. I would have months and months of just binging, my body was constantly inflamed I didn’t feel well , I was constantly tired while being in a calorie surplus I hated myself and my body and everything I was doing to myself and yet I couldn’t stop.
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-I used to get and I even though at one point that I would always need it to enjoy what I’m eating. But that’s when I thought wrong, food is food, just units of energy transferring into your body, minerals and vitamins feeding the brain helping you think and move.
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Back then I knew why I was addicted I knew that I just had to stop but stopping without actual motives doesn’t work, because it’s not the food that is destroying you it’s yourself. So the answer to me and how I navigated it to stop the binging is to just never give in.
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-without it not because I needed the taste but because I needed it to stay alive. I then spent years and years fighting this urge and giving in everyday feeling more and more a disappoint to myself because I couldn’t stop and because I couldn’t stop I would find comfort into-
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-capable of stopping, food doesn’t control you, you do. Now let’s talk about my actual restrictive disorder , I would always have the same following :3 days on 500 calories 2 days on 800 and 2 on 400. Because of this my mind was completely tormented by numbers-
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-eating which would turn into a very toxic cycle where the same thing that was destroying me was also helping me not destroying myself. I grew up in a family where food wasn’t always made and because I knew so little about health I would just get what I thought would satisfy-
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It’s not about me forcing myself to not eat junk food it’s my body that just stopped asking for it. It’s important to find substitutes, food that brings you joy without destroying your body , it took me a while to adjust to a life without sugar because that was the biggest high-
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-my hunger at that time. I learned very early on to ignore my actual needs to satisfy my brain, I cared so little about myself that I was okay with destroying my body in the process. At eighteen years old I moved countries, at that time i was insanely depressed and suicidal-
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-to lose weight I wanted more and I was determined to never stop the starvation, I never gave myself a day of peace I used to cry for hours if i even went above 800 calories. I completely destroyed my relationship with food and I was scared of everything.
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After all when it comes to junk food what it simply does is spiking your blood sugar making you crave more and if you continue giving in your body gets used to that amount of insulin needing more to feel the same as you did before.-
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granola, almond cookie , half an apple protein yogurt and almond butter 💕
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yogurt bowl today slapped all of my calories so i can skip lunch lol
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snack drawer except i only allow myself snacks for diabetics lol
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I was so focused on feeling something out of food that I forgot it’s primarily point. What helped me the most is growing this neutrality towards food, not needing to feel joy because that’s not what it’s always suppose to give.
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I was terribly insecure and I would project my insecurities towards others, i so badly needed approval , someone to tell me that I was doing something right because I couldn’t give it to myself. At one point the binging cycle went for so long that I just thought that it was just-
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lunch 🧍🏻♀️ 600 calories so far they’ll definitely force me to eat something at the restaurant tonight so my total will probably be 1100 calories aggh i just want to get to bmi 14 quickly but slow wl is still wl
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lunch - someone pls bully me for being such a fatass
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- it was truly my breaking point. That’s when I couldn’t take it anymore , I couldn’t take the hate that I had for myself , I couldn’t take the laziness, because yes I was very lazy not just because I was depressed but also because the food didn’t give me any energy to even do-
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-it was just me , because I always needed some way to destroy myself or else I wouldn’t see the point in living. The day where everything went downhill is when my ex asked my best friend out and called me “lazy and pathetic”. I know this may seem stupid to a lot of people but -
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Restriction at first was very easy to me somehow , I think because in a way I was restricting all these years eating empty calories so my body never really knew what actual satisfaction felt like. To me it was always about getting to an unhealthy bmi I didn’t just want to -
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they look crazy but protein pancakes (alt for recipe and macros)
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to even do something with my life. The way i went with restriction is completely out of pure self hatred, I wanted to punish myself for all these years where i just didn’t do anything and just let the disorder get worst and worst coating it with empty excuses -
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imagine you pull up and this is my fridge
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