A little over 2 years ago I posted a thread about xylazine. Having spent the past 2 years managing wounds resulting from xylazine contamination I thought it might be helpful to pass on some pearls of wisdom I’ve learned along the way. WARNING SOME GRAPHIC PHOTOS

Such a more liberating idea than a permanent, chronic, relapsing brain disease that is outside in the parking lot doing pushups and will one day kill me, as a fact. Understanding my drug use wasn’t the optimal activity, but it was the best option at the time. I wish I never had it in my past, but understanding and believing it isn’t my identity for life is exhilarating. @rhoadsoda @LifeProcessPrgm @speele5

Illicit fentanyl is: -Cheaper than methadone or Suboxone, $2/bag. -Easier to get. -The salesman appreciate you business and treat customers with respect. -It is enjoyable to take. -It’s greatly more effective for pain. -You don’t need to pee in a cup before buying it. -You can buy as much as you want with no questions asked. -You don’t need to sit in counseling for an hour every week to get it. -Nor do you need to participate in 3 hours of group therapy a week. -It’s available 24 hours/day -You can’t lose your access if you drink a beer. Lastly, and perhaps the most powerful thing about fentanyl is this, If you take Suboxone or methadone the stigma and discrimination you face is more severe than if you just used fentanyl. Until access to medications to assist in stopping drug use is at least as convenient as illicit drugs and offers the main side effect people desire we’ll always have problems.

There’s a dramatic difference between the days I go to the clinic and have to take the entire 20mg dose of methadone and Sundays. When I’m home on Sunday I only take 10mg. On those days my GI system is nearing normalcy, I don’t fall asleep every time I sit down, I can watch a movie all the way through and maintain interest, and I feel more sharp. Methadone saves thousands of lives and many people rely on it every day. However, for me I don’t like how I feel on it at all. I waver back and forth with depression, I’m too sedated, emotions are heightened and difficult to control, and it tastes absolutely horrible. I want to be very careful not to project my experience on others, but for me methadone was necessary due to the potency of fentanyl, but I don’t need it long term.

Even though take home doses are not an option for me anymore the clinic is closed on Sundays so I still have one take home dose. This begs the question, if I can’t earn take homes because I’m suspected of selling the medication, why is this an acceptable risk because the staff wants off on Sunday? If I am a risk to all the kids out there the clinic system thinks I’m delivering methadone to, how do they make peace with themselves knowing one day every week they are potentially putting the community at risk?

It’s why I turned them down. Maintaining control over how I am portrayed publicly is critically important and directly tied to my recovery. Altering it and leaving me to deal with any fallout on social media, with family or employers could be devastating to a person in early recovery (if you want to call it that).

“Nothing about us without us” is a mantra commonly used is drug user/addiction circles. There’s a reason these groups embrace this slogan, we’ve been excluded for decades. The Modernizing Opioid Treatment Access Act (MOTAA) is a perfect example of why we will continue to say, “nothing about us without us.” #freemethadone #MOTAAVoteNO

I’m trying hard not to be a nutty cat person, but this fuzzy little creature makes me so happy.

Appreciate it, but not your fault. I also don’t believe anyone intentionally tries to make things harder for one group over another. There’s so much misinformation and misunderstanding about how humans interact with drugs it creates an environment where really well meaning good people cause great harm in the name of justice.

Under MOTAA, a person will need an addiction medicine doctor in order to be prescribed Methadone. This means these patients will be required to see an adxn med doc monthly for the duration they are on the medication. Methadone is thought to be a lifetime medication, which means these patients are being signed up for monthly AM visits for life. This is a really bad thing. Everyone who decides to stop using drugs does it differently, the first year has been tricky for me so I can understand seeing a specialist for the first year. However, after that it’s a hinderance. When I stopped using drugs I rapidly revert back to my typical self. I don’t need sobriety check ins for the rest of my life. Using drugs in 2020 was a mistake, I did what I needed to do to correct it and I want to move on. Seeing an addiction medicine doctor for the rest of my life prevents me from ever being free from drugs. #freemethadone #MOTAAVoteNO

Yup, that’s what I am saying. It’s not just huge, it’s the right and just thing to do. It seems to be looked at as a nice starting point to lay the groundwork for the future to abolish the clinic system. That’s not good enough and my personal stance is rejecting MOTAA. I see it as a gigantic “slap in the face” of all of us who have been working hard before many involved were born. Accessing an adxn med doc is a massive barrier.

I also didn’t get hired as a CRS in the same ER I worked in as a RN after being recruited. I’ll share the details privately, but I suspect I may have been too much of a risk, I’ll never be able to prove it, but it seems risk of future relapse does impact how people hire (even though it’s an ADA violation).

That’s the point I’m making. MOTAA is ineffective and we deserve more. I would’ve been willing to work on having patience with the system and politics, playing the long game. However, so many addiction medicine docs and ASAM we outspoken about X-ing the X waiver, insisting every prescriber should be able to prescribe Suboxone because lives depended on it, but somehow methadone is different and so special that only they can supervise it, while more than 100k people still die unnecessarily. It’s too important to be sidelined again. MOTAA is paternalistic.

@ibdgirl76 I’ve said that for years. I could’ve made a mint if I would’ve changed how I tell my story instead of being honest, interesting I’m accused of being dishonest so often.

@melbee4444 I’m not surprised. It’s going to take decades to undo the damage done by traditional recovery ideology. Many times, sober people who’ve forgotten where they came from, are the fiercest adversaries drug users are up against.

When I call my primary care doctor’s office to make an appointment they answer the phone by either saying, “Suboxone clinic” or addiction clinic.”

The same doctors who tell me every single office visit how important it is that I stay on methadone because my life depends on it are the same ones lobbying Congress to prevent me from having the same right as their Suboxone patients do. Why? 🤔@ibdgirl76

Go Birds! Fly Eagles Fly. @Eagles #SuperBowlLIX

“When you get punched in the face 500 times a night, well, you know it starts to sting after a while.” -Rocky Balboa So applicable to so many phases in life.