Betches
@betchesluvthis
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Taking a break from thinking about ourselves to write it down. The official Twitter account of Betches.
Joined February 2011
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I could never be in this box because after two drinks I’d start asking who wants to pay off my student loans
#SuperBowl
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Me: I’m gonna have a positive attitude at work today
Me by noon:
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8-year-old me listening to “My Humps” on the bus to school
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me: ok Super Bowl is over im gonna go to sleep
me at 2am still watching the videos of Travis and Taylor kissing:
#SuperBowl
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Lana Del Rey's is going through a breakup and a quarantine at the same time so you already know that album is gonna be lit
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Kelis: My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
CDC: You can only bring 9 boys max.
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When I remember I have to go to work again tomorrow even though I just went today
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Me: *has $400 worth of clothes in my cart*
Shipping: $3.95
Me:
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Me: I try to be as engaged and approachable as possible at work
Me in every meeting:
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Me enjoying the extra hour of sleep and then remembering I won’t see the sun set past 5pm until next year
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sorry I didn't respond to your email, was kinda stressed about the civil war
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bold of Joe Biden to assume my life was on track before this virus
We’re going to get this virus under control and get your life back on track.
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Taylor’s Grammys album announcement looking at Beyoncé’s Super Bowl album announcement
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Me, a millennial trying to impress Gen-Z with an outfit I saw on TikTok
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Moderna, Pfizer & J&J getting together to save summer 2021
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Biden telling Trump “will you just shut up, man” is the most relatable he’s ever been
#Debates2020
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the fridge the electoral map
🤝
me checking every 20 mins in
case there’s something new
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Me texting my friends about how my date is going from the bathroom
Going welI, I think! Thank you to all. LOVE!!!
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*NSYNC reunites for the first time in 10 years*
Every millennial:
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Every single person on Google rn: What is J Lo and Shakiras anti aging routine
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same here but without a billion dollars
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Crying in the bathroom just doesn’t hit the same when you’re working from home
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I'm not emotionally prepared for the day American Girl Doll makes a 2020 doll named Jessica who comes with tie-dye loungewear, a matching face mask, a case of wine, and a story about how she heroically never left the house for 5 months.
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I miss 2009 when people would update their relationship status on Facebook the second they broke up. that level of tea was unparalleled
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Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania getting their shit together to flip for Biden
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I miss January, when my biggest problem was deciding whether or not to watch Cheer
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my therapist: so tell me about your coping mechanisms
me:
I drink a lot of iced coffee . I just drink it until i feel like I’m dying tbh
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people who are at Disney World this weekend are the same people who would trample you for a TV on Black Friday
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march??? again??? no thanks I’m gonna march myself back to bed
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Selena Gomez: *releases a song about Justin Bieber*
Hailey Baldwin:
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*me for the rest of my life*
Friends: He never texts back, he's clearly not into you.
Me: Well Ashley I and Jared got ENGAGED so anything is possible.
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this is a high school wrestling uniform
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So what are we doing for the 1-year lockdown anniversary? Bake banana bread? Whip coffee? All the above?
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it's been 1385 days since Justin Bieber released an album so don't tell me to fucking smile
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Which felt longer: today or the month of March? Honestly not sure
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what's gonna drop first? Rihanna's next album or the Nevada vote count
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someone just referred to August as "next week" and I almost fell out of my chair
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Spotify Wrapped but it’s just how many minutes you cried in 2020
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2020 so far:
January - 31 days but felt like three months
February - 29 days but felt like 10 minutes
March - somehow not over yet but has literally been 76 years long
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Normalize taking a day off work because 'the vibes are off'
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the real April fools this year is every single plan you made for the month of April
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What's your favorite memory of the past year? Mine is the time I was convinced this pandemic would be a 3-4 week thing
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Turns out staying in and cooking really did save money all along. Unbelievable.
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After this shit I never wanna look at a map of the U.S. again
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would be amazing if we could just have one day in 2020 where it doesn’t feel like the world is ending
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social media has been exhausting this week but at least we're all learning something instead of pretending to care about people's banana bread
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might go for a walk today or might just watch 17 hours of TV, only time will tell
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if you used Picnik in 2009 legally you can put graphic designer on your resume
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much like a mcdonalds ice cream machine, I do not feel like working today
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the only good thing about 2020 is that drinking by yourself in bed is suddenly, like, chic
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*Khloé & Tristan welcome baby number 2 the same day Kim & Pete break up*
Kris Jenner:
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waking up on Sunday morning realizing I only have 15 hours left to do nothing
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Are we drinking because of the election, because it’s Friday, or because the sun sets at 4pm? Lmk either way I’m blacking out
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On the bright side...
-saving $ on makeup
-boobs are hanging free
-wine is good for your heart right?
-never shaving my legs again
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Yea breakups hurt but have you ever bought 2 drinks at a rooftop bar and had the total come out to $45?
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Katy Perry really said “do you ever feel like a plastic bag” in 2010 and we were all like “wow yeah I really do”
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Can I please speak to the manager of Daylight Saving Time? The absolute last thing we need right now is total darkness at 4:30pm.
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so 7pm is really just gonna feel like midnight every single day from here on out, huh?
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does anyone else think it’s wild that we just have to like, wake up and go to work in the morning?
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Men will do anything except go to therapy
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In retrospect we should have known the Spears family was fucked up when Jamie and Lynne had a daughter & named her Jamie Lynn
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Can’t believe I used to sit at home until 9pm then muster up the energy to go out 🤡
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Taylor Swift wrote two albums in quarantine while my biggest accomplishment was staying awake to watch her win the Grammy for Album of the Year
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“When it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, or even your year” hits different in 2020
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if JLo and Ben can go back to 2002 then so can I... happy to announce my debt is gone and I'm having a Lizzie McGuire themed birthday party
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If you see me drinking wine out of a coffee mug on November 3rd, mind your own business.
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Sorry boss I can't come into work, I'm busy finding a Canadian citizen to marry
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sex is cool but have you ever had a package arrive before the estimated delivery date?
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Hard to get excited about spooky season when I’ve been dead inside since march
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When you have to sing at the inauguration at 11 and win the Hunger Games at 12
#InaugurationDay
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it's wild that the government knows exactly how much tax we all owe, but then makes us figure it out ourselves, but then will literally arrest us if we get it wrong.
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There are 2 types of workdays:
1. How is it only 2pm??
2. How is it already 2pm??
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