blanco
@beerdefeater
Followers
6,288
Following
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Media
2,267
Statuses
23,004
beers, buddies, bruins. visual artist.
Boston, MA
Joined May 2012
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Just saw someone say they got the ick from the way their bfs body flailed around when they got in a car crash
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Every time a rave girl does ketamine a horse has to go into surgery awake
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“Fuck Tyga, Kylie belong to the streets on gang. Can’t trust a triflin ass bitch. Travis next album finna slap no cap 💯💯💯”
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Im hammered watching the Santa tracker telling my niece that when Santa enters the US airspace our military is gonna shoot him down with cruise missiles
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If you nut in 2 minutes from doggy style that’s actually 14 minutes in dog minutes
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This is how I hug my buddy when he makes an unannounced appearance at the bar I’m at
to this day this is still the most insane and intimate hug ever shared by two people
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White people see 6 IPA’s available on draft at the bar and start doing the worm
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“You scared my dog” buddy you’re yelling and dragging that mf around
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I wish I had 3 hands so I wouldn’t have to put my beer down to text my gf while I’m driving
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Send him my draft kings code and tell him to sign up so I can get that $150 in bonus bets
You woke up in the middle of the night and saw this guy staring at you .
what would be your reaction ?
#ufotwitter
#disclosure
#UFOs
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“Sir did you just offer my 11 year old son a cigarette?”
me:
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I would beat the fucking piss out of this idiot. So help me god the amount of rage that has filled my body is unfathomable. I wish your dumbass got frozen during the ice age you poor excuse for a baby fuck you.
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Found something better than porch beers. They’re called out to dinner with the parents beers, they’re unlimited and free. Then they drive you home after? What a blessing.
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This me when I’m 25 beers deep and the Uber driver turn around and ask me “is right here okay?”
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Guy like me would flail around elegantly it would make her fall in love w me more
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“Tits or ass” bro the dark circles under her eyes from pure stress and exhaustion
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On a beautiful summer afternoon with my disgustingly handsome buddies, just the thought of this got my balls tingling
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My homie didn’t hit him cuz he was off the boomers and the guy bugged him out don’t talk down on my lil homie
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To follow up yes she did end up going and yes we did end up playing cod
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I would kill myself in front of them
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I just almost got in a car accident that was undoubtedly completely my fault and I still rolled down the window and told the guy to suck my dick
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Tomorrow I’ll post an old guy trying to fight me for skating at a spot
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One time when I was 18 I was at the skatepark by myself and I did a fakie flip and then I slipped and fell and hit my head and lost my vision for 20 minutes, I just sat on the ledge accepting that I went blind then I got my vision back and skated home and went about my day
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If you nut in 2 minutes from doggy style that’s actually 14 minutes in dog minutes
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Her Snapchat score went up by 5 points since she said goodnight.
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THIS CHICKEN STOMPED A FRONT BOARD AND RODE AWAY CLEAN AS HELL 😭😭😭
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“La Flame saved my life. ASTROWORLD deserved album of the year, y’all steady cappin on foenem. Travis rocked Coachella and gave half the check to that plastic skank. Couldn’t be me 😤💯💪🏼”
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Creating Christmas memories she will remember forever, I am uncle of the year
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IT’S BENTLEY’S 8TH BIRTHDAY AND HIS BROTHER GOT JEALOUS OF ALL THE ATTENTION HE’S GETTING
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Boston parking signs be like
“2 hour parking for 3 hours on the last Wednesday and Tuesday at the beginning of the month from here to the curb also handicap from 12pm to 4pm pacific time”
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If the Beatles were any good then why weren’t they on any tony hawk pro skater soundtracks
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I shoulda never ate that witch girls pussy now I’m in the nether
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The girl from The Ring every time someone pops the VHS tape into the TV
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Oh so your boyfriend is 6’4”? Step aside and let the real men through.
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Doctor diagnosed me with this guy needs a 12 pack of coors light and a couple of afternoon laughs with his buddies (who he thinks the world of) disorder
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I don’t need meds for my mental health I need 12 cigarettes and a compliment
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I’m at a party and bro goes “wanna meet my brother” we all are like yeah man and he brings out an urn
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Bartender: you wanna keep it open?
Me for the 12th time in a row:
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If my girl ever get mad that I forget about her favorite food or her birthday or some shit I’m trauma dumping this on her and flipping the script
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Can y’all stop deactivating for mental health reasons I’m losing followers
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Anybody wanna be my gf? I am very negative and I have a growing alcohol problem.
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Sorry I can’t stand for the national anthem I have a massive fucking boner
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@userjaymes
That’s my lil homie he usually smacks people up when this happens but he was trippin and the guy bugged him out so he was tryna dip 😭
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Y’all can go on your little “walk 🍃” before thanksgiving dinner. I’m gonna be a real man and take a heroic dose of mushrooms and cry at the dinner table.
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The only alcohol problem I have is the one when there isn’t a beer in my hand
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Tornado’d less than a quarter of a beer in 15 seconds, get back on fortnite idiot
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I was 22 when I made this
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Cocaine with the bro’s call that brocaine. Cocaine with the hoes call that hoecaine. Cocaine with your toes call that toecaine. Cocaine with a female deer call that doecaine. Cocaine with a dude who’s balding call that rogaine. Cocaine on the grill call that propaine. Cocaine wit
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My stomach processing an entire 12 rack of miller high life after only having consumed a reese’s cup and half a water bottle in the last 36 hours
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