;p
@beefymosquito
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I went to the Apple Store to buy new headphones n realized I forgot my credit card in my other purse and I asked the clerk if they took Apple Pay n he looked at me and said what do u think
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If you’re dating a sorority girl you single to me. Tf ⚡️🦋 J U L I A 🦋⚡️gon do to me
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Getting 0 likes on a tweet just means I had a thought so original that no one could relate
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Thinking about how a girl in my class just liked my bad bitch Instagram post n now she’s gonna watch me stutter during my presentation
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Why my friend say her mcm didn’t text her for 3 days so she looked up “27 year old deaths in Brooklyn” bc there is no other valid reason
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My coworker said she has no exes so when she gets fucked up she calls her old jobs and says she wants to work there again
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Why was the Brooklyn tech mascot an engineer that’s so embarrassing
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This girl posted a tiktok of “instagrammable parts of NY” and look at this comment
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Bitches be anemic with their hair always straightened. You focused on the wrong iron sis
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Thinkin bout the time I saw “petite girl” in my mcms porn history n my 5’10 ass had to pretend not to be hurt
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Whenever I see a teacher squinting at their attendance sheet and starting to stutter I just raise my hand bc I know it’s my name
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U post a lil ass on insta n suddenly every man wanna know how your day went
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Do your parents know they pay 60k a year for u to skip all your classes and get ur cheeks clapped by boys in Sperry’s
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Stop asking me what I do in my free time I literally just wake up and fight for my life everyday
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Thinking ab my roommate in college who went home for break w hickeys on her neck and told her mom it was from me choking her ?
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Men in the DMs b like: Hey how are u?
Me: good just exhausted
Them: haha well u can sit on my face if ur tired
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Ppl who never lived in Astoria don’t know what it’s like to open Uber eats n have the most incredible food options
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Some of you have a healthy stable relationship with your father and it SHOWS
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My friends bf cannot be real she confronted him for snapping this girl and he started talking abt how his family has a history of heart problems
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My friend lowkey sending me audio notes of her and her man arguing rn so I can tell her if he sounds like he’s lying 🤣
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Me n this girl walking side by side both wearing biker shorts but she got 3x the amount of ass like damn can u please cross the street
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U go to any beach in NY there’s gon be a group within 5 feet of u playing bad bunny drinking casamigos and smoking hookah
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Me watching tiktoks of girls that have a good relationship with their dad
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A girl in my class’ fun fact was “I got kicked out of a hospital for having a light saber with me.” So we were like tf why u got one with u n she said she stay strapped with it at all times n I called cap n SHE WHIPPED IT OUT IN THE CLASSROOM HOW IS THIS REAL
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Guys do I look a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll? 🫣🤭
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How am I supposed to pursue a career when my life goals and personality change every hour
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Shit have u rewatching ur story like damn I did that huh
when a rare story liker likes your story so you know you ateee
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You ever wonder what the exact moment everything went south was? Yeah I got a picture of it
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This man just pressed me for a swipe on the train n was like ‘what u don’t have 2.75’ no bro YOU don’t have 2.75
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I wanna see azealia banks�� brain scan I think she using a part of the brain we don’t have access to
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Having ppls location isn’t enough I need to know what room they’re in
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Fruit that I cut up myself: fine
Fruit my mother cut up for me and brought to my room without me asking: fucking delicious
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Ik the person checking out his balloons at the register was like ok…
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Mom I’m at this party and my social battery died please pick me up
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If u sad to be single today just know my friends man got her a nets jersey as a gift and she doesn’t even watch sports
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I’m out eating and the guy at the table next to us just asked his girl if she wants to get a mani pedi after and I’m holding back tears god I see what you’ve done for others
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Any tweets I see today of “if you had my titty in your mouth wish me a happy Mother’s Day” are getting reported
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I rly suck at flirting 😔 a dude will be like “Go study” n I’m like “shut the fuck up u lil dick ass bitch. Maybe if YOU studied you wouldn’t be such a deadbeat like ur father”
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I physically cannot do work idk how I’ve made it this far in college
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