barney farmer
@barneyfarmer
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Yūgen appreciation society. Writes Drunken bakers etc for Viz. Wrote this this and that so…
Joined January 2011
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Given the economic crime-spree unsure how many of my potential readers remain in the market for a big-ticket purchase like a book, but this might be right up your street. Or down your way. Or let’s be avenue.
Don’t die in ignorance, unless that’s your bag.
Since he doesn't do it, let me tweet in praise of the most recent from
@barneyfarmer
Strange uncategorisable work, a free verse monologue on the surrealism of the early pandemic months. Haunting and evocative. Kudos too
@wbphull
- their books are always nice objects.
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Yes, during her reign there were only major riots in several cities for four months of 1981, again in 1985, then only a handful of minor riots until 1990 and the gigantic riot which arguably triggered her downfall.
If only Lady Thatcher was in power. These liberal thugs wouldn’t be rampaging around.
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The Sun costs less than a cup of coffee. So please. Buy a cup of fucking coffee.
#DontBuyTheSun
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Should be a good fight.
Prince Andrew and his ex-wife will take on the Queen's beloved corgis, following the monarch's death
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Locks should be abolished to save time, according to a report by the Institute of Burglars.
The NHS should be abolished to save lives, according to a report by the Institute of Economic Affairs. It’s calling for the health service to be replaced with a system of social insurance like the Netherlands.
Should we scrap the NHS to save lives?
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Clap for the NHS
Gonorrhoea and syphilis sex infections reach record levels in England
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Follow for the very latest political news!
“Thatcher sought to drag Britain out of its stupor by setting loose our natural entrepreneurialism"
Story:
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It is surely among the more puzzling aspects of recent history that this period in which Britain is sadly ‘broke’ should happen to coincide with a veritable Golden Age for the ultra-wealthy.
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We’ve entered a strange neolib fairytale where producing art like this makes you a Nazi but wearing actual Nazi insignia on your military uniform just means you’re an over-excited patriot.
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It's a God-awful small affair, to the girl with the mousy hair.
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Teach a man to throw a fish and he'll be a joke for a day. Teach him to avoid Fisheries Committee meetings he is paid to attend and he'll be a joke for a lifetime.
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The disembodied voice of joyless brain-dead Olde Englande.
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Dead?
A close friend of mine: “Why can’t Theresa May be like Margaret Thatcher?”.
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She was born in 1947 but has seen all the films.
Brexit Party's Ann Widdecombe claims a no-deal Brexit would be "nothing compared to the sacrifice" made in WW2 "to ensure Britain's freedom"
#r4today
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One day wiser heads than ours will reflect on a culture which allowed powerful men to openly use their newspapers as sensationalised far right agitprop, day after day, year after year, over decades, with no serious challenge from anyone in a position to do anything about it.
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It’s followed a logical arc in line with the politics, media and culture of the past few decades, incredibly.
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Wayne Lineker
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March 20th, 2003, Baghdad.
Pre-Corbyn, when was the last time a Labour leader publicly supported a strike?
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If I lived to be one million years old I doubt I would ever understand the appeal or point of throwing a pint of perfectly good beer which I had bought with my own money up into the air.
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People born and raised under the British postwar consensus probably count among the populations most sheltered from the harsh realities of life in all of human history.
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Not all heroes wear a cape. Or have a home. Or get treated like human beings.
'We had to pull nails out of children's faces': Steve, a homeless man who was sleeping near
#Manchester
Arena, rushed to help young victims
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The real beauty, for me, is the singular lack of exertion on Mair’s part. He could be eating a meal, having a shave, relaxing over a good book, languidly breaking off every now and again to boot this imbecile straight up the arse and into low Earth orbit.
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John, and I’m choosing my words carefully here, is a fucking prick.
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I mean to have you, Brexit, even if it must be burglary
This audience member says ‘the time is up on Friday the 29th’ and the UK should leave the EU without a deal.
#bbcqt
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I grew up in a working class family became middle class when I ate some olives, upper class when I tried a top hat on, then working class again when I fried an egg whilst smoking a fag.
"I grew up in a middle class family.. But I became working class when I was working in McDonalds"
- Conservative party leadership candidate Kemi Badenoch
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The Guardian when I started buying it in the 80s vs The Guardian today.
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This is not only normal it is commendable and 100% consistent with a culture saturated by free market values. What, I should sit around at home for some presumed common good while others fill their boots (with jerry-cans)? No such thing as society, pal, just individual vehicles.
Behave normally, UK transport minister tells Britons queuing for fuel
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I see a fairly small handful of high profile reporters and senior editors utterly unable to keep their own politics out of their job. No conspiracy. No elaborate schemes. No code machines. No meetings in cupboards. Just consistently bad journalism.
Emily Maitlis: ‘People see conspiracy at the BBC when it’s just a confluence of cock-ups’
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They've broken it, as everyone who voted against them last June knew they would.
Woman, 81, found dead at her home five hours after calling an ambulance
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If one intervention by a figure from the arts shook me during this campaign it was this. That Alan has chosen to publicly (temporarily) set aside the deeply held beliefs which have informed his life and many great works tells me unambiguously that shit has gotten VERY serious.
Alan Moore hasn't voted for decades. The author of V for Vendetta is arguably the world's most celebrated anarchist. Today, he's voting Labour. Alan Moore knows the score.
#VoteLabourToday
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Give me an hour.
In order to pray well, we need to have the heart of a child.
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Genuinely terrible to see footage of protesters outside the HoC screaming and shouting the kind of appalling language previously confined to the front pages of our newspapers.
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The grimmest thing about this whole hacking scandal, and the ‘dark arts’ of the Press in general, is that they seldom seem deployed in worthy cause, to expose the malfeasance and criminality we know stalks high places, merely in pursuit of banal celeb tittle-tattle, petty dirt.
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“When Alexander of Macedon was 33 he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer.”
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Blue Oyster Cu*t
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A dog into which I’ve shaved the words ‘Cheer up!’ has been released into the neighbourhood. Let me know if you see it and were cheered up. Do NOT approach the animal, he’s pretty furious TBH
An iconic blue Spitfire with 'Thank U NHS' on its underside will be flying over our region today.
Let us know if you manage to spot it! ✈️
Credit: Aircraft Restoration Company
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Basically you let service failures and infrastructure shortcomings pile-up as a direct consequence of your economic settlement, with successive governments skating around the problems, occasionally bearing witness, making sounds associated with concern, leave it all simmering...
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I guess she alienated her bass.
I campaigned in Bristol and saw the vicious below belt Green campaign to oust the only professional concert level cellist Labour MP.
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Nobody gets to act surprised. Of course this is the endgame. What, did you think they were playing?
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UKIP haven't been 'destroyed'. They never really existed, other than as a weaponised arm of the Tory right. They have now rejoined the hive.
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Some of your kids struggle to eat, mine struggles to make a success of his debut TV cookery series, it’s all the same, and it’s all good.
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Where were you when you found out you had to stare at Twitter for the rest of the day?
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Tiger attack or bowel cancer?
“Look, it isn’t quite tha-“
TIGER ATTACK OR BOWEL CANCER?!
'Which poses the greater threat to the planet Putin or climate change?'
When this former Extinction Rebellion spokesperson refused to answer
@NickFerrariLBC
's question three times he was swiftly cut off.
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Fucks Bizz.
Former Bucks Fizz singer Jay Aston Colquhounis to stand for Brexit Party
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That isn’t how doorways work.
The pandemic is like a doorway. Once you pass through, there is no going back
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"We're all doing our bit, Beryl. I've been on that front step clapping the monolithic NHS every Thursday, weather permitting, with no thought for my own safety or taxes. Meanwhile a handful of sneering union fat-cats plot to deny their members the glory of a martyr's death."
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What's your favourite portrayal of a sociopath in a movie/TV show?
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The great advance we have made on the dinosaurs is that we would know the market value of our extinction level event.
Asteroid bigger than Eiffel Tower and worth £3.5 billion to skim Earth's orbit
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One thing I’ve noticed in my years observing politics on this rock is the tendency of such ‘mistakes’ never to go in the favour of ordinary citizens.
This is a fascinating Dr Hannah Fry clip on how austerity came about by an error in a spreadsheet......
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They must be really good at business to be doing so well during a ‘cost of living crisis’.
British Gas profits leap from £72m to £751m in a year
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Something tells me it might shortly be deemed necessary to smear and discredit the seven-time British Press Awards Foreign Reporter of the Year and twice Reporter of the Year Robert Fisk.
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On 13 December 2020 I made defamatory statements about
@AyoCaesar
, which I sincerely regret and retract and have undertaken not to repeat. I have agreed to pay substantial damages to Ash Sarkar and her legal costs. Here is my full and wholehearted apology. Please retweet
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A few days before the GE the political editor of the BBC began circulating a government allegation - source unnamed - that a Minister’s aide had been assaulted by a Labour supporter on a campaign stop. She continued broadcasting details of the assault for more than half an hour.
In a world of alternative facts and post-truth, we need the BBC. Latest column
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Gove and Vine as they see themselves vs Gove and Vine as they are.
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Setting Westminster aside, easily the largest influx of young people into mainstream politics of my lifetime was met by a four year cross-party/media effort to label them brainwashed, a cult, racists, and anyone who imagined the consequences would be lightly laughed off is naive.
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When I was a kid we had no central heating, no inside bog, and during winter a regular challenge/game was to try and get the ice off my bedroom window in one big sheet.
It was, for avoidance of doubt, fucking horrible.
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@Keir_Starmer
“I want them back.”
‘I want them back too.’
“I *expect* them back.”
‘Ditto.’
“It’s a moral duty!”
‘I said that last week.’
“No ifs or buts.”
‘I agree.’
“Good.”
‘I know it is.’
“Good that you’re doing what I want.”
‘No, you’re doing what *I* want.’
“No you.”
‘You.’
“You.”
Etcetera
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Dan Hodges anxiously googling whether you can catch it off boot leather
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Than ever for her or in recorded history? It's important.
Carrie Symonds clapped 'harder than ever' for carers this evening
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Are there not seeds? Are there not cores? Are you simply too pampered to wait a mere 12 or 13 years to harvest a succulent and nutritious fruit dinner?
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Just give it thyme
Scary reason you should never put parsley into your vagina to induce your period
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No, this a Sun leader transported to real life. It is a column calling for refugees to be shot in the water transported to real life. It is ghosts from your past.
If you’ve ever wanted to see what Twitter transported to real life looks like, here it is. Anna Soubry, like Owen Jones, has the temerity to have opinions, and gets this. You can’t mute real people screaming in your face (more’s the pity).
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The problem there is that the national media passionately do not care about issues in Rochdale.
The media willingly play Galloway’s game. They should only ask him about local issues in Rochdale. Watch him wilt.
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Until this kind of corruption is mandatorily punished at the ballot box, with results overturned, candidates permanently excluded from future political careers, the rich will always consider it a risk worth taking.
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@Keir_Starmer
[winks at FBPE]
It’s okay I’m lying.
[winks at Red Wall]
It’s okay I’m lying to them about lying.
[winks at FBPE]
It’s okay I’m lying to them about lying to you.
[winks at Red Wall]
It’s okay I’m lying to them about lying to you about lying to them about lying to you about lying
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"It's your kids, Marty! Something gotta be done about your kids! They want to work in Hamburg."
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There is a magic money tree, just not for the likes of you. You’re the fertiliser.
‘Jaw-droppers’: Bentley profits top £500m as rich seek personalised cars
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Who’d have thought improved longevity would be the engine which finally propelled fascism to power in Britain? Jonathan Swift aside.
A new party for the ageing population... Tories utterly squeezed out.
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King's coronation: Cross containing 'shards used in Christ's crucifixion' to be used in procession
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Don't suffer little children to come unto UK, and forbid them everything: for of such is the kingdom of Mail.
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It’s a mystery poached in a conundrum served on a bed of grilled riddles.
How can Douglas Murray still write for
@Telegraph
and the
@spectator
when he says such incendiary and violent rhetoric about immigrants and Muslims:
“The public will have to go in, & the public will have to sort this out themselves, & it'll be very, very brutal. I don't want
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