open book on creative process etc - talk 2 me : - )
Bookings: s
@icartists
.net (NA) rene
@octopus
-agents.com (worldwide)
Other Biz: ian
@theblackacre
.co.uk
struggling w/ how bad I look in some recent DJ footage.
at 36 i'm trying 2 accept that my face is gonna become less + less camera friendly every year, unless I do professional make up (plz no) 💀
this is my least fave part of being a DJ in a industry obsessed w/ aesthetics.
-Someone not loving your music doesn't devalue your worth as an artist
-Lacking bookings or a booking agent doesn't devalue your worth as an artist
-A bad DJ set doesn't devalue your worth as an artist
We are all struggling in a sea of noise that tells us otherwise.
i'm going to be more open about how the desire to cope with depression is one of my core motivators to DJ + produce music. i know i'm not alone - a lot of artists are neurodivergent or creating to heal or work through alienation - but i don't think i make this clear enough ...
bottom line - you can spend a week prepping for a set and still feel incompetent as a DJ due to other variables- that's the nature of this practice. nobody is entitled to a great set or a great night because of hard work - we have very little control when it comes to performance.
10 years ago my career + dayjob were in diametrically opposite places. from 2010-2013 i was crunching numbers at an intl dev nonprofit + DJing bars on the side (which I hid until I couldn't).
Now I work in the music industry + have records out. I am 36 going on 37. give thx 🥲
Such a weight off my chest to finally share this:
Got my first LP ever coming out on
@kindergarten_ny
Nov 3, 2023 👀
The first single 'V7' is out today 🤭 Hope you enjoy + preorder ✨
my latest struggle w/ having a dayjob as an artist is the phenomenon of "context switching" :
switching btwn dayjob + artist tasks continuously throughout the day.
i hate multitasking, so it's hard 2 focus on both these fronts most days. everyday's a battle w productivity😵💫
i get a lot of advice as a DJ to do me 100 % behind the decks, regardless of the context or line up. while I try, it's hard. there are many versions of my DJ self. many directions i can go based on the disparate styles of music I like. it is tough for me to feel fully prepared.
2024 is an open book. Some artistic intentions I clarified yesterday :
I want to see DJing as my inhale, producing as my exhale.
I want to see DJing and learning about other people's music as my vehicle to hone and deepen my producer voice.
This year, the plan is to DJ more.
a bit emotional reading these kind words from
@andrewryce
today on
@residentadvisor
re: the album 😊
getting to a review like this is a team effort on multiple fronts of a releasing a record - grateful 2 everyone who's helped me get here 🩷
i rarely feel this good so i'm gonna tell you why:
-album done
- album PR stuff done
-took week off from dayjob to focus on Dublin, London + Lisbon show prep
-2024 booking convos coming along (slowly but surely)
+ it's finally feelin like fall in NYC 🥰
i see so much narcissism in the music industry and sometimes it feels flat out condoned. folks don't bat an eyelid anymore cuz it's normal for DJs to big up themselves all the time. and then normal for folks to then big up them all over again. crushing humility sucks sometimes😂
truly OK with the music career ending if it somehow did in the next few years.
super grateful i've gotten to play the rooms I've played so far.
happy 2 have seen europe!
appreciate everyone who's been kind to me + shown up to a set or track with an open heart 🩶
after daylight savings I'm experimenting w/ becoming a 'morning person' : been up at 7 without fail since
🥹🥲😄
7AM: rise + hit the DAW
8AM: coffee
10AM: start dayjob
4 or 5PM : run
6PM: food
7PM back @ the DAW
10PM : mindless BS / BED
and yes I have no friends anymore 😂
just wanna thank anybody who has shown me respect. because of my life experience i don't carry myself in a way that necessarily demands respect as a person or artist: I tend minimize my ego, identity + needs in many situations (working on this). i don't take respect for granted.
at 36, feeling like maybe i have to go completely sober to make touring feel sustainable in the long run (if my career comes to that). in general i am a pretty light drinker but cumulatively the nights add up.
on a special night like tonight i feel a little nervous as a DJ...
trying to remind myself that everything i need is already in the room✨
hope to see some of you at the club :)
today i feel compelled to call out how music industry pressure is draining the happiness of everyone I know and love.
trying to remember i make music for myself out of personal necessity: it's a chosen way of life. anything else that emerges is a bonus.
& it's temporary.
kindness towards others + dedication to a practice even when it's hard.
it may help u wake up years later and realize you're suddenly inside the community you once admired from the outside. a magical feeling to find an irrevocable place in an ecosystem 🥲
Truancy Volume 313: Ayesha (
@ayescold
)
Two hours of experimental club-focused sound design and heavyweight garage, dub and techno from one of NYCs current brightest talents.
big picture on basscoast: beautiful festival run by amazing ppl. but personally a mid-DJ experience. overwhelmed by a 1 hr set after traveling for 12. didn't sleep night prior due 2 bass rattle. floor cleared during my set, was in my head whole time. thankful 4 acid + friends 🥲
after all this time, i'm still like deeply afraid of rejection when it comes to demos and it def holds me back from being more forthcoming + sharing my ideas.
i def know i'd release a whole lot more music if I got over this fear so i'm tryin...
It's wild to me that sharing depression as the root of my creative practice resonates with so many folks out here. Easy to snooze on sharing the simplest parts of ourselves that connect with the lived experiences many others. Easy to delay this in fear of being misunderstood.
there are still many doors that feel closed to me.
what else must i do to be considered for these opportunities? this feeling seems to never end.
if the answer is make more music: yes that's coming.
but what if it's not about that... i wonder.
Playing
@fabriclondon
tonight!
Funny story - last time I was there it was in 2007 for Bloc Party DJ Set, I was 21. Shortly after arrival I got kicked out 😭😂
My friend threw up on the dance floor😤
also learning : sometimes just cuz I can design a sound or groove, doesn't mean it needs to exist inside the track i've created it in.
asking myself more: what does this sound actually do for this track? if i can't answer this Q, then I bounce the element out for another sesh
so, i started working with management this past month 🙂
a lot of reasons not to work with management - i know. but for me, the strongest reason to work with management is the timing feeling right. shit's getting real... time to treat it real 🔒
learning there's no playbook or panacea for making folks want to book me...
but what I can put my efforts toward is the creative energy I put out in the world through my tunes. a lot more of that coming your way this year, hang tight for announcements I'm dying to get out 💫
I've mostly produced via arrangement view in Ableton, but I want 2 work faster in 2024.
so i tried session view. initially loved how quick i could lock in 'scenes' of a track. but never completed the tracks. designing scenes: deeeep rabbit hole.
back 2 arrangement view!
flattered 2 b nominated for 'breakthrough DJ' but i cannot agree more that
@annamorgandj
truly earned it 🥳
a total boss DJ when I was just a baby DJ: it's inspiring to see Anna's longevity, consistency + hard work pay off. this is a marathon not a sprint.
CONGRATS ANNA ❤️🔥👁️
can't even remember what a real weekend feels like anymore. that joy of having 2 days where you're supposed to rest + do life shit like clean your house feels very 10 years ago lol.
whatever this is - it's bad.
I think I spend most of the money I make through music on other people's music. So much that I often feel relieved when the Bandcamp cart is under $50 😅
creativity does not follow deadlines. you can plan to get music made, but even if you make time + bang something out, a track might take a frustrating turn and after more work feel LESS ready than when you first started.
i see every song of mine as a miracle of completion 😂
what makes someone valuable as an artist then?
an ability to offer a dif perspective (even if it's a tiny shift) on the world around us.
this is the role of the artist in a world where the capitalist elite (i.e. 'the mainstream') have a monopoly of knowledge + power.
believe it or not, once upon a time my itunes library was full of tracks downloaded via music blogs.
feeling ancient (but grateful) as I go down the
@palmsout
blog archive from 2006-2008 . so many gems ✨ 😃
@ccl_url
this is a great question! i am def not as busy as you are, but I believe the concept of balance is elusive, maybe a myth and we must challenge it (instead of chasing it). this, while being compassionate to ourselves because hell - we're not trying to do ordinary things here 🌠
in this vein, it is way too easy to compare myself with DJs who are 10 years younger than me. easy to forget that the DJs who make looking put together easy might actually might have it easier 😂 ahhh, youth .
closed Nowadays yesterday eve with the intention of expressing depth and breadth : truly not something I get to do very often. I was told I played tracks that clearly made me happy 💖
thanks to everyone who made it!
'pre-tour' ritual: cleaning my house right before i leave so that i feel more clearheaded headed to my gig. it does wonders! plus i feel great coming back to a clean house 😇
the most rewarding thing about being a resident DJ for me : when you can test your own tracks mid-set and feel safe doing it. LN at
@nowadaysnyc
i got on the mic and told folks i was testing an unmastered tune out. asked the room to listen and suspend judgement. they liked it 😈
trying to free myself from certain attachments. got a studio, might let it go. dayjob, might let that go. funny how formerly non-negotiable things in my life that once offered stability now feel the most burdensome ...
health is not good friends.
lingering cough from COVID traveled into lungs upon return. doc says i could now have pneumonia or bronchitis now (a complication from COVID).
so, moving even slower now. hoping not to cancel gigs + the antibiotics do their job asap 🙃
tried to make a very heady + nuanced techno track, failed. it ended up feeling like an ordinary electro banger... sometimes i think my music makes me, not the other way around 😂
@splice
I don't have kids but it's hard to balance music production with a personal life or dayjob, period.
to finish an album i was doing the 7-10 rule that i found helpful:
7-10AM production sesh -- start day-- then 7-10PM production sesh. i would be exhausted on these days 😅
back in the studio today - thought i'd completely switch up my approach and program my drums using MIDI.
so useful for making cyclical drum-oriented techno! also never used ableton's 'groove pool' till now - this is some next level shit.
👀👀👀
when i'm alone producing + realize something sounds sick -- my fingers involuntarily form the shape of a gun 😂
i just can't help it, it's like a tick 🤣
in other news, been in a hole with deadlines this week and realizing how depressing that is.
i also realize how poorly i nourish myself (eat) when I'm down to the wire with tracks. it's like physical health can take the back seat when i'm trying to meet a deadline. so so bad.
the past year has involved a lot of life lessons re: accepting rejection + failure. but I am stronger because of it. faced my worst fear too: the creative lull. losing control over my output as a producer 😱 to know I can go through this + come out on the other side OK is huge
‘Potential Energy’ from
@ayescold
’s EP of the same name deservedly included in
@residentadvisor
’s Tracks of the Year amongst some stellar selections 🔥💪
i absolutely love to hear it when beautiful projects from producers i look up to were 100 % made in the box 😱 talking like FM synthesis, stretching VSTs + samples to their utmost limits 🙏🏾 hope-inducing for someone like me who makes a lot of music sitting on the floor 😊
settling into a lot of new realizations
- i want to coexist with creative process, not be enmeshed with it
- honoring my pace at creating, and emanating that energy outward has been super rewarding the past year
- quality > quantity. will take this motto to my grave.
what they don't tell you before making a career in music ...
being a producer sometimes feels like you're back in school ☠️
the anxiety of delivering premasters can feel similar to the impending doom of delivering end of term papers 😭🥲
first time playing Atlanta tonight 😍
it's been a real pleasure + privilege to access perspectives of underground music scenes across the country the past 1.5 years... touring always offers me new insights about human nature, super grateful to be doing it finally 💚
i think 2022 has taught me that i'm constantly learning - even right now as I try to finish an album + make new material, i'm struck by how little I still know and how much more I have to grow as a musician. it's wild 🥲
Of all the recent lessons learned, the one i'm actually gonna keep in mind this weekend: getting weirder on the dancefloor.
Starting with my
@nowadaysnyc
res with
@tom_sobolik
+
@DJDadJokes1
❤️🔥
Aiming 2 play the least normal set I've played in a while. We'll see though 🙈
really trying to get better at doing remixes. it's definitely an art, and there's been a bit of a learning curve... got some lessons. and got a few remixes coming out this year stay chuuuned 👀
appreciate everyone who showed up to my set last night - don't think i will play another set on a birthday
my hopes are often high that i'll have fun when DJing, but this anticipation was on steroids last night. combine this with today's post-club serotonin crash, rough.
i think there is such a thing as 'overprocessing' your sounds in the DAW. it's worth being mindful of this - i've definitely 'overproduced' my share of tracks. these tracks got worse the more I worked on them, rather than better 😂
i'm really tempted to sample a nelly furtado accapella in this track i'm working on 😂
wondering what the risk of being asked to take down the tune would be if the sample was suuuper distorted ?
learning the value of releasing on labels run by friends. when I make music for friends' labels I am more free + creative. easy 2 forget this amidst industry pressures.
gotta remind myself everyday more that ultimately the goal is to get more music to the people. fuck the rest!
Leaving the country after 3.5 years of COVID-related NYC-entrapment 👽
Aug 20-24 : Lisbon
Aug 24-29: UK (Manchester, Bristol, London)
I grew up traveling many parts of the world, but rn I'm def feeling some nerves 😆 Wish me luck 💙
when it comes to source material in your productions, my motto: you put shit in, you get shit out. the higher quality your source material is, the cleaner your tracks will sound.
hot take: sometimes, this means recording ur own sounds > using samples someone else has processed
playing a 9 AM set next Sunday morning and my challenge or prompt to myself: happy music. lol figured it's a nice creative departure for me 😈
the party - Facility - goes from 5AM - 3PM Sunday and it's a rave with a wellness focus. come on by ! will share more deets.
Appreciate that folks resonate with where I'm at these days creatively + personally ✨🩶 Thanks again
@Truants
@rccardovillella
for the opportunity to share.
"I try to see having a music career as a freak accident – something that emerged from me wanting to simply exist as a music producer, not necessarily an influential one."
Caught up with
@ayescold
for TV313 and this quote is particularly inspiring ✨