AWSTEN KNIGHT
@awsten
Followers
160K
Following
82K
Media
5K
Statuses
23K
CURRENTLY NOT DEAD AND IN @WATERPARKS. FUTURE REALITY TV HOST IF THINGS GO POORLY. @HIIDEF3000 TOO.
Los Angeles, CA
Joined March 2009
NOTHING HAS EVER BEEN MORE STAGED, PUSHING OFF SECRET SERVICE WHO ARE MUCH STRONGER THAN HIM TO PUT A FIST IN THE AIR FOR THE CAMERAS FUCK OFF THIS IS NOT A MARVEL MOVIE YOU ARE NOT IRON MAN JUST D I E BOTH OF THEM ROT FUCK.
2K
16K
142K
HERE’S PSA I FEEL LIKE YALL NEED TO HEAR:. -MAROON 5 ISNT JUST ADAM LEVINE.-THE 1975 ISNT JUST MATTY .-WATERPARKS ISNT JUST 21 SAVAGE.MACKLEMORE ISNT JUST MACKLEMORE .-ARBYS ISNT GOOD .-MOUNT RUSHMORE ISNT JUST CALVIN COOLIGE .-COLLEGE IS A SCAM.-FUCK YOU????????????.
783
6K
46K
Btw if you wasted a vote on dumbass jill stein I want you to turn your phone off, walk into the bathroom, put your head in the toilet, and flush until everything goes dark.
274
6K
38K
HEY I SAW YOUR TATTOO AND FIGURED THE LEAST WE CAN DO IS CHANGE THE SONG TITLE FOR U .
564
2K
32K
20,000 RTS I DROP A NEW WATERPARKS ALBUM TODAY . LESS THAN 20,000 RTS I DO NOT DROP A NEW WATERPARKS ALBUM TODAY.
2K
15K
17K
-YES I KNOW, I WILL SHAVE.-YES MY HAIR LOOKS DUMB, I WILL CUT.-YES CHARLIE PUTH SHOULD BE MY BEST FRIEND. THANK U NO MORE QUESTIONS AT THIS TIME
1K
3K
16K
I LOVE MINECRAFT -AND- I NEVER PROMISED YOU YOUR DREAM BOY, -YES- WE EXIST.
909
674
16K
CURRENTLY ON A DATE. IT’S NOT MY DATE, IT’S THE PEOPLE NEXT TO ME’S DATE BUT I’M SITTING REALLY CLOSE AND LISTENING 🤠 LAUGHING ALONG 🤠 PARTICIPATING 🤠 SMELLING 🤠 FALLING DEEPER 🤠 FROM A DISTANCE 🤠 THEY DON’T KNOW IT 🤠 BUT 🤠 IT’S ᵒᵘʳ DATE 👹.
338
2K
16K
SAW A CUTE GIRL AT TARGET AND LIKE ANY NORMAL PERSON WOULD DO, INSTEAD OF INTRODUCING MYSELF I WENT HOME AND WROTE AN OBSESSIVE LOVE SONG ABOUT HER AND THAT'S THE ONLY THING I'VE LISTENED TO ON REPEAT THE LAST 2 DAYS.
533
2K
15K
BIDEN WINS AND IT FINALLY RAINS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN LA IN LIKE 8 MONTHS TODAY IS A GOOD FUCKING DAY.
276
1K
14K
I SLIPPED. NOT KEEPING LONG, JUST NEEDED FOR A DIFFERENT HEADSPACE.
1K
1K
14K
YOU KNOW THAT’S NOT THE REAL SHOOTER, THEY JUST NEEDED TO “FIND” A CULPRIT BC OTHERWISE IT SENDS THE MESSAGE WE CAN GET AWAY W POPPING THESE PIGBOY CEOS. WITH HOW FLAWLESS HIS EXECUTION (🤪) WAS, THERE’S NO CHANCE MY GUY GOT CAUGHT BY “SHOWING HIS ID AT A MCDONALDS” LMAO YA RIGHT.
141
1K
14K
[strapped into the electric chair]. executioner: any last words?. me: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ “HONK HONK” IS CAR FOR “I LOVE U :}” ♥<(^_^<). executioner: disgusting *pulls the lever*.
528
2K
13K
WHO WANNA MAKE A BAND WITH ME, I KNOW 1 SONG AND IT’S SNOW GLOBE ON BASS
480
969
13K
I WORE THE SAME BLACK JEANS FOR 2 YEARS STRAIGHT AND NO ONE SAID SHIT, THEN I WORE THE FLOWER PANTS TWO DAYS IN A ROW AND LORD DID YALL HAVE SOME WORDS ABOUT IT.
395
1K
12K
"You're prettier than a RAINBOW" -a tiny little girl who's making it very hard for me not to cry in Target right now.
186
3K
12K
$10K REWARD? LMAO IF YOU HAVE INFORMATION I’LL PAY YOU $11K NOT TO TELL.
132
776
12K
JUST HEARD A GUY DESCRIBING HIS DREAM GIRL “SHE GOTTA HAVE BRACES FOR SURE” OK CREEPY, DO YOU LIKE IT WHEN THEY HAVE MATH HOMEWORK TOO???? SOMEONE CALL THE COPS AND THE LORD.
327
1K
11K
THE TSA IS MAKING AN EXAMPLE OUT OF ME ON THEIR INSTAGRAM TODAY WHY DO THEY EVEN HAVE AN ACCOUNT WHAT IN THE HELL.
276
826
12K
ANYWAY, BACK ON TWITTER TO GET ANTAGONIZED BY PALE PEOPLE WHO SAW BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY ONCE AND WANNA ACT LIKE QUEEN HAS ALWAYS BEEN THEIR FAVE BAND SUP U FUCKIN IDIOTS, I STILL DON’T KNOW HOW TO PRONOUNCE “HOZIER”.
1K
2K
11K
YOU CAN’T SWIM.YOU CAN’T DANCE .AND YOU DON’T KNOW KARATE .FACE IT, YOU’RE NEVER GONNA MAKE IT. I DON’T WANNA MAKE IT. I. J.U.S.T. W.A.N.N.A.
340
4K
11K
WE JUST GOT A REQUEST FOR A CLEAN VERSION OF TURBULENT IM GONNA GO IN THERE AND RECORD “ID UNHUG YOU IF I COULD” IM FUCKING CRYING HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
677
2K
11K
LISTEN TO ME, DENIM OVERALLS AND A YELLOW SHIRT LOOKED COOL AND MINIONS TOOK THAT FROM US.
266
2K
11K
I FINALLY GOT A TOOTHBAT I AM SO HAPPY WHERE IS GEOFF!!!!!!!!!!!! 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
822
2K
11K
IDC ANYMORE IM JUST GONNA SAY IT AND IF UR MAD I DONT CARE, GIRLS ARE CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!.
721
2K
11K
IF DREAM STANS ARE MAD AT ME. AREN’T THEY JUST MAD AT DREAM?. BUT THEY?. LOVE DREAM. UGH JESUS’ FOLLOWERS TURNED ON HIM TOO, I UNDERSTAND 😔🙏🏻.
1K
525
11K
THE SUPER BLOOD WOLF MOON WAS SO PRETTY! IF YOU MISSED IT I GOT THIS PIC, YOU’RE WELCOME
379
2K
11K
🌹🌹🌹🌷🌷🌹🌷🌷🌹🌹🌷🌷.🌷🌹🌹🌷🌷🌹🌷🌷🌹🌷🌹🌹.🌷🌷🌹🌹🌹🌷🌷🌷🌷🌹🌷🌷.🌹🌷🌷🌷🌷🌹🌷🌷🌷🌹🌹🌹.🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌝🌷🌷🌹🌷🌹🌹.🌷🌷🌹🌹🌹🎷🌷🌷🌷🌹🌹🌹.🌹🌹🌹🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷.🌹🌷🌹🌹🌷🌷🌹🌷🌹🌹🌷🌹.🌹🌷🌷🌹🌹🌹🌷🌹🌹🌹🌷🌹.🌹🌹🌹🌷🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌷🌷🌷.
334
1K
10K
THEY ASKED FOR @TAYLORSWIFT13 LAST NIGHT IN MARYLAND, WHO AM I TO DEPRIVE THEM ON RED DAY?
241
2K
11K
A GIRL ASKED WHAT BAND IM IN AND ELIJAH SAID PANIC AT THE DISCO AND SHE WOULDNT LET GO OF ME 😩.
312
1K
10K
HEY I NEED SOME ✨MUTUALS✨. REPLY IF U LIKE:.-HELPING.-FLESH.-DRYER SHEETS.-SIMPLER TIMES.-JUST GOING TO TOWN ON IT.-FRENCH TOAST BRIOCHE.-HARM.-A COIN.-NOT THE DENTIST.-THE STURDY SHAPE OF A MINOTAUR.-THE SECRET HIDDEN DAYS IN FEBRUARY.-BTS.
2K
2K
10K
IF BIDEN WINS U GET NEW WATERPARKS VIDEO FROM THE DVD TOMORROW BC GOOD MOOD.
454
828
10K
MY HATERS WANNA SEE ME FALL BUT I JUST CUT THIS ORANGE INTO DELICIOUS SLICES NO PROBLEM
1K
1K
10K
RECORD TURNOUT AND 20 MILLION *LESS* VOTES? EVEN STUPID PEOPLE HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THATS WRONG. THE AMOUNT OF UNCOUNTED MAIL VOTES, BURNED BALLOT BOXES, BOMB THREATS IN BLUE AREAS, TEMP VOTE DENIALS FOR “MISMATCHED SIGNATURES”. SOMETHING IS WRONG. GET *ALL* THE VOTES AND RECOUNT.
184
2K
10K
WATCHING TRUMP SLOWLY SHRINK SMALLER AND SMALLER YELLING “THIS ISNT FAIR!!!!!” IN A HELIUM VOICE AS THEY COUNT VOTES.
162
1K
10K
I FORGOT SOME OF YALL ARE BRITISH IN REAL LIFE AND NOT JUST FOR CLOUT THAT’S CRAZY TO ME.
506
584
10K
THEY SAY THE MUSIC INDUSTRY IS EVIL BUT IF THAT’S THE CASE WHY DID DALLON MAIL ME A SANDWICH???
589
1K
10K
YALL ARE UNHINGED. AIGHT. I PROMISED. HERE IS THE DELIVERY. HAVE FUN. “1 (A COLLECTION OF UNRELEASED HOME DEMOS, THIS IS NOT G, OR EVEN AN ALBUM, SHUT UP ENJOY)” OUT NOW . LISTEN HERE:
1K
2K
10K
License expired for my birthday and I had to go retake my pic at the DMV. Made sure to add a little spice since the naked 2015 one though
891
746
10K
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
748
2K
10K
NO GIRL HAS EVER RUN THROUGH AN AIRPORT AND STOPPED ME FROM GETTING ON AN AIRPLANE AND THAT’S HOW I KNOW LOVE IS FAKE.
345
2K
9K
TODAY WE EAT!.THE PILGRIM MEAT!. TODAY WE EAT!.THE PILGRIM MEAT!. *SLAMMING FISTS ON TABLE AND GRINDING MY TEETH UNTIL THEY CRACK*. (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥T҉O҉D҉A҉Y҉ ҉W҉E҉ ҉E҉A҉T҉ ҉T҉H҉E҉ ҉P҉I҉L҉G҉R҉I҉M҉ ҉M҉E҉A҉T҉ ♥. 𝐓𝐎𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝐖𝐄 𝐄𝐀𝐓 .𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐆𝐑𝐈𝐌 𝐌𝐄𝐀𝐓.
444
2K
9K
LISTEN TO ME. THIS IS THE BEST ALBUM I’VE HEARD IN A WHILE. HONESTLY INSPIRING. STOP REWARDING DULL, GENERIC, MEDIOCRE SHIT AND PAY ATTENTION WHEN PEOPLE GIVE YOU ACTUAL ART. TODAY IS ONE OF THOSE DAYS. ENJOY.
276
2K
9K
PEOPLE: MENTAL HEALTH IS SO IMPORTANT BE KIND. ALSO PEOPLE: “LMFAO VICTORIA JUSTICE’S CAREER IS NOTHING AND ALL HER FRIENDS ARE HANGING OUT WITHOUT HER.” “HALSEY LIKES BANDS, SUCH A PUNISHER, ALSO HER IS AN OLD VIDEO OF HER SINGING LOL SO CRINGE”. YALL ARE SAD. FUCK YOURSELVES 🌞.
306
2K
9K
YOU GIVE BIRTH LITERALLY ONE TIME AND THEY START CALLING U A “MOM” FUCK OUTTA HERE.
295
973
9K
🎵MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS NO ONE TO MY YARD .BECAUSE I.DON’T HAVE MY OWN YARD .I WISH I.I HAD MY OWN YARD.SO I COULD PRACTICE CARTWHEELS IN MY YARD🎵.
236
2K
9K
I keep getting little paper cuts tearing up all these trump ballots but it’ll be worth it tomorrow 🤕.
253
565
10K
WHEN UR TEXTING AND U KNOW THEY CAN SEE UR “. ” AND THEY START TYPING ANYWAY THAT COUNTS AS INTERRUPTING.
308
1K
9K
@realDonaldTrump THIS IS LIKE WATCHING A CAT FLAIL AROUND TRYING TO GRAB AT ANYTHING NEAR IT TO NOT FALL OFF A COUNTERTOP, JUST ACCEPT UR FATE, U AND YOUR ROTTEN LITTLE PECKER LOOOOOST GOOODBYEEEEEEEEE.
197
291
9K
JUST 👏🏼 BECAUSE 👏🏼 I 👏🏼 GAVE 👏🏼 BIRTH 👏🏼 TO 👏🏼 A 👏🏼 CHILD 👏🏼 DOESNT 👏🏼 MEAN 👏🏼 YOU 👏🏼 CAN 👏🏼 CALL 👏🏼 ME 👏🏼 DADDY 👏🏼.
519
1K
9K
FUCKING IDIOT!!!!!!! I D I O T ! ROT! ROT IN THE FFFFFUCKING. GROUND.
283
1K
9K
VOTE PRESIDENT BERNIE SANDERS. THIS TWEET WILL SELF DESTRUCT IN 5 4 3.
367
1K
9K
254
1K
9K
WAIT DID YALL ACTUALLY THINK P*RN WAS REAL??? DUDE IT’S LIKE WRESTLING, IT’S FAKE. THEY ARENT REEEEALLY HAVING SEX, IT’S F A K E.
381
980
9K
BORED AND WANTED TO WATCH THE WORLD BURN. YOU GET TO KEEP 3 AND THE REST DISAPPEAR FOREVER, HAVE FUN
2K
537
9K
TELL ME WHY I SEE GROWN ASS ADULTS COUGH INTO THEIR NASTY LITTLE HANDS EVERY SINGLE DAY, YALL REMEMBER TO PAY BILLS AND FEED UR KIDS BUT CANT REMEMBER TO COUGH INTO UR INNER ARM, GROW UP YUCKY BITCH.
211
1K
9K
I SET MY FRIENDS CONTACT PHOTOS TO CUTE PICTURES OF ME SO IM MORE LIKELY TO BE LIKE AWWWW AND ACTUALLY ANSWER WHEN THEY CALL
362
1K
9K
THE REAL ADAM LAVIGNE DIED IN 2003 AND WAS REPLACED BY A CLONE NAMED MELISSA BUT DO THEY WANT US TALKING ABOUT?? PROB NOT!!!.
338
1K
9K
A GOOD FRIEND:. -ANSWERS UR CALLS.-IS ALWAYS DOWN TO HANG OUT.-TELLS U WHEN UR BEING CRANKY.-HELPS U BURY THE BODY.-POURS HOT SOUP IN YOUR EYES.-WATCHES YOU VIA HIDDEN CAM.-HAS A SECRET RAT ARMY.-EATS CARPET SQUARES.-U NEVER SEEN THEM BLINK, HUH WEIRD.-DIMENSION👁.-TEXTS W EMOJIS.
342
2K
9K
EVERY TIME I GO ONLINE I SEE TRUMP OR HIS SUPPORTERS DOING SOMETHING EVEN DUMBER THAN THEY DID THE DAY BEFORE, EMBARRASSING FUCKING LOSERS, DROWN IN QUICKSAND.
199
2K
9K
RUNNING AROUND HARRY POTTER WORLD YELLING “SORT ME” AND FINALLY A FLORIDA WIZARD NAMED “DAVE” JUST SHOUTED HUFFLEPUFF AND WALKED AWAY, EXCUSE ME DAVE I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO YOUR FUCKING MOM.
416
957
9K
MY NAME’S OTTO. AND MY NAME’S GEOFF. AND MY NAME’S AWSTEN. AND GLOBAL WARMING IS REAL THERE ISN’T MUCH TIME.
177
2K
9K
PEOPLE LIKE MUSIC ENOUGH TO STAND IN THE RAIN FOR IT AND I THINK THAT’S REALLY NICE.
278
2K
9K
NEW YEAR NEW ME. NEW OUTLOOK. NEW GOALS. NEW HAIR. NEW EYES. NEW SKIN. NEW LAST NAME. NEW SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER. NEW PARENTS. NEW PERSON. I LIVE IN SALT LAKE CITY. MY NAME IS MIKE WILLIAMS. I AM A COPYRIGHT LAWYER AND I LIKE BOWLING. I’M 58 AND I LOVE MY KIDS SWIPPIE AND BRINKLE.
330
1K
9K