Andrew Harms
@andrewlharms
Followers
330
Following
60
Media
10
Statuses
64
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The hardest part about being a bird trapped in a train station is having to ask a rat for directions.
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Hi everybody! I'm guest co-hosting the Wet Spot tonight with
@Whatevah_Amy
Check it out!
@levincomedy
@frankiemacd
@CompoundAmerica
and Vinny Scarpa!
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Hey folks! I will be guest co-hosting Wet Spot tonight with Xia Anderson. Check it out!
@CompoundAmerica
@ianimal69
@PlatanoQueen
@Xia_Land
@ThisKidAClown
@frankiemacd
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I will be co-hosting with
@REALMattMaran
. Check it out!
TONIGHT! Wet Spot on
@CompoundAmerica
4:30pmPT/7:30ET/ with
@TheAliaJanine
@newdalton69420
@REALMattMaran
@mishoshakur
&
@andrewlharms
!
Call in with your sex/dating/relationship questions (877) 962-6846
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I don't like the term "passion fruit." Do the other fruits not care?
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I thought the One Chip Challenge was trying to eat just one Lay's potato chip.
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I'm a pretty intimidating guy, so when someone puts a knife to my neck and says, "Give me all your money!" I always give it to him because that takes courage.
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I'm on my uncle's ranch, and I totally just saw a helium balloon come out of a well :(
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If you say something with enough insecurity, people will think you're wrong. That's my move.
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Last night I got high and realized my girlfriend's period syncs up perfectly with the Wizard of Oz.
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The tenth person to like this tweet gets a free t-shirt courtesy of 105.7 the Harmz.
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If a woman gives birth, she should tattoo her signature on the child like a painter.
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Hey, everybody! This Sunday at 8:00 pm, come watch the funniest comics in New York City come to Mcloughlin's Astoria Bar and make you happy to be alive!
...
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You know a monster truck rally is getting intense when the drivers get out of their trucks and start wrestling.
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Safety tip: If you're about to skateboard, make sure you take your rollerblades off first. I know. It's tempting.
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@MarshallBoprey
@ChrissieMayr
@mygigidiorvip
@larrybeyah
@satanscomic
@CrystalBunny95
@frankiemacd
@CompoundAmerica
It's a kangaroo pouch, so what do you think I carry in it?
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You know you're in your thirties when you start throwing the dishes in with your laundry.
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I'm going to start throwing more hardware terms in my everyday speech. "You really bulldozed over my original plan which put a monkey wrench in my sprocket of an idea, you hammer!"
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Hollywood keeps getting less imaginative with how they design Batman villains. Every meeting is like, "What if he's just a regular dude with a scar?"
#Batman
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I think it's ok for vegetarians to eat chicken wings because what are the chickens really doing with those wings?
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Any time I offer an old woman my seat on the train and she refuses, I stand up, put my backpack on the seat and say, "Now no one gets it!"
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@REALMattMaran
I made a fantasy football team of fantasy football players, and you're my
#1
pick!
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