Amy | Wellness Alchemist
@amydoublet
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Reduce anxiety, overwhelm, chronic stress and heal shame. | Somatic Experiencing | I've helped 1000s, liberation is possible | 30 yrs experience Regulation⤵️
That Calm & Regulated Space
Joined April 2009
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Do you ever feel like you're on edge or unsafe?
Let me explain why this happens
And what to do about it
Warning!
Long thread dedicated to those (usually analyzers) who ask me, “What do I DO?”.
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Ghosting = Not having the skills to have a difficult conversation. Coupled with shame.
✨
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"Traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort."
- Dr. Bessel van der Kolk
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"Abandonment is the most devastating form of emotional trauma."
- Gabor Mate, MD Author of "When The Body Says No."
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Trauma creates autonomic nervous system dysregulation.
It is not an identity.
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To Be authentically You - means you viscerally get you can’t please everyone.
Which means you are not armored physically with tension. Or emotionally reactive.
You can tolerate disappointing people and stay relaxed in who you are.
You will connect with your tribe it’s
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Unspoken traumas and fears show their effects on your face.
Your body carries unresolved "issues". Somatic practitioners are skilled at helping you release the armor your body carries. What armor you ask? The migraines, neck/shoulder or jaw tension. The anxiety in your chest.
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@Theholisticpsyc
Either that or continuing to walk on egg shells and please everyone around you
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@Theholisticpsyc
Survival connections are people trying their best to be loved - have needs met that most likely were never met by their caregiver.
The connections we make as adults with these early wounds are generally are recapitulation of the lack - lack of attentiveness to your needs by
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@Theholisticpsyc
Breath holding, tense muscles and adrenal fatigue are common symptoms with this state.
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@keg79264793
@Theholisticpsyc
Best book on the subject, doubtful another will come close to this subject
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@Theholisticpsyc
By participating in activities I love and meeting like minded people with similar interests.
Assisting trainings and being part of communities exposes me to large groups of people. Where lasting connections are often made.
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@Theholisticpsyc
We cover it with denial, anger, fawning or attacking ourselves. All reactions to the emotion of shame
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@Theholisticpsyc
Developmental trauma absolutely creates C-PTSD for many! You are doing a great service educating 🙏🏽✨💕
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@Theholisticpsyc
Trauma is closely linked to Shame. The thing no one wants to deal with no wonder people flail around in trauma
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GUILT vs. SHAME
They are different.
One is a primary emotion
One is a thought about right/wrong.
I'll explain
(long, and you've been asking
Thanks for waiting...)
🪡🧵
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Trauma = Polarized
❌black/white thinking
❌ absolutes
❌extremes
Healing sounds like:
✔️most people are kind
✔️your opinion is valid and I don’t have to agree (no trigger)
✔️my identity is questioned as “I”examine who is behind my beliefs
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A little connection and support goes a long way. Especially when lessening the burden of trauma and toxic shame.
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Your brian is actually responding to what is happening in your body, not the other way around.
The Vegus nerve carries information from you gut to your brain. Far more neurons are deployed in this manner than the reverse.
Mental health is not just a matter of your head.
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Procrastination is a form of nervous system dysregulation.
It is coupled with the emotions of shame.
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@Theholisticpsyc
You don’t have a choice in that the patterns are set for adulthood. Comfort in the known vs unknown. Very hard to break patterns in waters you’ve swam in historically. It feels different and “wrong” but it’s very right to have your needs matter!
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Your know you're safe when:
- Conversations are enjoyed
- Time slows - no urgency
- Eye contact is effortless
- Your body is relaxed
- You sleep deeply
✨
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"Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn't you - all of the expectations, all of the beliefs - and becoming who you are."
-Dr. Wayne Dyer
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GUILT vs. SHAME
They are different.
One is a primary emotion
One is a thought about right/wrong.
I'll explain
(long, and you've been asking
Thanks for waiting...)
🪡🧵
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@Theholisticpsyc
And anxious avoidants usually attract anxious people making each one getting their needs fulfilled almost impossible - it’s a hell
Emotional regulation ought to be part of the schooling system we all need it to some degree
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@Theholisticpsyc
Social engagement is a learned system. We all need contact and touch from birth in order to develop tone & safety.
When we suffer neglect or lack of touch early on we develop flat affect. Introspection is harder with this physiology too
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If you don’t know what lights you up. What you want to jump out of bed for. The passion of what you’re meant to be and do….
You’re stuck in a survival state.
It is impossible to connect with anything you want when stuck in a threat response cycle.
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Untreated early trauma leads to:
Addictions
Poor self-care
Low self-worth
People pleasing
Vicious inner critic
Anxiety and Depression
What did I leave out?
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8 Examples of Toxic People and How to Hold Your Boundary
1. The Manipulator: This person uses guilt, shame, and emotional manipulation to get what they want.
To hold a boundary, be direct and firm in your communication, and don't let their tactics affect your decisions.
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Health is the most valuable asset you cannot buy.
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@Theholisticpsyc
On top of giving space for people to make their own mistakes or have triumphs without enmeshment
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@Theholisticpsyc
Exactly! As is trying to care for others - it’s really to self regulate because you can’t be ok with another in distress.
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Depression is a natural response to repressed Anger.
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The world tells you to chase success, but what if the SECRET INGREDIENT is feeling SAFE?
Feeling safe unlocks a SUPERPOWER you didn't know you had:
Curiosity & Creativity (Imagine your brain EXPLODING with new ideas!)
🧵
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At this moment backstage with my mentors in San Diego
How very special
@peteralevine
&
@DrGaborMate
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10 Sources of Stress You May Not be Aware of
1. Digital stress: The constant notifications, emails, and messages from social media and work can cause a lot of stress and anxiety, as we feel like we're always "on" and can never fully relax.
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Were you the kiddo who came home from a test with a 98% and your parent(s) asked where is the other 2%?
No wonder you don t feel joy. Shame becomes pervasive.
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10 ways to release repressed emotions:
1. Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you process and release emotions that you may have been holding onto.
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Try this:
“Mom, I’m not responsible for your pain or sadness.
I’m only responsible for my own pain and sadness.”
Differentiated experience is very important in healing and embodying your power.
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@Theholisticpsyc
Yes BOTH partners connect with people who rub their “trauma” wounds or rather unmet needs.
IF both parties are able to do the work together they can transform the relationship and heal together - it is possible
Many times it’s only one person and yes time to move on
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Procrastination is a form of nervous system dysregulation.
It is coupled with the emotions of shame.
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@Theholisticpsyc
Right don’t let other people project this tolerance or standards onto you. Treat yourself how you want others to treat you.
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@Theholisticpsyc
Anxiety is a sensation in the body trying to communicate with you. There is a conversation you probably need to have.
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@Theholisticpsyc
Especially anything “traumatic” staying in what’s wrong doesn’t help move you out of it. Listen to the wisdom of your body. Primo
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@Theholisticpsyc
This is a whole new level of avoidance. Do you think it's the tech age that bad caused this phenomena as the common psyco-physiological factors are timeless.
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Shame has its own physiology. Shifting effectively out of it requires somatic awareness & process. Fear coupled with shame also has a differentiation process. The body will hijack your “knowing” and behavioral effort at change. It takes coming out of freeze to realse shame in the
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@Theholisticpsyc
The youngest dilemma that comes in with neglect especially. Pride shame based identity of I need you - leave me alone :(
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How you show up in relationships reflects the traumas (emotional pains) you've endured - still lodged in your tissues.
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This is extreme. Like C-PTSD
A lifetime of dysregulation.
It will feel like you have the gas and the brakes on at the same time.
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@Theholisticpsyc
Oh and to be seen, not heard.
It is nice to speak up.
It can be nice to express anger as healthy adults do.
It’s nice to know who you are.
It’s especially nice to be embodied and present with all your emotions!
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Exhaustion due to burnout is due to a lack of boundaries.
Being “nice” has a cost.
You can be nice and set limits.
✨
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@Theholisticpsyc
Anyone who suffered neglect had to dissociate to survive. It’s a great friend and home away from home to keep one safe.
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@Theholisticpsyc
Wise -people may also swing the other way and keep themselves so busy they don't drop down and in. It's always wise to listen to your body.
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@Theholisticpsyc
It also truncates your ability for introspection because early trauma /neglect especially slows the development of the neo cortex
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@judithpedroso87
@Theholisticpsyc
It takes consistency with someone you like who’s willing to self disclose a bit and have a repairing (therapeutic) relationship with you - especially for the tender work of developmental trauma
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The essence of trauma is a disconnect from the self. Therefore the essence of healing is not just uncovering one's past, but reconnecting with oneself in the present.
-Gabor Mate, M.D
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"Your past is just a story. And once you realize this, it has no power over you."
- Dr. Wayne Dyer
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If you have a problem saying no to others…
You have a problem saying
Yes to yourself.
✨
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@Theholisticpsyc
You followed your heart and saw truth. You called it out and we're crushed for it
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“Window of tollerance” is somatic jargon for your nervous system in the range of the sign wave. You can handle the up or down of life. This chart also
Informs how a system in c-ptsd gets stuck.
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Unless you go within you will go without“
“Until you make the unconscious conscious it will direct your life“
- Carl Jung
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@Theholisticpsyc
An automatic response most would never even know this is their pattern AND it's culturally modeled. Not only that but a necessity within family dynamics to survive and be accepted.
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@Theholisticpsyc
All else seems uneventful. You keep the high sympathetic charge in the nervous system (anxious) because that is all that's known and is safety.
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You can feel when someone is dysregulated. If it's someone who is supposed to be regulating you (under 2yrs) you won't learn how to effectively regulate yourself. Generational trauma passed on from nervous system to nervous system.
Collective care. How can we be well together?
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Internal Critic is a commonly accepted term.
Internal critic IS the internal shamer.
The voice of shame.
So lets defang shame by talking about it more and not sugar coat it.
It's not a pill. And you already swallowed it. Acknowledging it IS counter-shaming. Which is healing.
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Babies die when you don’t touch them. Touch is a basic form of communication. It’s needed for our development and critical for survival. Somehow as a therapeutic community it’s been left out. Sign of the dysfunctions of our culture. Anyone with C-PTSD has had neglect and lack
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Feeling the Rage? Here's How to Release It Like a Boss
Ever feel like you're about to explode?
Anger is a normal emotion, but bottling it up can hurt you and others.
Here are some healthy ways to express it and feel better! 👇
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@Theholisticpsyc
For me it was the wonder of science and my 7th grade science teacher he was so compassionate
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"The more a person is able to be in touch with the reality of the body, the more he or she is able to tolerate reality and the crises of everyday life."
- Dr. Bessel van der Kolk
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Somatic jargon defined
“Sympathetic charge” refers to a fight or flight response. A readiness when faced with danger.
You brace. Your muscles automatically engage.
The impulse to kick, run, punch, or scream.
If that charge builds with no release you are now:
-irritable
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Healing is recognizing your symptoms in the moment and to have the tools to do something about it so you can BE settled and present.
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Your body will whisper until it has to scream.
Do you notice the whispers?
Or do you wait for the scream?
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You don t know how to communicate anger so you end up with resentment and then you blow.
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Bessel Van der Kolk and I after a dance 💃🏽
4th loooooong & wonderfully Somatic day of a 5 day conference in San Diego. Feeling blessed and exhausted.
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