tina fey folk
@amateuroracle
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manic pixie dream theatre teacher🐊 she/her 🐌 insta is fig.thief
pdx
Joined September 2013
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Last Seen Profiles
my first lesson in college was that male film majors suck
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do you, crazy-ass white boy, take this quirked-up shawty to be your wife?
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bro… are you seriously talking during tasting history with max miller?
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male thot jobs:
- stable boy
- gentleman thief
- printmaking apprentice
- troubadour
- WARLOCK
- arrowsmith
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my worst nightmare is marrying someone who is embarrassed of me when i’m just being myself :(
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to italians who think their culture and cuisine are precious and untouchable: u would be nothing... NOTHING! without the silk road
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i hate it when men are sleepy. why are you tired? you've done essentially nothing
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some men are not really interested in going out on dates and are mostly into keeping you in what i call Weed Sex Cave
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@almondtiddies
it’s especially bad with shows that have teens. no one knows how to write them anymore lol
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why do people brag about liking their coffee plain? "i love this bitter hot juice. i don't even need tasty stuff in it thats how dead i am"
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nothing gives me more of a rush than describing where i get my clothes in detail
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that cat person story is so good bc it captures something never put into words, and i don’t wanna hear anyone’s hot takes on it. i don’t wanna hear anyone’s hot takes on anything
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@CharlesGobert1
@draculavoice
that boat does not stand a chance are you kidding me. what would you have done
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offering me your side pickle that came with your sandwich is the equivalent of suddenly grasping my cheek and giving me a kiss
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you: reading milk and honey and posting it to instagram
me: jauntily singing along to the rowdiest sea shanties
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we need a valentine's day card that's like "my group chat knows a lot about you"
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booo, why is no one falling in love or doing a crossword
This is a San Francisco coffee shop at 11am in the morning.
Packed wall to wall with ambitious founders working on startups.
There is no other city in the world like it
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this would work on me :/
for valentines day, I’m watching how Japanese puffer fish make mathematical patterns in the ocean to impress the female fish…
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don't feel bad if u look different in pictures bc most cameras can't capture the moon well either
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been seeing a lot of tweets along the lines of “men don’t need to wear crop tops they need to go to therapy” and i wholeheartedly disagree. i don’t care about men’s mental health and i never will. what i Do care about is men looking slutty
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i’m not sorry for being young, beautiful, and unable to torrent. i can do other things on the computer.
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everyone’s like “i’m such an adult now that i have a favorite stove burner!” oh you mean the one that is closest to you and most comfortable for your dominant hand? yeah you’re a real fucking adult for figuring that out you stupid dipshits
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we r all lefty desks in the sense that most people won't need u but there are a few people who have been looking for u for a while
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a collection of pictures people have taken of me recently
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my mom wanted me to pose for my aunt’s earring shop (@ nillida_design on insta wink wink) so i am basically a model now
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your mcm makes avocado toast without putting in some lemon/lime and salt. he didn’t think of using acid to emphasize the creaminess of the avocado lmfaooooo
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i can tell someone's hobbies/politics by the kind of romper they wear
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i can’t wait to cut up a bunch of fruit for my kid for no reason other than i love them
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i'm hot, funny, AND smart?? who is letting me get away with this
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can’t believe we’re all like “omg what bender am i” bro we are americans we’re the fire nation
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your mcm went abroad once and now his phone is in military time
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happy halloween! just like Nadja i own a creepy doll that looks like me
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i think the most biblical fruits are figs, pomegranates, and apples; and the least biblical fruits are cherries and bananas. slutty-ass fruits
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some men watch twin peaks instead of having a personality
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a cool life hack is that you can ask people what they mean. i didn’t learn this until i was 23
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shameless ig repost. i stand by what i wrote in the captions
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redheads wearing green just look right. it's like seeing a frog on a lily pad
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my favorite thing about pineapples is how they try to digest your flesh too. i deserve it tbh
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couples who hug each other from behind while standing in line at like, starbucks should be publicly shot
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lacroix? is that the singer of the 2009 hit bulletproof?
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if white people harness the energy they use to defend pitbulls online maybe we could do something about this country
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i spent an embarrassing amount of time thinking of a caption but: are glasses just cheaper nose jobs?
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(after being mildly inconvenienced) my parents didn't come to america for this
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not to be rude but y'all look pretty dumb mixing up south asian and middle eastern
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it’s nuts how sabra has so much fucking blood on its hands and for what? the worst hummus you can find at the grocery store? jesus christ
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i wanna be so hot that a man will believe in astrology for me
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i don't really have anything to say except i'm already enjoying all my fall looks
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i’m sick of my stupid white friends making fun of the watering can in my bathroom like don’t you have to go listen to journey and think about your cousin while you masturbate
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i’m hosting a christian girl autumn themed zoom call at this very moment
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1) this dress makes me look like liz lemon on a date 2) yes i snuck into my parent’s bedroom for the mirror pic 3) the water bottle and napkin are my friends
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i got to put a whole handful of berries in my mouth at once today. twice.
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in the millennial-run future your zodiac sign will be on your driver's license
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hey if you're having a rough time go watch the how to write an alt j song video
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um i just saw andy samberg and joanna newsom and their baby at the airport and my will to live is renewed!!!!
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i was a little too into my outfit but my birthday is coming up so i can do whatever i want
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it's weird how people who said mean shit about me in school are like, traveling the world and being happy
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i hate it when a man tells me a joke and i don’t laugh so he starts explaining it. like no i got it i just didn’t laugh
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*brushes you with egg wash so you emerge from the oven with a golden crust*
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people always assume women are being stupid instead of being funny in a stupid way and that is my villain origin story
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i’m too powerful for therapy. also i can’t be emotionally vulnerable to older white women who wear rock jewelry
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i hate condescending art guys go spend your parents’ money on a better personality
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it's honestly so iconic that donuts get away with being classified as breakfast instead of dessert
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can't wait to start school so instead of having men in cargo shorts talk down to me I can have men w triangle tattoos talk down to me
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take persian! there are no gendered pronouns and there are 2 words for dew
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who wants to have a seasons-long will-they-won’t-they relationship arc with me
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