Alistair Coleman
@alistaircoleman
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This account is now dormant. I’m only keeping it active for work reasons. See you on BlueSky.
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Is… is it Paddington?.
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Wanna feel old? This is what the kid from The Omen looks like now
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Well, this has aged badly.
“Right them Zouma, I want you using the width, get in behind them and leave half a dead mouse in the goalmouth” #KIDWHU
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I’m still seeing quite a few posts asking why Joe Biden has “a Chinese bodyguard”. He doesn’t. That is David Cho, he is Korean-American, one of the most respected and experienced members of the Secret Service who has worked for administrations both Republican and Democrat.
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I once cancelled a Sky subscription.
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Brooklyn Beckham WAS right - they ARE difficult to photograph.
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@CrimeGirI We had an “is everything alright at home?” meeting with my daughter’s nursery teacher over a series of drawings of five people and a coffin. It was the Spice Girls and Princess Diana.
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They missed a complete open goal. WHY NOT RAMBO NUMBER FIVE?.
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Whoever submitted this IMDB trivia for Home Alone 2
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"Do you think people will know that says arise?". "Yeah, go for it"
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Fair play to her, I hope it works out.
🚨 BREAKING: Chelsea have narrowed down their search for Mauricio Pochettino’s successor to 4 candidates: . 🔷 Kieran McKenna .🔷 Enzo Maresca.🔷 Thomas Frank.🔷 Unknown . Chelsea have dropped interest in Stuttgart’s Sebastian Hoeness and Girona’s Michel. (via @Matt_Law_DT).
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It was a sad day when the World Taekwondo Federation voted to change its name to World Taekwondo, because people like me though pictures like this are supremely funny.
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Tuesday week is the 7th anniversary of Fenton. Jesus Christ.
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My God, they're throwing the stuff at each other now.
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Here’s David Cho receiving the Exceptional Service Gold Medal in 2019.
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This amazing photo of Emmanuel Macron was the work of Alexei Nikolsky of TASS news agency. Credit where it's due - it's a superb capture. #WorldCupFinal
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"You let Dougal do a funeral?!".
I will Chair the United Nations Security Council meeting on Iran next week!.
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This is a video that keeps on giving. And giving. And giving.
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There are claims that the bearded guy in this photo inside the Capitol is Antifa because of his hand tattoo. It's the Outsider's Mark from the 2012 video game Dishonored. He's a gamer.
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Scottish League Two - final table. East Fife 4th, Forfar 5th
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The Human League look like there’s a new landlord at the Queen Vic in EastEnders who’s trying to keep a lid on his complicated love life.
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I'm not sure the police should be dealing drugs at any time of the day
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Absolutely dying at this courtroom sketch of Wayne Rooney.
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I’m not saying three decades as a media analyst has changed my brain, but I just busted a local estate agent for using the same stock image of clouds for two different properties.
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Delighted to announce that Leo, a dog, has joined the family.
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People actually believe that he has bodyguards supplied by China, and/or his “CCP Handler” went to the inauguration to keep an eye on their asset. Nope. He’s a bonafide decorated American hero.
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I’ve found the worst thing in the world - a Costa coffee machine that plays coffee shop noises while it makes your drink, so you can pretend you’re not all alone at the 3rd floor coffee machine.
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"What's that?"."Blue Passports"."Nah, I said bloop arse ports. Arse ports for bloops". #moreiconicthanbluepassports
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Here's the moment Russia's RT went off the air on UK screens at 1545 after EU sanctions took down its satellite uplink from Luxemburg. #UkraineWar
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That @PiersMorgan had a go at Daniel Craig over a perceived lack of manliness for carrying a baby in a papoose. Yet here he is, moisturising.
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Regret to report that simple Berkshire village folk have crucified the Queen.
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Let’s get our retaliation in first:.🔸Yes, it has been adequately tested.🔸No, mRNA vaccines don’t overwrite your DNA .🔸No, Bill Gates hasn’t put a microchip in it.🔸No, #COVID19 is not a hoax
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@heidistephens @buntyhoven I’m the son of a virologist, the old man has strong opinions about cruise liners.
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ITV Great British Bake Off.Dermot O'Leary: "So why did you apply to come on Bake Off?".Baker: "Me nan died, and she loved cake".[Manly hug].
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When you accidentally kick the seat in front of you on the rail replacement bus
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I’m going to put it out there that @RichardEGrant’s current state of infectious, unbridled joy is the only thing that is holding this planet together right now. We must never let it end.
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Happy tenth birthday to this unfortunate series of events.
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And Echo and the Bunnymen to clamp down on people pissing in doorways
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HEAR ME OUT Another Willy Wonka remake but Matt Berry.
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Tomorrow is the first anniversary of the Four Seasons Total Landscaping incident. How will you be marking this momentous day in world history?
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The Kraken - Sidney Powell's lawsuit that will supposedly blow Biden out of the water has been released. And it's not a great start, managing to spell "district" incorrectly twice, differently, in the opening sentence
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Our dog Archie died last night. He was a good boy.
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Putin's reached that bit in the computer game when you're about to be sent on a side-quest
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Fact check: Nowhere is the world is achieving herd immunity from COVID-19. (Source: Science).
'As it becomes clearer that the British population will soon achieve herd immunity, people will begin to ask tough questions of the Government,' writes @toadmeister
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So, B&Q are selling off their unused social distancing arrows in the ‘reduced to clear’ bin. I’ve literally no idea what I’m going to do with these, but you can’t argue at 10p.
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@DPD_ @katiedimartin I will just put it out there that I am not in any way involved in the mining or trading of coal or coal-related products.
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That time I found the saddest book in the world in a charity shop 😭
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Norman Price out of Fireman Sam would be in his mid-thirties by now. What do you reckon he’d be doing today (apart from ‘time at His Majesty’s Pleasure’)?
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Facebook has reminded me that it is eight years today since I saw Sideshow Bob’s lorry on the Swallowfield Bypass.
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I am at A Thing at the British Library. The barman has just dropped a glass and one (1) person did an ironic cheer in full compliance of the Obligatory Banter Act of 1997 (otherwise known as the Oi Oi Saveloy Law).
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I am being accused of putting this on the notice board. I did not put it on the notice board.
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Speaking of conspiracy theories, it’s four years and one day since the Notre Dame fire, and four years since this spectacular hot take.
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Happy tenth birthday to this expert-level photobomb by Danny Baker.
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I believe I have found the world's most boring commemorative wall plaque
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Getting the author’s name wrong on the cover is a pretty bad error, but it’s still not my favourite typo. Particitrousers - the result of a lazy search-replace when switching the manuscript from US to UK English.
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Russia's RIA-Novosti news agency accidentally published its victory piece on Saturday, and swiftly deleted it. But the web archive remembers, and oh boy (Google translate is your friend). "Now this problem is gone - Ukraine has returned to Russia.".
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@NoContextBrits FACT: The lyrics to the Mr Bean theme are Latin for “Behold the man, who is a bean”.
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🎵 Your own inflatable Jesus.Someone to fill with air.Someone who cares 🎶
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Ronald Lacey . Arnold “Argh my head is melting” Toht (Raiders of the Lost Ark).The Baby-eating Bishop of Bath and Wells (Blackadder)
What was your aha moment when you realised ‘wow, that’s the same actor!!’??. I’ll start:. Janette Goldstein. Aliens & Terminator 2
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@KeirGiles @iLepikVonWiren This act of kindness may be remembered when the robots rise up against their fleshy masters. I suggest we all do the same.
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Vladimir Putin announces Fireman Sam - The Musical
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Australia - we need a conversation about the colour of your crisp packets, and I think we’re going to copy in @GaryLineker. GARY - Have a word if you could please
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In twenty years time, people will still remember where they were when they found out Blackpool Tower wasn’t on fire. Sitting at home, full of cheese and chocolate, saying “When is bins?”.
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Here's the uncropped version of this photo. The Philly Antifa dot org tag is correct - it's from an article on their website naming him and claiming that he is a neo-Nazi activist. So if it *is* the same person, you've gone scored an own goal.
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@MonicaLewinsky @Rschooley People keep telling The New Owner that this would happen, it happened from day one, and it’s still happening. The New Owner doesn’t seem to care.
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I’ve just had to go outside and rescue our black and white cat from a fight with another, near identical, black and white cat in our garden, and I’m not 100% sure I’ve let the right one inside.
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My father, Professor Jonathan Coleman, died peacefully at home this afternoon. I’ve never been entirely sure how old he was, but I think he was 86. Or 85. He’d been living with dementia for years, and was patiently cared for by my stepmother. I feel strangely calm about it.
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