avalon
@aaaaaaavalon
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i overshare to help people feel less alone | she/her | boy mom | feral good | broken but fun🧚🏻♀️🏳️🌈
KC
Joined February 2012
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Pinned Tweet
this is about me and I want it on my tombstone
you know she’s a milf when she chases her shots with caprisuns
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Selena Gomez breaking up with The Weeknd and having breakfast with Justin Bieber makes me feel a lot better about past decisions I've made
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do you think people would choose to fuck, kill, or marry you? discuss
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When Eve finally gets thicc from eating the forbidden apple
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If you encourage people to watch Black Mirror (as you should) it’s your moral responsibility to make sure they don’t watch the pig episode we want them to be on our side and that is a one way ticket to nope town
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I want everyone sharing that
@kcpolice
“end police brutality” sign photo to take it down and share this instead.
#kcprotests
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9 years ago today my pet pig literally ate my homework. my professor let me redo the assignment on the condition that I bring the pig to class and that’s how phoebe ended up attending college
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the amount of chiefs fans who donated to buffalo charities and bills fans who donated to kc charities 🥺
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rupi kaur isn’t a perfect person or artist but something about men constantly making fun of poetry that so many women personally resonate with gives me the ick. let women have imperfect cringy art at least we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and embarrassing
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my son had been alive not even a full 48 hours before someone commented on how he’ll be popular with the ladies and I think we all need to sit and think about how and why we sexualize infants
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the cdc says that while fully vaccinated people don’t have to wear a mask they are still encouraged to wear a short skirt and a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong
jacket
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SCARLET 👏🏻 WITCH 👏🏻 DESERVED 👏🏻 BETTER 👏🏻
If I somehow died before I got to see Infinity War Part 2 my ghost ass would be haunting this planet till it came out. No doubt.
I wouldn’t care if Heaven or loved ones or whatever were waiting for me on the other side, I’d just be like “Na ima chill in this AMC for a sec”
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If a woman is too drunk to speak, walk, stand up, or perform any basic functions, she cannot consent.
If you perform any sexual act on a woman who is too drunk to perform basic functions, you are a rapist.
There is no gray area. If she cannot consent, it is rape.
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If you watched ONLY that episode and then swore off the show forever, might I suggest:
- Nosedive (an easy transition into Black Mirror)
- San Junipero (happy ending)
- The Waldo Moment (our current political state)
- USS Callister (its got the mom from HIMYM and she’s great)
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mom has covid. and lung cancer. and a failing liver transplant. I’m not a huge prayer person but now seems like the time if you’ve got any
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Hi, friendly reminder for everyone watching 13 Reasons Why:
You can't heal mental illness with love like you can't heal the flu with love
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I wonder what my exes tell their new girlfriends about me like was I just the crazy ex or was I the one that ruined your life
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@jbfan911
I worked 4 shifts at a chicken restaurant that I heard was secretly run by the mob. Every staff member was paid in cash under the table immediately after their shift. I was the sign spinner and wore a chicken mask and a shirt that said “CLUCK YEAH”. It closed down immediately.
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You can’t think abortion is murder and be against gun control. That’s not how this works. If killing fetal cells is murder, you should be fucking furious about living, breathing, thinking, feeling human children being gunned down.
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have u ever bought sweatpants that made ur butt look so good u immediately needed to show the internet 🍑
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the new stimulus package is a free table reservation at mcfadden’s with drink specials for you and all your friends, all you have to do is text VIP to let tara know you’re interested!
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Your wcw doesn't believe conspiracy theories about the illuminati
It's not me I know the Denver airport is the New World Order headquarters
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BoJack and Rick in the same drawing? What is this, a crossover episode?!
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me and
@danielwjones_
thought I was sick everyday due to covid — until I tested positive for something else 🥰
theodore avalon jones coming august 2022!
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Anddddd my personal favorites:
- White Bear
- Crocodile
- White Christmas
- Shut Up and Dance
- Playtest
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Okay but what if I am that boy
Don't trust boys who eat 3 day old cold pizza and drink out of the bottle
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if you can call a grown adult man named richard “dick” because he prefers it and asked you to, I think you can handle using someone’s correct pronouns
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men should not be gynecologists
What’s your unpopular medical opinion that would land you in this position?
Drop it in this thread
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This is fucking horrifying like men complain about being called trash but......y'all are trash. Like that's literally a crime
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My hobbies include joking about killing myself, falling in love with anyone who's nice to me, and deleting tweets that didn't get favorited
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A woman in a 14-year coma was raped can we stop pretending like it’s because of how we’re dressed?
Police investigating possible sexual assault after woman in coma for 14 years gives birth: report
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Well this is the most depressing shit I’ve ever seen
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Opening line of Diane’s thinkpiece on her relationship with BoJack
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an ex of mine delivered pizza to another ex who was watching my pet pig at the time. he shows up, sees phoebe and jokes about how his ex has a pet pig, what a small town! the other guy mentions it’s actually his ex’s pig that he’s watching. them realizing both their exes are me:
Tell me a story about yourself the sounds like a lie but is absolutely true.
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theodore elton jones — our divine gift
born today at 13:13 pm, 7 lbs 8 oz, 21 inches long
I’m still in shock at how perfect he is and the fact that
@danielwjones_
and I created this little bundle of joy. I love my family so much 💖
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I noticed that a lot of guys on tinder make their bios cute little "reviews" from their moms and friends so I thought I'd do the same
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I GOT THE JOB 😭🎉
AND I’ll be writing about social justice issues, women’s health, upcoming election info and voting toolkits, making it the only labor I’d ever dream of
had the best job interview of my LIFE today please send some good luck my way this weekend!!
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I lost my best friend tonight. I’m thankful for the extra time I got with her but I also knew it would never be enough. I am the person I am because of my mom and I know it only hurts this much because of how much love I had for her. hug & kiss your loved ones as much as you can.
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GOD DAMN IT WHITE WOMEN WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!!! WE FUCKED IT UP LAST TIME WHY ARE YOU STILL DOING THIS!
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It’s hard for me to understand the appeal of 13 Reasons Why when BoJack Horseman also covers mental illness, suicide, rape, and other serious issues WITHOUT being triggering
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“I’m sorry you felt that way” and any variation of that is NOT an apology!!!
Don’t accept “apologies” that blame you for how you reacted instead of hold themselves accountable for how they made you feel!
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it’s been a long morning (year) but a bitch is fully vaccinated and ready to party (hug)!!!
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finally free from twitter jail after telling josh hawley to choke
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I don’t trust using anesthetic with pigs because of the risks so (per vet’s recommendations) I give her a couple beers to help her relax
I went to check on her just now and this silly little angel is currently sleeping off a few IPAs
I successfully wrangled phoebe, held her down, and kept her (mostly) calm during her hoof trim today and am feeling like quite the proud and accomplished pig mom
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I'm tired of being the girl that helps a guy become ready for a real relationship and then watching them have it with the next person
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I have never felt so powerful, so whole, and so blessed. welcome to the world, oliver 💖
Personal news: my second boy was born into the world tonight and he and my wife are completely healthy. I am feeling very very blessed right now.
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absolutely nailed my first big branding project for a client. gonna go drink a 14% beer. here’s me looking like a goldendoodle celebrating finally having health insurance again!!!
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people in KC, be on the lookout for mat’s billboard!
Can u guys please take pics if u see this and post/ send to me
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Here’s all I have to say:
It was nearly impossible to tell my FRIENDS about my sexual assaults and even they punished and blamed me.
I cannot imagine what it must feel like to have to publicly recount those experiences to a room of old men hellbent on making me into a liar.
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@ucantfindmedad
THIS IS SO IMPORTANT!! Support your friends UNLESS they use their illness as a crutch to tear you down and abuse you!!
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PSA DUDES:
‼️STOP HITTING ON WOMEN AT WORK‼️
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THE FACT THAT WE ARE IN A SETTING WHERE WE ARE SUPPOSED TO CATER TO YOU AS THE CUSTOMER AND ALL EYES ARE ON US AND HOW WE BEHAVE
WE ARE BEING FRIENDLY BECAUSE IT’S OUR JOB NOT BECAUSE WE’RE INTERESTED
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tbh I was expecting a lot of kill votes but not THAT many either y’all didn’t understand the poll or I have made a great deal of enemies
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comments surrounding WAP remind me of a podcast where a guy talked about loving kinky shit with hookups but would never date a woman who actually let him do those things (& the men I know who have said the same). nahhh either respect the whole woman, freak and all, or get tf AWAY
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good morning from my little angel who has officially graduated from newborn to infant 🥰
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Lea Michele is married and as happy as I am for her I will never stop hurting over Cory passing away after almost marrying her on Glee and before almost marrying her in real life
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like if u would wanna follow a private twitter of mine I’m trying to see something 👀
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#pridemonth
is almost over which means it’s time I finally say: I’m not straight. I don’t know what percent, or how gay, or whether the B or Q in LGBTQ+ is the right label for me. today is just about saying, I’m here, I know I’m at least a little bit queer, get used to it 🏳️🌈
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getting my boudoir photos back a week from today happy honorary thirst trap
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update: my doctor told me to use mark cuban’s site to get an alternative for $60. our health care system is a JOKE
the generic brand inhaler I need is $275 AFTER insurance. I have to pay almost three hundred dollars just to BREATHE??? I hate this country
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this is the best picture I have taken in years please excuse me while I post it everywhere also how much does a billboard cost????
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comedians attempting to justify offensive jokes: CoMeDy iS mEaNt To Be EdGy
bob’s burgers, without even trying: oh no, my porcelain horse, horcelain!
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I'm TIRED of boys complaining about girls not wearing bras. You like our boobs when they're in your mouth Peter let me grocery shop in peace
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I haven’t stopped thinking about this set of photos since I first saw it.
@sarahmcgphoto
is a shape shifter I swear
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my parents really said arrested development wasn’t funny after religiously watching big bang theory on cable every week for 13 years
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celebrating finally not having to wear a mask by wearing the absolute stickiest lip gloss
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When I was 17 my mom told me to go buy a ham for Christmas and I asked the cashier if I was allowed to because I genuinely thought you had to be 18 because why would a minor need a whole ham
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my body is not a temple my body is a truck stop with a joint kfc/taco bell
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bf told me I look like a disney princess so I’ll be riding that high for a while ✨
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when my mom died my dad asked what he needed to do to fill in as her, especially on holidays. I told him every valentine’s day she’d get us a small gift: chocolates, socks, a card, nothing crazy. this was his first year and he absolutely crushed it 🥹💖
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had the best job interview of my LIFE today please send some good luck my way this weekend!!
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today was my mom’s last day of radiation and chemo treatments for the next few months can I get a W in the group chat
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