Moog
@a_toots
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Daft content...occasionally. @andytoots .bsky.social
England, United Kingdom
Joined December 2010
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Rishi, if you make a speech in front of a blue screen and expect me *not* to insert a rhino doing a huge shit as a backdrop, you’re sadly mistaken.
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🚨BREAKING🚨 Donald Trump has hired Wayne Rooney to play all the parts of his defence team.
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Wonderful to see young people starting their National Service early.
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Look at this self-important prick delivering a message to Keir Starmer like a fucking president, with his ridiculous double flag backdrop. Mate, you’re leader of a party with five MPs and you record personalised video messages on Cameo in your spare time.
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This is a joy to watch. Ian Hislop, full-throttle, absolutely shredding Jake Berry on Peston. Hislop doesn’t give an inch and talks at Berry the way Tory MPs hate and just can’t cope with (“You can’t just talk nonsense and not be interrupted!”). Superb.
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I’m really sorry, but this is the funniest shit I’ve seen in ages. The sound of the huntsman’s horn as his last bit of breath squeaks through it, before the world briefly dissolves before his eyes. Beautiful.
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Kate Middleton takes a wrong turn in the bowels of Buckingham Palace and meets all the other Kates. (Some rushed out in under the recommended eight days.)
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“Woke cabal” - you absolute fucking clown of a man. Just fuck off with this tiresome woke shit, get trounced at the next election, then get the fuck out of our lives forever. Such bullshit.
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It’s stuff like this that makes me want to see England dumped out of the Euros tonight, so I can experience the enjoyment of watching these brain dead village idiots crying over a can of Stella in a public square. Fucking embarrassment.
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Simon Calder being absolutely, perfectly clear about the causes of the delays at Dover. Not to assign blame, but to counter the pitiful excuses from the government and the pro-Brexit gang with some plainly spoken facts. Imagine that: FACTS!
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I made this a long time ago. Sadly, I’ve never been able to retire it because this awful prick just won’t go away.
#FarageRiots
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Fascinated by the far-right’s use of AI image generators to produce dreary visions of “our England”, where the country amounts to nothing more than Big Ben, Tower Bridge, Spitfires, Bulldogs, Union flags, the Knights Templar, and a poor understanding of how reflections work.
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A man with a net worth of £15m, serving in a party of millionaires, telling us that we should all work ourselves practically into the ground. Fuck that. And fuck the Tories.
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I love how pricks like Fox and those on the right always accuse the ‘liberal left’ of virtue signalling, yet *everything* they do is performative. Don’t attempt to close your bank account via social media. Give the bank a call or go into a branch like a normal fucking person.
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MICHAEL FUCKING FABRICANT?! ANDREA FUCKING JENKYNS?! PRITI FUCKING PATEL?! JACOB REES FUCKING MOGG??! SIMON FUCKING CLARKE?! In what universe are *any* of these people genuinely worthy of a peerage?
BREAKING: Boris Johnson’s resignation honours…
Damehoods - Andrea Jenkyns, Priti Patel.
Knighthoods - Jacob Rees-Mogg, Michael Fabricant, Conor Burns.
Honours for staff at centre of partygate Jack Doyle, Rosie Bate-Williams and Shelly Williams-Walker.
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Chris Pine looks like a one-time Wimbledon ladies’ singles champion working as a tennis commentator.
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This usually happens just before Suella Braverman materialises somewhere.
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Nigel Farage is trending so it’s time to post this again. Of all the shit I’ve produced over the years, this vid is evergreen.
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This guy turning up for work this morning to find that his colleagues have decorated the staff canteen with 100 printouts of this photo. Oh, and his coffee mug and Mrs. Brown’s Boys 2024 calendar are in a box with his P45.
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Finally finished Detectorists. I’ve enjoyed lots of comedy series over the years but none have made my heart quite so full as this. Every second of it has been a huge, warm hug. This scene with Terry and Shiela absolutely killed me. A moment of simple joy and contentment. 😭
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Mark Francois looks like he should be driving a coachload of pensioners to Marbella.
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Absolutely right, we’re not the same. You’re the cunt who’s just bought a tiger.
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Congratulations to this man, who’s just been officially recognised by the Guinness World Records for the longest pause of all time while trying to think of some Brexit benefits. 🙌🏻
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I hope it was worth it, you daft prick.
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One day, I might be able to sit in my car without shouting into my phone about Brexit or the Tories. But not today.
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Look at these bewilderingly stupid pricks chanting the name of this disgraced, lying scarecrow. They treat this man like a God, but he wouldn’t know the truth if it walked up to him and tried to remind him how many children he’s got.
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Simon Clarke and Lee Anderson were quick to question why nurses earning £35k were using food banks, but silent over why Boris Johnson, earning a salary of £164k as PM, needed an £800k loan and also asked a Tory donor to pay £50k towards the refurbishment of Number 10.
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Great piece of performative mourning from Dan Wootton, returning to Buckingham Palace for some “quiet reflection”…with his camera crew.
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Sending best wishes to Mick Hucknall who was sadly possessed midway through a performance last night. 🙏🏻
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A lowlight compilation of GB News’s ‘Alternative Match of the Day’. I watched this shit so you wouldn’t have to.
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She sounds like she’s talking about an ex-husband she bitterly despises after hearing that he’s back on the local dating scene.
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Sometimes it’s OK to say ‘no’ to children. This should have been one of those times.
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Head Boy harassing the Geography supply teacher in the school corridor to ask for extra homework on behalf of the whole class.
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Take your fucking seat or I’ll have you arrested, you hugely irritating TikTok motherfucker.
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“The problem is, we’re not being Conservative enough!”
EDITOR’S NOTE: Soon Labour will be patting themselves on the back for doing so well. They aren’t. The Tories just aren’t being conservative enough. If we get a new leader who is a proper conservative we can still win the GE. The country is calling out for conservatism! 🇬🇧
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Every time this clip appears in my timeline, I always think it’s a clip from Whose Line Is It Anyway?
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JUST LET THIS AWESOME HARPIST PLAY CARELESS WHISPER AND LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE, YOU MISERABLE, CRETINOUS BUSYBODY!!
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You see this from Sunak time and again. He gets asked a challenging question and his first thought is to make for the door, responding to the questioner over his shoulder until he’s clear. He can’t deal with anything unplanned and unscripted.
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Turns out Amanda Holden *wasn’t* the most embarrassing thing about
#Eurovision
tonight. What a fucking plank.
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Women who have slept with more than three men will not, I repeat NOT, be allowed to be trafficked and sexually exploited by my organised crime group.
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I see Nigel Farage has bottled the General Election in favour of climbing inside Trump’s rectum. Of course he has! It’s the least surprising announcement ever. To mark the occasion, I thought I would dust off this old video.
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It must be tedious as fuck to live your life through a series of meticulously choreographed videos for social media. Everything - the walk into shot, the knife in the pizza box, the silent look to camera - all staged for an audience of complete morons.
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@Cleoyourlatina
He shouldn't be pricking about on a horse chasing foxes through the countryside then, should he? And if it was obvious that a serious injury had occurred, I wouldn't have tweeted anything. But he got back up. So, fair game.
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“A force for good” - A FORCE FOR FUCKING GOOD?! He actually said that Rupert Murdoch was a force for good in the world?! Of all the shit this blathering prick has come out with over the years, this is THE most batshit one yet. Fucking hell.
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No one has “got rid of dads”, you unbelievable idiot! Advertising reflects that modern families come in all shapes and sizes. Maybe the dad died or walked out on them. Maybe he’s working through Xmas in a job with unsociable hours. Do you want a fucking origin story?!
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I know lots of other people have already officially observed Four Seasons Total Landscaping Day, but this remains the funniest account of that legendary press conference.
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A lesson for all UK journalists: when you’re interviewing Boris Johnson, always bring the receipts. And make sure you use them before he can ruffle his hair, create a bumbling diversion, or quote something in Latin. He *can* be stopped and shut down.
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I’ve cut this down and captioned it, so you don’t miss a single second of this excruciating exchange between a homeless man and a clueless Rishi Sunak.
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@thequentinletts
In 2021, it was reported that Rashford had donated £20m to charities, which equated to 125% of his personal worth. He also topped the Sunday Times Giving List at the age of 23. What the fuck have you ever done for anyone, you sneering little shit?
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My mum always told me never to hate anyone, because hate is a very strong word. But, you know… sorry, mum. I fucking hate this prick.
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In case the Tories were thinking of using the
#Coronation
as a distraction from their disastrous
#LocalElection2023
results, I've combined the two occasions.
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Apparently, they’re making this crushingly dull non-story into a film and Laurence Fox has just missed out on the role of Susan Hall.
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I’m almost fascinated by how bad this is.
The ridiculously clunky delivery. The bizarre capitalisation of every word. The desperation to appear edgy. The accompanying picture of spaghetti. The fact that you can read the ‘joke’ 20 times and still not so much as smirk. Incredible.
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I’m sick of hearing Nadine Dorries’ sob story about her peerage being taken away by “posh boys”. Sorry, Nads, but you’ve just spent the best part of three years lying your arse off for a posh boy, and defending his indefensible actions at every turn. Fuck your peerage.
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“Far left” - the Mail making one bloke pulling off a good lettuce joke sound like the fucking Baader-Meinhof Group.
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“Drop the harp and come with me. It’s time for you to face justice at Karen Council.”
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Of all the election comms so far, Grant Shapps’ video is certainly the most eye-catching.
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This is the standard of politician we have now. Lee Anderson showboating his mumbled ‘comedy’ about protestors, then being unnecessarily insulting. How on Earth did this bag of tits ever ascend to a position where he could sit on a select committee?
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This photo looks like it’s been lifted from a story in a paranormal magazine about a poltergeist that terrorised a recluse in the 1970s.
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The thing with Victoria Derbyshire is that she keeps it very simple, she never lets this haunted tombstone off the hook, she’s brilliantly persistent, and she’s perfectly content to let him humiliate himself on live TV with his cut-glass bullshit.
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Fiona Bruce has now had this conversation twice in the last four weeks, and neither David TC Davies nor Johnny Mercer have been able to adequately explain how new licences to extract North Sea gas and oil will give us energy security. Two Tory MPs, same bullshit. Extraordinary.
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Tory cover bloke’s instructions were simple: slip in quietly and unnoticed.
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Forgive my cynicism, but I think a riot at the Cenotaph is EXACTLY what the Mail is trying to engineer. I don't buy their hand-wringing concern for a second.
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He looks like the manager of a supermarket who’s been given the honour of compering the local bingo night.
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I’m not going to be watching, but fuck
@antanddec
for making this decision. The whole reason this country is divided and in a post-Brexit mess is largely because of this man, who’s been given far too many light entertainment gigs to humanise himself. But the poison still remains.
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Wootton using a familiar tactic here, framing the allegations against him as a “witch-hunt” and a huge conspiracy to take down, not just him, but GB News. It’s straight out of the Trump playbook.
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Why the union flag umbrella? WHY?! Why have we got to look like such bewilderingly stupid cunts all the time?
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