Adam
@a_narimatsu
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Clown college dropout, also real college dropout • Published in @mcsweeneys, @SlackjawHumor, @pointsincase, @dailydrunkmag, formerly @ineedtoleavenyc
Joined October 2019
Got a piece published in @mcsweeneys for the first time! please do not report my celebratory scream-crying on Nextdoor
"It was founded in Silicon Valley with the sole purpose of amassing a bunch of prospective sociopaths together in one centralized location."
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the version of me that drinks from the brita is in a constant game of cat and mouse with the version of me that should be filling up the brita
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continuing to take my daily morning Red Dye No. 3 shot as a form of protest
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the area under the kitchen sink should be used exclusively for storing thousands of plastic bags you will never use
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i love how on the charlie brown christmas album they’re like “damn christmas time is here rips. let’s run it back again…with VOCALS”
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me: *scoops a single bowl of soup from a large pot* the lone bay leaf in the pot: “surprise”
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the man next to me on my flight has unbelievable bo, is watching the borderlands movie on his ipad, and is visibly sending dick pics via the $8 southwest wifi
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every thirty days or so my youtube algorithm suggests something like “navy seal reveals ULTIMATE move for street knife brawls” and unfortunately it works every time because i need to know immediately
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Wrote this piece for @SlackjawHumor about how to finally start reading all of those books that you buy 🫡📚
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my entire feed is now accounts called “the intellectual sigma” saying osha was created by lenin and claiming we are going to fix the healthcare crisis by giving school children access to crypto
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yeah okay we needed rain that's enough though please make it stop again for another record long stretch
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destroying the vibe of the seance by turning on the overhead fluorescent
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i’m going to become one of those people in the park with like eight dogs on leashes except it’s all crabs
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guy who invented ladders seeing rock climbing’s explosive popularity: what the fuck
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I've already seen this episode, why can't they write something new and original
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