Meganš¤
@_megannmartinn
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Pinned Tweet
Matt Hancock after telling the Uk to clap for the NHS when the only thing he was clapping was his assistants cheeks
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Cows when they see a Turkey strolling round the farm tomorrow
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The OG shagger
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I like sleeping cos itās like youāre temporarily dead
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The depression leaving my body when Karen from the NHS mental health service tells me to go for a walk
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As a nation can we all just agree to ignore Sam Smith cos Iām sick of seeing him in his knickers
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The Queen when Prince Phillip got discharged from hospital
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How do you sort your life out when youāve been knackered since year 6
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British bouncers for absolutely no reason
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Prince Andrew outside the local schools now the attention is on Meghan and Harry
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How horned up do you have to be to reply to porn on twitter
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Flies trying to locate the window theyāve just flew in through
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I hope we get a repeat of this with Tommy Fury and Molly Mae
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Seeing that video of Wayne Lineker picking a girl to shag
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People wearing HOODIES in this weather š„µ
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The audacity of some people to troll the England players with racial slurs when this is their lifestyle šøāļø
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Boris Johnson to the UK
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*Boys under the age of 18 exist*
Phillip Schofield:
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Flies as soon as you open a window
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Prince Phillip to himself in the mirror before entering gulag
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The seagulls outside my window when Iām trying to sleep
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When my future kids ask me who Chris Eubank is
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Me picking my future kids up from school with the Shrek 2 soundtrack blasting
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Me reappearing the morning after a mental breakdown
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Me trying to behave like a normal human being after lockdown
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Absolutely no one:
Bear Grylls:
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Thinking of the time I went on a date years ago and said āmight just throw myself in the Albert dockā as a joke and he said thatās how his aunty died and started welling up
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Me in the mirror trying to decide which dance moves to bust out in June
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Me after that rando slid in my dms telling me Iām his moon and stars and then proceeded to send me a dick pic
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So glad Iām in a family where if I asked my dad to do this heād tell me to fuck off
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Imagine carrying a baby for 9 months for them to deep throat in the middle of concert square
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Everyone always bangs on about how good Jennifer Lopez looks but are we forgetting Gwen Stefani is 50??!!
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How do you deal with a minor inconvenience without saying youāre going to kill yourself, asking for a friend x
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Today I ran race for life got my beautiful mum who we sadly lost in November šš¼š¼
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When you apologise and they mutter āthat wasnāt hard was it?ā under their breathe
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Bit of a risky move to have a choir full of children when Prince Andrewās there
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Thatās the eyes of a man whoās been bummed
Stephen Bear unrecognisable as he leaves prison after serving 11 months for sharing sex tape
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Wearing a mask in your car is like wearing a condom in your pants just incase
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When your mate goes the toilet and leaves you with their friend that you hardly know
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I was talking to a guy the other month and found his tik tok of him sobbing over his ex and Iāve never got the ick quicker in my life
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You just know every house in that road has googled where to buy a sniper
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As someone from the port, I really really hope I donāt sound like this and if I do Iāll give someone a tenner to put me down
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Me to my mum after my brother put me in walls of Jericho
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Ellesmere Port town centre
Since everyone is saying that Paris is overrated, what is a place that lives up to the hype
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Me at my Me watching the
own wedding: downfall of Phillip
Schofield:
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3rd Christmas without my mum and it doesnāt get any easier. My heart goes out to anyone missing a loved one today, my messages are always open ā¤ļø
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Howās Ken Barlow plowing pure birds on Corrie and Iām still single
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I fear Iām not making it till Eastenders cos Iām already like this
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Do you ever see someone out and think thereās no way on this earth that theyāre not a paedophile
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My dad when he accidentally gave a 6 year old whiplash on the go karts in Tenerife
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