Luke
@_lukestwtpage
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marginally more creative than my username would suggest
South West, UK
Joined July 2021
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Had a guy in work who had one leg longer than the other which caused his head to bob from side to side
Called him the sniper’s nightmare
Working class white lads have the deadliest banter, guy on site has one arm and they’ve nicknamed him octopus
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She basically said “I know you have depression but have you tried not having depression?”
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If we could have a 2 day lockdown so I can mentally prepare myself to go back to work, that would be great
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I have come to terms with the harsh reality that I am in fact, a simp
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On the left is me on the 20th August, I was drinking too much, heavily depressed and pretty much had given up the will to live.
On the right is me about 2 and a half weeks later (7th September), clean from drink/drugs, regularly going to the gym and generally much happier
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Just caught him sleeping on the job for the 4th time today
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It’s getting dark so early already and we didn’t even have a summer
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asked for my number from hinge, a few days into talking and I get this message for being busy 💀
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Guys who say they’re nice guys are usually the complete opposite - from now on I will be describing myself as a total piece of shit
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I could definitely think of worse settings to spend my last night in
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twitter’s suggested tweets are starting to feel like personal attacks
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not someone sending me this and saying it sounds like me 🤣
I like being bossed around by chicks for some reason
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Not a conventional Sunday dinner but jesus christ I would not be complaining
Been looking forward to this all week…
Indian Spiced Roast Chicken, with Masala Roasters, and an Indian style gravy 🌶🔥
Now this is a Sunday Dinner 🤝
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left my company 2 weeks ago and all set to start my own business on sept 1st - it’s amazing what you can do when you’re not working for a bunch of assholes who think they own your life
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I feel like it would be a lot easier to be in a good mood if the last 6 months didn’t consist of rain and grey clouds everyday
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what in the sleep paralysis is this shit
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An arrest for Tupac’s death was not on my bingo card for today if I’m being honest
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Virgin Media are the worst excuse for a company. Imagine paying for small business broadband and it goes down 30% of the time. Pretty sure the customer service reps were dropped on their heads at birth too
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the worst thing about having having less bad mental health days is when you do have one, it hits reaaally fucking hard
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I thought this cat was wearing a jumper
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After a successful first 3 weeks of business (in full swing), I think this is absolutely in fucking order
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shoutout to me for ordering a large pizza at midnight to eat 1 slice then passing out
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Ironic that on world mental health day I’m having a really shitty mental health day
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Hinge is so weird, why would you care what somebody else chooses to do? 🥴
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Spent 10 minutes arguing with racists on twitter and this shit is EXHAUSTING
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Borrowing my friend’s place in St Ives for the weekend, nice lil view
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People who keep their phone on loud 24/7 are attention seekers
People who keep their phone on silent 24/7 are so done with life
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People will literally come on this app and say anything
A toxic working environment really builds character and thick skin.
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Why did nobody tell me weekends in 2022 would feel like a lunch break
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Nothing but rain since Sept 2022 until for a brief moment in May, it looked like we were about to have a summer
Well 3 months on and there’s nothing but torrential fucking downpour, it’s like the weather wants us to be miserable
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It’s not christmas until your uncle uses phrases like ‘ticking boxes’ when referring to diversity on tv
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This has to be the most fragile account on this app, every time I see a tweet from this little ham-complexioned dweeb he’s crying about something
Sorry, but if this ambulance turned up for me, I’d tell them to sod off.
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I’m so jealous of anyone at glasto this weekend, we try again next year
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Day 2: there’s a leak in the roof of my office and can’t use the lights
The storm has wiped out my Wifi, fantastic start to the working year
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Why do I feel like I’ve been constantly tired since the year began
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If you need to get a plan that costs $499 a month to find potential dates, I don’t know what to tell you
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Twitter’s got me thinking International Womans Day is actually International Hate Men Day
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@naomiw_0611
@phillipp_o
I can’t get my head around how twitter let accounts like that gain so much traction
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Being at an airport for the first time in 2 years, not for a flight but for a covid test? No thanks
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Guess who decided to reactivate again (will probably disappear in a week)
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there’s no better feeling than seeing your doggo after a week of being away
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@vasilysoldat
@bIoodst0nes
the fact that your whole twitter consists of trying to shame women you don’t know is a really weird flex
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4 days and considering deactivating again 🤣
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I’m really not sure how I feel about this, being called out by an online quiz
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5 months into the year and we’ve had about 3 days of sun, is there a customer support line I can contact??
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I am not somebody you drop and pick up when it suits you, I’ll reciprocate any kind of energy you throw at me
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the dickriding on the replies is crazy, why would you actually care about a huge corporation’s profits?
So this happened today in my local tescos! these scumbags thought they could just walk out with anything they wanted! NOT in my town - we were having none of it!
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I could honestly walk around this place for hours, so damn picturesque!
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I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t slightly erect
Done something a bit special tonight…
- Lamb Tikka Rogan Josh 🌶🔥
Lamb marinated for 24hrs in
@MattCooperBites
Tandoori Lamb Mix, and then put in the air fryer, before adding to the curry. Absolutely outstanding 😍
Friday Night is Curry Night 🤝
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back on twitter because how else am I supposed to keep up to date with current news and events?
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Twitter’s gone from a perfectly working app to something completely unusable
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one thing I can guarantee when I’m hungover is that I’ll always be needy as fuck
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Proceeds to post the video 😂
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19 days into the new year and I am fucking s t r e s s e d
get me on a plane to a hot country asap
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Said Happy New Year to one of my American clients and my colleague just asked me if it’s 2022 in America as well now? What??
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having a coffee at midnight then complaining I can’t sleep is one of my weaker traits
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the fact the weather’s nice all throughout the week and as soon as the weekend hits it’s raining is proof that life is not fair
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