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@__banke__
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AI Mom. I will take away mom jobs.
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台風の影響
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Pinned Tweet
Nah, I need to pay more attention to how I write here. I find I always have one or two unnecessary commas, three typos and other gramma error most likely from rephrasing and not reviewing the entire sentence. I really need to do butter.
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I’m not even being dramatic but nothing in the world is coming between me and rice.
Cut rice out of your diet, don’t eat after 7pm and you’d see a huge difference in your weight and general well-being. Try it !!!
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Nigerian men heard a woman was on her feet for 100 hours cooking and they started imagining her as their wife. Days later they found out she doesn’t have a single chiffon peplum top
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I like Katrina’s accent though. You never know how she’s gonna say the next word. You just hope for the best.
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She’s taking Amapiano to the world. Meanwhile, Naija artists are treating Afrobeats like a scandal.
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Aunty say make I rub ehn, ehn, kilon pe kininyen. Aya…aya, mmm, aya luronic abi ale luronic, I dont know. Hehehee! Morning and nite! Shey I dey do ritual ni? Even sef, she give me this one day make I run before I enter sun hehehe!! Babalawo no do reach dis one oh huhuhuh wahala!
So no brand can help portable curate a skin care routine ??? He always appear like he stank every time
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“I want to demistify you” he said in his husky voice
She gasped and whispered “be gentle. I’ve never done this before”
He grunts and gently, pulls out a wipe and fiam!!! Her eyebrows were gone!!
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After studying Microbiology in Nigeria, what’s next?
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The one thing you should never assume is Nigeria has done its worst.
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It was on Twitter I learned some people forget to eat. I think about food all the darn time. I love food so much, I feel in my past life, I might have been a standing fan in a buka.
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Mahn my husband got a call from NYSC camp where his brother is and he freaked out cos he straight up thought he had been kidnapped or something. Turned out it was camp radio station calling to give him a S/O from his brother. He said “oh?” followed by a long silence. Lmfaooooo!!
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Very soon, Nigerians will wake up in the middle of the night to find someone fiddling with their pyjama pockets. Yup! It’s Tinubu.
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99% of my girl friends who are first born daughters suffer from anxiety , depression and ADHD.
It’s almost as if they’re..ADA
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Ezra: Cat food is slightly nauseating
Tekbro in comments : Really enjoyed your perspective on the synergy between garri and water in relation to the rising cost of living. If I may ask, is your use of “rising” deliberate here bringing attention to the osmossistical phenomenon..
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“Women bring nothing to the table” meanwhile their mommy constructed the table but she had to pass money under it to daddy to protect his ego.
In a home, where Mommy has more money than Daddy, a wise woman will do anything possible not to dominate the home.
When kids want something, she'll tell them "ask ur Dad", and she'll will secretly give Dad the money to meet the Kids' needs.
That's a
#WiseWoman
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Okay, go and block the creeks, Asari Dokubo
Lobster isn’t meant to be accessible. Try sea pork for a budget friendly option.
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There’s nothing Nigerian men like like a woman who can slave away in the kitchen “for them”. Cos when they hear a lady cannot cook, they don’t ask how she eats. It’s how her future husband is going to survive they think about. Always hungry like a bear coming out of hibernation.
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Lmao! Counting on Nigerian women to hold this grudge forever on the internet 🙏
You can be spending this time with your Nigerian man and in his head, he wants you to leave lmfaooo.
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The fact that Wofai is the only one we all know. Never heard of that Cole family nor their son. Definitely do not know the Engineer Kunle nor the location of his rewire workshop.
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Hello, mommies, daddies, uncles, aunts and everyone who has to mind little ones!!! It works!!! 🙊😭😭😭😭
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So the egg just kept on splitting and splitting like a gymnast? No personnel in the reproductive system department could unplug it from the wall?
BREAKING: Nigerian Lady, Obianuju Anthonia Ibeanu, Welcomes Nonuplets (9 Babies) After 25 Years Of Waiting
Congratulations 🎊🎊🎊🎊
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This man had sole custody of his three children. He was raping the older daughter (less than 13) and already grooming the last born. The mom said she left the kids with him cos after his first marriage ended, the ex wife took the kids and the kids died in strange circumstances.
Just like my neighbor during NYSC looked like a great dad too and was very nice to me and my flat mate.
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Abike Dabiri have you see this or not? Dabiri or Dabirin’t?
@abikedabiri
I will be holding a meeting with Labour Immigration agents next week to establish the source of Kenyans getting into distress. No Kenyan abroad should suffer. We must come up with mechanisms that protect Kenyans working and living abroad.
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I saw a video of Erica rubbing her puppy’s belly and calling him/her unemployed and for a second I worried that her fans may try getting the dog a job.
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What if you find out your husband has his own spoon in his locker and he collects one tospi from everybody’s lunch pack?
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The babe was shaking in the IG video. Trauma was just smelling everywhere, her lower lips quivered a couple of times! Idk why Kemi Adetiba was trying to reach Kehinde Bankole yesterday but I present her Koromone!
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Random: In 2011 or so, Donjazzy was tweeting airtime like he did a lot back then. My network was slow and so I couldn’t load any fast enough. I asked if he could DM it to me and he did.
I like that man.
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Meanwhile some of them don’t have any money. Just a couple of spacious compounds and one vintage carcass of a vehicle packed inside.
This is why when people tweet about wanting to marry into old money families, I laugh. If your family don’t have money or “name”, you go see things. Terrible things.
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I remember when I bent the knee to greet my MIL and my SIL later told me they don’t care about stuff like that and they find it pretentious. In my head I was like yeah thanks, E I’m actually pretentiousing.
yorubas are obsessed with the idea & eye service of respect than actual respect itself.
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Hisbah that cannot call out children of the rich. That one is Hiskabah.
So because Hisbah doesn't have the power to call out Buhari's daughter and other politicians they should turn a blind eye and let the society turn to something else? Hisbah is doing really great, the blame is of those elites who allow their children to be doing Haram stuff.
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Kai! See how Sheggz is humble like someone that entered danfo without tfare.
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Bahhhhhbie 💀
GUYS MY FRIEND HAS PINK BAKRA I- DJDJDKDKDKDKKDNFKFKCKDMSKSKSKS KHA JAU GI (realest)
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The sermons are coming from a place of hurt. She was the perfect woman, 100 yards of brocade! And she dashed their hopes!
Soso take their pain aaaway!!
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There’s a tendency to feel left out if you’re not carrying a child for Davido
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My mom teaches in a public school. They see this all the time “Ma I’ve not eaten since yesterday”
Sometimes they invite the parents. Mom shows up, she too looks like she hasn’t eaten for days too.
This is no joke. Just this morning, a bike man fell with his bike in the middle of the road. When people got to him, he said he hasn’t eaten for days now 😩. I cried.
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Guys, I have goosebumps. Erica is a queen bee and her fans are worker bees on crack. Their energy can power a small city.
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@theoluwatobi__
Ejo egbami hehehe! Na dis face I still use get 3 baby mama for Ikorodu. 🎶 Fine boy, fine boy no be for face, na for addidude 🎶 Skepta no see my pimples before he hep my life? Huhuhu
Even sef, make I no too talk. Make I no jabo but aunty Tiwa still kiss my face. Huhuhuh
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If Sheggz looked like Kemen, we wouldn’t be having half of this discussion.
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He laughed and said he really didn't need it. He was hoping I'd get off my seat to find him one so he can check out my ass. My boss heard and he's now been terminated.
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Someone asked about the correlation. If Hilda danced for a 100 days, these men wouldn’t have cared about what she wears. She cooked for 100 awahsss! Imagination might be killing the both of us here but many of them saw this as an audition.
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Context for first three screenshots- I was self conscious about my postpartum body
Last photo, I aced an exam I was worried about.
Our mom 🫶🏽
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There’s never a shortage of bad news coming out of Nigeria. Heartbreak upon heartbreak every minute of the day.
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@dpravedmystique
@highoffmemories
@AkanButNoJeezyy
Your pelvic floor could collapse and your bladder peak through your vagina
Your gestational diabetes might never go away
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Ran into Ozzy’s enemy today at Walmart. No, not Sega. How on earth would he reach the top shelf?
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When you’re on your metamorphosis journey but you have to make a quick stop at the Lord Chosen church 🥹
Obsessed with this saddleback caterpillar that looks like he’s wearing a tiny safety vest
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Met Police: Man and woman have been charged..
Nigerians: Izz not a man and woman!!! Izzz our politician! Izzz our Senate President! He lives on Number 51 Iweka road!! Say our name!! Words have meaning!! Erasure happening before our very eyes! Heyyyyy! Heyyyyyyy!
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Hmm! You will not even wait till 2080 when half of us are dead so you can tell this lie.
Sega was on the verge of glory then the attacks came from all angles.
It’s true he did some questionable things but I believe the pressure from the attacks further destabilized him into making more mistakes.
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One man has been denying his wife, one man said his wife must go to the gym where his mother has breakfast at 7am, One man this, one man that
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Love to see this cos in my head, every one of them thrown in prisons abroad “makes up” for the thousands of their comrades back home walking free 🙏🏽
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There's this Nigerian associate of ours, as per we're from same country, he hangs around to chat a little after business. One day he stopped by and told me he needed a mask and I pulled one out of my drawer and handed to him...
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@chumzeeee
Lmao! The industry doesn’t have anyone else like him. He’s like a rare strain of bacteria :(
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The “Olubawi” concept is nuts sha. If all is well with your head, you shouldn’t need a figure in your life capable of throwing a net over you to restrain you and set you straight when you have issues with your wife.
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The excellent use of professional language, accurately conveying the experience, the emphasis on the thickness, what more do you want for the biggest food critter? 😃
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I think she was 14 cos he reportedly had her abort a baby for him. Please take your children no matter the cost. I hope that girl is happy wherever she is. I never saw her smile till that day when her mom came to take them away.
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Please keep Ndiana in your prayers. There’s nothing wrong with her but her parents left her at home with her grandma whom she met barely two weeks ago and they returned two days later with a tiny human whom they call her sister. Dis tew much.
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As a non Nigerian, you have to pray Nigerians don’t follow your socials en mass for a negative reason. it’s going to take 300 years before they stop engaging with your posts. Even when they like you, their numbers do nothing for you as they cannot purchase anything you promote.
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People talk a lot about how relocation is separating families but no one is talking about how our moms no longer have anyone to pass on their truckload of kitchen wares they hoped to give their daughters
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Nothing in the world can make me engage with that person’s tweet. An opps is an opps even on bank holidays.
EndSARS was such a weird period because why the hell was I retweeting Kelvin Odanz?
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Sometimes he shares his observations with food still in his mouth “Sumbo, is like you don’t like pepper like before? Sho ti ni ulcer?”
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The farmers in the barracks are taking advantage of the situation, sleeping with the little girls, even the ones in JS1 with the promise of giving them food to take home.
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Me as a reporter reporting the news: Violence, flatulence, coincidence. What do these words have in common?
*smiles in rhymes*
On a train this evening, a young man’s life was saved by his..* beckons on camera man to zoom in on my face* Gut feeling
*chuckles digestively*
In 2016 i almost got shot on a Philly bus. The bullet came through the window where i was sitting, but i got up to stand by the backdoor because i had to fart.
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In some weird evolutionary adaptation, they now breathe through their skin so they don’t even need to come up for air anymore.
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She was the one who reported him to my flatmate. He had threatened she’d die if she ever told anyone. He had been raping her for at least three years. It was almost a week then and she was still alive. A huge burden had been lifted off her chest.
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@SkinwithLolami
Our neighbour made her husband’s orphaned niece and nephew stand in front of her kids and pointed at them say “They’re here to serve you” All the kids here were less than age 12 btw.
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I also learned some people in the community knew the whole time about it, including the little girl’s boyfriend. I didn’t even know she was dating. Her boyfriend was at least 23. I’m so sick thinking about all of it.
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@dpravedmystique
@highoffmemories
@AkanButNoJeezyy
Yup! Basically your body could get destroyed in every possible way, death being the worst
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Should also add that I told this story to my mom and for a while she casually used to throw in conversations with people like “..the other day Donjazzy sent Banke credit” Lmao!
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Not this babe trying to promote this 300 naira cream she wouldn’t even use to grease her padlock. Kai! 😂
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I'm sure if Andrew Tate wakes up one morning and identifies as a woman, many of you ladies would welcome him with hands and heart open wide, erase his essence, claiming his hatred towards women was as a result of him not being able to live his truth as a woman.
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I started going out with a knife anytime I had to turn off my gen in the night. I was surrounded by bushes so anytime my security light went off, it was pitch darkness. I’d kill the Gen and run for my life into the house. I never felt safe again in that community
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Cut the story short, he only spent say a week in police custody. He didn’t even lose his job with the state government. The police said it was a family issue. He came home and was blasting Sunny Ade and Obey, mocking those in the community who thought he’d never return.
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@alfred_savage
Lmao! He is such a hard guy and anti mush. It was later in the day he told me that was a sweet gesture 😂
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I was really naive. I assumed the mom must have been a bad woman cos in my experience, moms always left with their kids. Plus he was so good to us, he’d fix anything broken in the flat, share groceries,.. I was so curious why any woman would leave him. Il
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Okay I see people asking why standing fan in a buka? Well if you spent your entire existence watching people eat, no one offering you even a bite, only getting nagged about blowing hot air, what would you spend your entire next life doing?? Eating!!! That’s right! 😂
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When dishing their food in the pack, they throw in one tiny piece of meat for him “This one is for Wande-One spoon”
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Cos many dads are like the cool uncles. They love you but don’t necessarily have to show up all the time, they just need to be generous with their pockets and leave all the work of raising you to your parents (mom)
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He rotates it every week. One spoon of carbs from guys in accounting. Protein from the ladies in marketing. Every time they see him coming, they throw the big pieces of meat in their mouth.
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The question is do these kids want to be gently parented??? THIS IS THE QUESTION, YOUR HONOUR!! 🤌🏾
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Hmmm the B*N star whose name rhymes with “America” can influence fans to buy anything
Has any celebrity endorsement actually influenced you to buy anything??
What's the product? Was it a good one?
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I saw the caption and I was like whaaaaat? But on a second thought, this is such a great job.
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So I just finished my oath taking ceremony. You will now address me as Canadian citizen, Banke 🙈😂
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Aunty probably told him. “Ath aht, lemme put the food in your mouth. We don’t eat like hyenas here” 😄
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You’re not doing anything wholesome. You’re amplifying rubbish.
Twitter coming together to ignore useless question tweets and quoting them with wholesome important stuff>>>>
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There’s no end to skin care, chores, exercising, bills, personal development, if you ask me, staying alive is too much work I didn’t sign up for.
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Come dey do shakara
Like say dem be Ciara
But I see her for Kotangora
Bend down dey price jankara
Wantanamera.
Why iya wantanamera Wantanameraaaa
No form for me I know your area.
Why do girls named amara like to open their mouths when applying mascara? Is it because they want to eat akara
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If you to think that screenshot was posted without the consent of the other party, I have a toll gate to sell to you. Come in your pyjamas too. Might even sell you a scrap vintage car if the vibe is right 😄
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I’m a simple woman. I see a Funke Adejumo video being quoted, I don’t watch the video, I don’t finish reading the quote.
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Sometimes they complain they packed a very light lunch and he assures them he’s a man of his word and would not go beyond one spoon.
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