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@__Kenneh
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Cat Dad. I come to the internet to lie about my life.
Machakos, Kenya
Joined September 2018
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Niliresign kazi nikakuja nyumbani kukua mkulima. Ill be back on this tweet after 2.5 yrs with an update. 🙏
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Kuna ndugu alinizimia simu intentionally a couple of months ago when I was in the pits, niliieka kwa roho walahi. Saai missed call zimefika kumi na moja tangu 9:32 am
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"Hio ndege usiione tu hapo udhani iko hapo, saai iko South Africa"
Why was our childhoods like this?
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Tulikua tunabadilisha clutch na mzae, tushamaliza na tukafunga but we have an extra nut and bolt. Na ata hazitoshani 🤭😂💀💀
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Chauffeured my mom to a wedding iko na huko kwa kichaka, sasa mimi kama an intellectual nikaenda kutafuta sumu. It's almost time to go na hazishuki. 🙆♂️
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A creamer over a squirter ndio ukimaliza una smear hio thufu kwa msedes halafu usioge, wacha ikauke. Next morning utakua unai peel off vile tulikua tuna peel off office glue kwa mikono tukiwa primo. 👀😏
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Madem huwa entitled asf bana, hadi saa ya mechi mtu anakuambia 'babe cum for me' for you? FOR YOU!!??? Ama 'dont cum yet' as if unaeza shikilia kama brakes za bike.
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Money is really important, ukisota huwa unafeel nikama uko mgonjwa bana. 😂😂😂😂
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We don't. 🤗😅
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👀😬
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Not my old man asking me how to join X so he can listen in to the space.
Nimemshow it's a subscription service atakua alikataa pesa monthly akalenga.
Smh.
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Nime slide kwa bafu karibu niende kwa baba.
Sasa ningeacha kapaka na nani? 😩😭😭
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Unaanza kufuga sheep and it dawns on you mbona wakristo tunaitwa Kondoo. 😬💀💀💀💀
They are the most brainless, clueless, can't think for themselves animals I've come across. 😩😭
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"Mbona unatetemeka? 😈😈"
"Toa hio mkono hapo 💀💀"
"Why you fucking me like this 🥺🥺"
"Sasa tutalala wapi?😅😅"
🙏🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️
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Goalkeepers on 87th minute when they get the ball and their team is 1-0 up. 😆😆😂😂😂😂
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Best money/gift I have ever spent on myself.
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"I heard you got a new giiiirlfriend... And it's hurting meeeee...."
Shit, Iza Stephu.
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Huku ocha nikuskiza Musyi FM 24/7 sasa news leo ni ati huko Kitui an eagle dropped a snake midflight ikaanguka ndani ya gari ikauma dereva, vile watu walianza kuipiga waiue eagle ikarudi akaichukua. Dude giving the report said it was 2 people in disguise. 😱😱🤭🤭😂😂
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Guys!! Guys!! Nilijipata mimi and honestly it's the best. 😄😄😆😆🤗🤗🤗
My boy outchea in the supermarket on the phone with the gaidi asking which flavour of yoghurt she wants... Nitawahi jipata mimi?
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Hawa wakidinyana si huwa ina sound kama mtu akiosha vijiko? 😩💀💀
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Missionary hapa huwa inaslap saidi ukiwatch utambis ikimove na rhythm ya strokes. 😏😋😍😍😍😍😍😍
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Niko na kiulizo na msinimalize.
Is this a valid reason to not want to work with female colleagues?
So guys, sometimes my hormones are so ruthless that I become very suicidal a fortnight or less towards my periods. I also dissociate from people around the same time because I become overwhelmingly sensitive and my emotions are out of control. It's almost like going crazy fr.
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Since y'all know everything, what's about to happen here? 😏😅
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Siet! It's been 3 years already? 😳😬
Anyway here's an update, farming is cool and fun..... BUT!!! and this is a very big but, it's not for the weak, both physically and mentally.
Niliresign kazi nikakuja nyumbani kukua mkulima. Ill be back on this tweet after 2.5 yrs with an update. 🙏
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Nikama tumeingia desperation levels juu mathe kuniambia nianze ata 1-0 is not something I was expecting. 🙆🏽♂️😩
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Got my packing boxes today and it dawned on me that I am really finally moving from this toxic city.
Pretty excited. 😆🤗🤗
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Maze imefika mahali siwezi achwa kwa nyumba peke yangu because every single opportunity I get.....
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Wewe uko 40 na unakaa 60. Sit this one out sis.
Siku hizi guys above 40 wanakaa teenagers. They should give you guys the secret of looking young and fresh 😏😏👀👀👀
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Nahurumia sana mmama atanitoa celibacy mbikos this will be our conversation after 15 fire seconds. 🤭😅😂😂😂
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You are responsible for your own happiness. 😅🤗🤗
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Getting a "Aki I'm still sore 🫣😈🙈" text at 10 am on a Monday morning inaeza kufurisha kichwa bana. Unamea pembe, and rightfully so juu it's been more than 24 hours na bado unakumbushwo without having to say anything. 🤭💪🙌
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Me on Euro Truck after I miss an exit on the highway. 😄😅
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I have never been your man. But it's cool, this is good content. 😆😄😂😂🔥🔥
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Nyinyi wenye mko na watoto, is there anything like being ready for a child? 👀😬
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Guys, if you are in Thika or can access Thika from wherever, a patient, Judy, urgently needs 0- blood at St. Mulumba Mission Hospital. Please DM if you can help or RT for awareness. Thank you
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Ooops!!! 🤭🙆♂️
Someone DMd me after this tweet, akanifanyisha interview and turns out I passed. PSA!! Nimetoka soko mimi, I now have a girlfriend please act accordingly. Thanks and God bless. 😊🤗
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Makosa ilifanyika jana, because for the first time ever tulipatana na baba mzazi kwa bar. 😬😬🙆🏽♂️
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Kunakuaga na supplements za kuongeza weight? Maze nimekonda saidi. There's literally no meat between my leg bones and the skin. 😐😩😭😭
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I'm not one to say my L's publicly but last year nilikulwa moja hapo funny asf. Niliattach 3 images and 1 clip ya nyama mumamaz akafungua kama ameghost. I tried to get closure a week later akaniwacha on read. Huwa inanikula kichwa sana what went through her mind 😅😅🤭😂😂😂
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Raising a child is such a task but it also has it's fulfilling moments. Seeing a baby cry because you're leaving or them getting excited when you get back home in the evening is some top tier honest and genuine love to experience.
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"Kwa ground vitu ni tofauti" should never be taken lightly.
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I lost myself sometime last year and it's been a journey trying to recover. I kinda have accepted that I won't fully get back to being myself or it will take an even longer period to do it.
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Nimeoga, nikatrim njunga mai, na nikapaka cheeks lotion just incase universe iamue hii wikendi kuna mumama atanitoa suruali 🕯️🙏🕯️
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Collected my first egg today. Siku ya crates kadhaa in a day itafika tu but for now I'm super grateful. 🙏
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Done with the employment life.... At least for now.
New year New chapter.
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Oyaaaa!!
Si mpige RTs hapa tupate hii bed.
Thanks 😺🤗
Calling all cat lovers! To celebrate this milestone, we're giving away a purr-fect cat bed!
To enter:
1. Reply to this tweet with a photo of your adorable feline friend.
2. The photo with the most retweets by Saturday 2nd March wins!
Good luck!
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My mother just called "nimekuona huko Facebook na kapuss" 😑😑😑🤣🤣🤣🤣
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Hakuna mtu ako na bash wanacheza truth or dare nikue dared to kiss someone? At this rate ata si nitasahau. 😩
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Here is a 40 track - 5 hour Madilu System playlist no one asked for. 🤗🤗🔥🔥🔥🔥
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Ha! Both mimi na mtasis maisha ilishindikana tukarudi kwa wazazi and I kind of think it wasn't bad at all, wangekua wanaboekea hapa peke yao walahi.
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Imagine ushike ki OLED/QLED screen ya kugusa magame halafu upate mnabishana na muguruki juu anadai kuwatch Selina. 😫😫😭😭
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Has your girlfriend sent you a video of her moving her head around without saying anything ama mnangangana na hali? 😆😆😆
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Lmaooo karao na land cruiser wamejaribu kunishika juu sikua nimevaa mask, nimewaachia hapo waki discuss vile mwenye alinipea jina Musembi hakua mjinga. 😆😂😂😂😂
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Kasee usijali life ni step by step. One has to crawl before walking. Video iko sawa. 💪🏾🙌🏾
Kupata madem ilikuwa ngumu mnisamee plus most walidai 5 k 😭😭😭😭
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Maze mwache umefi ya ku screenshot tweets mkipeleka Facebook. Wazazi wako huko bana na sisi huku twitter ni marayas. Mnaharibu. 😑
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Banshee doesn't get enough credit bana. Top tire TV show. 💯
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Women will wake you up and ask you to help them sleep. Real shit. They are not people!!
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You fools took that dush nyau clip to Facebook now my family is calling me. 😑😑😑😑
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I'm ready to move but my cat has gone hoeing and i cant find him.😩😩
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Just had an Epiphany that the way we used to take showers back in high school was the most gay shit ever. 😑😩😭😭
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Next event nafika itabidi nimeenda na msupa maen. Hii vako ya kuangalia watu wakisuguliwa na wewe umeshikilia drink tu haileti shangwe. 😭😭😭😭
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Huyo kijana a few years ago alitweet vile ameshabuy land ako hadi na title dead and I felt some type of way. Kumbe ni pressure ya bure. 🤦♂️😑
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Again....
New niggas, this tweet has a specific target, behave.
Regards.
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Nimepata good news leo hadi nimechinga kakuku to celebrate. 😆🤗🤗
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Mnakumbuka vile mlichocha hii siku? 💉💉💉😄😅😅😆😂😂
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@tvmounting254
Haha it is a process breh. Si rahisi hivyo. It takes time and that's why nimejipatia miaka mbili.
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