Poor Bill Gates 🇳🇬
@_StephenIfeanyi
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Social media handler|| Content Creator|| Copywriter|| Scriptwriter|| Humourist God above all 👑
Joined June 2020
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*When I moved to Victoria Island*
Me: Neighbour, hwfa
Guy: Bro,you're our new tenant that moved in two weeks ago right?
Me: yeah bro I am. It's my friend that actually lives here but he's out of the country for some business,so he said I should help guide his home for a while
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I was eight years old then. My mother had just left for market and she warned me not to leave the house.But guess who was already outside and had scored 6goals yes me.I too like ball and na wetin kill me that day.While playing,one of my guys stopped me and pointed at the bus stop
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When you're pooing in the toilet at night, then NEPA takes light and something licks your bumbum
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Guy: Hmph...*brings out phone*...Let me call and find out if he's on his way back.
*Calls Stephen*
{Ringtone, Soso by Omah Lay starts playing in my pocket}
Barber Me
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You know or might have heard of
@Tunde_OD
(Tunde Onakoya) and the wonders, his project, Chess in Slums are doing. But how well do you know Tunde Onakoya?
Tunde grew up in Eko Lagos, his father was a spare parts seller while his mother was a petty trader.
(THREAD)
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When my girlfriend takes me to see her father 😂😂😂
A thread 🧵
"I'm not the fatherrr..." 😂
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*Me as an introvert, when my bolt driver starts talking to me while in traffic*
Bolt Driver: Omo naso police just dey do,this country just tire me
Me: I swear
Bolt driver: You no see as the guy just stop us for road con go straight to the point?? If na another werey policeman,
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@quakerraina
Let me rephrase it better. These men acted every one of their vampire diaries scenes like they were performing for Shakespeare themselves. They conjured tears from nothing. They knew they were never going to win a prestige award, he was doing it for the ART. Inspiring.
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he said he needed to barb his hair immediately
Me: I no sure say the guy dey house ooo. E be like say he comot
Guy: Hmmm... Alright. What about you sir, your hair looks bushy.
Me: ehh na Dada I be, we no dey barb hair for my church.
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@Nugwa
We wey dey trek with our babe no fit drop our own experience na
My own na to dey protect my babe from any motor wey wan jam us.."babe come out from the road, see that container is coming"
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Me: *looks at Benz and look at the guy*... You be barber?
Guy: Yes sir, I'm supposed to barb a Stephen's hair here
Me: For this house?
Guy; Yes sir...*brings out ringlight, towel, microwave, mirror with Christmas light, portable A C, wrapper wey white like angel cloth*..he sai
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While growing up, friends and my mates around me usually yab my ass. I had an unusual big ass as a guy and it made me the center of attraction wherever I was. If I went outside to buy something for my mother, guys and girls look at me as I pass and I hear the whispers
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My concern wasn't even on the cane in my front, I was already smelling barbecue. I don dey die before my mama go con kill me. That balm na cream wey devil dey use.
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A teenage boy from the slums of Isale Odo in Ikorodu yesterday, is a 27year old man doing his best with his team to take as many children as they can, out of slums communities in Nigeria, today.
Ladies and gentlemen... Tunde Onakoya 👑
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@IamBaeTech
@Cold_n_dark
Lmao,copy and paste where? 😂😂
Something I created myself and it blew up on Facebook days ago?
Please mention the 'original writer' to come and claim it and give proof that he's the original writer,I'm waiting. If you need proof for mine.Check Stephen Joel on Facebook, Shalom ☺️
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Now that you're here, it's a good time to let you know that I'm a writer...content writing, scriptwriting and Copywriting. I write comedy scripts majorly and content for brands.
I am also a social media manager and very good at that too.
Send a DM, let's talk business 😊
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She had bought these canes for me but it seems like God was already flogging me.
But e no move am, she talk say she go still deal with me when God don finish. She drop one cane on top table for my front, con carry the second one enter inside.
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Me: *sitting in front of my flat then sees a 2022 Mercedes Benz SL enter the compound*
Guy: *comes out of the Benz wearing suit*...Good evening
Me: Yeah, Good evening neighbour. Welcome
Guy: Oh, sorry I don't live here. Someone contacted me to come and cut his hair here
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Guy: Oh it's cool bro, it's cool. How you doin?
Me: I'm good man, please I've tried looking around for a barber but it seems there's no barber here.
Guy: Oh you mean barbing saloon?
Me: Yes please, saloon..sorry, barber..yeah, barbing saloon for male
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I finished and dropped the bottle back,wore my clothes then sat on the chair and act asif I've been home all day.
While I was waiting,I started sweating. The more I dey fan myself,the more I dey sweat. I no understand wetin dey happen,e be like say I was frying inside my clothes.
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Guy: Your beards nko
Me: Shaving BIC dey upstairs, no worry
Guy: Okay sir...*let me wait in my car for him*
Me: It's already dark o, can't you go home and come back next time?
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Guy: Oh, let me give you my barber's contact. He usually comes every two weeks to trim my hair but you can call him.
Me; Oh thanks man, I really appreciate.
Guy: You're welcome my gee, go look cool for dem ladies...*we both laugh*
{2 hours after calling the barber}
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I looked and saw this woman coming back home with her regular market nylon, she was still at the bus stop.
I quickly rushed inside, I dey sweat and my legs con dirty on top. No matter how I try to disguise, she go catch me.
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Heat don full my whole body, my body dey pepper me anyhow and my umfukundum was turning to roasted bole. While I was still trying to understand wat was going on, my mother entered.
This woman carried her nylon in one hand, then two canes in another hand. I notice say I don enter
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wahala.She quickly noticed what I was passing through that moment on the chair,she asked me if I rubbed the aboniki balm and I replied yes.The way this woman take laugh me that day,I sure say she piss for body.She said she saw me from the bus stop and the way I quickly ran inside
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cream had finished in the morning, the new cream dey among wetin she dey carry so dey come back.
I looked around and saw a small bottle-like container. It had a yellow cover and yellow paper around the body.I read the inscription 'aboniki balm', I never know the use back then but
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Bolt driver: Criminals!!
Me: *laughs in pain*
Bolt driver:
Me:
Bolt driver:
Me:
Bolt driver: Na why e ....
Me: *opens door*
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@Oghenerie_jnr
*Wonder woman saves Nigerian mother from a deadly accident*
Wonder woman: That was close!! Hope you're okay ma'am?
Nigerian mother looking at the pant and bra wonder woman wore:
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I know say my papa dey always rub am for hin room because anytime he bath, enters his room and comes out, the smell of the balm filled the parlor.
Innocent me thought it was cream, without thinking twice, I quickly applied it on my body, at least make e cover any smell.
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I decided to baff sharp sharp baff. Make I pour water for body con rub cream, at least the smell fit disguise everything.
I hurriedly took my bath, you know all these sharp bathing na when you're in trouble those days. I came out and that was when I remembered that
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@Ollican_
@IamBaeTech
@Cold_n_dark
Fiction 😂😂..it was after I saw a post about a barber that cuts Asake, Burna boy and co hair,so I imagined this scene in my head 😂
I also write/create several stuff like this on Facebook. I write scripts for comedians but haven't really gotten a big gig yet. My time dey come 😁
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Babe: Steve, I'm bored, let's gist and have fun. Who was that girl you fell in love with in the past
Me: Ehn?
Babe: That girl that made you love her so much, you always thought about her...we all have someone that we fell so much in love with first na,in the past,who was yours?
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@WayneSinzu
Thunder will fire your daddy for allowing the girl near him.
Thunder will fire the girl for coming near him.
Thunder will fire you for not using your @
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@_baduizm_
@trezagayeeee
"do what makes you happy"...you guys use this phrase to justify so much rubbish
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Another story you'd enjoy 😂😂
Babe: This is our fifth date now since we knew each other yet you haven't taken me to your place
Me: I said I'll do that soon na
Babe: When is soon?This is what you've been saying since.Infact I'm beginning to suspect you dont want me to know where you live. You don't trust me
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@_Lola_de
After he bring out microwave and mirror wey get Christmas light?? 😂😂😂
Make he dey go back house, shaving BIC dey bathroom
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The girl I crushed on back in sss1 many years ago, never looked
at me for one day. Although I was intelligent but I noticed she didn't fancy me the way I fancied her.
I created many ways to approach her but it never worked out well. This girl dey always snub me and my letter...
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@deshotcaller
I dey tell you 😂😂😂
I fit even start to dey speak in tongues that moment if cane touch my body
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@shank_comics
It's nothing,honestly.I give my bae 25k to sub every two weeks, I myself use 30k to sub for a month. All these doesn't matter as long as love is there.
Naso my dream dey always be for night, whereas I dey single for real life as na
#500
I dey use sub for 1.5 gig for two months
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being idle..so she approached an expensive school and offered to work for them while her son attended their school. His mother worked there for six years and resigned on the day he wrote his final WAEC paper. Life in school was tough for Tunde at first, he could barely speak
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Babe: This is our fifth date now since we knew each other yet you haven't taken me to your place
Me: I said I'll do that soon na
Babe: When is soon?This is what you've been saying since.Infact I'm beginning to suspect you dont want me to know where you live. You don't trust me
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@WayneSinzu
I remember when I usually steal meat from pot and when Dem dey ask who steal meat, I dey swear say if na me steal am, make I die... I never die till now.
You see you, your daddy you used to chase this clout, Vivian and even me wey read the story...thunder fire all of us.
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{Rat Gum catches two rats}
Rats: *starts screaming ratishly*
Mum: Stephhenn!! is like that rat gum has caught rat
Me: Yes ma
Rat Jr. : *still crying*
Rat snr. : Stop crying son..Sshh ssshh sshhh
Mum: Ahh, thank God, finally!
Rat Jr. : Dad I'm scared...*sniffs rat catarrh*
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Babe: Yeah, Lucky na...that your dog you told me about. The one you normally put our remaining food and meat from the restaurant inside nylon to give him. I've not seen him or his cage or even hear his bark. Is he sleeping?
Me:
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*Me in who wants to be a millionaire show*
Frank Edoho: Congratulations Mr Stephen, you are correct!! just won 3million naira.
*Audience claps*
Frank: Your next question will make you win the sum of 5million naira! are you ready??
Me: Yes sir!
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Me trying to uninstall my windscribe and turbo VPN after they've been by my side for 7months
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{In America, When a soldier is wounded during battle}
Sergeant Thomas: Ahh!! My leg!!
Corporal Lewis: Sergeant!! Run, the enemies are gaining on us!!
Sergeant Thomas: Ahh!! I can't corporal!! My leg! I can't move!!
Corporal Lewis: S... sergeant...
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I wondered why they looked at me that way, Asif they didn't know it was me. I didn't even say anything, I cupped my full breasts,flipped my hair and walked on my heels to my room,my ass bouncing to the rhythm.
Oh, you thought I reduced my ass?Lmao, wahala for who no get yansh o
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@DanielRegha
Block wey we dey block our mama and papa for social media on code, e reach your turn, you block your papa, mama, wife, aunty, children, cousins, siblings, umunna and umunne, con still announce am for Twitter.
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@enkay_jakes
EFCC: Where your mama and papa dey?
Me: They're dead sir
EFCC: So how you con get this money?? Davido abi?!! Enter car!!
Me: No sir...not Davido
EFCC: So how come you get money when your papa and mama don die?
Me:
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and that was where Tunde perfected his skills and by Jss2, he won his frist trophy in the school. He came third in the chess tournament organized in the school and he saw his dad cry while he was being celebrated. His father was proud of him, a child who couldn't speak english
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english due to his environment back at home and how they mostly conversed in Yoruba Eventually, his classmates rubbed off on him and he learnt how to speak English well and also started doing really well in school.
Fortunately, the secondary school had an active chess club and
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yesterday, came third in a chess tournament in school. It boosted his self esteem and from that moment, chess changed his life.
He started playing chess and representing his school in external tournaments. He travelled for competitions and competed with other prestigious schools
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He has a brother who is two years younger than him. During his teenage years, he lived in a slum community called Isale Odo in Ikorodu. It was at Ikorodu that things got extra hard for his father.
Tunde's father was initially an owner of a danfo which he lent to other drivers
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including King's college. His travels helped expose him to the world and brought him out more often from the slums of Ikorodu. He was made the senior prefect in his senior year in Secondary school.
His father had to sell his car for Tunde to write his WAEC and after he graduated,
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It wasn't easy funding the project, he even went broke at a point. Fortunately he was posting the movement on Twitter and little by little, people started volunteering as well as contributing to the cause. From the contribution and outreach on twitter, they were featured by BBN,
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Tunde was at home and it was at this point he found chess.
He learnt about chess at his local barber's shop. Whenever he went there to play PS1, he noticed his barber usually bring the board out and play with his (the barber's)friends. He saw the way the chess pieces were carved
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@xxx23bc
@Letter_to_Jack
We're trying to show you how clownish you guys look when you tweet takes like this
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@Alex_Houseof308
Me: Excuse me, Mr Afolabi I...
Afolabi: Young man, if you're sure you want to see the four walls of this level of education, you better put Dr. In my name and not Mr
Me: I'm sorry sir
* Next two weeks, I go to submit my project*
Me: Excuse me, Mr Afolabi
Afolabi:
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Ramos when he sees Casemiro fighting with Messi and he goes to join Messi
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and also drove occasionally...he worked as a conductor as well in the same danfo and things eventually became very hard for them after the danfo encountered several problems and was no longer a source of income for his family.
Tunde couldn't go to secondary school because his
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*When Don Jazzy carries Mavins crew to visit Jay Z*
Jay Z: Woahhh!! Jazzy my man!! Welcome bro!!
Don Jazzy; Thanks brother, it's good to meet you once again.
Jay Z: It's so good, my bro!! Are these the mavin kids?? Woah!! Y'all are good! I'm a fan!!
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point, he stopped paying for his school fees and accommodation fees.He represented the school at the Nigerian Polytechnic games association tournament and they won all the gold medals,he was also a double gold medalist and went on to win the gold medal at RCCG chess championship.
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@AsiwajuLerry
It depends on how Dem take prepare for the fight.
If bobrisky activate hin male mode come fight and James come as person daughter, bobrisky go win and vice versa.
The important thing be say, thunder no go stress hinself again, e go strike both of them there together.
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National friends of chess, Chevron chess open and was ranked the 13th best player in chess in Nigeria.
According to Tunde, not entering UNILAG was one of his darkest moments but assuming if he had gone there, he wouldn't have been able to do all he can do now with chess.
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He wants to activate his lovelife once again as he has been emotionally unavailable for the longest time due to his project. Also, his mother has given him a deadline to bring someone back home.
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and he instantly loved it. He started begging the barber to teach him how to play but he ignored him. Eventually, Tunde learnt how to play and the rules of the game by watching the barber and his friends while they played.
Tunde's mother became tired of seeing him at home,
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@_VALKlNG
@Lady_Poseidon
250k boss
But based on say you be my gee and I be her elder bro, take am 100k.
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Baba go dey talk say make I open booth.
Me: Naso na
Bolt driver: this papa just stop us, con ask for money directly cos na wetin he want be that.
Me: mtchew..I just tire for this country
Bolt driver: Naso na..na wetin we dey face now
Me:
Bolt driver:
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*Goes to get some clothes in boutique*
Me: Oga how much be this green polo?
Guy:15k boss
Me: No be all the polos I dey talk about, na just this one. This green one wey I dey touch.
Guy: *smiles*...Yes boss, na 15k. Everything don cost for 9ja now
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Me:
Bolt driver: Yesterday, e get another police people wey stop me and the guy wey I carry. Dem con dey shout say where my papers, my driving license...
Me: *laughs frustratingly*...Police ehnn
Bolt driver: I just dey show them, dem still dey talk nonsense dey go. Until dem f
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@SMiTHiE___
It was in my 300l.I had nothing in my room that afternoon,just butter..I've not eaten anything since last night and I no like butter, na why e still remain. I later licked the butter as ice cream for afternoon. My aunty visited me later that evening..she brought another butter
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younger brother was still in primary school and his parents were too poor to afford both of their school fees. They also didn't want Tunde to attend a public school due to how it was notorious for their poor standards and most importantly, Cultism. While his mates were in Jss2,
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*Me and Solomon living together*
{Me alone in the parlour, then Solomon comes back home}
Me: Bro, hwfa...see when you dey come back house
Solomon: Mtchew...*flings nylon on the bed and sits down*
Me: Baba wetin happen? Why your face dey like this?
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even missed classes and a few tests because of the game. Fortunately,chess made his photographic memory so good that he easily crammed while reading and passed his exams.His parents weren't giving him any allowance,so he survived on his winnings from chess tournaments.He won the
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he could not enter school for two years. He tried entering UNILAG but missed the school's JAMB cutoff mark by one point. It was one of his darkest days but he tried again next year, this time around in LASU. He successfully got the admission but unfortunately, this was the period
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some in private universities,some in abroad, whereas he that was the senior prefect,was still at home. His friends would come back home and tell him stories about their school and life there and he couldn't do anything but listen.This was painful and he knew his parents literally
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he met with Ferdinand and they played chess.Their game lasted for forty minutes and it ended in a draw. Now,Ferdinands education is being sponsored by Sanwoolu. Three children also lives with Tunde,they are orphans from the slum community and had nowhere to go,so he adopted them.
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for years due to the admission issues and trying to make ends meet. While in school, he was passing through sports complex in Yabatech when he saw a chess room. He made enquires and became an active member of the chess group once again.He later joined the college team and at this
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One certain time, a girl told me my yansh is bigger than my head (and my head big o) chai 💔. I didn't keep quiet, I replied her "at least I have two things that you don't have, brain and ass. The clay God was supposed to put in your yansh, he put everything on your forehead."
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Yabatech changed his life. He later graduated from Yabatech and things started getting hard again. He couldn't represent his school at tournaments now, so that source of income for him was closed down. He went back to Ikorodu and began staying with his brother, his parents had
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*Me on call*
Me: Guy where you say you keep that stuff??!
Guy: Check your drawer
Me: I no see am there!! Amaka go come soon...I don check everywhere
Last born: *enters room*... Mummy seize the Ballon I collected from your drawer. She's calling you
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lives of children in poor communities in Africa. They don't necessarily have to be become a chess champion, but they'd learn how to think and their horizons will expand beyond their small communities. Chess in slum has also secured deals with international chess organizations.
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You might be wondering how he got to be so good in chess. According to Tunde, he was obsessed with the game, he lived, eat, sleep, dream and breathe chess. All his friends were chess players and they were always playing against each other. He played chess from morning till night,
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on their way back home after eating in a restaurant, so they lapped each other inside Keke while wearing suits.Tunde said it's his most embarrassing moment till date.
Tunde did this job from 2016-2018 and decided that chess wasn't for him after so many experiences and the little
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becoming like their parents.
At that moment, Tunde had a sudden thought/revelation, he thought about teaching the children chess. He couldn't stop thinking about it when he got back home, and researched about ways chess can help a community. He came back and
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Me: Baby na...oya smile for me, let me see the most beautiful smile on earth and in heaven.
Babe: *watching TV*
Me: Smile naaaa
Babe: I'm smiling Stephen, I'm smiling
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couldn't do anything to help the situation.
He gave up on going to school and started learning how to repair phones. One day, his mother came back home with a form from Yaba College of Technology and said one of her friends recommended the school for her.
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