Rubenesque D1ck 🏳️🌈🦄
@_Jizzabelle
Followers
23,578
Following
1,728
Media
19,935
Statuses
281,819
Foremost hotdog influencer. She/her. RT my pics. Raging liberal. Cheese hater. See my wiener at
Inside your mom
Joined January 2020
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Pinned Tweet
Before you slide into my DMs please realize that two of you I’ve met in person I’ve actually really cared about and y’all have broken my fucken heart so I’m sincerely no longer interested in attaching my fragile feelings to people who don’t live near me and never can. 🫶🏻
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Day 18 of quarantine: my shower head and I are married now.
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Sure, sex is great. But have you ever had someone cuddle you who gave a shit about you?
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I can appreciate a fit physique, but my personal preference is more in the dad bod arena. I feel more comfortable naked in front of them and we can share after sex snacks. 🤤
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I haven’t had sex in a month. Is this what it’s like to be married?
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The only reason to fuck her pussy is to get your dick wet enough to fuck her ass.
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If you’ve lost weight during this quarantine, then fuck you and the horse you rode in on.
(Unless it’s due to anxiety or depression and in that case I’m sorry and I love you. Don’t forget to eat dinner.)
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I measure dicks the old fashioned way: with my mouth.
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Please stop telling depressed people to exercise. Some days, it’s enough we’ve even gotten out of bed at all.
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If you can lay your head down on the pillow and instantly fall asleep, just know that 87.4% of Twitter hates you.
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If I give you my number, it’s so you can text me, not call me, you fucking psycho.
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I’d snuggle the fuck out of you. And then I’d fuck the snuggle out of you.
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I really don’t give a shit if you find me beautiful or sexy. That shit fades. Do you find me funny? Intelligent? Engaging? That’s the stuff right there.
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I’m a size 12 on a good day. You do not have to be a single digit size to be sexy.
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Fuck nudes. Just be a decent fucking person who means what they say and does what they promise.
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Hear me out: A topless paid car service called Boober.
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Now accepting applications for a new TC. Must be handsome, witty, successful, emotionally unavailable, a minimum of 1500 miles away and completely unwilling to ever move to be near me. No weirdos.
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@AshleyAlready
Always. It is always this way. They actively look for this even when something happens right in front of them. “What did she do to deserve this?”
I’m so sorry ❤️
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I’m gonna end up dying by tripping in the shower whilst shaving my pussy for a medium ugly man and end up slicing off half a labe in the process I just know it.
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Dudes. If a girl says you’re not her type, just leave it at that. Don’t make us tell you why. Because that shit won’t be a pleasant conversation for you, I guarantee you that.
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wHy Do YoU pOsT yOuR bOoBs
Because they’re amazing, Margaret, and I have no guarantee how long this will last so I’m documenting it like it’s fucking National Geographic.
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I hate when dudes ask what I’m doing in the middle of a workday. I’m fucking working. What are you doing, you shiftless hobo?!
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I just want a nice man to tell me good night and good morning and gasp at my nudes every time like it’s the first wonderful time he’s seen them.
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My preferred dick size is the one that's making me cum.
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I just want someone special in my life who’s kind and caring and supportive and who I can send nudes to for free.
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My ex husband remarried today so if you need me I’ll be busy having random sex.
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I can’t twerk (I’m old) but I can squat on your face and bring us both some joy.
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Every day I take my kid to school, I worry it will be the last time I see him. The last time I hear his laugh. The last time I hug him. The last time I get to tell him how very much I love him.
Shame on everyone in power who does nothing to stop this. Shame on you all.
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Sometimes, the sexiest thing someone can do is find time for you.
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Men would rather finger you in a parking lot than go to therapy.
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If you unfollowed me today for being tOo PoLiTiCaL I just want you to know that I had to explain to my 10 YO what happened today and how to protect himself in the future while I rocked him as he cried for 19 children he never even met.
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I love missionary, personally. Those glances you can steal at one another. The breathing into each other when you’re kissing or biting each other’s lips. Or being able to lick or nibble on their collarbone. Yeah. Missionary is hot AF.
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My sex tape is just a montage of me eating potato salad straight from the tub in various apparel and different parts of my house.
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Kiss her on her down south mouth, mother fucker.
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My ex bf said lingerie was kinda dumb and that guys just wanted the package opened already and that was when I knew he was not for me.
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Sometimes I’m sad. And then I look down and see my boobs and I’m no longer sad.
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Gonna start dabbing bacon grease behind my ears as an aphrodisiac.
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My kink is eating ice cream out of your wife’s pussy.
Mint chip, anyone?
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You guys, I just had a contractor at my house for an estimate and he couldn’t stop talking about how beautiful I was. He’s coming back tomorrow to start work. This is how my porno starts, right?
Side note: if you never hear from me again he murdered me please send help
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