Féach News
@_FeachNews
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It's all féach. Satire with the occasional news take.
Cork, Ireland
Joined August 2017
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Pinned Tweet
There won't be a litre of diesel washed in Armagh for a week
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Keir Srarmer becomes the 6th Tory Prime Minister in 8 years
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BREAKING Kerry County Board suspend senior football manager Peter Keane for 12 weeks for not holding training sessions while every other county are at it.
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BREAKING Police spotted driving through Armagh waving a pair of Daniel Wiffen's speedos out the window
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BREAKING Prince Andrew Pays Millions To Settle Sexual Abuse Court Case.
Read Piers Morgan's column tomorrow on how Meghan Markle is destroying the Royal Family
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5am in the kitchen, all the beer is gone and some fella finds a bottle of Baileys in the back of the cupboard
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Rob Kearney moments before he beat the hell out of the Black and Tans, Soldier Field, 1920 - colourised.
In Dundalk, Joe Biden pays tribute to his cousin Rob Kearney, and his particular role on the memorable day at Soldier Field in Chicago where the Irish rugby team beat “the hell out of the Black and Tans” 👀
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Norma Foley deems reopening of schools safe after meeting with teacher's unions today, which was held online - for safety reasons
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A Scottish club go 1-0 up against a German team in a European Cup final and immediately start chanting about a Dutch Monarch killing Irish Catholics fighting for an English King in a field in Meath 332 years ago
#UELfinal
#EuropaLeagueFinal
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Suella Braverman announces all future Orange Order Parades will have to take place in Rwanda
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Declan Rice "up the ra"
Alan Partridge "up the ra"
Fine Gael "God save the Queen"
What a weird week this has been.
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Luke Littler's grandfather, Paddy, on his Leaving Cert night out, circa 1983
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"I'm sick of nurses saying they're exhausted at the end of a shift. Aren't we all exhausted after work?"
Says Ivan Yates.
A man with a €78k publicly funded pension on top of his private salaries. And that's before we talk about his bankruptcy.
#StandWithNursesAndMidwives
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*Job Interview*
"So Harry, tell us a bit about yourself"
"Well... My Nan married her cousin, my Dad was friends with Jimmy Saville. Then my Nan killed my Mum and my uncle is a massive paedo".
"We'll be in touch"
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When Ireland were poaching South Africa players surely we should hav got this guy. No need for any residency status or anything. Absolutely nobody would question his Irishness.
#RugbyWorldCup
#RWC19
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Mary Lou McDonald says Ben Dunne was a great friend of Sinn Féin and once spent a week on holidays in the woods with party activist P. O'Neill
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BREAKING: RTÉ hire Portmarnock local as Astrophysicist Correspondent on €400,000 salary
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I've had a word with Michael Healy Rae. Elon Musk is barred from his petrol station and shop in Kilgarvan with immediate effect.
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Flying 4,000 km to the Middle East, where thousands of innocent people have been blown to pieces, and getting a photo op with a hole in a ceiling. Wild.
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"So for example, if you fell over now would I help you up? Of course not, that's not my responsibility, that's your family's job!"
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Simon Coveney and Jack Chambers head off to commemorate the partition of Ireland
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For anyone who hasn't seen the Phil Healy "from the depths of hell" race. It's epic.
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List of random surnames and their origin:
• Barrett - Norman
• Pepper - Anglo Saxon
• Blighe - English
• Steenson - Norman/British
• Reynolds - Anglo Norman
• Heasman - Anglo Norman
• Waters - English
• Power - Norman
• Fitzsimmons - Norman
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BREAKING Bono to sing in Stormont all day every day until a government is formed.
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Great times ahead for Steven Gerrard who's just about to take his Rangers side on a three week unbeaten run.
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BREAKING Cristiano Ronaldo has been hospitalised with an injured ear
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NPHET say their modeling for
#StormBarra
suggests it will result in anything from a mild gust to a Level 5 hurricane that will blow Ireland into the North Sea
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NPHET hold meeting today to decide if man who wants to go at it, can go at it hard
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Tony Holohan to Leo Varadkar when government announce Level 5 next week.
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Ireland spent €55m on E-Voting machines that were never used and sold for scrap.
India spent €68m and successfully completed a moon landing mission.
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Speaking time given in
#VMTVDebate
Mick Barry 6 mins
Catherine Murphy 6 mins
Eamonn Ryan 6 mins
Mary Lou McDonald 7 mins
Brendan Howlin 7 mins
Micheál Martin 8 mins
Leo Varadkar 9 mins
Ivan Yates 34 mins
#LeadersDebate
#TonightVMTV
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That awkward moment when you're 42, in Boyzone, and still want to be Liam Gallagher.
#LateLate
#LateLateShow
#boyzone
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It's nearly seven years since Fine Gael promised to abolish the USC. Surely tomorrow will finally be the day 🤞
#Budget2023
#budget
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Hackers confused as nobody from HSE available to respond to ransom demand since 5pm.
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Breaking: Irish government announce €10m funding for Protestant Irishmen who in order to be thought of as Englishmen, march dressed as Scotsmen in honour of a Dutchman who beat an Englishman in a war funded by a Catholic Pope
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Middle class 50 somethings from Dublin claiming they "lived through the Troubles" is akin to 30 year olds in west Kerry saying they survived nine eleven because they saw it live on TV.
#CBLive
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Green Party: "We cannot continue to fly while the planet is burning"
Also Green Party: "We're flying to Singapore, Hong Kong, Beijing, Shanghai, Los Angeles, San Diego, Deli, Mumbai, Dhaka, Belgium, Netherlands, Kenya, Tanzania, Poland, Austria, Slovakia, Czechia and Romania.
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As people are questioning Leo Varadkar's genuine support for the Ireland team let's take a moment to remember when one of his advisors texted him exact instructions of what to tweet, including to tag the Aviva stadium. The result 👇
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"Ryan Tubridy is a unique talent" - Joe Duffy 🙄
These people really have inflated notions of themselves
#liveline
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Lee Keegan and Gareth Bale both announced their retiremets today. Between them they have:
5 Champions Leagues
7 Connacht titles
4 Club World Cups
5 All Stars
3 La Ligas
Played in 7 All Ireland finals
3 UEFA Super Cups
1 Allianz League
1 Copa del Rey
1 Senior County
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Joe Duffy invites Brian Warfield onto
#liveline
to ask him questions about Celtic Symphony, talks over him when he tries to answer, tells him the song is rubbish and accuses him of loving money
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Life's too short for grudges.
I'm going to invite Elon Musk to Kerry next summer.
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Joe Duffy when he hears The Wolfe Tones will be playing at Electric Picnic main stage
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John Bruton singing 'Rule Britannia' as he calls for Ireland to celebrate England's 800 years in Ireland
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BREAKING: Micheál Martin and Stephen Donnelly arrive at quarantine hotel where three people have escaped.
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Joey Barton has never recovered from the time Scott Brown sent him packing back to England with his tail between his legs
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Remembering the time one of Leo's team sent him this to tweet and asked him to tag the Aviva stadium 😂
#IREvWAL
#SixNations
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Tipperary v Clare, Munster Hurling Championship, Semple Stadium circa 2011
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Just walked past my local pub and saw a young fella drinking a pint outside. Couldn't help thinking about the 6 million people murdered under the Nazi regime. It was just the same.
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BREAKING NEWS: Spanish Man Who Lives On Benefits Afraid To Lose The Region That Props Up His Lavish Lifestyle
#Catalonia
#KingFelipe
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Johnny Condon and Pat Dunne from Sixmilebridge outside the Point Theatre ahead of the Bryan Adams gig, June 1994.
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@ClaraSorrenti
The first atomic bomb cleared Hiroshima of every single bit of unwanted overgrown shrubbery and weeds. This is something we shouldn't forget.
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Igor from Leningrad is currently browsing the dark-web finding out that Dan-Joe Creedon from Cahersiveen is waiting four years for a hip replacement.
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24hrs after Donie O'Sullivan was axed from Twitter the people of Kerry are finding out the news on AERTEL
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Jamie Bryson complaining about a load of people in Ulster dressed and painted in orange, in July.
Didn't see that one coming.
Extraordinary- BBC NI reporters appearing with their faces painted team colours of the politically controversial and divisive GAA.
Would BBC NI have had their reporters painting their faces red, white and blue for the 12th July?
If not, why not?
This returns to the issue of
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Cllr Paudge Connolly who was an attendee at
#golfgate
appears to have been golfing in Spain last week.
No 14 day quarantine.
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*The Year 2043*
"How many points did you get in your
#LeavingCert
Dad?"
"Depends son, I got two results"
"Did you do it twice Dad?
"No son, I didn't do it at all."
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🎶 🎶 🎶
She lives in a house a very Big House in the country.
Airplanes overhead are shaking her shed, in the country.
Got their land from Cromwell, haven't they done very well, in the country.
No Celtic Symphony, no siree, in the country.
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Expecting Ireland to attend the centenary of Northern Ireland is like expecting Inniscarra GAA to attend the anniversary celebration of the foundation of Dripsey.
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Pfizer haven't had the over 70's this excited since they invented Viagra.
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BREAKING: Dublin to receive an extra €20 million funding after loss to Mayo.
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The new Argentina president looks like your mad cousin who cries while he sings rebel songs at 3.30am at a family wedding. Also smokes Carroll's and drinks pints of Carling.
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"The Winsors would like to invite you to Buckingham GAA hall for soup and sandwiches."
#queensfuneral
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Leo Varadkar is getting a lot of criticism in the last 24hrs but to be fair, at least he abolished the USC.
Credit where it's due 👏 👏 👏
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BREAKING: Taoiseach Leo Varadkar has said the Government is recommending waiting until the horse has bolted before shutting the stable door
#Coronavirusireland
BREAKING: Taoiseach Leo Varadkar has said the Government is not recommending 'at this stage' the cancellation of any planned large gatherings
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Besides the two balls on the pitch, the dive, and the laser in Schmeichel's face it was a totally fair goal 👍
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Leo Varadkar in cabinet meeting trying not to leak details to media.
#LeoTheLeak
#Lockdown2
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BREAKING Dublin patriots invite the Orange Order to march through Coolock next July
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If Leo Varadkar thinks 'airy fairies' is a homophobic slur wait until he hears about the Saudi regime
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Rare footage of the Irish Rugby team at Soldier Field before beating the Black and Tans.
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All the Irish lads looking at Mick Lynch battering the Tories over the last few days smiling realising his grandfather probably ran the Black and Tans out of west Cork a hundred years ago.
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