No cinnamon, no cardamom, this chai is not for light weights - this is the chai that laborers/blue collar workers in india drink to keep their spirits high and to stay in top shape.
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Even though I was born in affluence (lost it all, but still), I hated all the fluffy,
I've never said "I Love You" to my husband.
But if he said it to me I would know he's cheating on me.
With a white woman.
Where else would he get this nonsense?
BREAKING NEWS!!!
I made my late night debut on the iconic TONIGHT SHOW! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, like, comment, share, and let me know what you think! Let’s get back on this show in no time!
Thank you ALL for your support in helping me get here.
Congratulations to partner
@NealKatyal
, who Forbes Magazine just named one of America’s Top 200 Lawyers. The series highlights top legal practitioners, including those with stellar track records, leaders in their fields, and who are respected by peers and clients.
@Forbes
My daughter just finalized her classes for college - she’s taking ceramics class 😐😐😐 80k to make clay pots - you know who else makes clay pots? Indian villagers without indoor plumbing 🪠 what did I do wrong Ganesh
My heart feels so full by spreading laughter. Thank you
@nytimes
and
@zinoman
, what an honor! So excited for what’s to come! Please find the article below, and watch my new comedy special, One in a Billion!
Watch my new standup set if you're...
-A happy immigrant in 🇺🇸 who gives plenty of side eye
-Annoyed by teenage kids who never stop complaining
-Happily married for 25 years but not sure if you 💜 each other
Don't watch if you're...
My mother-in-law
@AndrewYang
My son, who is a high school kid in a NYC public high school has written an essay about this that he won't share publicly because he's worried he'll be attacked. If you really want to know what's up-ask the high school boys, they'll tell you straight up. It will be eye-opening.
ITS OUT NOW! On
@PrimeVideo
- please watch to completion if you can (it helps!) and any reviews on Amazon (from desktop - details - reviews - write review) or review on IMDb (search for zarna garg) will be so appreciated!! Thank you for your kindness that made this possible 🙏🏾
.
An Indian lady might become President of the United States
An Indian lady might become the Second Lady of the United States
What’s next?
An Indian lady comedian hosting the Oscars?
In deep poverty in rural India, my mother in law Rekha raised not one, but two brilliant, hardworking decent sons.
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She taught Shalabh to put his wife first and the day after my wedding, told me that every couple needs a common enemy to survive and I’m happy to be yours.
.
I was in a flood of tears
.
I had the honor of opening for
@thevirdas
at the legendary
@carnegiehall
yesterday and nothing could have prepared me for the torrential downpour of love and adoration his fans had for him and extended with grace to me, as his opening act.
.
Vir is a
It's finally sinking in
I'm such an emotional mess today. When I signed on to go on this journey, I had no idea the amount of love blood sweat and tears that would be involved in creating a movie.
My dear dear dear friends, Karan and Roshan called me and said we have a Movie
Yesterday I received the highest compliment of my life - an elderly Indian uncle held my hand and said ‘since my wife started watching you, I’ve noticed she wears her kurtas more, puts on a bindi everyday … she’s more comfortable in her own skin - thank you’. He just said it and
Life is so much better since I let destiny take the wheel
.
I just had a birthday I couldn’t have dreamed of - my daughter
@zoyagarg_
made an incredible insta post (I’ve been begging her to be part of the insta-world for years), my sons made a surprise appearance at my work
"I fell in love with Zarna at the Comedy Cellar a year ago when she had my laughing right out of my seat. So when I wanted someone to surprise my all star entrepreneurs at our retreat, I knew just who to call! She had us all laughing and blew me away once again! 😂❤️" - Barbara
Happy Mother’s Day to every woman who has devoted herself to the next generation only to be sidelined, pushed around, ignored, patronized etc. I am you and you are me. The bullshittery better stop soon before we leave the human race in the hands of men.
#mothersday
#zarnagarg
I’m so excited
@elonmusk
and I are partnering to create a new social media platform just for aunties, called TATTLE. Membership is free (for now)
.
And uncles, we’re creating a special experience for you too. A trip to Mars, no aunties!
.
Tag your friends for an invite now!
SPILLING THE TEA WITH
@sethmeyers
Secrets were shared, lies were told and some people may have been thrown under the bus…
And the clip is now on YouTube! Check out my new jokes here:
@krownnist
The real problem is that when outrage is not at peak, privileged Indians - men and women act like there’s no problem and for them, there isn’t. But if you don’t have a mountain of money protecting you, all bets are off - open season on women at all times
The irony of Ivy League college presidents not being able to answer basic yes and no questions when they demand that 18 year old kids explain every moment of their life and ambition in writing before they can be considered worthy of attending their schools.
My daughter gets a lot of credit publicly for getting me started in comedy but a lesser known fact about my journey is that my son Brij is the reason I’m able to keep going with my career.
.
He is the silent rock behind the scenes - stepping into both
@TesseractMacro
and my
A greulling 7 week run came to an end last night. I pulled a lot of near-impossible work miracles off but I paid for it w my health and sanity. Eating well, sleeping, walking enough, being patient - all went out the window. Was it a win in the end? 🤷🏽♀️
“I love this world now that I’ve discovered it”:
@ZarnaGarg
was a stay-at-home mom for 16 years before trying her hand at stand-up — and now, she has a new comedy special.
She shares what it is like being an Indian woman in comedy and how her kids encouraged her.
@franklinleonard
Love the American-ness of it all - they mocked him his whole life with it- now he uses it to monetize … he need never take US citizenship - he’s 🇺🇸
#spare
#princeharry
My dear friend
@realEstateTrent
taught me so much along the way - in person and for free on twitter!!! Thank you for being part of this journey with me and always cheering me on!! Energy attracts energy 💕
My friend Zarna was practicing law in New York City
She was 28, a mother of two, working not-stop.
She had to make a change, but leaving the workplace could make it impossible to return.
What unfolded next is one of the most incredible entrepreneurial stories I've ever heard.
Honored, floored actually to be on this iconic podcast w my friend
@birbigs
- I hope you enjoy this episode and all his episodes - he tells stories in a way that no one else can.
#indianmom
#zarnagarg
If you listen to one episode of “Working It Out” I would recommend this one with
@ZarnaGarg
. She is an incredible comedian and has an extraordinarily uplifting life story. This episode is a laugh/cry.
I’m not really proficient on Twitter, so I don’t know what’s happening and why Martin short is trending suddenly, but I wanted to take a second to share my experience with him.
Update from hospital drama last night - after a 5 and half hour wait, the procedure was done smoothly and the people in OR were nice. Thank you for all your kind wishes. 🙏🏼
My friend Zarna’s been hustling like absolute crazy for years in the comedy world.
Against all odds, she is finally breaking through.
I eluded to what larger accounts deal with earlier today, but here’s an actual example.
Keep doing your thing
@ZarnaGarg
🦾
Today at T2 Delhi Airport, a gentleman in his late 60s had a heart attack in the food court area.
This lady Doctor revived him in 5 mins.
Super proud of Indian doctors.
Please share this so that she can be acknowledged.
Over a billion views 💥
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Thank you for giving us your time, your love, your money 💴
.
In the war for human attention, we are privileged to have yours and don’t take it lightly.
.
The Garg family is committed to building happy family experiences, to reflecting the best of
Mindy gives us hope that one of us can achieve at *that* extreme level.
I joke about never ever allowing my kids to become writers because there are no jobs in writing, especially for Indians. When they push back and point to ‘data’ to make their case, inevitably they list the
The New York Comedy Festival is coming up on NOVEMBER 12! And I'm bringing the family podcast to you! Save the date and book your tickets before they’re all gone! Bring everyone you know!
With all the conversation topics that ever intrigued you, it’ll be a night for the books!
I have decided I’m going to misunderstand every insult and troll and act as if they’re complimenting me and thank them profusely. Let’s see what happens!
#NewYearsResolution
#NewYearNewMe
I’ve done some crazy things in my life and this one is right up there
TBT peak covid year - December 2020 when I told jokes in the subway for free for hours because I was scared I would lose my funny and also because we all needed a laugh (I insisted we needed it 😂)
.
And often
Hey
@nealkatyal
- when we do our GREAT INDIAN ROADSHOW - can you please let people know marriage is between two people, NOT two people and one of their mothers 😡
Just heard Neal’s episode discussing Obergefell decision with
@robreiner
- riveting!
Do you know that dry cleaners are not coveted strip mall tenants, have you wondered why hair and nails are usually not offered under one roof, are you ready to debate whether or not a bagel is a sandwich and do think cold calling is still a thing in 2024?
.
For a vibrant and
Both my husband and I are short people.
I used to pray to god that my son becomes taller.
But there is no Hindu god of height.
The ONE thing all Indian people need.
What good is it to have all of these arms if we can't reach anything anyway?
@realEstateTrent
Its weird after a certain time. I used to take the subway late into the night, not any more. Its just too weird, scary and the service is also spotty to add to the mess.
Was working on a promo for show in London Aug 19th, but we’re already sold out! Adding more this week
.
Thank you to all who message peeps to check out my shows- know the power of your voice - money can’t buy real word of mouth buzz.
Kids these days are fast tracking to their grave.
Don’t forget to tune in to the Zarna Garg Show, our new family podcast available on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple.
@johnhfio
I have no reason to defend tiktok, but many creators (including me) have live performance businesses that are driven by tiktok followers who show up in real life and pay to watch us live - '1000% faked' might be a stretch