Yeah well one time he offered me a warm beer out of his backpack after he threw a cup of piss in my bleeding face, so he definitely knows how to make a gal feel special.
I think one day Shane Gillis will get cast in or write something that makes him a Danny McBride level talent. He just understands funny at a primal level I could never explain.
@OpieRadio
Dude you’re fucking this one up. Luis was saying calling him opie was a desperate pass by an old sad fan boy clinging to a 20 year old feud. You got so worked up you never thought about context. Just enjoy being rich and having a family, wallowing in internet drama is gross.
In one fucking week. 3 RAPs, Bi Guys Spookshow. Legion of Skanks, Cumia, Jim and Sam, and the Chip Chipperson Show. I love my life. Thank you to everyone who tunes in and supports me living out my dreams. It still doesn’t feel real sometimes.
How to Lose Friends and Alienate People
The Other Side of the Track Marks
A Waste of Ink
Skating From Disaster
New York Times Best Seller
The Art of the D’elia
A Contractual Amount of Pages in Exchange for a Sum of Money
Reading is Gay
The Diary of An Skank
I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety and uncertain feelings about my future recently, and you maniacs have really been coming out in full force making me less apprehensive. Thank you sincerely. You’ll all never know how much I’ve really needed you recently.
“Hi, I’m Hari Kondabolu, you may remember me from getting Apu taken off The Simpsons for being a stereotype. Please enjoy my new Netflix food show where the set is a faux convenience store. This is a Hell of my own making, thank you come again.”
DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?
Incredibly psyched to say I’ll be headlining a night of the comedy tent this year at THE GATHERING OF THE JUGGALOS. I’ll also be hosting a day on the main stage. Thank you so much to everyone who has helped make this dream come true.
I went through a devastating loss this week and I’m incredibly fortunate to be in a community of outcasts and artists who love and support one another. I’m wildly lucky to share this world with the most spectacular weirdos who walk the earth. I love you all. Thank you.
A company is now marketing nitrous to urban teenagers as galaxy gas. Not exactly sure why the name change but I bet it wasn’t easy to get black people to try something called “whip its.”
I’m the happiest guy in the world, I’m exactly where I should be and everyone is so nice and supportive. We have the weirdest and greatest fans on earth and I’m so lucky to meet and spend time with so many talented people.
I don’t think a photo exists of a happier person. This is a mess of a very flawed human who has gotten to live out so many of his childhood dreams. I have an infinite amount of gratitude to everyone who has allowed me to live this very special existence. Life is beautiful.
Thanks for all the incredibly kind birthday messages. I’m so lucky and privileged to have all of you in my life and I truly love what I get to do. Can’t believe it’s already 37(in a row?). All my love, humility, and gratitude.
Getting to watch
@luisjgomez
and
@ComicDaveSmith
become great dads and great men has been one of best parts of being a part of this weird, incredible, and inspiring comedy scene I get to be in.
Dudes. Never be afraid to tell your friends you love them. We maybe only have this one time at living and you never know what comes tomorrow, and one day you might not be able to say it.
Skankfest Vegas update, moved my flight back a day cause I felt like garbage. Hotel security just woke me up with a wellness check because my do not disturb had been up for 36 hours. Haha not dead yet muthafackoos.
Incredibly proud of the whole Tires crew, and wildly jealous of the people who get to discover some of the funniest people on earth for the first time when they watch it. A huge win for comedy. Life is good.
Just checked in at my official hotel and holy shit I don’t deserve one iota of this. I got really fucking lucky and lots of people are really great to me for reasons beyond my comprehension. Happy Skankfest everybody.
What a fucking weekend. What a fucking life. What a fucking everything. Thank you everyone who put together, performed at, staffed, and attended the greatest fucking comedy festival in the world.
Happy one million views to my comedy dead beat dad on his new special. Check out Dog Belly free now on YouTube. If there was no
@bigjayoakerson
I wouldn’t be a comic.
For anyone tonight thinking the Olympics opening was kind of gay, yeah, no shit, it’s France. Were you expecting a monster truck driven by Shane Gillis jumping over a Kid Rock concert?
Both sides suck. We’re trapped in a culture war because it distracts us from the fact that big government has FUCKED our entire generation and those that follow, and they want us to focus our hate on the “other party” rather than the corporations profiting from both.
I can’t thank the
@LegionOfSkanks
guys, crew, and crowd enough for letting me tell stupid jokes tonight and do Halloween in a way that made me unequivocally happy. The fact that I was a fan who gets to fuck around on the show now will never be lost on me.
Huge thanks to
@timbutterly
for coming out to guest spot on my first ever headlining weekend. Tim rules and I felt honored to have his support on such an important stupid milestone in my awful career.
Is this vacuum of personality nothing ever in the news for anything other than claiming they’ve been mistreated? Four different fucking sets? Gee I wonder what the common denominator is here.
Charlyne Yi has alleged that they were “physically assaulted multiple times by an actor, as well as psychologically abused” on the set of “Time Bandits,” Taika Waititi‘s upcoming Apple TV+ series produced by Paramount Television Studios. They also said they were “coerced to quit”
An assisted suicide pod that passed an independent legal review showing it complies with Swiss law.
At the push of a button, the pod would fill with nitrogen gas, rapidly lowering oxygen levels and killing the user.
People are mad at Dave Grohl for his very matter of fact apology for having a kid outside of his marriage but I can tell he’s doing the best…the best…the best he can
From a direct source. Vince McMahon met with the Prime Minister of Saudi Arabia over the sale of WWE, who offered to buy the company for about tree fiddy. Upon further inspection Vince found he was actually in a meeting with that got damn Loch Ness Monster.
I did 9 podcasts this week, with a cracked wisdom tooth that has an exposed nerve, so I could bank all my shows for next week before my dental surgery.
Today I saw someone complain that I don’t care about the shows I’m on anymore.
Welcome to show business!
It’s been one of those truly great days where I’m so happy that I chose the path I did. Podcasting with my friends, peers, and heroes, radio, writers meeting, and a standup spot. We’re really fucking doing this.
Chris Cuomo: “I don’t like what people did to Joe Rogan about Ivermectin—”
Dave Smith: “You did it!”
Cuomo: “No, no. Find the clips.”
Smith: “Find the clips.”
👀
Full day of podcasts and then a show at the stand tomorrow night, going on the road this weekend, got a new movie role offer. Life is good folks. Be kind to one another, it’s a beautiful ride.
Got my schedule for Skankfest and I’m fucking pumped. Can’t wait to hang with all you animals this weekend. Please never hesitate to stop me for a photo or a hug or a quick ball tickle, I love and appreciate every person who does.
You know there’s a festival this weekend because every comic in my friend group has a complaint/joke about air travel this morning. We all stink and don’t deserve any of this. Shut it down.
Someone around this broad is getting murdered in the next two years. She’s definitely a victim but that evil lives inside her. With all that said, absolutely would.
Hey guys, Spookshow is gonna be a classic episode tonight. I’m recovering from a really bad respiratory infection and need to take some time to get better. I’m sorry, I love you.
Sorry guys im gonna be posting a lot of wrestling/sex/poop stuff for a while this is the scandal I’ve been training for my entire comedic writing career
What an absolute shithead lame-o. Sorry the cool metal show scared you, you super cool “alpha.” Fuck anyone who thinks this guy doesn’t absolutely suck.
Comedian Heather McDonald mocks about having the 3 experimental jabs plus a shingles AND flu one then instantly collapses on stage fracturing her skull as she hits the floor. 😱
Fuck anyone who stooges on a coworker for getting a little stoned on the job, would you run to your boss or Twitter if they took antidepressants or aderall? Everyone’s chemistry is different and they should be able to fight anxiety however it works best for them.