she/her. wandering through widowhood instagram
@andthisisgrief
. in my other life I write about Baseball
@CathQCT
lucky to be loved by the amazing
@sextonpcs
Today would have been 22 years married. You have now been gone as long as our 11 years we had to celebrate together. We’re all ok and even happy. The love and missing of your presence today will always be there. Happy Anniversary Kev x
It’s that time of year… I’m waking at all times of the night, the unsettled feeling is back. November 8 will be 10 years without you and my body knew it before my brain did x
#grief
11 years. 11 years of living without you. 11 years of missed milestones of our children. 11 years of experiences we didn’t get to have. 11years since I held you as you took your last breath. 11years. My heart hurts today. We love and miss you every day Kev x
#grief
#kidsgrief
My oldest has been accepted into every uni he’s applied to, 2 offering scholarships. Losing his dad at 8 yrs old, he’s struggled with grief for most of his childhood. His dreams didn’t die though…and he’s rocking this live life thing x
#proudmum
#thekidsareok
#soloparenting
Grief has taught me to love better, to say the words often, to use my actions to show it.. all the things that seem to come naturally to this guy. I am so very loved, and I feel it every day x
#loveafterloss
#lovebetter
#griefandlovecoexist
I seriously just fixed my hot tub.. found the leak and replaced the part. I just turned it on and nothing blew up. I am officially a badass widow.
#thiswidowedlife
#ivegotthis
#sometimes
He made an amazing dinner, and picked up all the fixings for ice cream sundaes. All to honour a man he didn’t know on his birthday. For me. For my children. P, you are a gift and the kids and I are so lucky to have you loving us the way you do x
#loveafterloss
#grief
#grateful
@ProudResister
Looking in from Canada, it’s scary to see that all the checks and balances put in place to protect the people don’t really work. Makes me afraid of the same thing happening up here :(
Losing Kev taught me so much about loving someone, being present, and being grateful for time spent. The gift of loving P is something I’ll never take for granted x
He loves me so well, giving me space to clear out a forgotten drawer, quietly coming to ask if I’m alright, not trying to fix my sadness but gently supporting instead. He gets that I can love him with all my heart and still grieve the love lost. That is priceless x
#griefandlove
@DGBassani
Please make sure you talk to the school about how to handle Mother’s Day. Oldest didn’t want to be told to do it for grandpa or an uncle, middle wanted to still make something for dad and youngest didn’t want to do it at all.. the conversation has been needed every year x
Just found this cleaning out an old shed..tucked in between his camping gear and halloween stuff. Genuine happiness in a photo. I miss him.
#thiswidowedlife
I am going to see my widowed group tonight. I am so very loved by P and he knows how much I love him back but this did not erase my widowhood, nor does it stop the pain of grief from rearing it’s ugly head. I need to ride the wave with those that get it. Normalize this x
#grief
I just booked a trip to Jamaica..it was next on Kev’s list to take the boys. We’ve been on other vacations, but it’s taken me 6 years to book what would’ve been our next family vacay. It’ll be his birthday. Hoping joy fills the space of the missing x
#thiswidowedlife
Love after loss is scary. I love P more than I thought possible after my heart was shattered by Kev’s death. His love lights my world, and I’m doing everything I can to not let the “knowing” that the widowed have, creep in and cloud the joy…
#loveafterloss
#whenyouknowyouknow
I am happier than I thought possible. He is my person, I love him more each day and he makes me deliriously happy. This doesn’t erase my widowhood. He understands these 2 things will coexist and live side by side and that’s everything
#grief
#love
#joyandsadness
#coexisting
Today would have been my 21st wedding anni and it is also my love’s birthday. I’ve taken it as a sign that Kev wants it to be a happy day again. It has been a sad day for 9 years and now it’s back to celebrations. As it should be. #
#griefiscomplicated
#griefandjoycoexist
Talking to a wid sister of mine about how I was tired of making decisions, even on what to make the kids for dinner.... half hour later dinner was delivered to my door just to take it off my plate.
#lovemytribe
#wesupporteachother
#widsarethebestpeeps
11yrs ago you forced yourself to go to Cirque D’Eloise, despite the pain and inability to walk. You wanted to give the kids another memory.I didn’t think you’d make it, but you did.We just didn’t know then you only had 6 days left earthside. They remember x
#missyouKev
#grief
My little miracle is 8 today. I was 4 months prego when his dad got sick and talking to him in my belly kept me sane. His impending presence kept his dad in the fight longer than they said possible...and he was in Kev’s arms the day he was born... I love you so much kid ❤️
My kid was stressing about basketball tryouts in hs, so with his dad gone I took him to practice myself in a gym with a net. Hours of blocking, passing, dribbling and shooting ensued.. today he made the first cut and I almost feel like I’ve got this..
#thiswidowedlife
I’m not afraid of dying, I’m afraid of leaving them. There is a difference, and this difference changes the way I do things on the daily..
#thiswidowedlife
#stayinghealthy
This picture fell at my feet while walking towards the front door today... I don’t know where it came from or where it was hiding but I love it even through my tears...
#imissyou
#sodothey
#thiswidowedlife
Today would be been our 20th anniversary. You kept the promise you made that day and loved me to your last breath, and for that I am so very grateful. I wish we’d had more time. I love you Kev.
#grief
#longlivelove
#imissyou
#thekidsmissyoutoo
He promised to love me until my last breath and as I witnessed that breath I realized he had kept his promise. This is why, depite the awfulness of grief, I still believe in love.
#thiswidowedlife
Giving up our master bedroom so the kids sharing could have more space made me feel widowed the most. Today I get the room back as the oldest moves into the downstairs room built especially for him. It’s a good day.
#grief
#itsthelittlethings
#stepsforward
#breathingspace
8 years ago it was a Thursday. This year it’s Sunday. The fear, the panic, the waking every 45 minutes tells me when it’s coming no matter what day of the week it falls on. I’m still just learning to ride the wave x
#thiswidowedlife
Six years ago today, on a Thursday, you died in my arms and all the love in my heart is silently slipping out of my eyes and down my face. We love and miss you Every. Damned. Day.
#thiswidowedlife
#ihatetoday
#saytheirname
#Kevin
Our first Christmas without Kev was hard. He died 6 weeks before but already had gifts wrapped with labels in his handwriting for me and the kids under our bed. It made Christmas morning heartbreaking and beautiful at the same time x
#thiswidowedlife
I lost my earring today. Kev gave them to me the day I gave birth to our 2nd child. I’ve worn them everyday since. 12 years. I’m so very sad... with him gone it is truly irreplaceable 😢
#thiswidowedlife
My uncle died suddenly last Thursday. Family are flying in from everywhere. The funeral is Saturday. I’ll admit I’m scared of it.. this is only the beginning for my aunt and their kids and that thought is crushing.
#thiswidowedlidfe
#griefisawful
#sothankfulformytribe
My tears were happy for the first time in a long time.. I was given the most inspiring and impactful teacher award by our 2019 graduating class and it left me speechless tonight ❤️
I know people are tired of covid but my aunt died a few days ago. We thought she had beaten it in April. It’s heartbreaking. Protect the ones you love. Protect the ones that need your protection.
#WearADamnMask
#COVID19
#covidOn
6 years ago today I walked the stage to get my B.Ed..Kev died 6 mo. into my program. I didn’t think I could finish, but my angels pushed me through x
#lookforthehelpers
#thiswidowedlife
As my kids get older, the stories of their dad change. Because of this, their relationship with him keeps evolving and does not grow stagnant. Don’t underestimate the importance of a story, or the friends that can help you tell them x
#thiswidowedlife
#kidsgrief
I graduated my B.Ed program 6 days before the first anniversary of Kev’s death. When I look back at this picture I’m amazed at how good I was at looking normal when my insides were crumbling…
#grief
#looksaredeceiving
#dontbefooled
My grieving self loves the bone chilling “sorry I can’t make it” cold because the weather is always a more understood excuse than “I’m just not up to it”...
#thiswidowedlife
#grief
As time marches on towards the 10 year anniversary of Kev’s death, I am thankful for the love that still remains in the eyes of our children and for my partner who doesn’t feel less love because this love will always be x
#theheartexpands
#griefandjoycoexist
#thebodyremebers
This is my dad with my first born, his first grandchild. They don’t think he’s going to make it, he’s fighting for his life. His dad died April 6, 1972 and I feel like my grandpa is calling him home. I don’t want him to answer the call 😢
A child at my son’s school died by suicide yesterday. It has shaken my kid to the core even though he didn’t know the boy personally.. “I know how that family feels right now and it’s making my heart hurt pretty bad mum”.
#empathy
#talk
#listen
#agrieverknows
#emotionaltriggers
When Kev died, I threw myself into writing about baseball. It was something totally different and I had no memories of us there. It helped to save me..and now that it isn’t being played, I don’t have that sanctuary anymore. That has made this harder..
#thiswidowedlife
I feel like a sailboat without an anchor… losing my parents six moths plus a day apart….and Kev’s death anniversary day is tomorrow..all that’s left is love with no where to go.
#grief
#compoundgrief
#griefontopofgrief
11yrs ago today my brother died. It was my first real stomach turning head spinning pain filled grief encounter. It in no way prepared me to lose Kev 2 years later.
#grief
We buried my da yesterday, and we all sang this song as he was lowered into the ground. He would always sing it to us, and end every family video with this clip. I miss him so very much 💔
My cousin was in a terrible ski accident. He was airlifted here to a trauma Centre. The fam is camped out in ICU and my heart hurts. Send good vibes please x