Valerie, High Tech Low Life
@ValerieFatality
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Following
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She/Her | MTGO creator | Artist | Twitch affiliate | Head of Onboarding @BirdsofMTG | Final Boss of Planet Earth | Banner lovingly created by @thephirexian
New York
Joined July 2020
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Last Seen Profiles
Pinned Tweet
📌 Hi there! I'm Val. I'm a content creator from the East Coast who lives in your phone. You can find me on Twitch and Tiktok playing games and making skits, and some 🔥 things elsewhere in the link up top. I'm everyone's favorite Cyberpunk and The Final Boss of Planet Earth. 💙
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Everyone wants to make the owl degenerate. If you're going to do it, do it right.
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Magic Twitter: "60 card is unplayable right now, and I hate commander players."
Magic Twitter with a sharpie: "This is the greatest game ever made."
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✨️ GIVEAWAY TIME ✨️
I'll be sending one of you lovely people the MagicCon Minneapolis exclusive "Legendary Flyers (Not That Kind)" Secret Lair!
All you gotta do is
✅️ like this tweet
✅️ retweet
✅️ follow me
The winner will be picked on May 9th. Good luck!
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RIP Dack Fayden, you would've loved being a murder suspect and a cowboy and not dying unceremoniously in a trailer while a Linkin Park cover plays over everything I'm still so angry wtf
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Destiny 2 answered the question: "What if Elesh Norn was daddy?"
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Also, this is the gayest art ever printed. (positive)
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Fun fact: Pigeons are doves. It's obvious when you actually look at them, but people ignore it because of their perception as pests due to them mostly being found in cities. They're extremely smart and loving birds, and they bond with humans very easily.
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So unless I'm forgetting something, the diorama cards are the first actual photos on Magic cards, right? Pretty cool.
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What's your favorite Magic play of all time? Back when New Phyrexia came out, someone Mental Misstepped my turn 1 Llanowar Elves and I Summoning Trapped into a turn 1 Emrakul, The Aeon's Torn.
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You should run no less than 1 land per Trump guilty charges in your average EDH deck.
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I am absolutely building this commander.
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For the people who still don't understand why this card is good: The twice each turn trigger is on each creature, not Nadu. You equip 0 twice on every creature on your board and draw a ton of cards or get a ton of untapped lands(or both). It warps the game immediately.
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I reject toxic card discourse. I'm only posting good wholesome cards that are fun for the whole table.
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MH4 wishlist
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Don't trust Urabrask, he is a faker and a liar, he is not on your side, if he betrayed Phyrexia, he will betray you.
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Let's talk more about legendary art pieces on criminally underpowered cards. This card is playable in the right decks, but I would've loved to see it on a mythic-level, game warping enchantment.
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New contender for best flavor text ever. I love everything about this piece of cardboard. (Found it in my Discord)
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HEY. Why are you a normal ass dude? 😒
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Who is a character that someone hating is an instant red flag for you?
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I'll never stop being sad over the fact that the prettiest version of Gala Greeters was never released.
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHRHRGRGRGRRRGURBHJB EORWPSOJWPJORGWOIRGWSGODEWPGOHEPW09GJEDPOKSD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!0924QU8T63095JRGHWPE09UJ0PWHRGW
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My date brought my a "nerdy bouquet" so it's time to crack some critters at a restaurant!
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Look. Not everything needs to be profound. Not everything needs to be social commentary. Art doesn't need to provoke pain, and games definitely don't need to. If you're reading this, you probably started playing Magic for one of two reasons:
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STOP.
Drop your favorite non-legendary creature. Doesn't have to be strong. Doesn't have to be popular.
Show me.
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Countering spells is a crime, and that's so funny to me
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Good morning! The fact that this art is on such an unplayable card has made me unreasonably mad for the past 10 years.
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Look, everyone's mad about a building killing Atraxa, but did you ever consider that a building in New Capenna can be a 7/7 with a shield counter? Building wins. I don't make the rules.
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How other people read this card versus how I read this card
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This is just standard next week.
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ARE WE GETTING A BRISELA SECRET LAIR?!
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My toxic trait is saying, "wtf is this hand???" And then keeping it.
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WE ACTUALLY GOT A SECRETARY BIRD AND IT'S MY LEAST FAVORITE PLANESWALKER 😭
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"WHY DON'T YOU COUNTER MY WHOLE DECK WHILE YOU'RE AT IT?!"
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You keep liking my posts and we're gonna end up like this. You've been warned.
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Hey, quick question, just real quick. Ummm, WHY DOES LORAN'S ESCAPE GIVE HEXPROOF ✨️AND✨️ INDESTRUCTIBLE?!
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Any person who thinks being good at a card game won't get you laid needs to look at Magic Twitter for 1 day.
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I may be a sub, but I'll never be a "Lae'zel is hot" sub. She's just mean.
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For no reason at all, here's a stack of foils I pulled from a Flesh and Blood box.
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ASHIOK IS ON ELDRAINE AND HAS A SPARK CONFIRMED.
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Am I the only one who noticed the Bloomburrow decks went back to 3 foils instead of 2?
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Samuel L. Jackson is on a Magic card.
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If I get rich, I won't say anything, but there will be signs.
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Positive: one of my birthday presents to myself arrived today.
Negative: I broke up with my bf. Please don't be weird about it. It hurts like hell. The only reason I'm posting about it is because our relationship was so public in this space.
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So I was going through some Mystery Booster bulk and uhhh
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I tell stories about the wild parties I've been to and always think people don't believe me. Then I rewatch the Grant episodes of breaking news and think, "he gets it."
i think about this breaking news clip like once a week
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This card is beautiful. I love Izzet, and I love River. That said, yall are gonna build this, play it one time, realize that picking up your deck to draw is a hassle, and immediately take it apart.
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This card is an affront to Rakdos players because it makes them count past 1.
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Hey Twitter, quick question. What the fuck does this mean?
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Every time someone calls me mean in a commander game, I'm going to put 50 cents towards a copy of this for Ten and Rose.
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Is that discourse I smell? Time for another big stinky card I like.
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Protip for anyone opening collector boosters of LOTR: Film every collector pack you open. If you pull the ring, it's going to be hell trying to prove its authenticity.
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Was there discourse? I see remnants of discourse. Whatever, here's a big stinky card I like.
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For the curious: Ragavan 69 has been pulled.
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Hey, can we just ban this stupid cat?
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So I was rereading this card, and I noticed how high the mana value is, and then I saw an extremely important line I missed the first time 🫣
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Not a single person at WotC should have lost their job. Completely inexcusable given the amount of revenue WotC brings to Hasbro.
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Anyway, it only took me 16 years to realize the artist symbol is a brush tip.
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On a scale of 1-10, how sleeve playable is my Gisela?
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Idk what I expected the artist behind the fashion secret lair to look like but... damn
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1. You had friends that played
2. You saw an aesthetic you really liked.
That's why the sets are so wildly different. It attracts people for a ton of different reasons. Did I like the detective set? No. But I know people who REALLY liked it because it was a detective set.
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Everyone has something to say about boomers, millennials, and gen Z, but y'all blissfully ignore that gen X are some of the cringiest mfs of all time.
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Fuck the discourse of the day. WHERE IS THE ALT ART OF THIS CARD?
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MOMMY WILL PLAY WITH YOU A̶͓͒F̸̧̭̑T̴̝̬̊̐E̸̺͇̲͌Ŗ̶̤̪̽̒͝ ̵̘͈̐̍̈́W̴̙̩͑̈́Õ̷̱̩R̷̉ͅK̷̗͉͕̈́
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I'm seeing a lot of "the new Elspeth card is just okay."
1. It's a callback to her original art, which is just *chefs kiss*
2. The card protects itself, gives a permanent buff, and has an easily obtainable and game-changing ultimate.
Don't be silly.
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Mono Red is SO fast in this standard format right now. It's icky and I hate it.
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Checked my DMs to find a congratulations message, and uh...
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So I'm... single. For the first time in 6 years. How do we feel about tall 30+ streetwise trans women with executive dysfunction?
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This was one of my first dedicated Magic posts, and the only reply is one of the most clairvoyant things I've ever read.
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I just told Mitch that every saiyan is named after a vegetable, and I'm pretty sure they're having an existential crisis about it.
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I immediately didn't like Emrakul's new artwork, and I was unsure why. Then I realized it doesn't utilize the colorless border the same as old Eldrazi. The border has changed so much that the original thing that drew me to these cards is gone. The old ones were barely there.
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Before the game:
Okay, I call this deck the Final Boss because if you dont work together you cant kill me
Last turn of the game 1v1:
"So there's just nothing I can do?"
I told ya.
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I love my narcissist dragon wizard. I love that a character looks like me and has ice powers. I love unfathomable eldritch creatures. That's fun. Cowboys are fun, too. Playing with all your bad guy toys at once is FUN.
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I am incredibly disappointed that there isn't a single card in the set with this art style, but it was wishful thinking on my part.
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It's so funny that they killed off Lukka and made his cat a mythic.
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Lost a bunch of followers over that Chic-Fil-A post. I'm gonna get some good chicken on Sunday just to spite y'all.
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Every time I post something suggestive, I immediately lose followers and gain new ones within moments. Call that
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Magic is fun. It has something for everyone. It's also been around for 31 years, and there's not a soul alive that likes every single product. You shouldn't. Just have fun. There will be more stories that you like eventually.
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I uh... beat Baldur's Gate? The final boss attacked midway through the fight, a bunch of graphical issues happened, and the credits rolled. I'm gonna revert to my last save...
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Another day, another discourse. Here's a big stinky card I like.
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You know what I don't want? I don't want a trans character who goes through hell their whole life. I don't want a story about a girl who lost her parents and her language, and I don't want a story about the pain of being poor. I want cool characters doing cool things.
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Can I say something?
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