Chaps
@UncleChaps
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I’ve had sex 3400+ times. @barstoolsports @DropAPinShow Marine
Chicago, IL
Joined March 2012
I’m convinced everyone is an idiot.
Michael Strahan disrespected the military during a Veterans Day pre-game show on @NFLonFOX. The great irony is Strahan on a ship surrounded by men and women who would willingly sacrifice their lives to protect his freedom. So, his behavior is not just repugnant, it's downright
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How is no one going bananas for this goal? People are acting like he hit a free throw. HUGE strike from the lad
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And then shot an easy 68 on his home course.
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Preposterous backdrop and outfit to be talking about mitigating poverty.
King Charles announces that UK Prime Minister Rishi Sunak's government will "continue to take action. to ease the cost of living for families"
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Wake me up when she has a song called butthole eyes.
Ariana Grande's track list has a song called NASA. Pete Davidson has a jacket that says NASA.
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I’m excited that on Sunday we’ll be able to watch football without the most transphobic shit every other commercial.
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Aaron Rodgers is out of control.
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My kid knocked on our door at 6:45. “Mom, dad I’m sorry but I wet the bed. I tried to clean it up but I can’t do the mattress.”. “It’s ok. I’ll clean it. It happens sometimes.”. “APRIL FOOLS! GOTCHA NERDS”. It was 6:45.
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I found an insane house on Zillow. Who wouldn’t want a replica 17th Hole at TPC Sawgrass
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My dad died last night. Be the person today that you want to be at the end of your life. Bloom where you’re planted.
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This should have been the video that showed us why we needed masks. No one would have argued.
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I legit can’t believe this is real. The disrespect is legit dumbfounding and overwhelming.
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Top tier most offensive military shit I’ve ever heard.
Trump: When we gave her the Presidential Medal of Freedom… It’s the equivalent of the Congressional Medal of Honor— it’s actually much better because everyone who gets the Congressional Medal, they’re soldiers. They’re either in very bad shape because they’ve been hit so many
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Hi pals. I love working at barstool. I ain’t leaving until I’m fired. Dave was offered an exclusive with the President of the United States. No media company in the world says no to that. Take a fucking breath.
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My 6-year-old daughter just got off the couch, pointed at me, and said "it's dump time" and then walked into the bathroom. I'm overwhelmed.
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They are based on your search habits.
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No one likes to act like they are getting held back more than Ramsey. He LOVES it
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Wow. To do this just days after their parliament voted 279 out of 290 to support the execution of 15000 protesters is remarkably brave on the world stage. They didn’t end up executing everyone but the threat was there and real. It’ll be there when these players go home too.
#BREAKING: Iran national team players choose not to sing national anthem at World Cup match; some of the Iranian crowed booing their own national anthem
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My kid on a zoom call: my dad has his birthday in July. He’s going to be 49. I’m fucking 37.
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Being an umpire is the best job in the world. You can be absolutely horrific at it and keep a job for 30 years. Amazing.
“I DIDN’T SAY A FUCKING THING”. Aaron Boone is LIVID after being thrown out of the game for nothing @StoolBaseball .
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Just a couple dudes lookin normal.
Another player I caught up with last night at Peyton’s HOF party—Tom Brady. Nothing but class! Taking a day to leave training camp to be there shows the love and respect they have for each other. We were competitors on the field but I have ultimate respect for Tom as well!
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Introducing the most chef kiss moment in School Board history. Bart Simpson would be so proud.
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Even if Ukraine gives up some ground, Russia has lost the mental war. They won’t make people nervous now. A former KGB guy like Putin who worked in the kremlin with military strategy his entire life was thwarted by a guy who voiced Paddington bear movies in Ukraine.
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Me sneaking to bed in my underwear after one too many whiskeys trying not to wake my wife up
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Personal News: signed a 4-year contract extension with Barstool this morning. Glad to continue working at a place that allows me to be me without reservation. Viva. Thank you, @BarstoolBigCat, @stoolpresidente, and @EKANardini.
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We gotta stop letting people get away with calling SUVs a truck.
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When Tide Pods were getting eaten too frequently, certain legislators were quick to introduce regulations to limit their harm.
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My wife: Do you mind if I run in JCrew real fast? I just wanna glance around. Me on the bench near Auntie Annes Pretzels 45 minutes later:
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I’m a firm believer that it’s only cold outside if there’s wind. 15 degrees and no wind? Hoodie weather.
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My nearly 17 year old has like 8-10 friends over to swim. I told my wife I was going to buy them pizza if they agreed to pull the weeds by the pool. My wife: Jesus Christ, matthew. That’s the most cheap skate thing I’ve ever heard you say. I thought it was a great idea!.
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2020? Fuck off.
Jordan. Pippen. Rodman. "The Last Dance," a 10-part series on Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls is coming to ESPN in 2020
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I like Hank. I like Ria. I like Marty. I hope all this works out. I’m team Brandon Walker.
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After @stoolpresidente breaks down why Roe potentially being overturned is nonsensical and archaic, @EddieBarstool gives a masterclass in pivoting to a new subject.
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I watched Blake Bortles leave the Jaguars just a year ago. If patriots fans need to reach out and discuss how to deal with suffering, I’ll be here.
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Sure thing. By most accounts, Walz served for 24 years and did his job well. Vance served for 4 years and did his job well. Are people who served- and there’s millions- and decided to get out before a combat deployment lesser? No. Walz did his job. Vance did his. Veteran dick.
I've looked everywhere to hear the other side of this story and have yet to find it. Is this as black and white as it sounds? @GovTimWalz unit got deployed to Iraq and he just bounced to run for Congress?
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It Shouldn't Be This Difficult To Call Someone Who Shoots 200+ People A Terrorist
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I never looked at anyone's dick, vagina, or tits before clearing houses in a war zone. Dont give a shit about the junk under the uniform.
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Lmao this kid is so cute. 10/10 would parent.
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Actually, from a Marine who risked plenty, bitcc.
From another millennial who risks nothing.
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This is probably accurate. She married me 10 years ago because she knew 6 years later, I’d have a military podcast and she might meet astronaut Scott Kelly via Skype.
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I wonder what Aaron Rodgers had to say.
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Thinking military members are so fragile that a peaceful protest will shatter their resolve is wild. Stand. Sit. Kneel. This too they defend.
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8 years ago today, my best friend in the Marine Corps was killed in action. Drink one for the memory of SSgt Chris Diaz. Til Valhalla, brother.
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My house has become the house I always wanted when I was little. We have two entire racks in the garage filled with snacks, chips, and kid drinks. The neighborhood kids come over and grab shit all the time. My kid is like their personal willy wonka. It's fantastic.
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No one has ever been more sad about it being cold than my dog Gus.
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My wife wore a tank top to get her passport picture which apparently you can’t do. So I’m shirtless in front of the post office
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This weekend I'm celebrating ten years of being alive after getting shot. Boats, beers, booze, and buddies. I'm a fortunate man, indeed.
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While everyone else is obsessed with Wordle, I’d recommend being obsessed with the Bible. The real Word’ll change how you spend eternity. One RT is one amen.
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Watching the trailer for We Own This City and as soon as I saw this actor, I knew there was about to be some real fucked up stuff. He only plays absolute wild boyz.
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Pick any other weekend. Memorial Day has a very specific meaning and shouldn’t be piggybacked on by any other cause/sacrifice.
This Memorial Day weekend, flags will be flown at half-staff and NY landmarks will be illuminated in red, white & blue to honor essential workers who lost their lives to COVID-19. We owe these brave individuals a profound thank you and hold them & their families in our thoughts.
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Are those new tits?.
Ruin Thanksgiving in four words:. ___ ___ ___ ___.
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What do you call a weekend on Jeff Bezo's 400 million dollar yacht?. 2 Day Shipping.
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This has got to be the most embarrassing way to be found guilty of murder
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"You're just a liberal idiot who is too big of a coward to own a gun anyway. Probably scared to use one. Lol" . Me:
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This was so kind of Dan. Many people would simply piss before the veteran. Not Dan. Dan lets the veteran go first. #LetThemPiss.
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Will they be able to play in 1/4 inch of snow? Only time will tell.
There's supposed to be a Purdue-Northwestern football game played here in 30 hours.
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I just spoke to Gerrit Cole on the phone. His words were shocking. “Who the fuck is this?” . “It’s Chaps from twitter.” . “I’m not the baseball player.”. “My bad.” . There’s two Gerrit Coles and one works in sales. Incredible.
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If youre a baseball writer who doesnt vote for Barry Bonds this year, you should never be able to watch baseball again.
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I got shot when my boss asked me not to.
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If you’re cold, they’re cold, @YellowstoneNPS. Bring them in.
Bison at 35 below zero. Yellowstone National Park, USA. Photographer by Tom Murphy Photography
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When I got shot, my mental health was awful. You replay possible mistakes, you can't sleep, you cant eat. I didnt go through anything remotely close to this 11-year-old. The fact that she is speaking in front of congress about her trauma is both courageous and infuriating.
Miah Cerrillo, an 11-year-old who survived the school shooting in Uvalde, Texas, by smearing herself in a classmate’s blood and pretending to be dead, will testify on Wednesday at a House hearing on gun violence.
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I can’t tell you how much this is a slap in the face. Abuser? I love my children with every single breath I take. Their liberty should not be infringed upon due to a vanity project for ultra conservative appeasement during midterms.
Greg Abbot has officially directed Family and Protective Services to begin investigating all trans children in Texas and prosecuting their parents as child abusers. He has also instructed all teachers, doctors, and caregivers to begin reporting any trans students they see.
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More like Nyetflix.
Netflix is making their service unavailable in Russia.
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Hey Keith. No one in the rest of the country cares.
@UncleChaps People who live in SF don’t like the term San Fran. They prefer SF or San Francisco or The Bay.
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King Landing’s record books are kept like Wikipedia. Anybody can update them shits. “Sir Jaime gave Sir Brienne the good dick before returning to his bitch ass sister. Old golden hand head ass”.
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This weekend can also be dark for lots of veterans. Remembering your pals can put you in a bad spot. If you're there, call. 1-800-273-8255.
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Looking for bombs and finding them.
What's the hardest job you've ever had?.
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I've had diarrhea for a decade. When Pete can compare, I'm willing to listen to his gripes. Until he wipes his eyes until they sting, he can zip it.
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For all those wondering, this is my son Nestor. We share no blood but he is my life. He came from Cuba (legally, of course) six years ago and lives with me in Florida. I am so proud of him and raising him has been the best, most rewarding thing I’ve done in my life.
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Insane turn of events. I'm in a Lyft with an Iraqi interpreter I worked with in Iraq.
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Do you guys know what unrecognizable means?.
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NASCAR has turned into the most socially adaptive sports league and it's fucking dope to watch in real time.
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Holy shit
Brian Hoyer will start vs. Jacksonville.
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Scottie is gonna have such a great time going through twitter after he’s released. He’ll be on the toilet until his legs are asleep.
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Damn.
The Spurs may have a deal with Indiana for Kawhi Leonard, sources say.
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Thanks everyone. I’ll be ok and be honest about whatever comes. I was doing a video today and my hand was really shaking. It’s an adjustment that I’ll have to make but I’ll make it. The goofin tour continues, bitcc.
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I know, right? We'd truly be fucked if we were involved in a 15 year war with all millennial men and women baring the brunt.
As I watch millennial men struggle to lift their bags into the overhead bin I am reminded how f'd we are if there's a draft.
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what the fuck is this?.
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