TweeterAlliss (Parody) (by Jove)
@TweeterAlliss
Followers
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Following
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Channelling the spirit of the late great commentator. Parody.
In a commentary box
Joined June 2011
Peter Alliss, the Voice of Golf. Rest in Peace m'lad.
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Breaking; Netflix announces new season of Narcos. Splendid
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Viktor definitely sending Cantlay a message at this stage of the round.
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We’ll see you out on the course tomorrow.
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Shotgun start for the LIV Lads tomorrow. Splendid.
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Viktor literally cannot wait any longer for Patrick Cantlay.
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Well done young Rory, what a magnificent end to a proper golf tournament. Everyone is delighted, well nearly everybody. Splendid.
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Cam Smith showing up to play in the playoffs to try and bag an $18 million payday before heading off to his $100 million LIV contract makes Henrik Stenson look like Gandhi.
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Why do all LIV pre-event bashes have the look and feel of Kendall Roy’s 40th birthday party?.
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Sometimes in life you need to lose everything just to realise what it is you had, not many are lucky enough to get back there. What wonderful scenes. #TheMasters
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Pat Perez absolutely dumbfounded that he hasn’t won $750k with Gooch and Reed finishing in the top 5.
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Dear Rory McIlroy, you may have not made the cut, however you battled like a champion, you’re only 30, your best golf days are ahead of you. Majestic. #theopen.
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Breaking; PGA Tour announce the redundancies of 200 rules officials as Bryson DeChambeau and Patrick Reed join the LIV Golf Series. Remarkable.
Exclusive: Bryson DeChambeau and Patrick Reed join Saudi-backed LIV Golf Series | @jcorrigangolf
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Did you manage to see that one Patrick?
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Story of the weekend for me is Tony Finau’s back to back wins. His last eight rounds read 67, 68, 65, 67, 64, 66, 65, 66. Phenomenal golf.
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Breaking; LIV golf hosts the 54th annual Spot the Prick competition, lovely.
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For all you football fans, #LIVGolf is what the European Super League would have been, however participating teams would have been Aston Villa, Ipswich, Hibs and Real Mallorca.
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Poulter wins battle to play Scottish Open after taking legal action against DP World Tour. The judge has ruled he can only play 54 holes, and start his opening round on the 14th hole.
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Dear @Alanshipnuck, can you ensure you write an article like this, how the US will dominate and how the Europeans are past it, we'd like it every two years, ideally the year before the cup, Delightful.
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Just remember the 18 LIV golfers teeing it up at the BMW PGA next week are taking the spot of players who are committed to the DP Tour and may need that spot to pay their way for the season, also worth noting the organisers don’t want them there either.
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Breaking; LIV threaten to start their own ‘Major’ if players banned from big four. Details unclear, it is expected to consist of:.-54 holes.-Shotgun start.-Team event.-Pre tourney party.-Podium Champagne.-YouTube coverage.-Discounted ticketing.-OWGR Criticism .-Pat Perez pay day.
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One has to commend David Duval, he shot 91 today. He carded a 14 on the 7th hole, a lot of players would have withdrawn at that stage and walked in, he didn’t, he played on, that’s why he’ll always be a great champion. Well done David Duval, #theopen champion 2001.
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I tell you now what I’m going to do, I’m gonna start watching the LIV Tour event now that Henrik Stenson is on board. Said no one.
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Breaking; Poulter seeks last-minute injunction to compete in AIG Ladies Open at Muirfield tomorrow.
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Look at the crowds, it’s like a Ryder Cup Saturday, without crowds.
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Phil Mickelson approaching the big 50. 50 over for combined rounds on the LIV. I hope Greg keep the receipt for that one.
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I’m on vacation, I have zero respect for the place I am visiting and an IQ under 30. Remarkable
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BBC comedy is timeless. Quite magnificent.
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Ryder Cup crowds at the LIV Miami finals. Majestic.
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Koepka v Uihlein in a playoff worth millions and there is literally no spectators watching on the course, nobody.
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Let us not forget that this particular Master would have been 62 today. You are missed old boy.
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Whatever your occupation, spare a thought for the 3 LIV golfers having to work four days this week, for substantially less wages, corporate exploitation of the highest order.
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The year is 2045, Pat Perez has yet to secure a T10 finish on the LIV tour but has just bought the entire Hawaiian Islands with his team earnings.
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They’re accumulating more pricks than a hedgehog.
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Shane Lowry made birdie on each of his last four holes to make the cut in his national championship, that’s golf and it doesn’t need to be louder.
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When Matt Fitzpatrick doesn’t make the cut for #spoty final nominations you realise just how much BBC have regressed in their coverage of sport.
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Fantastic that Taylor Gooch can experience a Ryder Cup type atmosphere through LIV’s Team Championship. Look at the crowds. Quite magnificent.
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Since 2007 The Golfing Union of Ireland has produced 5 Major winners, winning 10 titles between them. What a magnificent achievement for the Island of Ireland and well done Shane Lowry for your magnificent performance. Majestic #theopen.
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Great to see LIV golf has kicked off 2023 as it ended 2022, scarce fans (that’s the marquee group), disinterested players and awful commentary.
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The BBC Sports Review of the Year afforded golf 0.8% of its entire running time last night, that’s in a year when Matt Fitz won the US Open, Rory McIlroy is world No.1 & Luke Donald is Ryder Cup Captain. What did golf do to hurt you BBC?.
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Breaking; Kuchar to fund border wall to ensure to ensure Mexican caddies don’t catch up with him. Lovely.
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I do say LIV are going with a rather unorthodox trophy, but each to their own.
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Young Tommy Fleetwood could go on and win The Open, the European Champions League, the Euro Millions, the Tour de France, the Grand National, the Ashes and the Nobel Prize. But according to Paul Azinger he won’t have made it, because he didn’t win in the USA. Remarkable.
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They can rattle on as much as they like about the quality of golfer at LIV, but if you’re turning up 14 times a year for a 3 day Mardi Gras with music blaring, you’re not going to stare down Jon Rahm on the final day of the #themasters.
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The LIV chaps suing the PGA Tour, didn't they want to play less golf. I'm sure that's what they said.
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Those of you telling me to stick to golf, a couple of things:.a) You’re not paying a subscription for content. b) If you don’t like said content, piss off and don’t follow. Majestic.
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Good to know Rory McIlroy is immature.
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As well as being a cheating shit, Patrick Reed confirms his status of biggest bellend in World Golf.
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Dear Sam, no offence old chap, but I'd rather be hung upside down by my scrotum from a large oak tree than write for the Sun. Majestic.
@TweeterAlliss Tweeter, sorry to bother, would you be up for writing us a Ryder Cup column? Regards old boy.
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That’s a stacked leaderboard at Bay Hill, can’t help thinking how better it would be with world T10 players Pat Perez and Peter Uihlein.
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It seems an appropriate time to share some of my favourite memories of our beautiful game, how lucky we are to play and to watch. Majestic.
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Congratulations David Livingstone on your retirement, it's been quite splendid watching you bring live golf into my living room for the last number of years. Majestic. @SkySportsGolf
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A 290 yard par 3 is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen in a Major tournament.
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As much as I dislike LIV, Bryson DeChambeau is the only one signed for a big fee who hasn’t sat on his arse and sought to improve his game. Well played young man.
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I’m not sure Tiger played many exhibitions in his prime.
Thank god for Cam Smith & his putter. 2022 has been Tiger in his prime stuff on the greens.
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Scottie Scheffler is 26 years of age, his maturity and humility are a credit to him and his family. 👏👏👏.
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Henrik Stenson - I played like a captain this week, shame you didn’t act like one last week.
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Breaking; DP Tour reduce the planned number of rules officials by 20% for this week's Scottish Open after news that Pat Reed has withdrawn. Lovely.
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Breaking; The R&A have confirmed that Pat Reed has not been extended an invite to the 150th Champions dinner, as he has not won the Open and he’s a cheating shit. Lovely.
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Breaking; Pat Perez wins $750k after the PGA Tour defeat the LIV Tour in California.
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Breaking; After 2 days of new golf rules, over 30 senior golfers were taken to hospital with back problems after trying to execute the knee height drop. Remarkable.
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Breaking; 90s Boy Band A1 cancel reunion tour due to poor ticket sales. Splendid.
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It looks like all the fans also got food poisoning at LIV Mexico. Remarkable.
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Possibly the most unbelievable comeback since Jesus stepped out of the tomb. Magnificent.
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Breaking; Next week, Piers Morgan rumoured to interview Sergio Garcia and Ian Poulter to continue on with the theme of over the hill whining millionaire sports stars who feel unjustly wronged. Cannot wait, lovely.
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Over 25 years at the top, a pioneer who revolutionised the game we love. Thank you Tiger.
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Breaking; With one of the most exciting finishes to a PGA in years, the US PGA to give the 2019 broadcast rights to Kazakhstan internet provider to ensure nobody can see it next year. Majestic.
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Breaking; Green keeping staff deployed late yesterday evening in an effort in an attempt to repair Sergio’s damage after third round play at the Saudi international. Majestic
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The presentation will take place in the Butler Cabin in approximately 90 minutes, officials are waiting on Patrick Cantlay to sign his card.
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For those saying the bunkers are unfair.
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I say, dear Phil ripped into Le Golf National saying it was rather unplayable, we’ll that’s quite nice, at least he didn’t blame Tom Watson. Splendid.
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Pat Perez is like a roadie with the Stones living off Mick Jagger’s crumbs. Another $750k for playing absolute rubbish.
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LIV’s star attraction this week finishes 33 shots behind the eventual winner sums up the tour in a nutshell, a circus of nothingness.
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This is happening too many times now in our game. I doubt the perpetrator is even ejected which they should be, this should not be tolerated. Ever.
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Congratulations JB Holmes, who ground down his fellow competitors, spectators, marshals, TV viewers and TV commentators to win the Genesis Open. How slow can you go? Majestic.
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Pat Reed's September & October.02/09 - Boston.08/09 - Wentworth.16/09 - Chicago.22/09 - Paris.29/09 - St. Andrews.07/10 - Bangkok. 14/10 - Jeddah
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Breaking; TPC officials to have prerecorded US audio shouts of “Get in the Hole, Popcorn and Mashed Potato” in order to retain the special atmosphere of #theplayerschampionship, whilst Sergio Garcia will have his own dedicated official who will abuse him during his rounds. Lovely.
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Poor Phil looks like he was locked up by the Saudis and starved for six months, poor chap.
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There are 20 rule changes being introduced into the World of Golf tomorrow which is rather redundant for the cheating shits that don't follow any of the existing rules. Splendid.
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The ref is off to Paris for a holiday after this World Cup, all expenses paid. How was that not a free kick? Remarkable.
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Breaking; LIV plan to bust Cabrera out of prison to secure another Masters champion on their books.
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I see the crowds have flocked to moving day at the LIV event. That’s the leaders group.
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Congratulations dear Justin Rose, form is temporary, class is permanent. 🌹.
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Webb Simpson always wanted to have God close by, he’s playing with him in the final round of the #RBCCanadianOpen. @McIlroyRory .Quite majestic.
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The format of these LIV quarter finals is what 32 lads would organise as the final day competition of their 3 day piss-up to Portugal.
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A player lines up a putt during 3rd round play at the BMW Championship in Philadelphia. #BMWCHAMPS Splendid.
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How has golf come to this? Fans cheering a player for missing a putt. When US golfers go overseas they are not jeered or laughed at, they are respected. The USGA / PGA need to address the behaviour of it's fans, or this will get worse. I fear for the Ryder Cup in 2024.
The NY fans, extremely charming and always complimentary of the golfers they are observing. Lovely.
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I’ll never understand the PIP prize money give away. Rewarding already extremely well rewarded professional golfers with more cash, wouldn’t it be better to invest said cash at grassroots level and grow the game.
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Seems like everybody is welcoming Tiger back, in their own way. Bravo 👏 👏👏
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Congratulations young Hatton, won on an incredible test of his golfing ability. Dealt with the pressure, hopefully that puts to bed the stupidity that Azinger was sprouting last week about European tour players. Lovely.
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The US team really look like they are struggling on this course, it's European Tour course. There's a reason why 59's are not very frequent over here. Splendid.
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Phil is off to warm up the bus, all he needs to do now is decide who he'll throw under it, splendid. #Rydercup
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It’s been rumoured Phil has been paid $200 million by LIV, I believe he’s broken par once since the tour has kicked off, that’s growing the game!.
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