Tommy Skidz
@TomSkidmore7
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518
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Daphnes arse from scooby doo 👍
if you could eat one food from any animated movie, what would it be?
mine is the eggs from Shrek
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Once your Mam starts going to Aldi for bits and bobs it's fucking game over like. Cupboards are now full of snackrite crisps and lurpak has been replaced with norpak
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So basically you’re cutting all contact between me and me dad ?
The internet is trying to cancel the 👍 emoji after labeling it as “hostile” and “passive-aggressive” 😳‼️
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Sick of my Mam giving it 'you can't still be hungry' aye well I fucking am so why isn't there any nibbly things for me to nibble on
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Fun Fact - the first lass I ever licked out is now a man 👍
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Pass me a straw 🙄😚 am I right girls ?
If only me and the girls were there we would’ve cleared that up in no time lol😂😍🍸👌💗👅
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She’s got a nasty tongue for a fucking minger
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Hate when people take a photo of their meal on a date but can't see the other person. Cut the shit and let me see who you're shagging 👍
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Jesus he Looks like a dinner lady
Me & my
@missgemcollins
❤️ I can really see myself marrying this amazing women one day! 💕
Grab a copy of this weeks
@OK_Magazine
for an exclusive interview & pictures in our
#Marbella
Villa! 🇪🇸
#Spain
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If my husband doesn't cry when he sees me walking down the isle then the wedding is fucking cancelled.
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When is someone going to tell her she's very bang average? Which when you add to her horrible personality - makes her fucking minging
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*Staring at your absolutely butchered hair in the mirror as the barber asks 'how's that for you mate?'
My brain-
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Me - ‘Aye mate that's spot on cheers'
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How the fuck am I 2-3 years older than these lads on love island, I’m 5 foot 8 and me mam still takes the lids off me yogurts
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Few lasses I've fancied for years getting pregnant at the minute and I'm not fucking happy about it. It's not the end but it's a serious spanner in the works
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The mad thing is that he would have watched this back before uploading and must have thought 'yeah I'm happy with that'
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Eh every lass I've shagged has called this the fanny basher.
Can vividly recall them saying 'ahhh tom you big naughty hunk put me in the Fanny basher'
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Fuck me im never wearing a bikini ever again 😩
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Come in after a night out and that’s getting ploughed simple as
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Haven't got a jealous bone in my body right but time after time my pals keep getting with birds who love anal. And they don't deserve it at all
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What the fuck is this hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahha
Here come the radgies! 🚀✨ New recruits are landing on the toon in a BRAND NEW series of
#GeordieShore
! Make sure you tune in on Tuesday 9th April at 10pm on
@MTVUK
👽🔥😈🌚
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Not an alcoholic but all I think about 24/7 is being out with my pals pissed
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One thing am defo not looking forward to when it happens is being around me bird in winter when she's wearing fluffy Winnie the Pooh pyjamas. It's silky Ann summers or she's in the spare room 👍
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3 likes and I’ll knock this lad out at the pub who’s making his bird get all the drinks
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I was walking up to a fit girl in a nightclub on holiday and got about a metre away and she put her hand up and said 'not guna fucking happen'. Shoot your shot guys 👌
After crushing on “the cute guy from public speaking” for months, I made the most impulsive decision I have ever made & messaged him on Facebook 😂
1 year later, we are happily dating & have been talking every day since.
Moral is: don’t be afraid to shoot your shot, ladies (;
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Oooo that’s got to hurt
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Simple math really. Young lad making a fortune every week + pretty girlfriend who won't suck him off because she 'doesn't like it' = shagging a disgusting single mam who'll do illegal things to him
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Surprisingly my Mam and dad dont know I necked on with her fanny
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Hi everyone theres some horrible rumours going around after my last anal tweet saying how thats all im interested in and I'm trash. I wana put this to bed & clarify that's not the case at all & I never ever neglect the Fanny. Both get the special treatment, no questions asked.
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Nice one mr.305!!! You look like a council estate pitbull you baldy tit
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Day 246 without sex: just held the door open for myself and spanked my own arse on the way in 👍
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Years ago I had my cock out on webcam with some lass and she called me horse cock. Thrived on this for a long time.
Long story short it turned out to be a middle aged nonce on a fake profile. But who's arsed about the details?
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Coincidental how the lasses tweeting about love island saying 'be a Georgia in a world full of Megan's' are actually the horrible stuck up arsewipes you see storming about on nights out
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Right well its confirmed that me 75 year old grandad Albert has officially beat bowl cancer. He's never been on an aeroplane in his life so me and Debbie Skidz are taking him to Benidorm to watch darth Vader get noshed off on a hover board
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Hahahaha it's started people - Have a day off man. Anyone got any holy water i can sprinkle on this blood sucking gargoyle?
Imagine being in such a toxic relationship where your man would rather have you freeze in winter for his satisfaction than you be comfortable when you sleep?
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Shut up you fucking moron. He led the police on a 120 mph chase, putting the publics lives in danger. Nothing to do with his skin colour, stop trying to make everything about racism it's boring
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Only one thing she's good for and that's being used as a sandbag during a flood
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Lasses are worse than lads, fact. Lasses are just better at hiding it / getting away with it, fact. Snakes
My girlfriend of 4 years slept with my best mate, imagine that
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There's only one kinda birds box I'm interested in and it's not on fucking Netflix 👍
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Haven't seen any worms in fucking ages. Everything sound or ?
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What do the boyfriends of these insecure psychos say about this?? If I had a lass and I found out she was doing this the relationship would be ended on the spot. Wrong on so many levels
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Yesterday I was 21 - young, daft and always looking for my next shag / drink.
I'm 22 today - loyal, devoted family man who would go to unimaginable lengths to ensure his wife and kids have the best of the best.
It's mad what can happen in 24 hours....gods plan 🙌
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Hola. I dont want to dwell on yesterday too much but theres something i need to know.
If women are so self empowered that men cant even hold doors open for them anymore, & you cant think they look sexy in silk Ann summers.
Then why the fuck wont yous take the fucking bins out?
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Why do lasses give a fuck is celebrities are pregnant? You aren't guna be invited to the baby shower you daft cunts hahahaha
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Wish me pals weren't mongs so we could go to Dubai. Not worth the beheading though
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Got this weird feeling that maya jama is trying to get my attention
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No strangulations, no arrests just people allowed to congregate in a pandemic.
Selective policing is a thing. Pick and choose when they wana take action.
Pathetic force from the top to the bottom.
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Just had to turn that abducted in plain sight off half way through 🤢 Things I can't get my head around:
•They didn't report their daughter missing for 5 days
•The dad giving the abductor a double handed twisty top
•That screamer aguero scored against Chelsea yesterday
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Seen some curbs in its time that wheel
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Who doesn't appreciate that. Like where has this tweet stemmed from? Or is this just another man hating herbivore blabbering on about fuck all again?
Sorry but if u can not appreciate how sexy and good lookin ur woman looks in an oversize top and underwear after sex with her hair all messy and make up kind of smudged you literally do not deserve sex and quite frankly, deserve to be a virgin
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Probs pretends the pill has made her put weight on when in reality her cupboards are rammed with Viennese whirls
Probs thinks that size 12-14 women are ‘fat’. Let’s hope natural selection eradicates him first.
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New kitchen benches fitted tomorrow so I'll be taking applications for the first girl to be fucked senseless on them. Might sound harsh but no fatties please
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Me begging horrible fatties in toon takeaway to come back to a premier inn with me
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Megan is pissed off eyal thought she's shagged 37 people yet she sells photos and videos of her ham wallet on the internet. Seeeee ya
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Right am guna be having a flat warming where all my pals will be bringing their girlfriends etc. Does anyone want to pretend to be my mrs for about 8 hours? I'll buy your peeve all night, I might try and shag you but just pie me and I'll just dance off as if it never happened
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I think I've indirectly just been called ugly hahahaha
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Haven't been home since my dog ruby passed away and tomorrow I'll step back in the house for the first time with no welcome from her panicking trying to choose which toy to bring me. Fucking dreading it
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Walking down callerton lane, a few school buses have just passed & not one kid knocked on the window and told me to fuck off. The countries on its fucking knees
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Nice one megamind. With a forehead like that you're a fucking snipers dream
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For those interested, the lad who stabbed me 3 times in June got found not guilty today. The handling of the case has been a shambles from day one from the police to the CPS to the courts. Which has led to someone as vile and dangerous as him back on the streets. Joke.
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Literally can't wait to have a date night with my wife in the future. Come out for a few drinks, sit opposite each other in complete silence. Miserable & bitter ❤️
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If you didn’t go outside and clap at 8pm for the NHS workers there you are a complete cock. Hats off to everyone who did, shivers down the spine 👍
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I think now would be the perfect time to tell you I'm in fact not the one in the Gucci polo
@TomSkidmore7
@chelsfergo
I had my “first Gucci polo” display picture when I was 16 fella, you think your the business dishing out basic patter on Facebook sporting that type of Clobber, should I book you in for not so General stuff?
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Mad what a huge cock can get you like. Bit of a kick in the teeth walking round with this swollen clit of mine
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Added a fit lass on Instagram - she declined it. We keep moving forward
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Watching 24 hours in police custody and something seriously needs done about knife crime. I don't know what the solution is but young kids are fucking killing each other in the street over a dodgy look or someone in the 'wrong place'. Madness, life is far too precious.
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Yeah yeah the maple kind yeah
This is Magic. She got second place at the dog show, but she doesn’t need to know that. Told her she’s first place in my heart. 13/10
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Dream job would be a professional fanny fingerer like.
Flexible hours and gash in hand 👍
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20, sat on a water fountain in Florida when I was 7 and shit myself instantly. Pissed myself purposely whilst on Xbox when I was 15 because I couldn't pause the game on nazi zombies - accidentally text my Mam last month asking if I was worth a shag 😀
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Best sex ever there like, regardless of the 50 Euro I gave her it was love and I don't wana hear people's negative comments
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Unpopular opinion:
Graham on Jeremy Kyle is fucking useless and doesn't bring anything to the table. He just sit and explains everything we already know.
'Well you seem to have a drink problem which means you're drinking too much'
I want him off the show 👍
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How the fuck has spok managed to get himself shagging two fannies while I'm sat in my pit suffering from compulsive wanking disorder
Do men and women really think differently about the emotional impact cheating will have on their partner? 🤔
#OneNightWithMyEx
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He's literally just looking at her
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Literally makes me feel sick at the fact Sally Websters spending Christmas behind bars 😔
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This is probably guna sound dead forward and a bit cheeky but I don't suppose anyone wants their fanny bashed In ?
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I'm 21 you tit. Just because you moved out for uni using a student loan doesn't make you grown up hahaha. Bye bye
she probs can’t afford branded stuff cause she’s still havin to pay for a grown ass man who’s not moved out yet x
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Mad how midgys just fly round in tiny little circles all fucking day. Surely at one point one of them goes here lads what we actually doing here ?
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New TV show idea guys:
Called lick me out. I come down a lift fucking bollock naked and there's loads Of naked lasses stood behind buzzers. If they don't want licked out they buzz. The girl left at the end gets her fanny licked into oblivion infront of an audience.
Thoughts?
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Well just received feedback from my last job interview and apparently when they asked how I would describe myself - 'the kinda guy to hold a door open for a woman but slap her arse as she walks in' isn't appropriate? Torys Britain 👎
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Everyone's pregnant at the minute like. Some serious super spunk getting dossed about
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Ana it's probably daft but I'm on a bit of a comedown from 4 days in the dam and I really wish that brad Pitt and Angelina jolie were still together. Seems so sad that after building careers and a large adopted family that they couldn't work it out
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Soon as me Mam and dad popped out I'd have me dick in and out of that like
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Ironic how majority of the lasses calling Maura a beg are the same girls who'd shag a dealer for half a bag of whiff
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Sorry like but don't understand how fat lasses can make money from those onlyfans pages. Who the fucks paying for jabbas nudes?
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Fucking horrible horrible vile human being. Trying to ruin not only someone's career but their life accusing them of abuse. Yet forgetting it's all on camera for people to see. Needs sectioned the sick twisted bitch
A lot of unanswered questions and a twist eviction leaves the housemates in shock. Here’s your first look at tonight’s
#CBB
. Join us at 10pm on
@channel5_tv
.
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Looks absolutely shit
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Just been discussing my options with a friend and decided the best route for me is to start speed dating. Not the organised events, just normal dates but turn up off my fucking nut on speed and see how things go 👍
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Don't usually do these but fuck It i can't take the chance
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I would literally beg you to wear fluffy Winnie the Pooh pyjamas
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@DeanoBF
@cheekytaylor79
'I knew she used to piss standing up but I thought it was just a phase'
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