Tom Cullen
@TomCullen
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Pinned Tweet
I found my 200th issue of FHM magazine, published in August 2006. In it we did a feature on the 200 best celebrity quotes across those 200 issues. Here’s a few of my faves. The Vinnie Jones one made me spit Tropical Five Alive everywhere.
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Jess Phillips has done more for the Brummie accent in 2 years than anyone else has managed in any time frame. What a principled, honest and smart woman this city has put forward to represent us. What a decent person. Kicking arse and taking names. Absolute fair fucks to her.
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Fuck your thoughts and prayers. Do your job and pass gun laws.
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My dad ordered his own graduation photo twice the size of all his kids' photos.
#dads
http://t.co/Evi6gA5jGT
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Yesterday there was no doubt in his mind that schools were safe. Yesterday. No doubt in his mind.
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@richardosman
highly tipped Team Frazzles pose for photos before boarding the plane to the
#wcocr2016
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Providing a bit of Twitter balance with pics of me *not* getting my jab.
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My daughter came back from
@Colmore_Junior
waxing lyrical about
@jessphillips
coming in today. I think. I didn’t know it was happening. Risking the ‘Didn’t Happen of The Year’ brigade but I’ve never seen her so inspired. Properly pumped.
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Wrote this piece for the Guardian. They removed the bad language but the sentiment remains:
Birmingham is ****ing brilliant.
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The best people on telly are Rylan and Alison Hammond. No further correspondence will be entered into. Good day to you.
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If forced at gunpoint to go for a pint with either Nigel or Piers, what sort of gun would you like to be shot with?
Pleased to announce I will be interviewed on
@piersmorgan
's Life Stories, airing early next month on ITV. You won't want to miss this one.
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I may or may not have got bored and started crudely Photoshopping perfect piles of Ferrero Rocher in Julian Assange embassy pics
#SpoilingUs
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I left my elderly, completely deaf neighbour a note asking if she needs any shopping or anything. Now she posts me regular updates on her life and her take on the virus. So sweet and so sad. Love the way NEWS is in caps! I’ll be sure to reply shortly.
#ISupportBirmingham
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STOP THE COUNT!!
❌ Stop the nominations.
✅ We've found the winner of the 2020 Puskas Award.
👀 Take it away,
@LyngbyBoldklub
...
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Since when did “the ultimate sacrifice” mean quitting your job? That wasn’t an option in the trenches.
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Wasn’t there a Channel 4 reality programme in the early noughties where they convinced half a dozen people they were being flown to the moon? They did astronaut training. Then they literally put them in a simulator or sorts and had them believe they were travelling into space?
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My project turned 500 issues old today.
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The NHS is now going into war. Fucking heroes, every last one of them.
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@deathofbuckley
In my early twenties I went to the doc’s about shooty bum pain. Ended up on a hospital table with a camera buried up my arse while on gas and air. Not once did someone say “oh don’t worry - that’s just shooty bum pain, everyone gets it and we don’t know why.”
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Hahah! The music my iPhone has put on my visit to the hauntingly moving National Memorial Arboretum!
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40 years old and I still practice saying hello, in my head, before I meet someone new.
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Here at Gourmet Burger Kitchen about to spend 50p to not have a bun
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Really? Is nobody else going to do it? Fine, I will...
"David Luiz arrives in paris for talks with PSG"
http://t.co/DM9Y7q2ecc
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Love the guy on the left.
"Just keep looking forward, Phil. KEEP. LOOKING. FORWARD"
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ShortList Magazine didn’t just save my career, it rebuilt it from scratch. Without a doubt In my mind the most talented editorial team I ever worked with. Some of the best times of my life.
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Dear Spring,
I wrote you but still ain't callin'
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom
I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not-a got 'em
There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin'
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First pic of Rebekah Brooks and Andy Coulson in the dock as their affair is revealed in court...
http://t.co/70WSo1lY3T
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Best episode of
#TheChase
ever. Might have been a small jackpot but the funniest two finalists to grace the show. The original odd couple. Now make a sitcom about them. More things like this please
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Happy
#FathersDay
, Dad! Cheers to when you ordered your own graduation photo twice the size of all your kids' pics
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Sad to think we as a species will never improve on Last Crusade
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If you held a gun to my head and demanded to know which day of the week it is, I would literally have one in seven chance of success.
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Wonderful wonderful scenes as the world quim gets said twice instead of whim on
#SaturdayKitchen
. Highlight of the year so far.
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There really isn't enough "fuck off" left on Earth for the Football Lads Alliance. We may have to drill neighbouring planets for fresh supplies.
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Remember when we weren’t allowed to go for a walk with other people? Mental.
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Is it legal to marry homemade caramelised pork belly banh mi, yet?
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Got pissed and emotional and just started ordering Ukraine flags from Amazon. Now they’ve arrived and I have no idea what drunk Tom intended to do with them all. One of them’s massive.
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Just reading up on why my peace lily plant is mega droopy and apparently I’m either watering it too much, not watering it enough, watering it too irregularly, giving to it too much light or not giving it enough light. So that’s that cleared that up.
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This might be the internet's finest hour - 15 Celebrities That Look Like Abandoned Mattresses
http://t.co/gWjSjHPgJx
http://t.co/r6UZY4tzkW
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On the plus side with Montanier gone we can now fill that *difficult* keeper slot in the 'NFFC Shit Managers Since Clough XI'
#NFFC
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Huuuuge fan of people tweeting that restaurants should simply take booking deposits to avoid no-shows. Like they’ve cracked it and nobody has ever thought of it!
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Really looking forward to regular updates on how everyone's dry January is going.
*douses self in kerosene*
*strikes match*
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Pecker, Goose and Skid Mark are getting on my plane.
easyShag flight LAD069 out of CompleteLedgeTown.
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20 years since I took delivery of the biggest Subway sandwich ever made
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People slagging off people for standing in queues for ikea. Maybe that’s what they can afford. Maybe they don’t have much choice. Maybe their bed’s broken as has been for months. You don’t have to do it. Laugh it up if you like.
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First ever celebrity interview
First question
Me: “have you ever, just to see what it looked like for a minute, shaved yourself a Hitler moustache?”
Gene Simmons: “my mother survived a Nazi concentration camp and this interview is over.”
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