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@ThomasPork

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859
Following
454
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1,241
Statuses
13,281

SAFTB | Rugby | Paintball | Part-time DJ | Bushwick | Cardone University ‘18

Lower East Side
Joined July 2009
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@ThomasPork
TP
4 years
If the leader of corona virus doesn’t stop spreading the disease, I will blow up a Gotham-area hospital
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@ThomasPork
TP
3 months
Did not know dudes like this still existed. We are so fucking back!
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@ThomasPork
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8 years
All I'm gonna say is, I've never seen Matt Moore and Big Cat in the same room. @BarstoolBigCat @PFTCommenter @PardonMyTake
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@ThomasPork
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9 years
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@ThomasPork
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11 months
Me watching myself being born a Chicago Bears fan
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@ThomasPork
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4 years
That sucks brother...Now imagine getting killed just because you’re black
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@ThomasPork
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3 years
Ideal Chicago date night: 1) Dinner at Happy Camper 2) Tequila shots/bell at Federales 3) Barstool River North til close 4) Bean from 3:00am to 4:00am 5) Netflix and chill 👀🔥
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@ThomasPork
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10 years
Girl: come over Me: I can't. I'm 9 years old and stuck at a lake Girl: my parents aren't home Me: http://t.co/G1DqIHEZmD
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@ThomasPork
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10 years
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@ThomasPork
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11 years
Yeah, I took a selfie with Tom Izzo and John Groce. What'd you do tonight? #Legendary #Spartans #Illini http://t.co/4fMnVpDQ7N
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@ThomasPork
TP
10 years
Arun: Would you like to try MeowChat? Shawn Oakman: No, stop inviting me Arun: Would you like to try MeowChat? http://t.co/c5BQa4AOO2
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@ThomasPork
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10 years
Holy shit Trivia Crack lost its chill.... http://t.co/V2Chlh4uG0
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@ThomasPork
TP
3 years
Lmao bro you took her to Toyotathon I’m taking her to the December to Remember Sales Event We are not the same. 😂😂😂
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@ThomasPork
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11 years
Valentines Day card Adlai edition. Happy Odyssey week #D125 http://t.co/mPBMu3hEde
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@ThomasPork
TP
5 years
No disrespect but I’m pretty sure that 4th bullet point applies to like 99% of college students lmao
@BleacherReport
Bleacher Report
5 years
What a journey for Matt Mooney -Took trains/buses 90 min each way in HS -Played at Air Force and S.D. before transferring to Texas Tech -Broke fibula in bike accident -Lived in an off-campus house with a broken couch Dropped 22 PTS in Final 4 vs. MSU (h/t @GregBishopSI )
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@ThomasPork
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11 years
So much respect for this kid for writing this song for Dana. Watch and share this #RIPDana #NeverForget !
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@ThomasPork
TP
11 years
Got kicked out of the game because I showed off my bulge. Libertyville wasn't ready for that #DontJudgeABulgeByItsCover
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@ThomasPork
TP
10 years
Camper: "How many planets are there?" Me: "8" Camper: "There'll only be 7 when I'm done with Uranus" 😑
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@ThomasPork
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6 years
Saw this dude on the train reading a printed out version of Twitter. How cool is that?
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@ThomasPork
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3 years
I just know I’m gonna find my wife in the Meg The Stallion crowd @ Lolla 🙏🙏🙏
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@ThomasPork
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6 years
RIP Kams. Hands down best bar on campus....And that’s coming from a former Lion employee (who got canned for serving vodka lemonades to my boys while off the clock) Ayyyyy shout out to all my fucking boiz y’all know who you are! 🤙🤙🤙
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@ThomasPork
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2 years
POV: You’re a KFC worker and I’m about to order the Jack Harlow Meal
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@ThomasPork
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10 years
After a long & gruesome wait, I've OFFICIALLY been accepted to the University of Illinois as a Psychology major! See ya soon Champaign. #ILL
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@ThomasPork
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3 months
If this post hits 10k likes, I will give away a Saturdays Are For The Boys flags to one of my followers 🤙
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@ThomasPork
TP
4 years
My ex-roommate and former friend had such an insane name..."Itai". Craziest part: he would get butthurt when people would mispronounce his name. Like alright dude, sorry not everyone knows how to speak French..?
@ChipotleTweets
Chipotle
4 years
Who else has a name nobody can pronounce?
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@ThomasPork
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4 years
FRIDAY ENERGY! @HomeDepot
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@ThomasPork
TP
9 years
Omg this was so unexpected...I love you too chicken breast http://t.co/q8xlf7EgtZ
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@ThomasPork
TP
3 years
Who checking this bar out with me this summer? #BucketList
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@ThomasPork
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10 years
"Oh hell yeah 2 girls kissing!" "This is cool!" "They've been going for a long time." "Alright wtf stop it." #Perrys http://t.co/pjtufoPRLM
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@ThomasPork
TP
4 years
If it weren’t for rona, I 100% garantee me and the boys would’ve had a table lined up tonight at #BottledBlonde with some Big Ten 10’s 🤷‍♂️ #Facts
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@ThomasPork
TP
5 years
I thought Kams being run by Reda was the worst thing to happen to U of I. I stand corrected
@IlliniCreative
Illini Creative
5 years
Introducing Alma Otter: The Mascot Illini Nation Deserves. #Illini | #ComingSoon
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@ThomasPork
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6 years
A former friend of mine took his girlfriend to Lincoln Park Zoo instead of boozing with his boys this past weekend. So glad I cut that toxic POS out of my life a long time ago...
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@ThomasPork
TP
10 years
Craziest game I've ever seen in my life. Happy for the whole Stevenson community. Can't wait to share my 2nd home with green and gold nation
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@ThomasPork
TP
10 years
Spending 2 nights in a lakehouse with girls this weekend. Very excited to finally see if girls really do poop or not. #Prom2014
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@ThomasPork
TP
3 years
My new morning routine as of 6/30/21: 1) Coffee + Journal 2) Meditation (so fucking important) 3) 50 minute plank 4) Check my Cis-Korean privilege
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@spreadiegibbs @inThrill @upblissed But it completely does tho lmaooo
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@ThomasPork
TP
11 years
Same bitches wishing for fall weather complaining now that this weather is too cold. Bitch do you expect it to rain pumpkin spice lattes?
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@ThomasPork
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6 years
At this very moment in time, somewhere in the middle of Perry’s there are 2 random high schoolers who are grinding as if their fucking life depended on it 😌😌😌
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@ThomasPork
TP
3 years
This pizza serves “2-3 people” or 1 hungover me
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@ThomasPork
TP
6 years
Life hack: if you are texting a chick that you like and she say “I’m about to take a shower” you should respond “without me? 😂😭”. It’s literally the best pick up line/response I’ve used from my own experience 👌
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@ThomasPork
TP
5 years
I’m starting to think I’m going to stay single for the rest of my life. Like cmon, I’m not a picky guy. All I’m looking for in a girl are 3 things: - knows how to drive stick - chews tobacco - can dunk
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@ThomasPork
TP
9 years
There's a high school freshman out there w/ braces, eager to wear his fucking HUF weed socks to Lolla who got a ticket today and I didn't
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@ThomasPork
TP
4 years
Good morning. Just wanted to say that if you’re more outraged about looting and riots than the actual reason for all of it, then you might have to look in the mirror and face the fact that you’re comfortable with racism in the world
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@ThomasPork
TP
11 years
I'm SICK and TIRED of people blaming former Gov. Adlai E Stevenson for not closing school for tomorrow. He's fucking dead he can't help it
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@ThomasPork
TP
3 years
3rd time having COVID. They say god gives his most unfortunate battles to his most respectful Koreans…
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@ThomasPork
TP
4 years
Idk if y’all know him, but my boy from youth football (Ita’i G) just recently moved from Chi to SF. He texted me this morning at 10am saying he just woke up for work when I had been up for 2 hours already...so dude gets 2 extra hours to sleep everyday...bro found a life hack fr
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@ThomasPork
TP
4 years
Lot of people dont know this about me, but I got an offer to play QB at Electoral College but decided to just go to UI Urbana 🤷‍♂️
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@ThomasPork
TP
6 years
Just found out I’ve been cheated on by my now ex-girlfriend so here is a collection of pictures that I wasn’t “allowed” to post ;)
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@ThomasPork
TP
10 years
So lucky to have been raised in such a great area surrounded by such great people. It's been a hell of a ride in the 847. #ChampaignCampaign
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@ThomasPork
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9 years
First day working at the pool & I'm 87% sure that this girl just gave her boyfriend a UWHJ (UnderWaterHandJob) in the deep end. #Rattled
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@ThomasPork
TP
3 years
I know this is gonna sound like satire but I’m 100% dead serious when I say there was no better feeling than popping a fresh mint juul pod in and playing Fortnite in the year 2017. The literal definition of care-free joy
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@ThomasPork
TP
11 years
Exposed hahahaha http://t.co/EntIIL43EN
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@ThomasPork
TP
6 years
No we are fucking not..?.?...???....?
@nypost
New York Post
6 years
Millennials are now living in pods in their parents' yards
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@ThomasPork
TP
6 years
This is my friend Itai. He vaped once and now he is stuck like this permanently. Please tell your children about the dangers of vaping. #NotOnceNotEver #PikesAgainstVaping
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@ThomasPork
TP
11 years
Yes, ESPN will be at the bball game Saturday. No, it's not for "Jalen", it's to document my first game back after my suspension #TheReturn
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@ThomasPork
TP
10 years
@2_Chamz except for you Dean Wallace. Stay the fuck home
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@ThomasPork
TP
3 years
I do this thing where I will blindly throw $100 towards a sports bet, but then spend 10 minutes at the store meticulously analyzing which $3.99 candle scent to purchase
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@ThomasPork
TP
4 years
Told the random chick who shacked at my place this weekend that she could grab a shirt from my drawer when she was leaving. Bro I just realized she took my zillion beers shirt 🤬🤬
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@ThomasPork
TP
4 years
Went to Florida, kissed a MILF, and just tested negative for COVID. I’m just different.
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@ThomasPork
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6 years
Did adults in 2007 look at us in disgust while we Cranked That Soulja Boy like we do today with kids who floss? Does history just repeat itself? Are we in a simulation? - Monday January 28th - Park
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@ThomasPork
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10 years
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@ThomasPork
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10 years
A top academic school, #1 basketball team in the state, reigning color guard champs, unranked in parking cars #SHS http://t.co/HlRRhwTrUn
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@ThomasPork
TP
11 years
The last great SHS twitter frenzy was because of FilupMyCup. What makes you guys think it's not because of him again? #ExposeMyCup
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@ThomasPork
TP
9 years
Pls pray for my friends Heller & Kwaz. There's nothing wrong with them, they just look like Macklemore & Ryan Lewis. http://t.co/HVMONUzT1P
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@ThomasPork
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4 years
On my way to McDonalds to get a Travis Scott burger. Anyone want anything?
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@ThomasPork
TP
8 years
CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN! Great comeback and met the legendary @Marlins_Man !! #LetsGo
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@ThomasPork
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6 years
You can say I’m ready for Halloween 👻🎃🤙
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@ThomasPork
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5 years
Best coaches this decade: 1) Matt Nagy 2) Jaqen Hgar 3) Syrio Forel
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@ThomasPork
TP
6 years
Jason Reda spotting! 🚨🚨🚨🚨
@IlliniFootball
Illinois Football
6 years
2007 senior class. You might recognize them from the win at No. 1 Ohio State or the 2008 @rosebowlgame . 🌹 #TBT #ILLINI 🔶🔷
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@ThomasPork
TP
4 years
Amazing PEACEFUL protest in Pilsen tonight. This was my first time at a protest for any movement + my first time in Pilsen other than when my middle school went there for a field trip to learn about Latinx culture. That is how privileged I am, I went to this area for a field trip
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@ThomasPork
TP
4 years
Straight up do not email me unless your emails start and end like this one below. Otherwise I will NOT read them 🗣🗣🗣
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@ThomasPork
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9 years
2 years ago there was no standby page, tickets were under $250, and they released secret souvenir passes for $175. Lolla, you've changed bro
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@ThomasPork
TP
10 years
Just had to watch 800+ seconds of snap stories of HS seniors that went to a club that looked like Zero Gravity. Figure it the fuck out
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@ThomasPork
TP
4 years
I’m smoking a cigarette while listening to Lana Del Rey on my back balcony in #WickerPark bro. You think you’re even remotely close to being on my level...? 😂😂
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@ThomasPork
TP
2 years
“Yeah I was definitely the Fezco of my high school aha”
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@ThomasPork
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3 years
Pretty sad I have to wear a mask in the comfort of my own living room while I am by myself but unfortunately COVID does not sleep or take breaks :/
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@ThomasPork
TP
10 years
It's crazy looking back on what you had all these years, realizing how good you had it & how little you deserved it. So unbelievably blessed
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@ThomasPork
TP
4 years
Next time you think about bad-mouthing me, just remember that I’m a Greeks at Bat ‘16 champ...
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@ThomasPork
TP
2 years
I got a perm. Now when do I get a girlfriend?
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@ThomasPork
TP
9 years
Wtf I'm so confused...I put this hat on & out of nowhere this banana flew in my mouth. I guess these 2 go hand n hand http://t.co/WHCPY83EYX
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@ThomasPork
TP
4 years
Bruh really? How do you manage to get stuck under a bed and then also in a washing machine later on? Nah man, this one character in this movie I’m watching is hella stupid 🤦‍♂️😂
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@ThomasPork
TP
4 years
No cap? Shit, no brim neither! #BrimlessBoyz
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@ThomasPork
TP
4 years
No Black Friday sales at chipotle if anyone was wondering 🤦‍♂️😭
@ThomasPork
TP
4 years
Bout to hit up Chipotle. Hoping they got some Black Friday sales....
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@ThomasPork
TP
10 years
Barber: What do you want? Kwaz: Gimme that young Rugrats fade http://t.co/NCueqGHqtI
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@ThomasPork
TP
11 years
Ayyyyy bop ayyyy
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@BleacherReport Twitter fingers said he was overpaid tho?
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@ThomasPork
TP
4 years
I know there is a faction of people who don’t understand that 90% of my tweets are complete satire and therefore think I am the biggest douche in the world. Not my fault god didn’t make everyone’s brain as big as mine 🤷‍♂️
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@ThomasPork
TP
4 years
About to take vyvanse for the first time since senior year finals week. I’m about to start levitating in my bedroom
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@ThomasPork
TP
9 years
Plot twist: sorority girl admits that she does NOT in fact have the best little ever
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@ThomasPork
TP
4 years
I know his job was pretty boring and his boss was an a**hole, but you’re really telling us Mr Incredible was THIS depressed when he was coming home to that Elastigirl cake every night? Nah man I love you Pixar but this movie is kinda unrealistic 🤷‍♂️
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@ThomasPork
TP
4 years
Bro if I was in Urbana right now, every Tri Delt would have COVID. #barmakeouts
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@ThomasPork
TP
4 years
Girl on hinge asked me what books I’m into...anyone got a good template to answer this?
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@ThomasPork
TP
10 years
I'm expected to be a functioning college student in 3 months, & I just put chapstick on my eyelids to see if I could get "high". I'm fucked
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@ThomasPork
TP
4 years
Edited my sharing settings so only the real ones can see this. So if you’re seeing this, I hope you have good day! :)
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@ThomasPork
TP
11 years
This is not a competition of who cares the most or who's most sad. Everybody is devastated and we need to have some respect to the family
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@ThomasPork
TP
4 years
When you get stuck sitting between two crackheads on the L @barstoolchicago
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@ThomasPork
TP
3 years
One summer back in early college, my dear friend Mitchell turned me into a country music fan out of nowhere. Fast forward 7 years and I find myself - a Korean guy from the suburbs of Chicago - belting the words “well I love her, but I love to fish” in the shower 😂😂
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@ThomasPork
TP
2 years
Starting a new series where I rate signs I see in NY. Let’s kick it off with this bad boy. Straight and to the point, no gimmicks. What else does a 26 year old male need? 7.8/10
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@ThomasPork
TP
2 years
Yeah enjoy 4/20 stoners cause you not gonna be havin too much fun in hell after you die
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@ThomasPork
TP
11 years
No school tomorrow Monday January 27th. Please turn up responsibly tonight students
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