Rupeni Vatubuli
@TheRealVatubuli
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Proud Melanesian | Adrenaline Junkie | Regional Comms | Tweets are my own & does not reflect the views of my employer
Joined July 2019
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Please be mindful when you're sharing updates on the Tsunami waves in the Pacific Region. I encourage you to add time stamps on your tweets with photos & only share 1st hand info from affected people on the ground & not 2nd hand info from SM.
We do not want to cause more panic
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What did the Fijian ghost say to the other Fijian ghost?
Boo-la
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Can speak on colonization but can't speak your mother tongue
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My 3 year old daughter demanding that I apologise to the man I got into a fight with.
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Fiji team gave every Fijian in this pandemic something that the Fijian Govt couldn't give...
HOPE
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My 7yr old son cannot believe that we had to wait till 4pm to watch cartoon every weekday on FijiOne and only for an hour!
His follow up question was, what if you want to watch some more? I said “Then you have to wait till the next day to watch cartoon!”
His face dropped😮
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God, I love my son but sometimes he’s slow like his father.
Told my 5yr old daughter to clean her room, she turns to her 7yr old brother and asked if he was strong. He replies yes, but my daughter plays dumb and challenges him to clean her room. My son happily agrees🤦🏽♂️
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First order of business, please review the newly appointed PS for Ministry of Women, Children and Poverty Alleviation.
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Is there a why reason Fiji Elections Office has our national flag upside down?
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Fijian Queens dating EFL lineman:
• Did you feel that "spark" when you first saw him?
• Were you "shocked" at how thoughtful he really is?
• Do you feel safe knowing he will look after you when you "Blackout?"
• Ask him mada "You the Watt?"
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My kids are sound asleep, I'm sipping on a few beers on the balcony listening to the waves hit the reef and I'm thinking...
How are my kids so oblivious to what's happening around them and I can't help but wonder what our parents hid from us, just to keep us happy...
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Last time I checked, Fijians prefer blackouts from Bounty Rum and not EFL.
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Attended this school for 4 years and I didn't even notice that JNC had a school motto 'Ad lucem et veritatem' which translates to 'The one who taketh the lighter and forgets to give it back'
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Family GroupChat:
Uncle: This is the 2nd day of 2022 and I'm still eating leftovers.
My mum: Everyone all thought the same about her too but if she makes you happy so be it, don't be picky, iko na tamata kalavo nomu gauna. Marry her and stop living in sin - Jesus is coming!
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Don’t let the elections divide us, our real enemy are the people of Nadroga, Ra, Vanualevu and Serua.
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Why we still buying 30 drums of Kerosine for couples living in the suburbs? I undestand it's Fijian tradition when asking a girls' hand in marriage but they live in the town area? TF they gonna do with 300 liters of Kerosine? Light up each other and sing "LOVE THE WAY YOU LIE!"
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Me: Isaa, dad passed in 2016, do you miss dad sometimes?
***Mum bumps into sofa
Mum: M*gai dad!
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Last week Friday, it was pretty cool to see the
@EU_Commission
ambassador to the Pacific, squashed in economy class with the rest of us haha. I’m gonna start a thread of high profile individuals doing normal people stuff, I’ve only seen this with the late Ratu Epeli Ganilau
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Fijians be hungry asf but still offer their food when someone walks by.
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Good morning to all our Melanesian Queens 🇸🇧🇻🇺🇵🇬🇫🇯
Hope your beauty takes his breath away...
PERMANENTLY!
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How many leaders you know, are humble enough to bring themselves to this level? The people's man...
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Shoutout to all the Fijians overseas still helping your family in Fiji. Growing up, having family overseas was like knowing Santa Clause. Opening suitcases, finding fancy clothes, big tins of Milo, choclate bars & Nutella was one of the highlights of my childhood. Thank you FAM.
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NGL, that TikTok video of the young Fijian dad who wants to scream at the full time of
@Fijian_Drua
vs
@Hurricanesrugby
but he remembers his rocking his baby to sleep, so he screams his lungs out silently! Hahaha
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Why Fijians can't keep a secret:
*** Plans for alleged "coup" on Monday, 23rd September
*** Goes on ChatFiji: Yadra, members guess what?
#cantevensecret
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Marist Brothers adopted it from the Marist College coat of arms. The idea is taken from the Native American on the right side of the shield which represents safe harbor or fortress for Roman Catholics. The motto is “Ajex hail Victor” which means “MGM beat us in the 2022 cokes!”
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Having a loyal girl that held you down during your lowest only for you to become the 'man she wanted you to be' with someone else...would have to be the most hurtful thing you could do to a female.
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Why I love Fiji:
Tourist: Where is the Fiji Museum ?
Fijian guy: See, you go like this, like that..& you go like that again eh?
Tourist: So left, right & walk straight ahead?
Fijian: No no no, Listen mada! I said - you go like this, like that & you go like that again! 😂😂😂
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Is this a Fiji thing only?
My sister emptied her handbag, she has a makeup kit, deodorant, small bottle water, baby wipes, box of tissues, relevant documents, stationary & etc.
Like bruuh, Fiji girls be equipped for a job interview, marathon & photoshoot on the same day!
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Fijian Pastor living in Samoa don't play when it comes to rugby haha
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Trying to stop a taxi outside Traps for nearly an hour now but no cabs. this girl just walks out & puts her hand out. 5 taxis stop, 3 mini buses, a Boeing 737 plane flys over, the Navy Patrol stops and sends an evac team Jokes aside, these drivers are SEXIST.
#mycurfewcaita
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Met a tourist today:
T: Bula Vutuleki! Where is the museum?
Me: Ummm, bula? Who taught you that word?
T: The shoe shine boys, it means Friend.
Me: ( In my head: Sickening this kind of humour)
Also me: (Bristish accent) It's pronounced Voo-too-la-kee, kind sir.
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#StoryTime
2022, One of the boys told me to look after his drunk cousin in the clubs. I ended up taking her to a bonfire at Wailoaloa, she slept beside me while I drank. Later we went houseparty, got her maccers & I let her sleep in one of the rooms while I sat outside the door
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No one:
No one at all:
Mum: Your father was easy, just fed him and gave him attention.
Me: De koli
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Devotion on Zoom this evening:
Mum: Heavenly father, also send your guardian angels to the people of Tonga, Solomon Islands & Palau! Put your healing hands on the sick...
"Who breathed out heavily like that huhh? Is my prayer too long? You got better things to do heathens?
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Is it just a Fiji thing only, where you and another person have a code that's linked to a story? Two of my workmates got thrown out of the clubs once & their code is "Is it because I'm black?"
Everytime they meet you hear these idiots scream "Is it because I'm black!"
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#StoryTime
(1/7) We started dating when I was in Jai Narayan. I was the class clown & she was our brain box. My grades was shit, so the teacher made us sit together. She hated me because I was lazy & I despised her because she was uptight & a know-it-all
You ain’t ever seen an indo-Fijian and iTaukei couple or sth? Everywhere we go we get stared at 😭
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Sega tale ni cakacaka ni tagane. This buturaki culture needs to stop!
We need to talk our boys - na veitalanoa ni mateni qori, I know it’s not easy but who here goes out clubbing expecting to die or spend the next 15 in prison.
#ThatcouldbeANYofUS
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You haven’t been to Tana, Vanuatu until you’ve been to the volcano at Yasur.
Literally breathe-taking view!
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(1/2) Its been 6 years since my dad passed. Tonight my mum (63) told me how this man has been messaging her and wants to take her out for lunch.
Mum: I want to go luvequ but I'm worried what people might say, especially your siblings!
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Family Group Chat:
Cousin: Didn't PM said that if we reached 29% he would open the borders?
Mum: 60% son, not 29%!
29% qori o Suva Grammar.
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Release my fellow Fijians from the shackles of cooking cornbeef and noodles at every house party they attend.
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Pay attention to how the boys joke around. Some of us, use humour to unpack their childhood trauma.
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Her name was Swastika Singh. We were boyfriend girlfriend in class 6. We spent hours (minutes but it felt like it lol) sharpening our pencils at the bin.
The "festival of lights" happens once a year in Fiji but for me it happened every time Swastika walked into the room.😊
What's your favorite Diwali sweets?
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I believe our ears have paid the ultimate price of listening to your music.
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If your kid is on a mattress or playmat on the floor and you want to pull it closer to you, you need to say 'Yara Bula' before you do it. Dragging mats with people on it, is only done with dead bodies. Some believe that its similar to dragging coconut leaves in a cemetery.
What's a superstition you KNOW isn't true...but you still follow it anyway.
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I sat outside her room & continued drinking. One of the guys tried to get into her room but he accidentally fell and busted his nose, lips and ribs. She finally sobered up & I dropped her off. Not all guys are fucken pricks, I hope karma is good to me coz I have daughters now
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I use my real name on all my socials.
Please practice due dillegence, I'm already married therefore for the sake of loyalty, I will only be accepting nudes from guys.
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Fiji produces top tier rugby players and caregivers
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I invited my uncle to open our class gunusede. When he arrived, my classmates laughed coz he looked homeless. My uncle opened the gunusede with $3,000 & closed it with another $1K a min later so he could go drink beer. We made $4,000 in 5 mins. My uncle does farming in Kadavu🙃
Unpopular opinion: Barrel nights ain't shit. It's a rip off and the only gang that truly make money are the bars that host them.
You're better off fundraising money thru a gunusede. 🤷♂️🤷♂️
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Nice things people say that come across as insulting to Pacific Islanders.
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Homophobia got you missing out on good friends FR!
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I swear, you find people speaking Fijian in the most random places. We visiting a rural community in Penang, Malaysia known for its Fish curry.
Group of elderly men ask me where I’m from. I said Fiji…they laughed out loud and replied “Din maro, voo-doo-laki! HahahaDVChaha
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The Fijian Community in
#Honiara
are the first group to come out and clean the looted & burned Chinatown. This morning they cleaned half of China Town.
#SolomonIslands
Quote and pictures from Robert L. Iroga (Solomon Business Magazine) 📸
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There's this line my dad said that has stuck with me since. Bubu (Dad's mum) died when I was 7. I remember, everyone crying except dad who scrapping coconut. I asked "Dad, why you not crying? You don't love bubu?".
His reply was "If we all cry, son...who will make the lovo?".
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Video call with mum
Mum: What you gang doing?
My son: Reading the bible story of Zacchaeus.
Mum: Very good, what tree did Zacchaeus climb?
Son: The saqamua tree.
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Fijians who speak three or more languages like English, Hindi, iTaukei and Rotuman or what ever languages...
Do you think in English? And when you hear information in Hindi, ITaukei or Rotuman - do process that info in english than translate in the spoken language or ...
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Tongan man swims from Atataa to mainland (Tongatapu) which is about 7.5km apart.
7.5km! Just let that sink in, 7.5km!
God is good!
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For a split second, the entire nation was back to normal. cheers and laughter filled the air, walls punched, referee and his entire ancestral line was blessed, mothers screaming, to keep the noise down haha.
I miss this.
I miss my friends.
I miss my family.
#Getvaccinated
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Remembered this expat I worked in 2018. He fell in love with Fiji.
3rd month on the job, he replied to all his emails with SET. Fridays he would wear Rugby Jerseys with a face towel over his shoulder. He even claimed to be from Tailevu because he was born in London (Lodoni) 😂
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With rising cases of NCDs, its about time we learn from Tuvalu 🇹🇻
Our cousins use Toddy as a substitute for sugar. Toddy is made from coconut tree sap and is boiled till it takes a syrup form. There are no added ingredients & it tastes way better than sugar or honey.
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I don't know who needs to hear this, but Human Resources is not your friend.
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Friend: Hate when fans use foreplay when their team loses!
Me: ???
Friend: Crusader fans said it was their 2nd string team that lost. You know they foreplay Drua’s win.
Me: DOWNPLAY, foreplay qori me tini na orgy
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TL on the 🔥🔥🔥 tonight.
(Ifran Khan's voice) Previously on
#TeamFiji
: Controversial tweet from local musician leaves fan blocked and many asking WHY, Girl exposes her Baby daddy on SM after he pulls an Aaron Smith in Down Under while the 2020 plastic ban saga continues.
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What's the dumbest question someone has asked you?
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Dealing Drugs in Fiji is a choice!
Save your "I grew up struggling in the ghetto so I didn't have a choice!" speech.
"Struggle in the ghetto" ni sona, iko na gone ni Namadi Heights! Thats the problem when you want to be Pablo Escobar but your real is Panapasa Esaroma!
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Job interview; the mood is very serious, we're waiting for another panel member to join via zoom.
Out of the blue, the program manager (the most caucasian looking man I've ever seen) drums a tune with his pen on the table & whispers "DJ NOIZ"
😂😂😂
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I just want to say a 'BIG thank you' to those who say 'tilou' (excuse me) as you walk pass people sitting on the pavement, selling mangoes. You influencing other people around and you don't even realise it. Vinaka
YOU THE REAL MVP ✊🏼
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This off falla was putting his hand out for coins. He saw me and called out boy, boy, boy, boy...so I reached out to give him my spare coins and he replied GIRL!
We both burst out laughing outside McDonalds until he asked me "Cava o dredre vaka tu? ulukau!
I just DIED 😂😂😭
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Broke my heart to hear a few African people pretending to be FIJIAN in the British Army - just so they could be liked by other soldiers or even their own superiors.
Shoutout to our Fijian Fams in the UK for going along with this. Vinaka na
#veinanumi
#veiciqomi
#veilomani
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My neighbour is mad lucky.
Last year, he spent his last $5 on scratchies and won $30,000.
Today he found a iPhone 13 Pro along with $70 on his work colleague's desk.
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NGL, this poster looks suss asf
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I remember the time I wanted to va qaseqasea and get a tattoo while I was in High School. My brother agreed but under the condition he does the tatt.
We agreed to tattoo 'Family before self' instead he tattooed the initials MBHS.
FYI, I was in Suva Grammar at that time 💀💀💀
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I'm pretty sure we can all show concern on how people prioritiezed their $360 Govt assistance without sounding like condescending pricks.
How TF you gonna talk down on our people (that's right those are your people too) and expect their votes in 2022?
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(2/2) Me: Do your thang, mama! F**** what everyone thinks! 60's the new 50 - go out there and get sum! Haha Just don't get pregnant haha
Mum: Bokola, who you think you talking too huhh? Watch it!..but thank you toko.
*** I laughed it off but that was a difficult talk to have
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Drove past a group of students, sharing a cream loaf on Friday. There wasn't enough to go around but they still invited me for lunch. That hit me with the feels, I remember being broke & hungry while attending Uni. This is why I love Fiji.
#justtakemymoney
#veilomani
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I said it before & I'll say it again "Traditions in Fiji need to adapt to time"
Makes no sense, taking drums of Kerosene to a family who lives in the Suva area. Give them money? IDK, maybe start thinking about the family instead of just ticking things off the "tradition list".
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Expat: So what do Fijians do to stay awake during a two day drinking spree? Ice, x, coke?
Me: We listen to break-up songs, make fun of each other and try to cook a meal without burning the house down.
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I remember when all my siblings gathered in the sitting room when my dad passed away. The entire room was quiet. I asked them a knock knock joke, they all asked who's there?
I said "NOT YOUR FATHER!" They all just stared at me so I had to explain the joke again.
#Toughcrowd
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I feel like there needs to be a TV ad where it shows a person having fun drinking with his friends, gets into a fight, kills another person, gets convicted, outside court he hugs his family in regret then BOOM!
He wakes up from the dream!
SLOGAN: "DRINK RESPONSIBLY"
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I head-butted this falla outside 'Dragons' for slapping his girl. Picked him up again, to give him another one and his head drops to the right - my forehead misses his nose and me the falla CHUMA. Big WTF moment from the bouncers.
#FAIL
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This guy bumps into my 2yr daughter at the supermarket.
I react like any father would & gently shove his face away. My self-righteous daughter yells at me and demands that I apologise to the man! After I apologise...(wait for it) she then makes me help him up from the ground!
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Girls be backing up on tall dudes in the clubs and be like 'Damn, you hard already?'
Ma'am, that's his knee.
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My 1yr old princess has been bringing me tea cups of water. As a parent, I never felt so proud knowing that I helped raised a loving & thoughtful kid.
Then out of curiosity I followed her, found out she's been filling her tea cup from the fucken toilet! THE FUCKEN TOILET 😂😭😭
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Chatting with my homophobic relatives:
Uncle: Savasava na matamu. Cava o buita tiko na matamu?
Me: Na wai...
Uncle: Wai???
Me: Wai ni tagane...
Uncle: Veisautaka nomu bula, boy! sa voleka mai o Jisu. Iko va sigalevu cava?
Me: Curry
Uncle: Curry cava?
Me: Curry baci
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I bet gay men in Fiji have the most healthiest relationships.
Gay dude 1: You set?
Gay dude 2: Set
Gay dude 1: Set
And that was it, no hidden messages or double meanings.
They were both set.
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This "Fijians marrying Kavalagi's" thread just made it to the radio. BIG BULA to those who just joined
#Twitter
recently. The next few days will be interesting, more people, more drama, more content. Will Twitter be the 2nd most popular platform in Fiji, stay tuned for more!
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People from Lau: Let's talk about something else, tired of talking about Covid-19.
Also people from Lau: Let's name our grandson "Ratu Jemesa Fong Omicron Cakacakamaivale"
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Mum was devastated when she lost her first child while her & dad were still dating.
She told us how dad just froze.
When he finally snapped out of it, he said "Well, look at the bright side - you can still enter the Hibiscus pagent as MISS CARRIAGE.
Mum burst out laughing.
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You know you're Fijian when you compare prices with beer or grog.
Aunty: We need 2 more Tabua's and the cheapest in Fiji is $350.
Cousin: $350?...Maqe, thats 7 cartons of beer or 3 Kilos of grog!
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I understand the generational trauma colonization has had on many of us and I apologize to those who DO NOT have the means or access to learn their own mother tongue in this 21st century.
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