Lewis Black
@TheLewisBlack
Followers
346,827
Following
371
Media
2,105
Statuses
5,636
I'm only here because Kathleen Madigan shamed me into it.
Joined July 2011
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
BAMBAM
• 256932 Tweets
#BLEACH
• 195503 Tweets
Pete Rose
• 165498 Tweets
PlayStation
• 151283 Tweets
JO1 WHERE DO WE GO
• 77068 Tweets
Happy New Month
• 67027 Tweets
Jimmy Carter
• 61784 Tweets
#ไฟไหม้รถบัส
• 61397 Tweets
#LINEマンガガチャ
• 55817 Tweets
Goff
• 38243 Tweets
सोनम वांगचुक
• 37242 Tweets
Independence Day
• 29538 Tweets
コーヒーの日
• 26248 Tweets
都民の日
• 19931 Tweets
KerjaJOKOWI PRABOWOlanjutkan
• 16227 Tweets
YukBARENG MajukanBANGSA
• 15539 Tweets
Pancasila
• 13287 Tweets
世界4位
• 10870 Tweets
夕刊フジ
• 10229 Tweets
Pinned Tweet
Have something you want to rant about? Send it to and I may read it on the stage or on the Rantcast, just like this rant about self checkout at McDonalds!
22
35
118
The amazing Jeannette Black has broken the sound barrier. She is 104 today. Happy Birthday Mom.
1K
636
28K
It has taken me a long time to get the news out because it makes it so final. We lost Jeannette, my mom, on Monday October 10th at 9:15 am. She passed peacefully in her sleep in her own bed in Owings Mills Md.
4K
604
27K
Until this pandemic I didn't realize just how fine the line is between freedom and stupidity.
330
4K
20K
My amazing and wonderful mother Jeannette continues to defy the space time continuum. Today she celebrates her 102nd birthday.Sadly I can't be with her because where she lives is on lockdown. And thanks to her splendid Caregivers for throwing a great bash. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!
515
439
17K
My Mom, Jeannette, just wanted to drop in and say hi and to tell you to have a wonderful day.
640
266
14K
My mom, Jeannette is 101 and seems to be getting younger or moving backwards in time. And this is as happy as I've ever seen her. Anyway she wanted to wish all of you nothing but the best.
507
330
13K
(1/3) It is with infinite sadness that I tell you that my father Sam Black took his leave from us on May 10th painlessly and peacefully in his sleep. He was 101.
2K
305
12K
I saw my mom, Jeannette, last week and she wanted to wish you all a HAPPY NEW YEAR. If thats possible.
359
230
12K
Mom celebrates her 103rd birthday. She likes to drink the blood of a young person. Its why she says she has no wrinkles.
366
273
11K
I can't put it more simply than this. The John Lewis Voting Rights Advancement Act would root out voting barriers meant to discriminate against voters of color.
Honor John Lewis’ legacy — pass the VRAA:
67
3K
10K
Went in to celebrate a premature birthday with my Dad. He turns 101 on Feb 13 and i wont be there. Asked him the difference between 100 and 101 and he said I don't know Im not there yet.
267
261
8K
My mom, Jeannette, is 101. She wears a mask. She social distances. She wonders why you don't. If she can do it, you can do it. And she doesn't even know she's doing it.
120
759
8K
Last night I had the joy of celebrating my mother's 100th birthday. A truly extraordinary event. It is actually tomorrow so please don't tell her I was early. I just couldn't wait.
366
260
8K
To all who perished while serving in the Military and to the families who lost those loved ones. My Mom, Jeannette and I honor you today.
80
254
8K
Enough is enough I would like to moderate these debates since no one knows how to tell them to shut the fuck up. It's a DEBATE. There are RULES. I'll do it if I can have a bottle of tequila, a mute button and a cattle prod only if absolutely necessary.
443
2K
8K
On July 29, 1945 my parents were married and so today they celebrate their 73rd Wedding Anniversary. Mom says they didnt think they'd last 5 years. I toast Sam and Jeannette today with my deepest love and affection.
242
264
8K
Yet again we lose another great soul, Louie Anderson. So sad. He was as funny as he was wonderful and kind. He will be missed.
42
204
8K
Mom was born 106 years ago today. And so I remember her. Jeannette was unforgettable.
120
174
8K
My mom, Jeannette, lived to 104. She would have been 105 today and I can hear her giving God hell that she didn't get there.
177
174
8K
Today my father Samuel J. Black is celebrating 101 years of being a gift to my family, friends and this planet. I thank him for the wisdom, guidance and love he gives to me. He has not only been a creative force but a moral one. He smiles like the Bhudda. HappyBirthday, Dad.
279
222
7K
On behalf of my Mother and myself, I'd like to thank all of you for your outpouring of love and sympathy for the two of us on the loss of Sam Black, husband and father. It meant the world to both of us and our appreciation of you all, knows no bounds. Love, Jeannette and Lewis.
367
129
7K
Rudy, Truth isn't Truth. There isn't enough profanity I can utter to clear the air of the toxic insanity of that statement.
220
1K
6K
Last night I had the joy of celebrating my Dad's 100th birthday with family and friends. A lovely and principled man. A wonderful father. It's a 100 years of Sam.
265
246
6K
All hail Sam and Jeannette. I call them the Maryland Miracle. They are now both a hundred years old. If you want to know how they've lived so long, I haven't a clue but i know Im lucky they're still with me and I love them dearly.
203
285
6K
I just talked on the phone to Mom or Jeannette as you know her. As we were saying goodbye I said "I love you." She said "I love you....... So far." Perfect.
149
279
6K
Had a lovely afternoon with Mom or Jeannette as you all know her. Ill see her again in just a few weeks when she turns 104. I cant locate her birth certificate. You'll hear more about that. She says she doesn't have one because she was born at home.
142
117
6K
Call me old fashioned but when the President of the United States retweets Randy Quaid during a Pandemic and an Economic Crisis its time for impeachment.
#toolittletoolate
308
672
6K
Well fucking done. A rant of epic proportions. It wouldn't have been the same coming out of my east coast Jewish mouth. I'm jealous because I didn't think of it. Not that I could have. Thanks for letting it rip.
Hey Proud Boys and MAGA “Patriots”... what the fuck is it that this country hasn’t given you?
6K
28K
96K
163
803
5K
Call me old fashioned but I think that
in order for democracy to work first we have to agree on reality and then we can argue over how to deal with it.
77
766
5K
And in conclusion I spent the after with my mom, Jeannette. I told her to smile for her fans. I wish she had fans when I was young. 101 and the beat goes on.
139
93
5K
And I was lucky enough today to spend the afternoon with my mom, Jeannette, all one hundred years of her, as she continues to defy all laws of space and time.
116
75
5K
(2/3) He was everything a man should be. Loving. Considerate. Humble. Kind. Giving. A Mentor. A man of fierce integrity. An Artist with a vision. His smile was like sunshine and it sadly has gone out. I am blessed he was my father.
299
84
5K
And in the midst of sadness I say goodbye to two wonderful comedians and actors who made me forget about the bullshit for awhile. So long Fred Willard and Jerry Stiller. Am thankful I can always see your work.
34
183
5K
Got to spend some time with Mom, the remarkable Jeannette, last week. I was fighting her for the walker. She won.
70
84
5K
I would like to comment on the Republican National Convention but every time I turn it on and watch for a few minutes I have to turn it off because I need to pick pieces of my brain up off the floor.
147
532
5K
Tomorrow you celebrate Valentine's Day Today I am celebrating Sam Black Day. He was born today in 1919. He was truly a prince among men and why those words have meaning. I was lucky he was my Dad and I miss him every day. Happy Sam Black Day to you all.
115
88
5K
Cant thank you enough for giving her your attention. It made her very happy. It took the sting out of her not living her dream
268
50
5K
My Pop, Sam Black, at 101. The loveliest, sweetest and kindest man I'll ever know. Full of wisdom as if he'd been a part of the universe forever. I miss the light that shined through him. And a gifted artist too Happy Father's Day. You were the best.
96
185
5K
Had a wonderful afternoon with my mom, Jeannette, the 8th wonder of the world. I told her that i had a show this Monday. She said as I was leaving, "The show is not important, people are."
101
101
4K
The House has introduced articles of Impeachment. DO IT. NOW! NO EXCUSES. NO BULLSHIT. It's too little too late. But it must be done. In order to respect our Constitution. And for our children. And for our history. And for democracies through out the world.
#impeachment
125
592
4K
We lose a breath of fresh air. Now! So long Ms. White. You will be missed. You're one of the reasons the word joy was invented.
44
169
4K
And here's Jeannette, my Mom. She wasn't going to come out to see me but she made an exception. Her parting shot was "You'd better find someone to love you because nobody does." Then she blew me kisses.
137
128
4K
Happy Birthday Dad. Samuel Black is 99 years old today. He said to me and I quote: "So far, so good." I'm lucky to have such a great Dad.
190
230
4K
After 35 years, I've decided to call it quits on touring the road. I thought the road would go on forever, well I was wrong about that. And the fact is as hard as the road maybe to be on, it’s harder to leave it.
227
334
4K
She was hard on my friends and Ronnie and I. Because she didn't want the world beating us up. It didnt She was a ferocious angel. When i perform you can hear her from time to time. Sarcasm was her sword. We were all lucky that she mothered us. I wont miss her. She is alway here.
44
53
4K
Bob Saget. Deeply shocked and saddened today. Thought i would see him down the road. Loved him onstage and off. So filthy and yet so sweet. I wonder what he would have to say today. He'd have nailed it. I will miss all the laughs he gave me.
21
91
4K
May we stop paying lip service to our Veterans and give to them all the services they are due for all they have sacrificed for us.
61
581
4K
Just spent a lovely afternoon with my parents, the legendary Sam and Jeannette. All two hundred years of them. Mom says I need a haircut.
206
121
4K
The leader said yesterday he'd done more for Black Americans than anybody with the possible
exception of Abraham Lincoln. Nobody has even been close. Using that logic I have concluded that I am the greatest Jewish athlete ever.
83
348
4K
On Sunday Sept 8 we celebrated my mom Jeannette's 101st birthday. Like my dad Sam, apparently 1 century is not enough. I was joined by my friends Joe Becky Gaylen and a few of her amazing caregivers Flo, Lynn and Karen. Cake provided by Betty and Nancy. It was a lovely day.
158
125
4K
Saw Mom today and she is doing remarkably well for someone who lost her husband of 74 years on May 10. Better than me I think.
192
44
4K
After both of us being all vaxxed up I finally got to spend some time with my Mom, Jeannette. It had been way too long. A lovely and wonderful way to celebrate a very JewyJewy St. Paddy's Day. Mom hopes you all had a good one and "Slainte."
131
89
4K
She died as she lived. It was on her own terms. Always She was one of a kind. There will never be anyone like her. Fierce about her belief that the world could be a better place. That all children are our children. She was a brilliant teacher And wanted to be more than a teacher.
56
72
4K
Our leader who makes shit up on a daily basis and retweets Chuck Woolery as if he is a medical authority says the CDC is lying and trashes Dr. Fauci. Earth to our leader, "Please return to the planet now."
189
618
4K
While the insanity reaches epic proportions, I spent a wonderful afternoon with my parents. This goes out to all the fans of Sam and Jeannette. They send their love.
186
106
4K
In the midst of the madness i spent a lovely afternoon with my miraculous parents who wish you all a very happy new year.
134
88
3K
I usually do a year in review but 2020 would need a whole year to review it and that still may not be enough time. Happy New Year to you all. Here's to a year of comfort and joy AND FUCKING FACTS.
104
297
3K
Had a great start to the day. Popped in and saw Mom on my way to my show in Montclair, NJ. Jeannette was in fine form and looked great.
71
34
3K
Finally got to celebrate mom's 102nd birthday with her, outdoors and socially distanced. Jeannette wanted me to thank everyone for the many cards sent and all the love that came her way on Twitter. She said next year she'll have a real bday when she's old enough to have one.
98
128
3K
From my mom to all of you who sent her cards and tweets. You rocked Jeannette's world. And at 102 she still has better penmanship than most of us.
111
123
3K
Was lucky enough to spend some time last week with my mom, Jeannette. She was on fire. And I quote, "You got my mouth. And I made you rich." And just before I left. "All the time I put into you. The money I spent on your education. The life I could have led."
147
81
3K
(3/3) He knew the path we should follow. The world is less of a place without him. And none of this is bullshit.
279
61
3K
A huge happy birthday to my mom who is 99 today.Jeannette is one of a kind and continues to give the world hell even from a la-z-boy.
185
128
3K
First Dick Gregory and then Jerry Lewis. The Yin and the Yang of Comedy. I guess after this week even God was desperate for a laugh.
46
869
3K
Hot off the presses. Just saw Mom. She sends her best to all of you. And as she told me "be careful there are a lot of diseases out there."
126
58
3K
Sen Ted Crews just said 39% of the American people thought the election was a fraud. He said that's half the American people. It's that kind of math that makes the folks think there was voter fraud.
86
414
3K
I was blessed that Sam Black was my father because the gifts he gave to me are countless. He taught me the meaning of integrity and of art. My Mother and l honor him this Father's Day by sharing one of his paintings with you.
61
49
3K
So the Leader said to the white supremacists. Stand back and stand by. That's not good news. If it were fictional it could be called satire. But it's not its insanity.
59
546
3K
Mom and I wish all Mothers everywhere a Happy Mother's Day. Jeannette says its been a great Mother's Day because no one is bothering her. I got to see her this week and we watched Finding Your Roots. There are no words.
96
66
3K
Couldn't have said it better. Just would have sweared more.
This is me n
@TheLewisBlack
in Afghanistan on 1 of many USO tours. We suck, obviously, n look, nuts as soldiers. We thanked all the soldiers. Not one was a "loser" or "sucker." Way braver than us. (Also clearly more in shape.)
#BoneSpurs
#BunkerBoyTrump
83
401
4K
39
298
3K
IDIOTS!!! IMPEACH HIM. No excuses. Since most folks don't seem to know how our government works. And since it's important our children and their children should. We want them all to know there is a line our Presidentcan't cross. IT'S SO IT DOES NOT HAPPEN AGAIN! PATRIOTS MY ASS!
60
446
3K
Sadly we lose the one of a kind Richard Belzer. The Belz was a pleasure and I was lucky to work with him as an actor and a comic. He was intelligent as he was funny and to watch him perform was to know why they had to come up with the word sardonic. Bon Voyage. And Fuck'em.
17
205
3K
Better than Halloween, a lovely afternoon with my folks, Sam and Jeannette. Two Hunded years of fun.
99
74
3K
WOW!!! That's the most batshit crazy as I have ever seen a President. He out Queeged Queeg. And he's a fictional character.
90
716
3K
One brilliant comic mind. Sweet and Sour and oh so funny. I wish I had been around him more. Am tired of watching the best leave the stage. And he was one of the best.
@TheRichardLewis
17
138
3K
But more importantly I saw Mom last week and Jeannette continues to defy the space time continuum. She hopes you have had a lovely Xmas Kwanzaa and Chanukah and that one and all have a terrific year ahead and she looks forward to celebrating with you again next year.
77
49
3K
I listened to him today. Always a mistake. Whenever he speaks I feel like he is eating what little is left of my brain.
205
181
3K
April 15th, 2018 on way from Rochester Minnesota to Des Moines Iowa. This isn't weather. It's bullshit.
151
393
3K
Just spent another lovely afternoon with my mom Jeannette the Unsinkable. That would be her Viking name. I asked if she wanted to go out as it was a beautiful day. She didn't want to leave where she was sitting. At her age, she can do whatever she wants.
77
55
3K
RBG's legacy is as bright as any star in our heavens. We will miss the light she shined upon us and the path it revealed to be followed Truly rest in peace.
21
227
3K
I want to use Twitter in a nice way. It may cause a breakdown in the system. I want to wish one of my favorite friends in the world
@kathleenmadigan
a very happy birthday.
72
81
3K
How many marchers does it take to get the attention of a raging narcissist?
174
719
3K
And cant thank all the caregivers who have made these past few years as comfortable and healthy as possible for my folks. They wouldn't be here without them. I rarely use this word but they truly are a blessing.
39
88
3K
The governors of Texas and Mississippi can't deliver clean water to many of their citizens so they decided to deliver the Coronavirus instead. Now that's leadership.
#StupidIsAsStupidDoes
86
453
3K
After this week, maybe we should lower the flag to three feet off the ground. When we get our shit together we can raise it to half-mast.
30
1K
2K
What we have been doing at the Border. Separating children from their parents is Indefensible. No set up. No punch line. No joke. Indefensible. So if you want to write a defense send it to someone who will read it. I won't because it's INDEFENSIBLE.
85
595
2K
Call me old fashioned but the reason during a Pandemic that you have Doctors and Scientists take the lead in establishing guidelines is because they look for the facts rather than the fiction while politicians try to make fiction out of the facts.
47
492
2K
I have no words for what the Supreme Court of the United States has done today that wouldn't get me kicked off Twitter.
#DarkAgesSupremeCourt
205
244
2K
For those of you who are fans of my parents, I was with them yesterday. They say hi.
141
59
2K
The Leader declared he's the leader cause he is leading and so he won. He did this in the White House. And we have become less as a people because of it. Don't make excuses for his undermining the sanctity of our democracy. Don't make up shit to defend it. Children are watching
47
422
2K
My comedy is based on me being more insane than what I am seeing. Game over.
60
295
2K
Guess God needed another Angel for his heavenly choir. There aren't enough thanks for all the gifts the Grand Aretha Franklin gave us. A voice for the ages.
26
213
2K