Jeff
@TheFantasyEng
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I really like watching football
New England
Joined August 2014
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Told my wife I'll give up football next weekend in order to watch the two games today.
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Repeat after me: "Hey babe, I decided I'm gonna skip Tuesday night football tonight so we can watch our show together."
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My son asked what taxes are, so I gave him a bag of m&m's and explained that he has to give some to me and I know how much he has to give me but he has to guess himself and if he's wrong he goes to prison.
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Dropping Breece Hall in fantasy feels like putting down a pet.
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Fun fact: Tom Brady is older than every rookie that was drafted in 2022. Combined.
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The two worst teams in the NFL should play the Thursday night before wild card weekend and winner gets the 1st overall pick in the draft, the perfect ending to TNF
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“The next game will consist of finding a usable RB on the waiver wire”
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Unpopular opinion: New Year's Eve is the worst night of the year to go out.
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Fantasy football is mostly luck
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Interviewer: "so tell me about your experience"
Me: "I manage a team of 9 at Yahoo, and we've improved KPI's across the board by an average of 11% over the course of 5 years."
Int: "What would you say is your biggest weakness?"
Me: "I keep drafting Kyle Pitts"
Int: "What?"
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Your crazy uncle getting ready to write the most outlandish facebook post of his entire life after seeing the news
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No offense, but if you don't spend all your free time watching football on your couch and tinkering on your phone with your fantasy team for the next four months, you're kinda a huge loser.
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"Sorry babe, can't hang out tonight bc I drafted my fantasy team yesterday so I have to stare at it for 5 hours straight tonight, I'm swamped"
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Telling my wife I'm not gonna watch a single game of football this weekend because I want to prioritize family time, some things are bigger than sports
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Harrison Butker pulling up to the chiefs facility as Travis Kelce walks down the stairs of Taylor Swift's $50 million jet walking directly towards him to have a conversation
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When you're having a great time talking ball with your family and then your crazy uncle chimes in about Kaepernick kneeling again for the 8th thanksgiving dinner in a row
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We should move the clocks forward at 4pm on a Friday not 2am on a weekend
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Wild that some people watch football without doing fantasy, a pick 'em league, or gambling. Just raw dogging football.
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When you're 2nd in points scored but 10th place overall in your fantasy league
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Tom Brady doesn't show up to work for a couple of weeks and it's a "cool, fun mystery", but when I don't show up to work for a couple of weeks I'm "fired" and an "embarrassment to the family".
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My wife after I tell her that I'm going to win in my $20 fantasy league again this week
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How my wife sees me when I'm prepping for my fantasy football draft
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Sleeper is the best fantasy app out there and casual fans don't know about it yet
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This is the worst waiver wire year I can remember since I started playing fantasy football
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My friend told me that when he applies for a new job, he copies and pastes the job description in tiny white text in the margins of his resume so that any AI software would flag him as a great candidate.
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In my head, Puka Nacua has the same personality as Dani Rojas from Ted Lasso
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My wife just asked me if there's football tomorrow. I quickly responded that there is but I would rather skip it to spend time with our family this weekend. And then someone chimed in that it doesn't start until next week. A perfect moment ruined
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Kadarius Toney driving home from the stadium with Pat Mahomes in the lane next to him
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Dropping Javonte feels like saying goodbye to your first crush
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So student loans get forgiven, yet I still have to pay fantasy league dues. Thanks, Biden.
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Kirk Cousins is in a Kohl's somewhere saying "Golly" at an inside voice level and then apologizing profusely to the manager for his chaotic outburst
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Unpopular opinion: I'd prefer to watch the Superbowl alone rather than go to a Superbowl party.
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Me showing my wife my fantasy football win this week after she claims that I "sat around and did nothing all sunday"
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Thousands of new dads (&moms) are sweating bullets as we speak trying to figure out how to navigate football Sunday w kids for the first time. Take a seat & buckle up, rookie. You get up early, let your partner sleep. Do everything until 1pm Sunday. EVERYTHING. And don't complain
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You just hung out with old friends you haven't seen in a while & drafted a sick fantasy team. Football starts this week. You have 5 months straight of awesome Sundays to look forward to. The weather is cooling down & it's almost sweatshirt weather. Bonfires. Life is fucking great
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Imagine if corporate america handled salary negotiations like the NFL.
Doug from accounting starts showing up to work in sweats and refuses to do any work until he gets a raise.
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If you can't handle me when I'm waking up at 3am in a cold sweat to check waivers, then you don't deserve me when my fantasy team wins a championship.
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Khalil Herbert is averaging more fantasy points per game than Jonathan Taylor through Week 8
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Millions of football fans are going to wake up at 3am tonight to check their phones and if you don't get what that means, no offense but you're kinda a huge loser
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You can tell which of your leaguemates have newborns because they'll be making waiver moves at 3 am and then again at 6am
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If you decide to draft Deshaun Watson in your fantasy football league this year, just be prepared for soul-crushing insults about your integrity as a human being from the dude that rosters Kareem Hunt.
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I highly recommend that you invest a minimum of 200 hours into fantasy football over the next four months so that you can win your $20 buy-in back.
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Not gonna lie, I kinda love being the fantasy team with the most points against so I can complain about it.
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Imagine watching an entire football game without saying "big third down" on a big third down.
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Scottie Scheffler goes golfing without a cell phone when his wife is fully pregnant and everyone calls him "the favorite", yet when I did the same all I got was divorce papers. Curious
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Pour one out for the thousands of dudes who just moved in with a girlfriend for the first time and still think they'll spend literally every hour of their free time watching football and tinkering with their fantasy teams. They have no idea about the storm that's coming, RIP
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My son wants to go as a ghost for Halloween, so I bought him a Mark Andrews jersey
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Turns out the running back dead zone included rounds 1-15 this year
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The Rams don't have a first round pick for a couple more years, so they decided to acquire the first overall pick from 2018. Chess, not checkers folks.
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Gus Edwards had 16 carries today, which is more than J.K. Dobbins has had in his entire career.
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It's pretty disturbing that all these NFL moves are being made without even asking fantasy managers if they're ok with it
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If you haven't stared at your fantasy team for at least 15 hours this week, you don't deserve to advance in the playoffs.
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"I drafted CMC, Calvin Ridley, Darren Waller, and Cam Akers and STILL made the playoffs. I'm basically a fantasy football prodigy"
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Well I guess it's really juvenile detention. He's only 6 so I wouldn't make him go to adult prison, I'm not a monster
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Out of respect for my family, I told my wife that I'll be limiting myself to watching just 6 football games next weekend and only 4 the following weekend. Sometimes you need to make sacrifices.
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That feeling when your dad texts "please call me when you can" and you're not sure if someone died or if he wants to know how to save a PDF
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Aaron Rodgers can pass Tom Brady this weekend and break the NFL record for career passing yards if he throws for just 28,973 yards against the Lions.
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When your wife just left you but at least you got backup tight end Isaiah Likely off waivers for your 2-6 fantasy team.
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My favorite thing to do after a fantasy draft is to read articles that hype up the players I drafted.
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One of our league mates won't be at the in-person draft Saturday bc "it's his son's birthday". Dude, ever heard of priorities?
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Apparently my wife wants me to go to some stupid kid's birthday party on the day of my fantasy football draft. The day I look forward to most every year. And just because the kid happens to be my daughter doesn't mean I should still have to go when the boys need me.
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When my dog eventually passes,someone's going to say "almost as bad as dropping Breece Hall that time after the ACL, right?" And it's going to hurt my feelings a lot. But also kinda funny. And I'll deserve it.
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Justin Herbert is cool and all, but I miss watching Philip Rivers sling it with 5 minutes to go in the 4th quarter down by 10 pts every week.
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Hey guys go easy on Arthur Smith. He's just a blue collar billionaire's kid that earned his way by his father hiring him when he was a part-owner of the redskins. People forget that if he's fired, he'll be condemed to suffer through generational wealth that you can't even fathom
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If you draft Deshaun Watson in fantasy, be prepared for personal attacks about your integrity as a human being from your leaguemate with Tyreek Hill.
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"The next game will consist of trying to win in the fantasy semifinals without Jonathan Taylor and possibly Jalen Hurts"
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Can't wait to dedicate my entire life to fantasy football again this season just to lose to a coworker in the playoffs that auto drafts and hasn't found out the redskins don't exist anymore.
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Showed my fantasy team to my grandma this weekend, and she was like "that's sick, love Swift as your RB2 and the Murray/Hollywood stack. This makes up for all those years of disappointment, I'm proud of you now".
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Arthur Smith is the kind of guy that shuts off his ice-maker in his refrigerator and instead pours water into his old ice cube trays to make ice
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I'm old enough to remember what the NFL was like before hall of fame RB Dameon Pierce entered the league and changed the game forever.
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The key to playing fantasy football is to dedicate every ounce of free time you have to football and then if your fantasy team is bad, you just pretend like you never cared all along and then call your leaguemates huge fucking nerds for liking a fake game
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My son wants to go as a ghost for Halloween, so I got him a Ja'Marr Chase jersey
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If a player breaks an NFL record, you should get a 25 point bonus in fantasy.
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As a father of three amazing kids with a beautiful and kind wife, nothing brings me greater pleasure than leaving them to go to my annual fantasy football draft, I have butterflies just thinking about it coming up
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Congrats to everyone who won their fantasy championship and all the sex that comes with it
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New camera angle of Kadarius Toney offsides, but I bet haters will say it's photoshopped
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And anyone who says they win every year is essentially saying they play in leagues with people that don't try and aren't active.
It's not all luck. But most of it is for typical fantasy leagues
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Need a punishment for last place in your fantasy league?
Loser has to go through the same McDonald's drive through 10 times in a row without acknowledging it.
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"I just won a fantasy championship with Joe Flacco as my QB, wanna see my roster?"
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I've decided that next year I'm only going to play in fantasy leagues hosted on sleeper.
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"covid keeps postponing games again. When will this whole thing be over, ammarite?"
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The older I get, the more I realize that you have a limited amount of energy & effort you can put into all the things pulling you in different directions like family, work, friends. But if you put every ounce of it into your $20 fantasy league, you just might make the playoffs.
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Sean McVay leaving the Rams would be like the guy in your dynasty league that trades away all his future firsts and then leaves the league
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Imagine drafting Christian McCaffrey over Cordarrelle Patterson in fantasy this year. Couldn't be me.
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If you're new to fantasy football, the key to winning is to get rid of your other hobbies and spend 5 hours a day on your phone.
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Your dad on Christmas day trying to figure out how to watch football on Netflix
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I was not emotionally prepared to read this book for the first time to my kids.
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When your life is in shambles but at least you got Puka Nacua off the waivers 2 weeks ago in your $20 fantasy league
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Today is rare disease day. My daughter Nora was diagnosed with a genetic disorder 5 yrs ago that at the time had < 50 diagnoses in the world ever. Last week I took her skiing. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect person to join my life ♥️, we love you Nora. Keep moving fwd 😤
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