Auburn Jokes®
@TheAuburnJokes
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The original Twitter account dedicated to lampooning Barners and their dysfunctional 'fam-blee' but not afraid to pick on others when needed. #AUBURNSUCKS !
Joined July 2016
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FACT: Over the last 3 seasons Auburn is 12-10 at home with 8 of those victories coming over Akron, Alabama State, Georgia State, Mercer, San Jose State, Western Kentucky, UMass & Samford.
THE toughest place to play in the country.
Welcome to the Jungle.
🎟️
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The Mississippi State bowl game tribute helmet for Mike Leach is amazing.
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After further review, Kool-Aid McKinstry was on the 30 when the flag came out.
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Average ticket prices for the P5 Championship games:
ACC. FSU-Louisville $50
Big 10. Michigan-Iowa - $60
Big 12. Texas-Oklahoma St $98
Pac 12. Oregon-Washington $26
SEC Alabama & Georgia $350
SEC. It Just Means More.
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Alabama flew Nick Saban’s nasal swab to a lab in Mobile on Saturday morning for Covid clearance. In the meantime, Auburn bused their team to South Carolina for their game with the Gamecocks...proving that Nick Saban’s snot is more valuable than Auburn football.
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Wait…Auburn is concerned about Bryan Harsin having a mistress and they want to replace him with Hugh Freeze?
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When you’ve been talking shit all week about how you’re going to beat Bama but you’re getting your LSU ass kicked.
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Looking at Alabama’s football signee list…between Jeremiah, Aaron, Elijah, Emmanuel & Isaiah, the Crimson Tide pretty much owns the Old Testament Team.
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Alabama was really lucky to play North Carolina instead of Yale.
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Bo Nix has committed to Oregon. In his official statement he was already quoted as saying, “USC gets all of the calls.”
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So cute how they call it the College Football Playoffs instead of its real name, The Alabama Invitational.
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The number of multiple football National Championships won over the last 60 years:
Penn St, LSU: 2
Florida, FSU, Ohio St, Texas: 3
Oklahoma, Nebraska: 4
Miami, USC: 5
Alabama: 13
...Just like God intended.
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Leonard Fournette: "One person can't tackle me."
Marlon Humphrey disagrees.
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I would have suspended Urban Meyer 3 games alone just for giving up 55 points to Iowa.
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On the bright side Auburn, you’ve been basketball fans for three weeks so it shouldn’t take long to get over it.
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I guess Jermaine Burton would rather catch passes from a future NFL star QB than a future Alfa Insurance Agent.
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In the last seven college football seasons Alabama has lost 7 games. Auburn lost 7 games this season.
Translation: Auburn sucks!
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Do you know the last time a Gus Malzahn coached Auburn football team scored a second half touchdown in Athens, Georgia?
NEVER. It’s never happened. Not once.
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THE Ohio State University have officially unveiled their new logo:
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You know Alabama is a football school when your baseball closer warms up like this.
#RollTide
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BREAKING: Jarrett Stidham was unable to make the trip home back to Auburn. When he attempted to board the plane, Clemson sacked him again.
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Leonard Fournette: "One person can't tackle me."
Reuben Foster: "Yeah right."
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One of the more classless moves I’ve ever seen in an Iron Bowl and of course, no flag. The SEC should suspend the Auburn player and the officiating crew.
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#UGA
, you’re a class organization. Mark my words, one day the Dawgs will be hoisting up that National Championship trophy. Congratulations on a fine season.
#TipOfTheHat
#KeepYourHeadUp
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BREAKING: Hugh Freeze has hired Destiny Wilson as Auburn’s new recruiting director.
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Auburn by the numbers:
2021: 6-7
2022: 5-7
2023: 6-7
Three straight losing seasons and counting. THIS IS AUBURN FOOTBALL!
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Dear Vandy,
This is what is known as a reality check.
Your Pal,
Bama
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It is the Christmas season SEC Football fans, and during this joyous time of year it is important to remember who got into the
#CFBPlayoff
; and who didn’t.
#MerryChristmas
#UGA
#RollTide
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Listen Barners, I don’t want to hear about how tough it is to be an Auburn fan right now. As an Alabama fan I have to get up every morning & decide whether to use my ‘09, ‘11, ‘12, ‘15 or ‘17 Bama National Championship coffee mug—so I understand the struggle.
#RollTide
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Auburn fans, if you have trouble finding Legacy Arena for your first round match up in the NCAA Tournament, it’s right next to Protective Stadium—home of the Birmingham Bowl—your home away from home.
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BREAKING: OU has filed assault charges on Alabama RB Josh Jacobs for destroying this poor Sooners defender.
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BREAKING: After the Vols upset of the Crimson Tide, Alabama has offered to replace Tennessee goal posts. They come with 15 year guarantee.
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Only at Auburn can a QB go 13 for 31 with 2 INT’s and become a folk hero.
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Bama fans and UGA fans may not always see eye to eye, but it's nice to see them come together in their mutual disdain for Auburn.
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Matt Rhule is my hero! First he leaves Baylor for the Carolina Panthers. Next he hires Joe Brady out of Baton Rouge. Then Baylor turns around and hires Tigers DC Dave Aranda. Rhule has pretty much singlehandedly destroyed the LSU football program in a matter of days.
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Tua Tagovailoa should have been credited with 6 TD passes against South Carolina. Thanks SEC refs.
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I wonder how many SEC fans are pulling for Va Tech to beat FSU for one reason and one reason only: Danny Kanell.
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Can we now get this Alabama didn't shake hands crap at the coin toss settled? They did it before the coin toss.
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Leave it to a LSU student to misspell the word ‘conference’ during the
#ESPNGameDay
show. Good to see that LSU education is paying off.
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BREAKING: LSU has announced that at the end of the LSU football season Ed Orgeron will become a candidate for an offensive line analyst position for Nick Saban at Alabama.
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With his second ousting from the Tennessee Vols, Phil Fulmer becomes the first person to be processed by Nick Saban twice in a career.
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Eric Musselman, “They danced on our logo before the game and we saw that.”
Eric, they’re Auburn. They’re coached by Bruce Pearl. They’ve turned classless behavior into an art form.
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Fun Fact: No matter who wins the Super Bowl, Auburn had to watch their two primary rivals play for the National Championship last months.
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Just a friendly reminder that we are 28 days away from kickoff, which ironically is how many points UGA scored when they kicked Auburn’s ass in the SEC Championship Game.
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Looking at Auburn’s football schedule this season, three of their first four games are against Akron, Alabama State and Georgia State. I guess Chilton County High was already booked.
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So the Barn changes their HR policy for Harsin but not Pearl. This Auburn story is better than binge watching Yellowwood…I mean Yellowstone.
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BREAKING: With only 8 days before kickoff, Auburn will be going for their third loss in a row at Mercedes Benz Stadium when they face Washington in what will be AU’s only appearance in Atlanta this football season.
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Want to know why most of the SEC play cupcakes this week? They want to know what it’s like to play UCF’s schedule.
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WARNING: Today while the sports world will be transfixed on the epic battle between Alabama vs Georgia for the
#SECChampionship
, somewhere in Auburn, AL, Gus Malzahn will be a dark bunker devising a diabolical plan to run more trick plays featuring his placekicker.
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Gus: “I would have called a trick play to the left fielder.”
Bruce: “Shut the hell up Gus.”
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The media narrative:
Jimbo Fisher is going to be the next Nick Saban.
Kirby Smart is going to be the next Nick Saban.
Jeremy Pruitt is going to be the next Nick Saban.
I’ve got news for you: There is only one Nick Saban, and he is at The University of Alabama.
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Can the SEC just kick out Mizzou and replace them with Mercer?
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I’m glad to see that Cam Newton got out on work release this weekend to make the Auburn-UGA game.
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One thing true Bama and Georgia fans have in common is their hate for Auburn, as we are all UGA fans this weekend.
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No wonder Clemson’s offense is struggling, Dabo Swinney is calling plays off a Waffle House menu!
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Not saying that Auburn fans have given up on their season, but this Barner that I work with put 4 Auburn-Tennessee tickets under the windshield wipers of his truck with a sign that said “Free AU-UT tickets.” When he went back to his truck there were 8 more tickets.
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I don’t get you people wanting to fire Butch Jones. I mean, for a Women’s basketball school, I think the Vols play really good football!
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Michigan’s championship reminds me of when Cam Newton won the Heisman. You knew it was going to happen but it still felt dirty and sleazy.
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Butch Jones, Jim McElwain, Kevin Sumlin, Matt Luke, Bret Bielema, Gus Malzahn have been fired & replaced by a Nick Saban cardboard cutout.
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Sooners fans mocking a depleted Florida Gators team with the “SEC” chant at the Cotton Bowl.
Results of OU’s last three trips to the
#CFBPlayoff
2017 vs Georgia: Loss
2018 vs Alabama: Loss
2019 vs LSU: Loss
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Losing occasional football games is tough. It makes you wonder how Auburn fans cope with doing that 5, 6 or 7 times a year.
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Memo to Tim Walz: The only boys restroom that needs a tampon dispenser is in the student section of Jordan-Hare Stadium.
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Let’s not let Georgia-Florida this Saturday or Bama-LSU next Saturday hide the fact that Auburn still sucks.
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Kirby Smart is talking to the press during
#CFBPlayoff
Media Day, followed by Nick Saban. What time does UCF’s Scott Frost speak?
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When you find out that Auburn ended their softball season with a loss to Jacksonville State.
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Can we all agree that Clemson has the worse looking mascot in college sports?
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A friendly reminder for the Anti-Tua Heisman crowd:
Tagovailoa: 25 total TDs, 1,763 total yds, 0 INT
Fields: 23 total TDs, 1,314 total yds, 0 INT
Burrow: 18 total TDs, 1,570 total yds, 2 INT
Hurts: 17 total TDs, 1,738 total yds, 1 INT
Nix 9 TDs total TDs, 1153 total yds, 2 INT
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NCAA Super Regional Softball Final:
Alabama 3 Texas 0
But if Colt McCoy doesn’t get hurt I’m sure the Longhorns would have won.
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No matter the verdict, we can rest assured of one thing: Auburn ain’t going.
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Here’s a list of all the Auburn players expected to go in the first round of the 2022 NFL Draft.
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Florida is beating the crap out of Tennessee. At this rate Jeremy Pruitt will be bringing Butch Jones his coffee in Tuscaloosa by November.
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Auburn’s moment on the national College Football stage...
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As we head into the new year, just a friendly reminder that Auburn football has had three straight losing seasons.
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Hope Trevor Lawrence realizes he has to play 17 quality opponents each year now instead of the 3 he faced at Clemson each season.
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“I thought the Florida Gators played great against Georgia.”
-Butch Jones
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It’s Bye week for the Tennessee Vols. Bye is a 10 point favorite.
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I see that UCF will have a celebration parade at Disney World. Not surprising considering the Knights are celebrating a Mickey Mouse National Championship.
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Nick Saban plans to coach at Alabama for 8 more seasons, or as Bama fans call it, at least 4 more National Championships.
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BREAKING: Nick Saban has officially made Auburn into a basketball school.
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And now we go live to Toomer’s Corner on the campus of Auburn University.
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Alabama and Georgia have arrived in Indy for the
#CFBPlayoff
Championship Game. Tell me who looked more confident?
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BREAKING: Tennessee was the only SEC school without a player selected in the 2019 NFL Draft.
Other: Phil Fulmer is still an asshole.
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