Teqi
@TequilaSaltlife
Followers
9,309
Following
4,002
Media
1,748
Statuses
28,587
I'm southern, so act right
United States
Joined August 2018
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Last Seen Profiles
Pinned Tweet
There's two types of people in this world...
people who can't stand me and me.
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If you’re assigned green beans for thanksgiving then you’re the one who can’t cook
Just saying
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877
Might fuck around and stop marrying assholes
“Oh look, a man bun!”
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734
Day 239 without sex
*squirting lotion on my lower back so I can remember what victory feels like
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623
I keep being I'D for cigarettes... so either I look amazing for my age or 21 year olds be looking rough af
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537
Day 8 without sex
*viciously deepthroating bananas to keep my gag glands flexed
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I've been taking notes...
So if anyone is missing notes I have them
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499
Shout out... to all the IT people busting their ass (like myself) making sure everyone can work from home!
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Pinned tweets are just an adult version of refrigerator art
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439
I do not get enough credit for how often I keep my mouth shut
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440
HR: Your tattoos cannot be visible
Me: Well let me be the first to explain how tattoos work
HR: ...
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376
Good morning! Except to those people who got the sex this weekend
Fuck those guys
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345
Shut the fuck up
Sign the fucking paper
Get the fuck out of my life
-divorced
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278
Them: Can you fix my computer while I am at lunch?
Me: You do know IT people eat food like other humans, right?
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290
Not everyone likes me and that's ok they can go fuck themselves
17
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293
Her: I don't like mayo
Me: Is your pussy as dry as your sandwich
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PROUD OF YOUR AGE? POST A PICTURE. AND TELL YOUR TRUE AGE. WHOSE BRAVE ENOUGH? Let's try this.
Current Age: 42
Copy Paste Play along for
@kerrilynn729
whom I adore so much 😍
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6
235
Burying my ride or die of 26 years on friday
RIP I fucking love you man
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5
237
Lightening reflecting off the water on the ground
Coolest video I've ever taken 😂
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235
I bet i make jesus proud having this many whores as friends
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Day 19 without sex
I wouldn't borrow those highlighters, if I were you
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I should have pursued a life of crime but no I wanted to be broke the hard way
3
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192
Your IT person hates you and knows that you send nudes to online whores
17
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181
I finally got the D I've been begging for
Divorce, I didn't beg for the other
13
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164
Stop calling people "small accounts" like your numbers fucking matter
19
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174
I'm so glad I'm single single and not married with a TC single
9
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151
Him: looks like you’re at rock bottom
Me: guess so if you’re here
3
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163
Cw: Why haven't you dyed your hair?
Me: Same reason you've looked pregnant for 3 years
Cw:....
Me: Race you to HR, bitch
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159
No one is entitled to a fucking thing from me
I've given enough
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160
If you start a sentence off with...
"At my last job..."
We all wish you still worked there
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154
Every fuckin day i refrain from telling you whores off
Thats about to change
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151
You can wash your hands all day, but if you don't clean your phone...
You're an idiot
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149
I haven't been called a skank in years
Makes me feel young again
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142
I only treat shitty people like shit so... no I don't have anything to apologize for
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151
Dating me is like having your dick duct taped to your left leg using a coke bottle to piss
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136
It's Friday the 13th in the month of October
You whores better stay away from lakes
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144
Trust me if I ever hated you
I STILL fucking hate you
Don't try
I don't forgive
Still fuck you, though
8
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138
Him: You have a good head on your shoulders
Me: GET YOUR DICK OFF MY SHOULDERS
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138
I’m living my life how I want to live it
No one has to fucking like it
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