Tarquin Vas Deferens
@TarquinVas
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Head of the ABC’s Race Division Division; Left activist (obvs); gender fluid; queer. Pronouns - zhe/zhim; Blak activist; Vegan. Renting stolen land. Parody.
On Stolen Land (but renting)
Joined July 2021
I am a Very Serious Young Stick Insect, Homosexualista About Town and Blaktavist, First People people DeColonialisting and Anti-Genocidificationing advocate who heads up the ABC's Race Division Division. I am also a Vegan, so I am morally superior to you. #Pinned.
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Not having Ricky Gervais host the Oscars this year is a real slap in the face. #Oscars #Oscars2022.
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Has anyone else noticed that with all the drownings at beaches in Australia over Summer, it's almost always Asians or Indians?. Can we rule out racism as a cause?.
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I am disappointed to see #DefundTheABC trending. Where would you all be without us at the ABC telling you all what nasty, filthy racists, homophobes, transphobes, misogynists, ableists and climate deniers you are and what a horrible place Australia is to live. /2.
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The Welcome to Country Ceremony is a beautiful, gracious welcome from our Proud First People people and a reminder to all that this always was and always will be their land and we are guests on it. It is an ancient ceremony dating back 250,000 years to when Cook first arrived.
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If ever you wanted proof of just how racist Australia is, just look at the booing of Adam Goodes. I can never understand, though, why the crowds didn't boo all the other 87 Aboriginal players at the time. Weird.
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Urgent announcement for all ABC staff:. Following the success of Geert Wilders in the Dutch elections, the Crying Rooms on all floors will be open until 9pm. Weeping is limited to 5 minutes; hysterical screaming to 3 minutes so we can get through all staff. Thank-you.
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OK, everyone, we at the ABC are running out of ideas for how to get the Yes vote over the line. We tried obfuscating about the ramifications, we tried making it about love and acceptance, we tried celebrities, and we tried calling you all racists and cookers. Any suggestions?.
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Anyone who criticises respected elder, Brittany Higgins, must now be considered a racist.
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@PatsKarvelas It's appalling! Next thing you know, they'll be spitting in people's faces!. Disgusting.
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There were a LOT of American flags at the inauguration, but I didn't see a single flag representing Black or Hispanic people. Why is that? Are Americans so racist that they don't have separate race-based flags like we in Australia do?.
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Yes, even blonde-haired, blue-eyed, alabaster-skin people can be First People people like this proud Palawa women. It's not how you look, but how you identify. And to say otherwise is racist.
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We at the ABC and SBS have chosen not to show the video footage of Yes campaigners heckling No campaigners in Adelaide shouting 'Racists!' and 'Nazi scum'. You see, we want to maintain the image that the Yes voters are nicer and morally superior.
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@RoadknightThe @jamieoliver Just for context: Jamie Oliver tried to be woke by including a First People person girl character in his book but got out-woked by the Super Woke, thus proving that we're awake to the woke that are just pseudo-woke.
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BREAKING:. The ABC has dropped all scheduled programming to run the Scott Morrison scandal live on all TV and radio stations uninterrupted. We apologise and will bring you our scheduled stories on racism, ableism, misogyny and homophobia on another occasion.
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We at the ABC would like to apologise for the lack of racism stories today. You see, many of my staff here in the Race Division Division are on compassionate leave due to the Inauguration of Trump. We hope to return to telling you what nasty, filthy racists you all are soon.
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@FranMooMoo I think I can explain the sentencing. You see, the likelihood of him having actually had a bomb is almost non-existent given that he is a member of The Religion of Peace which is known for its peaceful, non-violent activities. I hope this helps.
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Could someone help clarify, folx: are these the evil, violent, black-clad, neo-Nazis we've been hearing about or are they the nice, kind ones we at the ABC like?
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Someone just wished me a happy Australia Day. No trigger warning. Nothing. I am deeply traumatised and am now, as we speak, lying in the foetal position gently rocking and quietly crying in the ABC's Crying Room.
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If respected elder Aunty Brittany Higgins came out publicly in favour of the Voice to Parliament, I think even more people would come on board.
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@RoadknightThe Why on earth would we at the ABC do a story on the 52% of Australians who are Christian when we can do a story on the 2% that is Muslim?.
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We at the ABC have chosen to retain a dignified silence regarding the latest Lidia Thorpe contretemps and not report it. We do this out of deference for this proud First People person and the dignified silence she always exhibits at all times.
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I am literally shaking and crying right now at what misogynists and racists are doing to Lidia Thorpe.
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What is wrong with people? Nuclear submarines? Why not solar powered or by wind turbines??. #SayNoToNuclear.
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Right now, we in the ABC's Race Division Division are having a senior editorial meeting about how to carefully curate the story about Proud First People Person, Geoff Clark, being found guilty of stealing $1m from various organisations. Stand by.
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Lidia Thorpe is a hero. Her rational, considered and calm debate; her attempts to reconcile First People people with non-First People people; her conciliatory tones; her impassioned way of uniting and bringing together a country divided will see her remembered for centuries.
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@rachelrwithers I have alerted my staff in the ABC's Race Division Division to drop everything to help you in your request. We simply cannot allow an Aboriginal woman to derail the 'Yes' campaign. We must find as much dirt on her as possible. If we can't debate, let's play the man/woman!.
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"Family members of a man murdered in Adelaide's CBD more than two years ago have returned to their home countries in Africa as they no longer feel safe living in Australia". TRY DENYING AUSTRALIA IS RACIST NOW! JUST TRY!.
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It is the duty of all Victorians to give their privately owned homes and farms to the First People people of the State who are the traditional owners and from whom we stole the land.
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We in the ABC's Race Division Division will keep this story of the racial abuse of children going for months. As you'd expect, we will not be treating the physical and sexual abuse of children in remote areas the same. Too icky to talk about, m'kay?.
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Oh my goodness!. The whole make-up department at the ABC has just walked out in support of Stan Grant!.#IstandWithStan.
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Yass! Represent! This proud respected elder, Aunty Brittany Higgins, is incredible!.
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It's a pity Thomas Mayo isn't on the 'No' side. We could call him and his supporters: The Mayo Nays. (I crack myself up!).
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Everyone in Australia who continues speaking English is perpetuating the trauma of the colonisationing and genocidification of all First People people. There. I said it. You were all thinking it and knowing it was true, but I said it.
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I have just found out there is a town called 'Coonabarabran'. I am literally in tears over this flagrant racism.
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Naturally and as you'd expect, we at the ABC won't be repeating what the knife attacker was claimed to have shouted.
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ABC management is currently in crisis talks following the decision to cut The Drum from TV programming. It is hoped that a cheaper version can be produced: The Tambourine.
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A Proud First People person's baby being born at an airport on xher way to hospital instead of in a Sacred Birthing Tree shows the depth of racism and the cancelling of culture in this vile country.
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These brave souls are heroes! They have stopped the export of coal for several hours which means less poisonous CO2 in the atmosphere and added several minutes before the planet burns up!. Heroes, I tell you!.
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Update: All ABC Crying Rooms have long queues outside of staff crying and tearing at their pink/purple hair and face and nether-region piercings. The ABC's Sunny Acres, Misty Hills and Green Meadows Maximum Securitah Re-education Facilitahs are all booked out. /2.
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I am horrified at this. Now try to tell me this country isn't filthy with blatant racism.
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Stan Grant will always be revered as a God by us at the ABC. He has done more for racism than anyone else could. His legacy will live on for decades. I just hope that we in the ABC's Race Division Division can accomplish just 1% of what he has.
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Just because Shamsud-Din Jabbar used a vehicle loaded with explosives and with an ISIS flag attached to the bumper bar doesn't mean it was a terrorist attack. Let's not jump to conclusions here. He could be a disgruntled employee.
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To be clear: if a person identifies as Indigenous, then they are Indigenous, even if their other family members and the tribe to which they claim to belong say they're not, and if you also say they're not, then just maybe you're a racist.
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This is precisely why you will never see Jordan Peterson on the ABC. We simply cannot have someone coming along and destroying the whole Climate Apocalypse narrative in just 82 seconds.
Jordan Peterson: "We have reasonable records of climate and atmosphere for a 500 million year period. for much of that period of time the planet was in fact much warmer than it is now to the point where there was no ice for most of that period of time on either pole. Yet during
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Yass, sistahs! Represent! . I bet no-one could have guessed there are lesbians in the Matildas!.
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Urgent request from the ABC: has anyone got a pic of Alan Jones and Donald Trump together?. Asking for a friend at 4 Corners who wants to do a fit-up.
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Finally some common sense!. If a person believes they are a wom*n, then they ARE a wom*n and, even if they're not a wom*n and you say they're not a wom*n, then maybe you're just a transphobe or misandrist or misogynist or homophobe or something.
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I've just found out that the winner of Bathurst will be based on race. Horrified.
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We at the ABC have banned 'Merry Christmas' as it's offensive to non-Christians and especially Proud First People people. We say 'Happy Festive Season'. And, since we are the moral authoritah, you should, too.
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We at the ABC stand by all victims of vile misogyny.
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@_SocialDemocrat Peter Dutton is a racist who believes everyone should be treated equally when we all know some people deserve special treatment. Horrible man.
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Hannah Gadsby is a hero to all LGBTIAQ+s. And you don't have to be funny to be a comedian. We at the ABC have an open invitation for her to appear any time she wants. She's perfect for the ABC.
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We're hiring!. The ABC is looking for a new host for Q&A. Applicants should be at least two of the following: a First People person; other PoC; LGBTIAQ+; Physically challenged (including deaf/mute). The ABC is an equal opportunitah employer.
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Can someone tell me where the communitah of Didjabringyabongalong is?. Google can't even find it.
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Yass! It's trending! 81% of Australians trust the ABC!. The other 19% of our employees were on various types of leave on survey day: gender reassignment; crystal therapeutic healing refresher courses; pronoun training; Climate Catastrophe synonyms; Trump Trauma leave, etc.
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I am a Very Serious Young Stick Insect, Homosexualista About Town and Blaktavist, First People people DeColonialisting and Anti-Genocidificationing advocate who heads up the ABC's Race Division Division. I am also a Vegan, so I am morally superior to you.
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Following criticism of the Acknowledgement to Country on The Block and Masked Singer shows, the ABC has committed to out-woke the woke. Every ABC program will start with an Acknowledgement, a Welcome to Country and an Apology. As such, the 7pm news will now start at 7.29pm.
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Hey PRGuy, everyone's worried, especially here at the ABC. You haven't tweeted in 18 hours. Reach out, if you need help. We're all here for you.
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@Michael94858047 Dear Sir/Madam/other/prefer not to say,. You are showing your ignorance. Just because there were no photos or videos or even records of friendly First People people doing a Welcome to Country for Capt. Cook 250,000 years ago, doesn't mean it didn't happen. You weren't there.
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In keeping with the ABC's recent decision to rename 'Fairy Penguins' as 'Little Penguins' to avoid offending the LGBTIAQ+ communitah, we will now refer to 'Port Fairy' as 'Little Port'. Unfortunately, a traditional First People's name hasn't been invented yet.
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It's Sunday and the ABC's Stan Grant will not be issuing his usual sermon on racism on our website. I will be opening the ground floor Crying Room at 11am. Should demand exceed space, please proceed to the Crying Rooms on floors 2-17. Counselling is also available. Thank-you.
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After we have installed the Voice to Parliament for a separate race-based First People person chamber, we should further unite the country with distinct 'countries' for each tribe. Each tribe would have complete authoritah over its 'country'. /2
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Just because you don't have any First People people in your ancestry doesn't mean you aren't a First People person and, if you don't have First People people ancestry and someone says you're not a First People person then maybe they're a racist.
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Yass! 4.5% of Australia is LGBTIAQ+! More than our Proud First People people!. It's time for politicians to add the rainbow flag when politicians make announcements and it's time for our own Voice to Parliament - The Screech to Parliament!. Represent! /2.
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At this stage, the only thing the whole sordid Higgins-Lehrmann story doesn't have is racism (politics, drugs, alcohol, sexual assault, prostitutes, big money and homophobia). And, trust me: we at the ABC are working hard to find a racism angle.
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YOU'RE ALL NASTY, FILTHY RACISTS!. (The above is an official statement from the ABC).
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There's a lot of reasons to vote Yes, but the best one is that if the referendum doesn't pass, we at the ABC will tell you all what horrible racists you all are, day in, day out, and will keep it going pretty much forever. But you probably knew this.
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The sort of person who says Gina Rinehart shouldn't be held responsible for her father's racist views is the sort of person who says white Australians shouldn't be held responsible for 200+ years of racism towards Indigenous people. That's just crazy thinking!.
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@OzLori89 I think I can explain. You see, we at the ABC believe that covering stories about gang rapes of underage children in the UK could be construed as Islamophobic. The right of Muslims to live peacefully supersedes the rights of children to be safe. The same applies to Aborigines.
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"Bruce Lehrmann's former colleague has told the Federal Court she had "bad vibes" about him and she had decided not to socialise with him based on her "women's intuition".". That, alone, should be enough for charges to be brought. #BelieveAllWomen .
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Indians, Asians, Africans and Middle Eastern folx are over-represented in drownings in Australia. Is it time to ask what role racism plays in all of this?.
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Just a reminder, folx, after The Project debacle: any criticism of Kamahl is racism; any criticism of Hamish McDonald is homophobia. I don't make these rules up. That's just the way it is.
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No more Welcome to Country acknowledgements?!. Professor Marcia Langton warned you about this and you wouldn't listen!. So, now all local First People people will be relegated to the same status as Subsequent People people!. Where's the equalitah in that??.
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Note to ABC Queensland Staffers:. All Crying Rooms will be available on extended hours this week after the sad result of the Queensland election.
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Good news!. VicRoads has agreed to change their misogynistic 'Men at Work' signs to 'People at Work'. Finally!.
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Notice to all ABC employees:. Following Stan Grant's resignation, a wake will be held in Studio 2 at 5pm. BYO vegan snacks, non-alcoholic beverages and wear black.
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A lot of people are asking me: "Tarquin, why didn't the ABC cover the 300,000 people who marched in London for that evil far-Right neo-Nazi white supremacist Tommy Robinson?". And I tell them we don't promote political extremists. Unless they're Invasion Day, BLM, Greens or Teals.
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@MainlyHarmless Reparations will fix that because $30bn/yr for 50+ years hasn't been enough. We stole everything from them and gave them nothing.
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It is impossible to list what a true hero like Lidia Thorpe has done for Aboriginal people all over the country!.
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The new ABC Chair Will be Kim Williams, a white, cisgendered, heteronormative, middle-aged man. I am literallah crying right now.
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There are more LGBTIAQs than Indigenous, so we should also have a Voice to Parliament. And more Asians. And more Catholics. We should ALL have a Voice!. So, why don't we have an election every 4 years, anyone can be a candidate, and everyone votes!. We ALL get a Voice! Genius!.
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Now that Brittany Higgins identifies as a First People person, I think we should all show her the respect she deserves as a leader and cultural ambassador and refer to her as 'Aunty Brittany'.
Brittany Higgins identifies as Aboriginal
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I am so pleased that Qantas does an Acknowledgement of Country on their planes. I actually sent them the suggestion: 'We acknowledge the flightpaths of Traditional Owners past, present and emerging who have travelled these routes since the Dreamtime.'.
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MEMO TO ALL ABC STAFF:. It's open season on Ben Roberts-Smith!. If there's anyone we hate more than those who are richer and more successful than us, it's those who are braver than us. Let's Pell and Porter this middle-aged cisgendered, heteronormative man into oblivion!.
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I am so excited about the First People people's Voice to Parliament!. As soon as that's passed, we really need to have an LGBTIAQ+ Voice. After all, we're 5% of the population and First People people are just 3%. It's only reasonable.
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@Anthonywodillon I'm perplexed. $300m in mining royalties over seven years from Gina Rinehart's companies went to Traditional Owners. Shouldn't they be rejecting this tainted money, too? . I would!. (I am a blak activists, btw).
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"If I'm only known for football, I've failed," Goodes said. He hasn't failed. He's done more for racism than any other AFL player. Represent, Adam!.
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I have just checked the ABC's Crying Rooms. It's carnage!
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I am disappointed that the commentary on Bathurst used the term 'Race Officials'. It is, of course, the ABC who are the only race officials in this country.
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I'm a little upset about antisemitism in Australia right now. It's taking the focus away from racism towards our Proud First People people and transphobia, homophobia and biphobia.
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Just to clarify about Ernie Dingo and the Welcome to Country Ceremony: it was invented 120,000 years ago when First Nations came to Australia. Ernie just popularised it in 1976. For cultural reasons it was not performed prior at Royal Visits, opening of Parliament /2.
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Fun fact while Naarm is trending: 'Naarm' is an ancient traditional Woi Wurrung word meaning 'place of tall buildings'.
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This is posing quite the conundrum for us at the ABC. Do we take the side of the trans surfer or the disabled one?. Does anyone know if either identifies as a First People person?.
Imagine, dropping a phenomenal professional surfer, who survived a shark biting her arm off, only to replace her with a man who pretends to be a woman. 🤦♀️Guess what my followers and I will be doing? We will all #BoycottRipCurl . Will you?
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"The racial profiling is out of control and that's why I believe incarceration rates are as high as they are.". You can't deny it any longer. Racism is the reason that our Proud First People people are over-represented in jail. Nothing else is possible.
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We at the ABC will run with this, editing out the last fifteen seconds when they dead boy raises his leg, reaches out with his arm and touches it with his hand.
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