Tom Moran
@TMoran93
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Actor. Writer. Irish. Spurs. Tom Moran is a Big Fat Filthy Disgusting Liar plays @abbeytheatre from April 30th to May 25th. Tickets available below.
Dublin / London
Joined July 2011
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In the arts, we don't read emails. We simply scan for the word, "Unfortunately"
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If you can’t handle me at my Ballyhaunis, you don’t deserve me at my Normal People.
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I woke up - very hungover - to a DM on Instagram.
“hi, would u mind deleting that comment”.
I haven’t seen this girl in YEARS, so immediately, I got the fear.
So, I go onto her insta & under a photo of her & her boyfriend captioned “Love of my life”, I wrote:
“how do u know?”
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There’s a gang of teenagers smoking weed outside the theatre’s stage door.
I’m playing a Garda in the show, fully uniformed and everything.
The temptation to step outside and scare the SHITE out of them is PHENOMENAL!
“Well lads... Smoking drugs tonight, are we”?
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Your twenties are basically spent trying not to be cold in your cold accommodation.
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I used to be an actor who’d get emails from my agent about performances, contracts and auditions...
Now, I’m a person who gets texts from my friends saying:
“Do you know Connell from Normal People?”
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When beyond your wildest dreams becomes a dream come true ❤️
I liked it, ring on it, etc 💍
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I was sitting on the inside seat on the bus today.
The girl sitting beside me was on the aisle seat, but charging her phone next to me.
I gave her that “sorry for my existence, but this is my stop” look.
Lads, she basically made me limbo UNDER her charger chord on the 39a!
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Yesterday I ran my first marathon. It was fun and hard and emotional and painful (and worth it for the likes). As someone who has often struggled with their body resenting how it looks rather than loving what it does, to pig it out for 42km together? I’m proud of my body today.
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I never use twitter for this & I will definitely delete, but...
I feel super low about being single right now.
I‘m really open to meeting someone; nice, with shared values & sense of humor, just a decent human being.
If you have that person, hold them tight!
It’s special ❤️
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Today I moved in with the love of my life. Let’s hope I’m still calling her that in a week.
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I just had a waitress - in a very kind voice - tell me;
“I know you’re probably being polite, but you really don’t need to thank me every time I come over. Like, honestly, I’m just bringing cutlery”.
Welcome to the horror of being me!
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I’m in a hostel in London & there’s a couple in the room having sex.
This is a common enough occurrence if you stay in hostels.
However.
This is is a 4 bed dorm.
Meaning it’s just me, them and another person.
However, the other person never arrived.
Am I having a threesome?
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My parents are Irish Catholics who are incapable of saying “I love you”.
However, my dad is getting VERY liberal with the ❤️ emoji and I, for one, am highly uncomfortable with it.
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It’s my 27th birthday today.
I feel kind of happy, kind of sad...
I’m doing Skype therapy later and, honestly?
The whole thing is VERY on brand.
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Stunned, humbled and ecstatic to have won the Best New Writing Award at
@dublinfringe
‘22
Best part? Being nommed alongside such phenomenal writers, never mind by the legends
@Fishamble
Really though, this is for
@DaveyKelleher
and
@HelloThereLisa
the dream team
Thank you ❤️
The winner of the Fishamble New Writing Award is Tom Moran is a Big, Fat, Filthy, Disgusting Liar!
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People who DON’T work in offices are obsessed with calling random shit THEIR “office”.
It’s always a filtered-to-death photo with a caption, like; “Office for today 😍”
“That’s not your office, Karen... It’s a fucking beach, okay”?
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I go to therapy.
It’s SAVED some of my friend’s lives.
It’s made MY life impossibly better.
You could easily replace “therapy” with:
Medication. Exercise. Friends.
Brains are fuck-y.
Life is hard.
My therapist is my pal.
She follows me on Insta.
#WorldMentalHealthDay
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It’s my birthday, I’ve been totally spoiled and I am very grateful for all the lovely people in my life ❤️
And to those who the pandemic has put our friendship on hold, I miss you and can’t wait to see y’all real soon ❤️
Now, back to tweeting shit ✌️
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I’ve just seen the MOST wholesome thing...
At my gym, there’s a male only adult swim class for beginners.
A load of lads, ranging from early-twenties to mid-eighties, splashing around, helping each other swim, while trying not to drown.
My heart is full, like their armbands.
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Today is my 26th birthday.
Today is May the 4th.
Today is the day that shit Star Wars jokes RUIN my birthday.
“Today is about ME, not Luke FUCKING Skywalker”!
#MayTheFourthBeWithYou
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I was having a pint with a female pal last night.
This auld lad comes over; “Can I join you two lovebirds in the corner here”?
I didn’t really enjoy the lovebird assumption, so I joked;
“Grand, but just so you know, we’re not looking for a threesome”.
HE SAT SOMEWHERE ELSE!
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I started learning to drive in 2016 and finally, after all this time, I can’t believe I get to say this, but I’m delighted to announce I HAVE not PASSED MY TEST 🎉
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Loads of fun to be back shooting Ryanair's Brand New Christmas Ad Campaign!
This is the role I was born to play; "Handsome everyman tinged with loneliness".
"Any free flights going, lads?"
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Even as a straight man, when I see a man who is good with kids?
Immediate boner.
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Yesterday, we let go of our beautiful Jessie. Not everyone gets a goodbye, so I‘m grateful to have got to thank her for being perfect & enjoy one last cuddle. You know you love someone when you’re happy to post a photo where they look great and you look crap. I love you, Jessie x
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If COVID-19 has made one thing clear to me, it’s this:
Irish Society is separated into TWO groups...
1. Cool people who got advanced screeners of Normal People.
2. Actual normal people.
1
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I find it VERY hard to see a cat and NOT let out a little;
“Meow”
I’m 26 years old...
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Today I set off for a month of Solo Traveling through Vietnam. Bit nervous, mainly excited, overall I just want to avoid the diarrhea that everyone assured me I AM going to have. Meet some people, tweet some embarrassing experiences, live a bit of life, that’s what it’s there for
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Curtis Brown have been my dream agency for such a long time, so I’m stupidly excited to be joining their books. The wonderful Lily Williams will be looking after me and my writing for Film, TV, Theatre and Comedy. Let’s go
@CBTheatreFilmTV
✌️
…
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I matched with a girl on Tinder.
Her profile said; “Oddly attracted to guys with moustaches.”
So, I wrote;
“For the sake of transparency, I hope to NEVER have a moustache!”
Or so I thought.
Autocorrect wrote;
“For the sake of transparency, I hope to never have a MOIST ASS!”
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2016: I date a really funny American girl during her semester abroad.
2017: I see on Insta that she’s started doing comedy.
2018: She starts making waves in the U.S Comedy Scene.
2019: She writes an article “My Worst Ever Sexual Experiences”.
Guy, I’m not even featured!
Yay
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Before I go on to an audition I change my bedsheets as a little reward for myself!
No matter how my audition goes, I know I DEFINITELY have something nice to come home to...
I haven’t changed my bedsheets in four months.
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I was on a date with a girl who really liked a freckle on my palm.
Later in the date when we were holding hands, she left to go bathroom, but my freckle was gone!
It turns out that my freckle was just a mark from a pen!
Guys.
I scribbled in a new freckle before she came back!
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I don’t like how people born in 1980 are 40.
Nope, no, I don’t like that at all.
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Off to NYC with Tom Moran is a Big Fat Filthy Disgusting Liar thanks to
@culture_ireland
and
@IrishArtsCenter
☘️🇺🇸☘️
Very grateful for their wonderful support ❤️
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Dating is;
1) Meeting someone and thinking/hoping/praying they’re great.
2) Noticing/Ignoring red flags in hope that they ARE great.
3) Realising that you should have trusted those red flags.
4) Reading quotes like; “When People Show You Who They Are, Believe Them” and CRYING
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You know you don’t have kids when PornHub tells you that it’s Halloween.
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Five years ago, I spent a few months living in America.
We’re talking 2014!
Like, a long time ago...
Yet, I 100% guarantee you!
Every single conversation I have at home this Christmas;
“Well lad, jaysis! You just home from America, yeah?”
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I was at a comedy gig tonight and a comedian set up her joke, as follows;
“You know the best way to get over a man?”
And the woman sitting beside me - who I’d never met in my life - turned to me and said;
“Fuck someone else.”
Then, left the club...
I’m. Still. Shook.
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I recently went on a first date with a girl who said that I reminded her of James Corden...
Needless to say, there won’t be a second date.
I can’t wait to be married.
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I just bumped into my ex-girlfriend’s Dad.
He was in Tesco buying A LOT of toilet roll.
I haven’t seen him in two years and he claimed that I’m wearing the same outfit as when we first met.
I met him 4 years ago.
Every part of this interaction was poison.
I need new clothes!
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I’m not saying this is an evolved way of thinking!
BUUUUUUUUUUUT...
If you’re going to have the audacity to reply to my tweets?
You better;
1) Have liked my tweet.
2) Be funnier than me.
Or...
3) Be someone I fancy.
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I bought my first car last week and every time I park it, whenever I come back, I can’t believe it’s still there.
Like, I just can’t believe we leave cars on the street.
They’re way too expensive to leave unaccompanied!
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Shout to the man on the 39a bus from town who, not only vomited all over the top deck...
But, began to feel guilty about it, so proceeded to scoop all his vomit into his hands before dumping handful after handful of puke out the window!
We may be drunks, but we’re considerate..
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I just entered a raffle to win a house.
Why?
‘Cus I live in Ireland and it’s more realistic than a mortgage.
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I dropped my wallet at the library today...
What fell out?
A condom and a Copper Face Jacks Gold Card...
The librarian judged me...
But, not as much as I judged me.
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Alright ladies, this is your 24 hour warning!
For any of you traditionalists out there, tomorrow is February 29th and Leap Year day, so my DMs are OPEN!
Please forgive any delay in response as I’m expecting quite the influx of proposals.
Yours in (potential) wedded bliss,
Tom
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My new show debuts tomorrow and I'm fucking terrified.
And excited.
And ready.
And not ready.
And anxious eating.
And over-thinking.
And buzzing.
And practicing (talking to myself).
And happy.
Mainly, I'm happy!
Comedically Heartbroken. Smock Alley. 14th. 15th. 7.45pm.
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Things I’ve Done Excessively On My Writer’s Retreat:
Looked at Instagram
Eaten delicious food
Walked in the woods
Masturbated
Drank red wine
Watched Succession
Worn comfy clothes
Showered
Masurbated in the shower
Things I‘ve Not Done Excessively On My Writer’s Retreat:
Write
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Drove all the way up to Fermanagh to spend my first Christmas with my girlfriend only to arrive to the door and have to turn around due to a last minute positive antigen test. Glad we’re being safe, but sad we’ll be apart. I’m off to go eat my feelings x
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Jessie, our dog of 14 years, died in May.
Today mam adopted a new dog into our family.
She’s been sending cute texts to our groupchat as our new dog;
“Hurry home Tom, can’t wait to meet you 🐶”
Only mam could use a dead dog as emotional blackmail to guilt me into coming home.
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I met a girl on a night out and went back to her gaff, but I really had to poo.
I was nervous about the smell, but I drunkenly found toilet cleaner and used that to conceal it.
The next day, she sent me a photo of an empty bottle of Listerine;
“Why does my toilet smell minty?”
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Of all the stupid shit I’ve ever posted online, nothing lost me more followers than getting engaged.
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If I was a mechanic, my garage would be called;
“The Fault In Our Cars”
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People who shorten “Happy Birthday” to “HBD” are scumbags!
It’s MY day, Jean... Type the fucking words!
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Are you even an actor if you don’t give the cabin crew your genuine full attention for the safety demonstration?
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My life is like a romantic comedy...
Except instead of getting the girl?
I get depression.
4
1
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I got a coffee at the barbers today.
A monumentally big move for me.
But, I couldn’t stop worrying;
1. My hair getting in the coffee
2. Finding gaps to drink my coffee
3. That the barber could tell I was still drunk from last night, hence the confidence to accept his coffee
1
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I’m finding it really hard to finish watching Sex Education Season 2.
It’s just so tough to stomach the idea of all these teenagers having more sex than me!
‘Cus, if it wasn’t for the pandemic that WOULDN’T be happening, right?
RIGHT?!
...
ugh, I’m so lonely
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My brand is basically...
1). Being single
AND
2). Ordering salads WITH chips.
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A proper joy to play to packed houses at
@BGETheatre
for the past week in West Side Story!
2100 people, it’s not nothing…
Until next time ❤️
Big Deal out x
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Things I CAN’T pull off:
- Sunglasses
- Baseball Caps
- Flowery Shirts
Things I CAN pull off:
- Myself
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1
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Last night, a girl asked me if she could “have a sip of my drink”?
Being a bit flirty, like...
What did I say?
“DO YOU HAVE MOUTH HERPIES”???
And weirdly, I am still single.
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1
73
When I was traveling I met this English lad who I didn’t really like, because... well, he was just a bit TOO English.
Also, he used to call me “skinny, potato famine boy” and, despite the mildly racist yet harmless intention behind it...
I was just SO happy to be called skinny.
2
2
71
I met my girlfriend’s parents for the first time last night.
And when I say the perfect opportunity to make a very funny joke arose...
I mean, the PERFECT opportunity to make a VERY funny joke arose!
But, what did I do?
I didn’t do it, I resisted..
fuck
this must be serious
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Such a genuine privilege and joy to work with the most phenomenal cast and crew on Staging the Treaty by
@anuproductions
I am pretty sure I’ll never be in another piece quite like that one. That, lads, was one for the books 🇮🇪✌️❤️
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2
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At school I had an Irish teacher who was crazy and brilliant, but mainly crazy. It was common enough for her to run out of space on the whiteboard and continue the sentence on the walls or the window. Marker everywhere, absolute chaos. Needless to say, we adored her.
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So buzzed to be in
@dublinfringe
with my new show, Tom Moran is a Big Fat Filthy Disgusting Liar. It’s about a crazy lie I told as a child; shame, food, body image and trauma. It’s funny, joyous, cathartic, real and celebrates the messiness of being human. Be sound, book now ✌️
3
5
69
I’m moving into a beautiful new apartment today!
You know that nervous/excited feeling you get when you’re on the brink of something new?
Well, I have THAT except to see if it’s haunted...
7
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67
I need someone to break up with me for some weight loss motivation.
But, I’m too single to get broken up with.
Fuck me, life is hard.
5
3
69
Today marks end of
@PersonalBingo
. In this final episode, I explain a little about my decision and reminisce on some of the highlights of our 139 episodes. Thanks so much to everyone who’s supported, listened and said kind things. Listen back, there’s gold.
5
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70
My favourite part about travelling is very calmly explaining to people that Ireland is NOT in the UK.
#SoloTravel
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1
70
If the true meaning of Christmas is:
Watching “A Star Is Born” while scrolling through the entire WhatsApp chat history of you & your ex?
Then, I’m doing it VERY well.
6
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As a 26 year old man who’s learning how drive, I have a newfound respect for 16 year old joy-riders...
“You stole a car AND didn’t cut out?!”
Genius.
5
1
69
Here’s CCTV Footage of the assault I suffered at the hands/mouth of
@CiaraODoherty
Shoutout to
@BeingBla
@johnsharpson
@BandEadd
@LolsyByrne
for exhibiting normal human behaviour...
Here’s to more weirdness in 2020 with my
@TheTryChannel
fam ❤️
NEW VIDEO - Kicking 2020 off by trying everything white chocolate!
Irish People Try White Chocolate Everything:
(feat.
@BandEadd
,
@LolsyByrne
,
@CiaraODoherty
,
@TMoran93
@BeingBla
and
@johnsharpson
.)
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At 3, I made the transition from the potty to the “Big Boy Toilet”.
Apparently, I adjusted seamlessly!
But one day, when the toilet wouldn’t flush, my mam found me carrying a handful of my own shite through the kitchen, only to dump it into my old potty.
“Toilet bwoken, mommy”
5
0
64
Are you ever in the shop and get to the checkout and think;
“My basket just reveals I’ve had a VERY hard day”.
Oven pizza, Diet Coke and vaseline for a sad wank.
10
2
65
Hello and welcome to my new true crime podcast where I will uncover the dark truth behind Ireland’s most infamous first date.
A story of Love, Leadership & Loneliness... (and WhatsApp Voice Notes).
This.
Is.
The Girl Who Was Catfished By Bertie Aherne.
A True Tinder Story.
1
3
63
I’m witnessing a very wholesome, yet drunken conversation...
A very drunk auld lad is telling a slightly less drunk young fella how “being a grandad is his biggest honour”.
The slightly less drunk man is describing how his “dream is to be a grandad”.
Dublin is beautiful.
❤️
1
0
66
I’m not saying I’m going insane.
However, I DID just smother Nutella all over a roast potato, so...
Just your average Thursday in quarantine, really.
10
0
67
At the very end of my run today, I bumped into a lad who bullied me in school.
It was a pleasant interaction and we’d clearly both grown up.
I was chuffed with myself; feeling fit, strong, even handsome.
‘Til I got home, looked in the mirror and saw;
Snot hanging from my nose
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THERAPIST: So, how are you today?
ME: None of my soulmates are single, that’s the problem. Not me.
THERAPIST: ...
ME: No, you shut up!
3
1
66
So, in the never-ending saga:
I was only in London to do an audition and, somehow, the production team saw this tweet.
We had a good laugh about it and, while I was the only person in my hostel dorm who DIDN’T have sex, I DID get a callback.
Swings and roundabouts, really...
2
0
65
was having a really wholesome, productive morning, so I decided to make a delicious smoothie.
You know, bananas, oats, peanut butter, chocolate protein powder, milk, mixed frozen berries.
Turns out, I used mixed frozen peppers.
Ew.
Christmas is cancelled and I’m going to A&E.
3
1
62
I HATE when single people blame their parents for “setting their standards too high”.
“It’s too hard, I’ll never find a love like theirs”.
There was TOO much love in your house, was there, Paula?
Awh, wow... That sounds reallyyyyyy hard!
Sorry about ya, y’ungrateful thick!
2
0
65
The sad reality of being me is that, if I’m being really honest with myself?
All I really want to know about people is how many people they’ve slept with.
My granny. My dad. My local priest. You.
I’m stuck in this brain...
Why am I like this?
12
1
63
A girl was explaining to me about the importance of post-sex peeing when it comes to avoiding UTI’s.
Then, as she’s about to skip off the bathroom, she says; “Speaking of...”
To which I replied; “UT-byeeeee.”
And if we don’t get married, none of us have hope.
2
0
65
I just bumped into a fellow actor coming out of the shop...
Always a horrible experience!
My basket?
2L of Diet Coke
A GIANT bottle of Sweet Chili Sauce
24 Pack of Bog Roll
Her basket?
Strawbetries
Kale
Ice
A Yoga Mat
But worst of all?
That radiantly smug glow on her face!
14
2
62
Sometimes, I think my career is going well.
Other times, I meet a guy I went to school with who just bought a house from the money he earned from presenting Deal Or No Deal: Latvia.
I went to school with the Latvian Noel Edmonds (from Meath)!
Swings and roundabouts, really...
4
0
63
My friend had a baby today.
I had a pizza today.
Levels, really...
6
3
62
I’ve probably met 4 potential soulmates in my life.
I can’t be with any of them...
Here’s why:
1. Lives with her boyfriend in Dublin
2. Traveling Vietnam (where we met)
3. I used to date her friend and she’s feels it’d be unethical
4. She’s my mom 😢
4
3
61
Toxic Masculinity is being asked by the Lad WhatsApp group to stop sending x’s into the group chat because “it makes us uncomfortable”.
3
0
61
Wholesome Easter content alert.
A good time was had by all.
A great time was had by me.
@TheTryChannel
NEW VIDEO! We're all smiles today trying some Easter eggs! 😄🐰
Irish People Try Easter Eggs:
(feat.
@BandEadd
,
@CallyannBrennan
,
@paddyjmurphy
,
@ThatOneWhoSings
,
@TMoran93
and
@lenakleinonline
.)
12
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1
61
I went motorbiking with five other riders.
After our practice go, our guide points;
“Tom, you come with me, or else you might die”.
I agreed.
I wrap my arms around him & clung onto his waist, ‘til we arrived.
“Tom, did you know? There are handlebars here, no need to hug me”.
3
0
58
Some people do cocaine in the back of taxis.
Me?
I scoff gold chocolate coins that I was just gifted by my Secret Santa.
Classy?
You know it...
2
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