THE_KOMIDIAN
@THE_KOMIDIAN
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You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever!
Joined September 2023
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Pinned Tweet
Happy Thursday Fuckers!
So so true 👇🏻. Have a great day people. Now fuck off!! 😘
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@fesshole
Basically she had a fella set up ready to go, and only said that so it “technically” wasn’t cheating!
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@fesshole
Well I do a similar thing, every time I know my mums popping over I have a good tidy up.
Only downside is the sex is pretty shit. Can see why my dad left her
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@fesshole
Next question: “why did daddy keep the smaller one and put the bigger one in the draw?”
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@fesshole
So when the bus fares go up for everybody else to cover loses because of people like your daughter remember to thank her from us 👍
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@fesshole
Confused by this. If you buy a new car she’ll know you had money. You say you’re tight but wanna give it to charity! 🤯
Obvious answer is a weekend in Vegas. Gambling, prostitutes and drugs! Problem solved.
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@fesshole
I had the same sort of deal with my wife. Think she misunderstood when I said I wanna watch and she bought me a Rolex tho.
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@fesshole
Can it work the other way then? If you take ages to serve us. Serve someone else that turned up after us (usually a good looking sort). Get our drinks wrong. Or carry on talking to other staff when we’re in the middle of ordering. Do we get 2.50 knocked off?
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@simonharris_mbd
Paw patrol is bad for kids anyway! Our 83 year old neighbour had a serious fall recently. Instead of my son calling the emergency services, he stole my quad bike and tried to gather up all the stray dogs in the area to help.
RIP Enid 😔
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@fesshole
Well that could’ve gone a different way. You found out he was sleeping with another woman and you said you wanna watch!!
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@fesshole
Wtf!? So you wanted to shag somebody with your DAUGHTERS name!!? Think picking the same as your WIFE wouldn’t been better. And less like incest!!
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@fesshole
You’ve taken money advice from a teenager. Can’t help feel this is slightly self inflicted
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@fesshole
Every time you say “I’m come to do your accounts”, does 70’s porn music play in your head? Bow chicka wow wow
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@daraobriain
So it was a treble 20, double 10 finish. Threw the dart into crowd. Hit and killed a lady from the convent.
It was 1 nun dead and eighhhhhttyyyyy!!
Sorry. I’ll let myself out 😔
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@fesshole
A few tips for minicab drivers. Just go straight to destinations. We know when you go the longer route. Don’t try and charge extra, we’ve asked at cab office before how much for journey. The air fresheners don’t always work after you’ve been in the car for 8 hours at a time
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@fesshole
No. Don’t be silly. He’s not wanking. Trust me.
……… He’s making sure his mistress is gone before you get home 👌
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@fesshole
I’d get her a proper gift next birthday. Make her feel guilty about not getting you something decent on your birthday.
….. Then bam!! Give it to her for Christmas!
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@fesshole
Thought you was gonna say your mrs picked a big red one. Only to be told it’s the fire extinguisher
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@fesshole
Is there ectoplasm too? Think I’m beginning to see the problem. It’s time we had “The Talk”
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@fesshole
My friend did this. Became addicted to it and started hoarding them. I blame myself. I should’ve seen the signs.
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@fesshole
Is it not more worrying he didn’t do it passed out drunk. And yet you did it sober!?
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@fesshole
Use Alcoholics Anonymous. Helped me massively. I still drink. Just use a different name 👍
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@fesshole
To be honest, I’m sure they’re relieved when they answer the phone and find out it’s a debt collector threatening to take their stuff, and it’s not Phillips Schofield
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@fesshole
So by telling this story you’ve already broken the rules of fight club! 🤷🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️
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@fesshole
Must be hard to shoplift from there. Got to type in the code, and see if it’s in stock first before you can nab it.
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@fesshole
Think this post was a brag basically. Feel sorry for your kids trying to meet your standards you’ll set and they’ll never be good enough
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@fesshole
I heard some good advice once that may help you out. It’s got me through some tough times. Have no worries, for the rest of yours days. It’s a problem free, philosophy. It’s a wonderful phrase. And ain’t no passing phrase.
Socrates I think. Hope this helps.
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@fesshole
So you went from doing coke at work to stealing. That’s a slippery slope my friend.
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@fesshole
Just treat them as you’d treat your own daughter. If they still think you’re lecherous after that then you’ve got parenting problems 😳
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@fesshole
My wife gives me regular spelling lessons. I say do you fancy an early night tonight. 😉 wink wink.
And she says “There’s no F in way”. So educated
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@fesshole
Yeah. Annoying. It’s almost like the people that cheated on their partners don’t have any morals when it comes to group holiday plans.
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